We Are Not the Same

 Given the subject line, this requires a disclaimer.  I do not mean that we are not the same by race, gender, or other demographic measure.  In those areas, we are equal.  However, we are not the same.

My experience of my life is that people are not all the same.  We all have the same opportunity to become worthy.  However, all do not take it.  Some will rise to the occassion as he says in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium to become the best version of themselves.  Others will resort to their base programming or choices.  However, all will define themselves by their actions.

Some will value others.  Some will value themselves.  Some will look to elevate others.  Some will elevate themselves.  Some will look to accuse blame.  Some will assume blame to clear others.  However, all will act differently based upon their nature.  And, all should not be treated as equal in the response.

In our age of equality, we like to say that all are equal.  That is true for demographic measures.  However, if I'm in a restaraunt and the waitress does an exceptional job, I'm going to give them a bigger tip.  Not everyone gives the same effort or attention to detail.  Those that do, deserve a bigger reward.

So.. this is a little post, simply to say that we are not all the same.  Some actually deserve a response, while other deserve exclusion.

Energy

 

I got this very deformed ash tray from my child, when they were young. I still have it, today.  I never smoked.  I have it, because my child made it for me.  When I see it, it has an energy that it departs to me in remembering them.

On the flip side, when I got divorced, I got rid of things that reminded me of my ex.  I didn't want to continue to see things that reminded me of this person that didn't love me and would remind me of false love and hurt that I got from them.

In both cases, they are not the person.  They are objects.  Yet, those objects carry forth the ability to evoke memories and establish ties with people that are not present.  They carry energy that they depart... good or bad.  We can try to ignore that fact.  We can say to ourselves.. no.. they are just objects.  But, that doesn't change their power to evoke those kinds of memories or enact emotional toll or comfort.

Sometimes, objects can give us courage. People will wear crosses or other things to do that.  In Dumbo it was a feather.  There wasn't power in the feather.  However, that didn't stop the feather from both giving courage and more, simply by using the feather as a channel of belief.

Life changes.  We must move on to new adventures, and nothing stays the same.  However, it is possible to make choices of which items to retain and which to avoid to accompany that new journey will reminders of the past.  Then, even when those people are not near (like my child), I can draw from that well of reminder of the times that they were young and with me.  Those times will never come again.  Even if they were close, it would be different.  However, those moments are etched in time and will forever be true, when those times were happening.  If someone, one day, invents a time machine... those moments would exist.  

Now, those times are not as rosy as we like to think in hindsight.  There were challenges.  There were bad people.  There were deceptions.  There were pains.  Thankfully, we don't have to experience all of that in our memories, which is why it is so important as you progress to choose thoughtfully which experiences you want to bring with you and to allow you to continue to influence who you choose to be.  Because, after all is said and done, the power of what we become rests largely in our hands to retain or remake, and create the future and the life that we want to have for ourselves and others.  So, choose wisely what energy you want to feed those days that lie ahead.  

Safe Space

 A quick blog to emphasize something that has been very important in my relationship and that I have not noted, enough.  Some months ago, I did a share of a meme that said a good relationship is one where you and your relationship partner are on the same side of problems, not opposing sides with blame.  

In past relationships, I've been there... I'm sure many have.  It's honestly a symptom more than a cause, I think.  However, you feel in those situations like you're trying to find blame .. whose fault was this or that.  It's a symptom that love is not as present as it could be.

In my current relationship, we're not like that.  I love her.  That means that if she has an obstacle or a problem, it is not a blame.  It is a need.  If I love her.. which I do.. then that is MY need, as well.

If you recognize that every challenge on each side is, therfore, a challenge for both and neither is a blame, it naturally results in a very relationship building exercise.

As this is not noted enough, I thought it worthy to note, here.  We should be our partner's safe space.. not their accuser.  I hope this realization will benefit you in your life, as it has in mine.

Live Justly, Love Mercy

In this period of the year, many churches are reflecting on the time when by Scripture and tradition Jesus was most representative of man in carrying our sins to death.  The cross is covered, and the message culminating in a period during which God was absent from man form until resurrection.  

