Make it So

I grew up a Star Trek fan.  It's one of a few shows that both my father and I watched.  I've watched almost every form the Star Trek universe has taken.  But, Star Trek Next Generation lasted and spawned into Picard, which was also great.

In that crew, the captain.. Picard.. had a famous phrase to tell the crew to execute an order.. he'd say... Make it So.

Make it so.. not... ask someone else to do it.  Not.. let's hope it happens.  Make it so.. do it your own fckn self.  MAKE it happen.  

In my life, I've had disappointment or rejection or failures... EXCEPT when I relied on myself to bring it about.  When it was just me and me, I have very often been successful.  Right now, I'm in the middle of am upswing that began this spring and will continue.. some things are already better.  Others will come.  One job prospect will increase that, but if it doesn't happen another job will bring it about.  But ALL of it began when I got tired of failures from sacrifice for others that gave years and years to have them better off and me... alone, broke, and judged... FOR the sacrifice, often.  I decided it was long past time that I spend my effort, persistence, and mental abilities on MYSELF, and that began my rebirth.  It will only get better from here.

But.. I must caution you as I cautioned myself not to let criticism of others stop you.  In general, I make my decisions by logic and not to please others, and to that I must continue.  Nome others know your past.  They don't care about your present struggles, and they'd honestly choose a future for you that fits more in their own life agenda.  You must be free of their influence, if you would truly be yourself.

So, you will face difficulties, and sometimes you will walk alone, but if you'd reach your own defined happiness, you must be willing to ignore the critics as you plot your course and ... make it so.

Successfully Single

First of two blogs I have planned for tonight.  I waited to watch a few Lady Jane Grey episodes.  If you haven't seen it on Amazon Prime, I highly recommend it.  So good.

Anyway.. to begin.  Earlier today in a social media share, I used the phrase "successfully single" ... it was saying what would be wrong with someone to be attractive, intelligent, successful and yet single.  I shared saying why must we assume there's something wrong with being successfully single.  It's true on both interpretations of that... successful and single and being successful at being single.  But, I do think it warrants explaining what SINGLE.... is.

Single doesn't mean abstinence ... it's not being a monk with no sexual or romantic interests or activities.  It simply means not in a relationship.  Until you get in a relationship, you are...in fact.. single, even as you explore with vigor and the ability to chart your own future.  

Florida for the last few years taught me a lot... a lot that I think many Midwestern people have no basis for understanding.  When you are raised with the expectation that the culmination of life is getting married and having kids, you can feel your life is over when that happens pr when that leaves.  But, I experienced for years, there, a different reality... where people would go out, drink and talk with strangers, have a fun night and start all over another night. Or... going on a date and having interesting conversation with someone you knew you'd never see again.  But... it was a fun night.

Especially when you are older and the prospect of having new children is no longer a factor, everything changes.  And, most if not all that are older and single have had enough with the pain of relationship failures and just want... a good evening to forget everything and have fun.

Also, there was a book I've referenced in the past called Choosing to Cheat... written by a minister of all things, I believe.  It said that you can either be successful at a career or a relationship but not both.. so you choose to cheat yourself at both to balance.  But.. what if you didn't have to choose?

More and more,  I think Charlie on Two and a Half Men had it right.. especially after my ending result of relationships.  Someone may eventually convince me to settle down... maybe.. but I intend to explore in all meanings what can happen if you choose your own success and happiness, instead... and that will include flirting and fun, along the way.

Who We Are and Who We're Not

 ""Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”" Alice in Wonderland 

It's a valid point.  We all change.  We change from the struggles we face.  We change from what we learn about others and ourselves.  We change from disappointment and pain.. probably mostly that.  However, just like our skin completely replacing itself and our body maturing, who we are is not who we were or who we'll be.

