Rejected and Alone

Let me tap into my core compadres out there in this moment.  Those that have reason to be feeling like they are rejected and alone.  You may be feeling like you have given your all and that wasn't good enough for others.  You may be feeling like your best is never going to be good enough for others that look for something better.  You may be feeling like the world is better without your imput.

First, let me tell you that you are being led by false delusions projected upon you by others that sought another story in being with you.  That isn't your problem to resolve.  What I can tell you is that your life is in YOUR hands, and the worth of it is up to you.  

Next, let me tell you that you do not need someone else to give you purpose.  You were born.  That's your purpose.  You were given the purpose of making your own life meaningful and satisfying.  You were born....period.  Stop trying to find an excuse for why that was true.  The universe felt that it was important for you to happen. So... happen.

If you are feeling alone, part of that is the expectation of society that intrinsically sides with entroverts over introverts  and says if you do not have someone you must be deficient.  The other side is upon you to go find YOUR people.  There is an old quote that says that if a fish is comparing itself to a tree it will spend its whole life feeling it is incomplete.  What you need to understand is that if you are feeling like that all it means is you are in the wrong pond.  In the wrong pond, your best will always be not enough.  So, what you need to do is find the right pond.

So, if you are feeling rejected and alone, I want to tell you that you are being liberated to find those that do resonate with your heart.  It may take time, but you do yourself a disservice to ignore your own needs out of an expected assessment level of bieng "good enough" for anyone.  Keep shining.  The right one will be dazzled by you, and I look forward to the song the universe will hear when you harmonize together.

Charity is Charity

I am someone that has always given much of myself to benefit others, where I saw a need existed.  It was never to check a box to win my way into heaven or to pay for past sins.  It was simply that they had a need, so I gave.  I still believe in giving to needs, even as I am learning to impose limited and boundaries on how much of myself I give away.  Yet, there needs to be focus on one thing that I didn't always undestand and needs to be noted to be true.  Charity is charity.

That may sound like it is obvious, but it has not always been understood by myself or by others, and I think the confusion is shared by many others out there, so I will explain.  

Probably the best way to highlight the error is to describe what charity is NOT.  Charity for meeting the needs of others is not romance or a relationship, either romantic relationship or friendship.  It is just charity meeting a need.  Just because you are helping someone should not be seen by yourself as a romantic act, so if you are in a romance there should be romantic items being done.  Similarly, just because someone is giving to you, receiving it is not a romantic act.  It is receiving charity and should not be seen as romance.  Both of these are true of friendships in their forms of connection, as well.

To echo the beginning of this blog post, I am not saying do not give.  Give, while respecting the boundary of keeping for your own needs and plans.  But, do not confluse doing so as anything more than it is... giving to meet a need.

Do the Work

I was complemented the other day on how fit I am looking, and it is true that I have made some serious progress in my fitness level and appearance over the past 7 months, though I have a ways to go to reach my goals.  But, it didn't happen overnight.  It took commitment to my fitness, even when I didn't feel like it.  It took going out to run, when I was already tired... when I was sore... when the weather was't great... when I didn't have much time.  Yesterday, I wanted to watch the All Star baseball game, which I did.  But, I knew that it was my run day, so I rushed out to get a run in before the game and just barely made it back and showered before the game began.  

It's like the popular meme that is out there that says if it is important to you, you will find a way to make it happen.  If it is not, you will find an excuse.  And, that is true for much more than fitness.  Whatever your goal is, you have to be willing to do the work.  Make the plans that get you to where you want to be.  Then, make daily actions to get you there.  Improvement does not come by accident.  It is often not the natural outcome.  Entropy is the natural outcome of things in nature, which means things fall apart.  They rust, degrade, fade, dry out, and wither away if not maintained.  If you want them to remain, it takes work.  Why would you be any different.

So, this is a short blog post to simply say, whatever you want in life, you have to put in the work and take action to get it.  If you are not, you cannot blame anyone else for it not happening.

Small Choices in a Chosen Path

Today, I am back thinking on a concept that I have referenced on here in different blog posts over the months and years... determinism.  It is the belief that there is little free will, because ultimately one thing affects another thing and every moment is the result of the forces of past choices by others, ourselves, and other natural forces and qualities.

It is true that we do have some influence to make some choices along our path.  But, we all do still find ourselves in any given moment with limited options if we want to find what we need.  It reminds me of the movie Serendipity, which I have seen many times.  In one scene, Jonathan is questioning Sara about her belief in destiny, asking if we have no choice in it at all.  She says..

"No, I think we make our own decisions.

I just think that fate sends us little signs,

and it's how we read the signs that determinas whether we're happy or not."

I think that  is a little too absolute, as I do believe that there are different paths that can lead to happiness, but it is true that in any given situation, we can choose to make decisions and do actions that are beneficial to us or worse for us.