Many don't understand why this took place.  And, many do not accept that any man's death could satisfy debt and why it would even be necessary.

Recall that when Moses was coming into the presence of God, he was told to cover his face, because if he saw God's holiness he'd die.  Why would that be necessary?  To understand this, you must look to justice.  

I'm sure many of you have had others wrong you in some major ways.  I know I definitely have.  Our hearts cry out for the balance of justice.  That's the basis for our own justice system in every country.  There must be a consequence for those actions to make up for the evil that was done.  Humans naturally fear a day of judgment for their sins, because how can they look upon the face of God with things done to God's creatures.

Meanwhile, God is over there wanting to connect with God's children in love.  How can the two be reconciled?  How can God be present with those God loves, and how can man face God?  So, God designed a system where the debt for every single was laid upon God.  Then, anyone that repents and accepts that payment has that debt covered.  Any victim can point to Christ as the payment and walk in to God without fear.

This act does not mean no debt was due.  Just like Jesus being unworthy of audience with God during the sacrifice, we are unworthy without God.  

So.. my message would simply be this in this week, as Scripture says itself.  Do justly , because you love mercy and being unworthy live worthy lives based in gratitude and love and not by command.  Personally, that is a sum of faith to me.

Not Ending Blog

I faced a lot of internal struggle over whether I'd be continuing this blog, but I will not be ending it.  I will describe some of the temptation to do so, what I realized in reflection, and why it must not end in this post.

Over the last few weeks, I noted that I had begun to question whether I should be writing these blog posts and more.  I reflected on the fact that it seemed that VERY often I will write something that I absolutely knew to be true and often Divinely inspired, but I was almost immediately seeing it challenged and tested in my own life.  It got to the point that I was afraid to write something good, because it might mean that the good thing would be tested in my own life.  Often, the test was relatively short lived but often very uncomfortable.  Further, I was seeing what I said that was rejected or challenged being spoken openly by others with easy acceptance.  So, I was tempted to believe that I just wasn't authorized by God to speak out.... that my calling was more care focused.

Now, I do believe that being care focused IS a calling, and I do believe that my calling is primarily to be a support to my love in her trials and calls.  HOWEVER, I believe that I DO have a calling to an area where few dare to tread.

My life hasn't been pleasant.. at least until recently.  I have faced a significant number and depth of trials for MANY years.  Yes, I have taking courses in the Bible and all but one course of a seminary degree, before I walked away for it not being my call.  However, I feel that those courses were meant to simply help me with context for the trials that would come.  I used to say that preacher were some of the most ill equipped to deal with people in divorce, because they had only known good and happy marriages.  Most churches, today, have a flawed mentality that says that you can tell if someone is holy by how blessed they are.. the more easy their life and the more asset they have, the more righteous they are.. even though that directly contradicts the words of Jesus Christ, Himself.  So, the leaders of most churches wouldn't have the experience necessary to connect with, empathize with, or even sit with someone in struggle.  Further, they often try to solve all problems with words.. information.. advice.  It has been my experience that those in struggle don't WANT to hear your advice.  They want your care.

I don't cite or note my theological training, because I don't want to be known for that.  However, I DO cite and note my struggle.  I have been where many are.  I have seen the darkness... I know it well.  I know what it is like to have your dreams or your connections dashed.  I know how to bounce back from being knocked down, because I have done it... soooo often.  I know how to keep hope when all seems lost.  I know how to make friends with your demons and maintain a heart of a saint.

So, that is why my blog must continue.  I speak, where others won't.  I note, what others fear to consider.  I stand for those others ignore.  I stand on the darkest path with a road sign to rise, and that must continue, whether or not it gets divinely inspired attraction or not.

Communication

I thought I would give another element of what I have learned is a good part of finding happiness in relationships and in life... communication.  I won't give a lot of details, but I will discuss it in general terms as to why it is important.

