Hot or Not

I’m going to break from my only non romantic happiness theme, as I have been reconsidering romance as a future reality, lately again.  I think it is a human need… whether or not that is marriage or long term.  I had a dream days ago where I was close to a faceless woman.. emotionally.. and it reminded me how nice that is. There used to be an app called Hot or Not… Tinder pretty much replaced that as that’s pretty much all that app is about.. physical.  It is superficial and controlling, but the name fits with what I wanted to talk about. I spent years in both of my marriages over my life trying yo get my wife to show romantic interest in me.  I’m sure it had a lot to do with who I chose.. usually those that liked it when I showed them attention.  In the end, that would be the sum of the relationship for them, and when I pulled my level of emotional display back to theirs, it was the end of their interest, because that was all it had to it.  Not ironically, my 2nd was and is a Instagram

Unfortunate Lives

The other day I made the comment on my social media that it is astonishing to me that in two years we have come from a point when even the rich was begging for government aid to stay afloat and everyone chanting that all we need is love and such to a point where those that don't own a house or have a huge savings are considered lazy and losers, once again.... in just two short years.  I, actually, have a lot more background and thoughts that can go into this, so I am doing a post about it. In Oklahoma where I grew up, there isn't a lot of opportunity.. for ANYONE for jobs and such.  It is pretty much an unremarkable rural state, because you could see that same type of community in a couple dozen other states, nationwide.  People grew up in simple lives.  We didn't know we were poor by national standards, because.. it was that it was.  That's what we knew when we grew up.  It was just... life.  It would be years before I would be introduced to faster paced society where

Look For Happy Moments

The other day, I saw a post on FB that was talking about how so much of our lives are driven by our reactions to negative things that happen in our days but that science shows we also have positive reactions to things that happen, too.  The more we look for and focus on those positive things, the happier our days will be.  Indeed.  It’s easy to get caught up in what we lack and miss the happy moments we can have in what we have. I spent several hours last night watching an old show I used to watch… NCIS but this isn’t about that.  As I was watching it, I was thinking of the person I was when I was watching it… and other shows like it.  For much of that time, I was in marriages that were one sided and would end badly.  But… in MY mind the issue of finding my mate was over, and my mind was free to just be happy with OTHER things.  Indeed, in those years I HAD to find happiness in other things, as I was not finding much of it in the relationship.  It was similar to growing up in a poor si


I was recently challenged on my hope level, and my first reaction.. true reaction in myself.. was to say I’m good on hope. After all, I’ve been focusing on being happy within yourself and not seeking another as the source of it. After I said that of course, I looked at the words and analyzed (I ALWAYS am critical of my own words and positions) and thought.. happiness isn’t what she asked about, though. And, I put a pin in it and came back to reflect from time to time as I do. It’s been… educational. First of all, hope isn’t happiness. Indeed… one of the things about hope that I noted in the past is that hope cannot exist without despair or the reverse. You need hope to feel lack.. and lack to want hope. Some philosophies put there (religions in the mind of some) would teach you to consider it all lost already.. then, you don’t feel sorrow from the absence. In a way, that’s a shortcut to happiness and one I’ve been comfortably using, lately. I don’t know exactly when it creeped

Relationships and Happiness

 I deleted my “relationships detox” post.  I think it still contains many truths, and it is important to create your own happiness.  We shouldn’t expect a relationship to solve all our problems or make us happy.  Instead, we should BRING happiness into all our relationships, and that includes much more than romantic ones.   Someone told me months ago that “a friendship is a relationship” .. I needed to hear that then and still important to remember, today.  Indeed, the only thing in my mind that makes a relationship WORK is if there is a friendship there, as well.  And, should I live my life without a romantic one but giving and receiving friendship love my whole life, I would be the most blessed and happy version of my life, rather than walking around bitter that it’s not happening to me.   I don’t want to cloud up that point, so I’ll just end it here with that.  Be happy.. then make other happy.  Don’t worry about whether you’re single or not.

Self Esteem

 When I was in the military, and they were training us for responding to a gas attack, they told you to put on your own gas mask first.  Then, you can attend to others with their masks.  It seems odd that the first step in caring for others is to care for yourself.  However, even Jesus in the Bible says to love others AS you are already loving yourself.  It begins with self care and love.  You can’t pour out of an empty cup. I have a problem of giving till I’m dry to others that give nothing back.  Then, I feel like a failure for having nothing left to give.  Indeed, my ex’s that gave nothing back judged me for having nothing to give in the end or my choice to stop giving one way to them.  I was so wrapped up in defining myself by seeking their validation that I accepted their judgment and felt bad for ending my self sacrifice.  But, someone that truly loved you would not be seeking you to be less or sacrifice but would want you to be more and happy. Too often in my life have I accepte

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

 You know the lyrics.. “In every life we have some trouble But when you worry, you make it double Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy now Don't worry Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Be happy (Ooh-ooh-ooh) Don't worry, be happy (Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Don't worry (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Be happy (Ooh-ooh-ooh) Don't worry, be happy” This is an important truth I have reflected on over this week… one I used to know well and post about.  What is worry?  It’s fear.  What benefit comes from being fearful over the future.  What’s going to happen is going to happen.  Yes, you can prepare for it, but if you fear over it, you just end up losing your balance and your peace.  It’s much better to just be your happy self and make others happy.   I know it’s not easy, especially when you have major stuff affecting your life.  In two days, I’ll be arriving at a hospital for a surgery with weeks of recovery, after.  But… that’s going to be the case with or without anxiety.  The