One thing is for sure, though.  We are not who others say we are.  They often have a predetermined box they want to fit us in and will not see us in any other way.  If you try to show them who you've been, they'll just say that was an image you tried to show.  Further, the images of others that want to find fault in you will often not agree with each other.  At this moment if you believed my critics, I would be too hard and masculine, too soft and sensitive, too career focused, not career focused enough, too spiritual, not spiritual enough, too logical, not logical enough, too old, too young, too white, not white enough, too serious, too carefree... you get the point.  People decide to dislike you, and then they look for a reason to do so.  And,  if you don't give them one, they will make one.  Personally, I think it's better to spend your time with those looking for your good and reason to like you than those looking for flaws and who scowl or scoff at your attempts and steps to better yourself. 

Who are you?  You are whoever you want to be, because it's your wants and likes that distinguish you.  If you let others define that for you, you've lost your very own soul, sold to the highest bidder.  Better to live your life and decide your path, yourself.  Happiness doesn't come from surrendering yourself for those that only like you when you make them feel good.  Happiness comes from the peace of knowing you always have yourself as a fan and finding others who agree.

Wasted Days

I've learned a lot of lessons over my life, but this one might be most important to share to help others.  Don't waste your life chasing things not meant right be.

I get it.  It's hard to do.  If you're like me, you put everything of yourself into the things you felt worthy to attempt. You don't want to acknowledge it not working .. in PART because it means you made a mistake in choosing the attempt. But, if you spend all your time chasing or mourning what didn't work, you are losing hours and days you can be happy without them.  Notice I didn't say with someone else.  You have to be happy on your own without them, or you'll be looking to the new person to do that the last didn't, which is not fair to you or the new person.

Unfortunately, you can't know if something works or not without trying.  So, you have to keep trying with an open mind at the start but also being objective... not looking for faults just being realistic.. and willing to walk away if it only seems to drain or harm you without adding anything back to you... not rushing to judgment but when you get a clear enough picture to know..  it's always going to be like this.  I'd also suggest taking your time to get too close.  That way, it's easier to walk away if bad without causing anyone harm.  So.. like dating, I'd suggest dating or talking to more than one casually.  If someone you just met has a problem with that, they are going too fast and may just be looking to use YOU to get over or replace someone else... they don't know you enough to be that close, yet.  

If you take your time and just have fun exploring, you won't find yourself years down the road with someone that only takes from you but you married them, anyways, and then feel obligated to stay.  Honestly... divorce has gotten a bad rap.  If someone is suffering in a relationship, being single can be very healing to them, and it is definitely better for those suffering abuse or more.

Another Christian era restriction that MOST if not all older people disregard is no sex til marriage.  I dont think I've EVER met a divorced woman that still believes that.  Sex is something you'll be doing a lot and NOT for reproduction at that age.  So, you better know you'd like doing it with them...the closeness.. the quiet whispers or kisses... I'm not talking about technique.  So, it's am important part of being able to consider BEFORE you make a long term commitment.

There is a lot of steps that goes into dating in older ages, and most you meet are still figuring it out, themselves.  But, you'll save yourself a lot of wasted days to take your time having fun while trying... or if you expect perfection off the bat you won't even like trying at all and waste time you could have fun with it, as well.

Come What May

As I was driving over to initiate my background check for my new job, I wrestled with a little anxiety for a while.  I thought  .. what if they reject me?  I don't have any criminal record.  I am not in default of any government debt.  I haven't been fired from a job.  But, my periods of being out of work due to surgery and forced recovery over the last year SERIOUSLY impacted my credit report.  While it is a small blip in a lifetime credit history it IS something they take into consideration.  So, I questioned... what if they reject me?  What if after all this I am turned down and have to tell others I didn't get the job?  What does that say about me?  What does that mean about my future?

Then, I realized several truths I've noted before and let the anxiety go.

1.  It says nothing about me or my future that there are mistakes along an otherwise good path.  Some people, including relationship partners, focus on the negative because they want to find a reason to reject you.  Others look at the good to find a reason to like you.  It's all in perspective.  Indeed, even looking to the future, people will say good will come to you if you want.  That's true... eventually something good will happen.  It's also true that if you wait something bad will happen.  In the end, perspective determines outcome.