 

HOWEVER, those choices that led you to where you make the decision are often influenced by other circumstances and decisions of us or othes, and decisions by others and circumstances will close doors and lead to others.  And, personality types and desires and locations of children and more will influence the other decisions that follow.

Yet, I do not want this to be seen as an entirely negative thing.  There is a beauty to it.  It's science.  We try things and places and people and more.  Things harmonize or they don't.  Social environments appear, and then they leave.  Some remain, and others appear.  And, we keep testing all of our lives, and that is what leads us and guides us in our decisions.

So, I don't have all the answers for my life, primarily because for the largest part of the chapters I am not holding the pen.  But, I do want to play an active part in it, and I look forward to what I may discover in the next one I begin.

Challenging My Emotional Foundations

I noted this on my social media a few days ago and said I would be blogging about it when I had a little more time and mental capacity to do it right.  However, recently, I have been taking aim at my own perceptions from the past in regards to the role of emotions and seeing things differently than I used to see them.

First of all, I want to lead off by saying that I am not saying there is not a place for emotions and romantic gestures and actions by all involved.  I don't believe that a connection without those things is a romantic relationship and could just be friendship.  I am a roommate with someone and am not in a relationship with her.  We handle day to day things by agreement, have conversations, and help each other out from time to time.  None of that makes it a relationship.  And, in a few months I will be moving out, and it will not be taking an emotional tole.  Romantic relationships must have romance in it by both sides.

HOWEVER, to counter the importance of that and my own prior perceptions regarding the role of feelings, I have been asking some hard questions.  Some people will probably agree with my challenge, while others may agree with my old view that I am challenging.  Nevertheless, here we go.

Is it possible that what I felt was true love was actually signs of psychological needs, instead?  And, the feeling of completeness was simply feeling those needs satisfied and not necessarily something mutual?  When I was feeling the need for closeness, was that a sign of not feeling balanced in myself.  When I was wanting support and comlements, was that the need for validation?  When I was changing to please them, was that my fearing loss?

I can go on, and I don't have any answers to this.  But, I am feeling more and more balanced on my own as a single person, lately, and more able to have a happy life on my own.  As I am doing so, I find I have less of those old needs and that makes me wonder if they were actually healthy in a relationship.  I do know that if I get into one in the future, it will look differently.  I will want time on my own to do things on my own without my partner.  I will not be bending my preference all the time but stating it and doing it if I feel the need.  That would be a true partnership, and I feel that is one I am not sure I have ever had.

So, anyways, I wanted to put this out there for others to consider, as well.

Shine and Attract

We have an influence in how we want our lives to look.  That's why observation is important.  That's why boundaries are important.  That's why self love is important.  That's why reason is important.  That's why choices are important.  All of these are blog post themes of mine this year and often in prior years.

A person will show you what they want and how they are.  It's not always a case of good or bad (no one can be only one or the other) but qualities, needs, personality.  You should not expect anything else from them.  If you do, that's on you.  

So, you need to know who YOU are, shine who you are, and be clear to convey what you need and want.  This will weed out difficult periods of finding out someone doesn't actually like you.  Then, in time, someone will see you and be like... FINALLY and pursue you and never let you go.  All you have to do is shine your true you, and the universe will do the rest.

What Do You Have to Lose

I had the idea for this post last night, but I was too tired to put it down into words.  Work has been very busy, lately, and will be for a little while more.  But, the pause allowed me time to see an episode of the new Elle series that fits into it, as well.  So there is my bright side to the dark in that.

Without going into much detail at all, I'll just say that much of my last several years has been very hard and has included a lot of loss.  For the most part, I have kept a positive attitude about it and have seen and wrote about the importance of finding the benefit in the darkness and learning more about yourself.

One of the things that I learned in my years is how much I can overcome, which gives me confidence for each new challenge.  It's like my time in the military, when training puts you under extreme stress, so you learn that you can actually stand on your own and not only survive but thrive.

But, one thing that I have also learned about those dark times of struggle is this... the more that you lose, the less you have to lose.  The less you have to lose, the more you are free to do whatever you want to do for yourself, and that allows you to honestly explore and learn to enjoy who you really are.

In the Elle eposide, she wants to be friends with a girl that asks her why she likes her.  Elle couldn't come up with a reason at that point.  Later, she tells her that she likes that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks and wants her to tell Elle how to do that.

In one part, Elle asks her to bring her her spare outfit, because she had wore the wrong thing to a party and was afraid that she would be the target of laughing and more.  The girl comes to Elle and tells her that she didn't bring the outfit, because she was showing her how to not care.  She tells Elle that at one point she has bought the outfit, because she liked the way that she looked in it and told her to not hide that but to flaunt that, instead.

So, that is my point for this post.  You are you.  You like you.  You may have lost everything like a classic Job tale, or you may just be hiding away yourself.  But, what do you really have to lose... people that don't like you, anyways?  So, own it.  Flaunt it.  Build yourself up from nothing in a way that YOU like, because in the end that is all you need and might be all that will accompany you on your journey the rest of your life.