Wednesday, July 20, 2022
I have been building a concept in my social media posts last night and this morning and the next applications of it became so much in my head that I thought it better to bring it all together in a post. I want to lead off by saying my thinking has to do with my personal goals more than others, but you might be able to glean something from it for yourself.
We live in a distracted society that chooses distraction. What's more, we have changed how connections are made to make them very difficult. It used to be the case that we would be bopping along doing our own thing or with our friends doing our shared interests. Then, we would meet someone that captured our attention, and they became our primary interest. That was the NORMAL way it was done for thousands of years. However, our society has flipped that on its head, and we meet someone through dating apps or etc and then judge them by our interests, leading them to either be rejected for not sharing them or accepted to become "one of many" (as Dua Lipa puts it) among others that share that interest.
We continue to judge them by that resonance to OUR interests, and where they differ or when they cause friction to our interests, they are rejected, because our romance was never centered on THEM as the interest or CARING for them the goal. Instead, it was centered on finding the most devoted FAN, like an internet influencer looking for likes.
I don't work that way.
I was raised in a different time period, when we were taught to be a gentleman for the ladies, and ladies were taught to be a prize for the man. Now, both of those are deemed offensive... that a man would limit his wants for a woman and that a woman would accept the aid of a man. And, if you DO improve yourself, it can never be ... FOR THEM. No. Improve for yourself, goes the popular theme.
Here's the problem with that. If you are improving for yourself and expose no vulnerability to others, you can NEVER make a real connection with them. Who wants to enter a relationship, where they are being judged from the start? Who is going to expose their needs, when the other person projects self-completeness as the goal?
As I said this is all about my OWN goals for myself and others. I have been working out, and I will continue to do so. It's NOT because it's what I want to be doing with my time. It's only partially because health is important to me. It's because when I think about what I want from a woman, I want her to admire me and find me attractive. I want her to like me for me. To do that, I need to be someone that women can like. That requires continual self improvement (even after you get them) and being someone that is giving to others... which I consider a VERY attractive quality. BE what you want to attract, and those kind of people will find you, as The Secret fictional movie on Amazon notes, rather than being a negative person that will attract negative people.
So, that's my challenge as I go forward. I will improve my BODY, my career, my assets, and my personality; so, I will be worthy of the kind of attraction I want to be fuel for the relationship I want.
Sunday, July 17, 2022
Two years ago, I was preparing for my relocation to Florida. I had just spent, by that time, about 9 months in the same house as the woman that had decided to end things with me and would not in those 9 months make any attempt to reconcile. In fact, she did nothing at all with me. Very shortly after she had made that decision, I moved to the other side of the house, because it was stressful to have to be in the same room as the person that didn't want me. However, that didn't help much, either. I was still hearing her carry on happily in my absence as she prepared dinner and talked with her kids, which echoed through the house. That was like hell.. first being rejected (even offer of counseling rejected) and then having to hear her happy without me... the same kind of happiness that she was with me. But, seeing how easy it was to delete me from her life just led me to realize how impersonal her connection with me was. I was just an outfit to wear, till I clashed with her new style.. to put it in her instagram influencer language.
It built till I had do something, and so I gathered my savings and JUMPED to Florida, following my daughter that I had sent to my other ex for a stable life, knowing my own life would be rocky for a while. And, rocky it was. When I arrived, 1 year and 11 months ago, I had a suitcase with me and enough savings to buy a car here and begin delivering to pay rent at a very cheap weekly pay hotel in a bad neighborhood. It was scary and impossible to walk the sidewalks at night. The hotel literally had bars and fences surrounding it, so you had to enter through the office, and I couldn't have overnight guests. My weekends with my daughter at that time was only days. However, even in those conditions, I had the peace of knowing that I wasn't living in a house of rejection but a foundation of potential.
One of the songs in my 80s rock playlist that I created for this week is Van Halen's Jump song. I want to use that to highlight the point of this post. It can be scary to take the "leap from the lion's head" as they put it in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. For months, I knew that if something happened so that I couldn't deliver or affected my health, I could be homeless. However, as Scripture says, "It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman." (Prov 25:24) This was a visual illustration of the meaning of that verse. I didn't have much, but I had freedom from feeling not good enough.. bound condemnation.
One thing that I knew at the time was something that I have known for quite some time. Whatever comes my way, I was able to adjust and bounce back. I have had a LOT of experience in doing that, so I knew all it took was the will and creativity to make it happen. It took some time, but I have gone from step to step in that personal growth of increase. Each time, I felt that I had done great things to just make the next step.. go from weekly to monthly at the bad place. Move to a better weekly place. Go to monthly, there. Work at this job or that job. Get a better car. Etc.
Then, about 6 months ago, I mentioned online that I still think about doing teaching and someone fueled that interest. Here I am about to make that a reality, two years from being in absolute poverty... all because I jumped... first a jump to move here and then a jump to change careers to a long lost career goal. Even after, I was in the teacher program, and the professor challenged us to go out and get a job while we do it, as the district needed teachers. I have never student taught, but I JUMPED and got the job.
Jumping has become how I approach things, because I have learned that my achievements rely upon my taking the leap of faith to try. It's how I got both of my wives, my kids, my degrees and training, my jobs, and more. So, yeah... I make mistakes along the way, but the mistakes are evidence of a hopeful heart. It won't always be pretty, but I'm pretty sure that is the ONLY way we EVER improve. I still have anxiety about running my first classroom, but I'm ready to JUMP, not only into the learning experience that it will present but towards all that I desire, because not doing it would have me living in the shadow of rejection of a path that didn't see me for the miracle that I am.