Sunday, September 26, 2021

My Dating App Choices

 I have mentioned a few things on my social media (myhappylifekc on twitter and instagram), but I thought it worthy of expanding my comments on recent revelations of dating apps and my own choices of using them.

Earlier this last week, I got an email from Okcupid.  I was not a current subscriber but had a profile on it.  It was actually one that I was GOING to subscribe to, but... then the email.  The email said that they were instituting a pro-choice "badge" for your profile, because they disagreed with the Texas Supreme Court case over abortion. Further, they said that they would be donating a dollar for each person that chose the badge to give to Planned Parenthood.

Now, I do believe that abortion ends a life.  That is my logical, religious, and philosophical decision about the issue, based on the facts that I see.  I also believe that it is currently legal under current law outside of Texas, until and if the US Supreme Court follows suit.  Keep in mind that the only reason it IS LEGAL is because of a Court decision and not because of signed law.  In fact that decision CHANGED passed law to make it legal.  Even in that Roe V Wade decision, they said the liberty was limited to ONLY a specific period of time that in their non medical analysis they concluded when a life began to have rights.

However, my objection to that Okcupid announcement goes beyond that conviction, and it should bother EVERYONE, regardless of your opinion on it.  Last year, they first started putting badges on the profiles to let people know about your covid response and, later, vaccination status.  Even at that time, I was bothered by this, even thought I am vaccinated.  The reason is that it is political, and dating apps should not be making badges to indicated that you are good, based upon whether that person is in agreement with the ruling political party.  This abortion announcement made it very clear that their actions were DIRECTLY because of not only a political issue but to oppose the political party that chose to do it.  In short, like the news channels that should be nonpartisan fact tellers, the dating apps also chose to become Democrat propaganda and promotion machines.  So, I deleted that profile, but I also deleted all other apps owned by the same company... Match, Hinge, Tinder, POF, etc.  The fact that so many dating apps were allowed to be bought by one company SHOULD have been an antitrust issue, all by itself.

So, I have chosen Eharmony and Christian Mingle as my dating apps.  If they follow the example, I will delete them, as well.  I will not participate in funding (even more so with recent rate increases) a Democrat promotion organization in order to find my love, and my choice to leave those apps would be something that the person that DOES like my convictions and leadership would respect.

I chose Eharmony, because it has a profile test and is only about 17 per month (once you pick your plan it goes to the installments part).  Christian Mingle I weighed for a while but ultimately did conclude it is the choice to do for me.  Here's why.

When I think about what I want in a dating and relationship experience, I understand that I am very old fashioned when it comes to values.  I want to give roses to women and open doors for them.  I want to work hard to provide for them and have them appreciate my giving.  I want a woman that while I support her choice to work looks to me to lead the dance of the romance.  My experience in liberal circles over the years helps me see that this cannot exist within the feminist movement that has taken over much of the dating app world, as well as society.  So, where do I look for a dating app that would have women that appreciate traditional male roles?  Eharmony and Christian Mingle seem a much better fit than apps where you look at someone's sexy pic and make a relationship decision as a result.  

I'm not saying that it will happen right away and may take longer than with the other apps, but I will like myself in doing it and am dedicated to that outcome... because if I have to change to get someone that doesn't share my values, what exactly would be the point of even dating this late in my life.

Monday, September 20, 2021

There's Not Only One Way to Happiness

 In many ways, this blog sounds cliche, but I often challenge the cliche or traditional perceptions of the path or destination of happiness.  This post will be one of those that challenges the perceptions.

We are led to believe in tv shows, movies, books, and such that there is ONE WAY happiness, and the perception is that you must seek out the best way to happiness.  And, there is some truth to it in so far as to say that if you are living in a path that brings you PAIN or harms you in some way you should leave that situation.  It is also true that that there can be different levels of success depending on your choices, so you should put some mental effort into making your choice.  

HOWEVER, the real truth of the matter is that you can find near equal paths to HAPPINESS (different from success) in most paths that you could choose, and one is not necessarily objectively better.  It's just... different.

This is true in relationships, and it is true in work.  In work, I am succeeding at this job, and there is every indication that it will continue to grow and expand.  HOWEVER, I could have the same level of success at whatever job I had chosen to do.  I could have chosen another accounting job, and I would have a path to success at THAT location.  I could have chosen to stay with Ubereats, having a better car to do it, now.  Within weeks of me starting this job, I paid off the extra, initial expenses or the tag for the car.  I would have had to only work a month and a half in that path to pay the monthly rate of rent, which would have freed up 200 per month in rental expenses for other things.  I could have gone back to Dillards and retail and within a year been in management in some store.  Any of these options afforded me the same opportunity to feel good about myself and to realize my professional aspirations.

Similarly, if either of my ex's had shown interest and care in my needs, I could have been happy with either of them for my life.  Now, as I look at dating apps, I could visualize myself being happy dozens of ways with different people on there.  It isn't a matter of who is best but which do I choose to begin the path of happiness with them.  Whoever I pick will require me to make concessions, as that is normal in relationships, and each will offer the opportunity to learn how to make THEM happy.

We need to get past this illusion of the one perfect way, because the expectation of perfection can destroy any good in anything less.  Then, we can find the peaceful joys that can be found... on whatever path we choose.

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Doubt Your Doubts and Believe Belief

 Many years ago, I used to say that we should doubt our doubts and believe belief.  There are several reasons for doing this, and I thought it was time to refresh that theme.

First of all, it is important to recognize that doubt IS faith.  It is not based on fact.  It is a belief that bad things will happen going forward.  Why would you do that to yourself?  If you HAVE to believe one thing or another, why not choose the good?

Think about it.  Let's assume that there was not a spiritual value in belief and no God was going to come to save you.  I don't believe that, but let's assume it.  Further, let's assume something else I don't believe that choosing faith or doubt won't have an impact on which you receive.  So, let's assume whatever you choose will end in the same result.  Do you want to LIVE with doubt, or would you want to LIVE with the drive and pep that comes from believing good.

That said, I do believe in the spiritual, but even more than the spiritual... I believe in the effect faith has on our own actions.  When you believe good will happen, you prepare yourself for it and you take strides towards it.  When you doubt it will happen, you withdraw and further guarantee little will result.

After each of my divorces (a decade apart), I believed it would destroy me.  I got defensive and guarded and withdrew, and for a long time I just survived.  But.... I survived.  With each day that passed, I felt less panic and depression, because I saw that life went on... I breathed, ate, exercised, and laughed at tv shows. Gradually, I realized that my doubt and fear was lying to me, and I began to feel that I could not just survive but grow and even thrive, after.  So, by doubting doubt, I began faith and that let me to more.

Your story is not over.  You have the pen and can decide what YOU do, today, and in the future days to come.  Doubt your doubts, and start taking steps towards a tomorrow that might be different but might be as good or better than the days that you left behind.