Tuesday, April 20, 2021
Combining a few social media shares over the last week, I wanted to do a post about the plan that is not according to our plan.
Last week, I had a few unexpected expenses and changes in my account that I could not expect. My ex had an annual charge of 330 dollars that hit my account for one of her expenses that she could not afford. She had set it up for that account and forgot it was coming. As a result of this, I had barely enough money for the day's earnings to keep me out of negative territory in my account. In fact, I wouldn't have had gas for driving in the morning, if it had not been for my getting gas at the end of the day the day before, to pay for gas to drive for the pay to keep me out of negative in the account. And, it was a payment that came from a sporatic income source that enabled me to finish the day.
I say all of that to say this. I didn't know that was going to happen when I fueled up the night before... I just felt that I needed to do it. I didn't know the expense was going to happen. I didn't know that income was going to come when it did. It shows a divine intervention to prepare for it to happen. I can think of many such "surprises" that helped me over the course of the last year as I left my prior living arangement to my new location, now.
Second, I had a thought, yesterday while I was driving. I was wondering why it has been so hard to get likes and chats on the dating apps and no dates as of yet. There has been some interest, but it has not been near the level it should have been with the interest I was putting into it. It was almost like someone was making sure some of them didn't happen. Then, I recalled that it has always been this way, even when I was looking for dates when I met my last wife, and THAT one had disruptions, too... disruptions I should have paid attention to, it seems.
The most amazing realization on this point was when I realized that I WANT God to disrupt the bad ones... and that I should have listened to it, before. After all, don't we all want to feel that the ONE we find is special... that it is God directed? How would it be so, if you MADE it happen or if it was easy? God SHOULD be closing wrong doors, if we really want him involved. In fact, it is easy to see that the divorce can be just one more timed closure before preparation to meet the correct one at the correct time. Not to say divorce and meeting another can be providence, but I did read the other day that one of the most romantic couples we know, today, Tom Hanks and wife, began while he was still married to another woman, which makes You've Got Mail make a little more sense.
My point behand all of this is to say this. We have our plans and we have our efforts, and effort IS IMPORTANT to try to get what you want. However, we need to learn to adjust when things don't work out, because that is not a sign that God is NOT working but maybe it's a sign that He IS. Maybe, we just need to be patient, till the REASON he closed those doors is made know. Then, it will all be worth the changes, and we will find ourselves thanking God for them, instead.
Sunday, April 18, 2021
I have decided to re-activate this, my oldest blog, and use it as my focus over the happy in between one that I had started to use. There are several reasons that I have made this choice.
1. We are living in a very polarized and critical society, and most of those that are in it WANT to be in a polarized society... both in politics and personal stereotypes and discrimination. I have realized that our society is STRUCTURED on discrimination. Think about it. When you have a bad experience at one restaurant, how likely are you to to to another of the same brand...or business.. or church.. or school. We make decisions on how a dating app is from our experience with ONE person. We make decisions on people on one or a few events. We make decisions about men or women based on limited experiences... not just for dating but as to what they want or what they like or how to be for them. Asking them to drop those to be impartial is asking them to suddenly not know how to communicate or operate. Changes do come, but they are VERY slowly and will take longer than my life.
2. Speaking of how my life is, now... it is in a period of transition. Without going into details for those that do not know, I'm divorced and living in a new location. In the period of less than a decade, I have gone from having a house and much more to a state where post-breakup I was living in a VERY unsafe living location for a while with barely any money. The fact that I moved away would lead some to believe that I asked for the divorce, when it was the opposite. I let my ex have the house we were in, let my first ex (from a decade ago) have primary custody of my child for an easy transition and for what was best for the child, etc... so in the end all of them are in better situations than myself. As such, I have to rebuild. I have been doing that, but it will take some time to get there. So, I cannot claim I am HAPPY in between, because it kinda sucks at times. But, that's why I go forward.
3. I also need to look forward for a different reason that has become more prominent in the last few weeks of realization. Post breakup, I became very defensive and isolated. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt me, again. So, I posted much and said much about learning to be happy being alone. Except... I'm NOT the type of person that can be happy being alone. In fact, it was my desire for more intimacy shown to me that became the main problem in my last relationship. Further, if I BECAME someone that was ok being single and non intimate, I will have killed the deep and emotional parts of myself that I treasure the most and which a FUTURE person will treasure and respond to as well.
SO... since I am not HAPPY now but WILL be in the FUTURE, this blog, Forward to Happiness, seems to be the best theme for my personal life and identity. I am who I am, now. However, I'm not LIVING as I desire, yet. So, I will keep my eyes forward, even if doing so only highlights the absence of those things in my life, now. Nevertheless, forward...
Sunday, February 28, 2021
I thought I’d use the most recent playlist to expound on recent thoughts. I had the thoughts before choosing the songs, not the other way around. I generally like several songs each week that don’t fit the theme or that I’m not ready to include. I’m not going to go song by song, but here it is.
So, recent thoughts..
1. It’s ok to feel bad about the past AND forgive those that did it. It doesn’t mean all the broken things are fixed, but as we all make mistakes it’s best to move forward with confidence and optimism.
2. You are good and rare, and that’s ok, even if it is not popular or trendy. It is you, and someone will think that is special.
3. I don’t need to offer money to buy romance, whether it be for sex or to gain interest of others. If they don’t like me poor and caring, they don’t like ME.
4. And, it’s ok to wait till someone chases you and does and says things to win you. If they won’t, it will never work, since it’s not really romance.
5. All that being said, it’s ok to remember the good, even in places and people that ultimately didn’t work. If there are things of value, those good things helped build you. My last ex, even though she rejected me as a romantic partner, did share interests and supported my self exploration. In many ways she was like a feminine friend that was good for feminine me, whether or not that was satisfying for her, and I do understand that me trying to be what I was not was not healthy for either of us.. or me trying to be it after. It’s ok to just remember and grow and move forward.
6. The liberal crowd will give you a chorus to follow, but if you fall down or realize you left much behind like religion, family, and yourself, they will just move on without you, leaving you alone. Don’t burn all your bridges to who you used to be in becoming who you will be.
7. Finally, it is truly amazing that Jesus loved the world, and I realize daily HOW incredible that is, seeing how horrible the world can be to one that is different or that speaks truth to a world that loves the norm... even if that norm is hate and loss. So, for Jesus to STILL love them enough to die BY them is amazing. I wouldn’t do it.