2.  I've had a life of overcoming challenges.  If this ends up not happening, I'll just carry on.

3.  I'm already in a good position.  I know it doesn't feel like it coming down to the bottom in the budget weekly, but that's been the result of a series of UN natural or expected things I've had to overcome...and overcome I have.  I've paid off back bills and had distractions this week that go away. Beyond this point is rises at a rate of up to 700 dollars extra every month, WITHOUT this job.

4.  I qualify for other higher paying accounting jobs.  Not all jobs will have all these hoops to clear.  If it is not this job, it will be another.

5.  Finally, the important thing is I believed in myself to keep trying... keep rising, and that will continue. 

As the saying goes, you only lose when you give up, and I draw peace from knowing I'll continue to be myself and rise... come what may.  Anyone that us just looking for a reason to condemn me... and there are plenty that feel I should fail for one reason or a other in a non friendly way.. will I'm sure find satisfaction in the low points on my way to the top.

Fish in a Tree

I've noted the quote several times, so this will just be a chorus harmony.

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

It is falsely attributed to Einstein, but who cares who actually said it.  It's true.

For most of my life, I have been criticized or condemned for being am independent minded person.  I've often said that TRUTH is the real god, and all deities must bow to it.  I approach the world in a factual and logical fashion like spock from Star Trek.  It is or it isn't.   It is that it is, and it isn't that it isn't.  I'm mature enough to recognize that fiction can also be truth... a false message can have true effect.  However, ultimately, even gods are judged by their participation in human life or absence, thereof.

Being this kind of INFJ person can be difficult.  Most love to ascribe to political parties or religious sects, so when I point out logical problems, it tends to isolate me from them.  So... you could assume I was broken... defective.  However, as it turns out, those qualities are ideal for an auditor... my new job.  Indeed, you could accurately compare the devil to being God's auditor, or humans that dared to question him like Abraham or others.  My experience is that God likes to be challenged, and it's one more log on the fire that Lucifer never actually "fell" but is serving the purpose for which he was created and given access to God's wisdom... to challenge not only God's actions but that of his followers which DEFINITELY needs challenging.

Most are not mature enough to receive that, but I will leave you with this and a quote.  Be yourself.  Don't judge yourself by others.  They have a different story.  You can't understand theirs, and they won't understand yours.  Be the best you that you can be.

"The best way to predict your future is to create it." Stephen Covey

Labor Pains

I've used this labor analogy several times over the years, but it's worth repeating.  When you set out to increase yourself or better yourself, you will be met with an opposing force.  In Serendipity, a character quotes Epictetus saying, "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."  That's generally how it goes, and many will reject you for being so selfish to think about yourself.  But, there will be other more spiritual opposition that you will face.

Witches believe in the balance of the spiritual, long before Star Wars invented Jedis.  That's why you always see sacrifice before good in their spells.  Even the very good show Once Upon a Time repeatedly said that magic comes "with a cost" and good things came with negative ones.  It's why witches are so quick to suggest putting away anger rather than using magic to harm someone.  I think there's room for it, if it is more defensive, but that's what they believe, despite the stereotype that they want to curse you and eat your children.

But, it's true that seeking more comes after struggle.  A child is born after many months of pains that cumulate into a very intense struggle, right before you see the child born into the world.  Women parents understand that struggle is a part of gaining, because they lived it with a child.  Single men and women understand it from having to work for money or exercise for fitness.  If you want good, be prepared for evil.  The two always go together, and anyone that wants to skip the evil will lack the good.  

I'll end with a quote before I go exercise before a half day of work on Sunday as I increase myself by my various forms of labor.  I wish you all effective use of your struggling, today as well.

"You never plow a field by turning it over in your mind." Irish Proverb