As I reflect back on failed relationships and more, I can see a common element.  In many of them, there was a lack of communication, early, to both describe what I was looking for and to listen to what others was seeking.  Sometimes, you can be tempted to believe things are present, when they are not.  So, you feel confident based not upon experience but upon hope.  Then, when things appeared not to be present for what I sought or I was not what they sought (often because I didn't know they sought it or expected it), you can find yourself far down a path that doesn't lead to where you want to go.  Then, people get frazzled and connections get strained for the lack of something being present that wasn't fully communicated at the start.

So, in recent years, I learned to be more honest about myself and what I wanted and liked and more from the beginning.  This led to many single dates or not even getting to a date, because I would determine they would not work with me or such.  This WASN'T a failure, I should note.  You cannot gather evidence without an experiment.  A failure is a successful test.  It shows it doesn't work.  It reminds me of a story I have told many times.  I was at IBM, and a course was talking about their AI.  The leaders said that the AI learns like humans does by learning from failure.  I laughed... if only humans did that, often.  But, to learn from error, you must have facts, not hopes.

Recently, I have been absolutely in love with something that DID match with what I was communicating, and I matched with what they were seeking.  The funny thing about it was that these things that we both liked were things that we felt that we had to hide or change for others in the past, because to them we were broken or not good enough to what THEY sought.  However, it wasn't the qualities that were bad or broken.  It was the mismatch of qualities and expectations.  In this relationship, we have both been open and clear about everything.  Sometimes, those communications have not been pleasant, but they have always been real.  The open discussion has given us both clear trust in each other... true intimacy of trust.  We were able to care for each other's weakness, instead of judging each other for it and to praise each others successes without feelings of competition or envy.  Our communication helped us be on the same team facing the same challenges and seeking the same goals, respecting each other in our ways of doing it.

I wrote a post years ago about confession being a hidden secret of happiness.  Many times, people feel the need to present themselves as being perfect, and they fear others finding out when they make mistakes.  However, that also presents a false image of pride.  When we open up about our weaknesses, fears, hopes, dreams, and other things that are sensitive and personal to us, we open the most emotional parts of our hearts to others.  You get much more close to someone by saying you are sorry for a failure than justifying a poor choice of action or words.

So, clear communication not only protects you from making poor choices that can disrupt you for years, but it also is key to building the kind of trust that can give you peace and make you absolutely certain of where you stand and what is ahead in any relationship with others.  I have found it to be an important element in my own happy path, and I hope you will find it a key to yours.

Graceful Support

I was thinking I would write two blog posts, today.  But, as I reflect on them, they are connected.  So, I will write from that perspective.

First, I was going to write more about being a support to others.  I feel that my last post on it was incomplete and too narrow.  I was writing about how society feels we should all be focused on ourselves and what we can do for ourselves, and for many such as myself doing things for others is a chief pleasure.  Yes, it can be abused by others that take advantage of it, and not everyone is built that way.  However, we should not be defining what is good for others by what is good for ourselves.  On this transgender day of recognition, that is DEFINITELY a lesson our society could learn.

However, it is not something that is relegated to one family role or a career or more.  For example, I am a support to my love in my relationship, but she is a support to me, as well.  So, it is a QUALITY that is good to be honored and respected.  It is not weakness, but it is a strength of soul to care for others.  Others may not always share it back to you, and you should value those that do, highly.  However, my desire to care for another is not dependent upon what that person does for me.  I do it, because that is how I am built.  I do it, because that is who I desire to be.  I do it, because caring for another is a good thing to do for them, and it is something given from God to do, as well.

And, that leads to my second point... Grace.  For a long time..until recently... I had a wrong perception of Grace.  I felt that Grace consisted of God holding a list of everything that I did wrong and then saying... well, I guess I'll overlook it and love you, anyways.  A lot of denominations say exactly that.  However, that's not Grace.  Grace is when you love someone that you don't stop to count the wrongs.  You just love them.  You just care for them.  You just SUPPORT them... because it's good to do and flows naturally out of your heart.  Imagine if the whole world had just a little of that perspective.

Anyways, no... getting more for yourself is not the best for everyone.  If they don't stop to consider others, I'm not sure it is best for ANYONE.  However, we should definitely allow others to choose a life of grace and support, and we should support and honor them for that choice.