There is a part of the Hunger Games Mockingjay movies where Peeta had been tortured and conditioned to distrust and to hate his long time close friend Katniss. As he struggled to undo the mental damage that had been done to him, he would periodically say something that he thought he knew about their history and ask... "true or not true." For many of us, we have been conditioned to distrust humanity and people that are close to us. And, as we find someone that is indeed worthy of our love and trust, old fears pop up at times, and we have to look at them and ask ourselves the same objective question. Is this indeed true or is it a reflection of the past. The more that we determine that it is, indeed, trustworthy.. the more we can let go of the old fears, and there is such a wonderful peace that can be found on the other side.
I have had a lot of examples of being abandoned or attacked by those I once trusted in the past, and it tainted my perception for years to come. Luckily, a few years ago, I began undoing that damage within myself, before I ever met someone that would completely shatter those fears with true love. In those years, I asked myself.... do you really want to walk around with your focus on the negative of the past, or do you want to focus on or make the good that you can have in the present or future. In those years, I still had multiple things happen that challenged that positivity, but each time they did I would look at them SPECIFICALLY.. not making generalizations. THIS person was not good. THAT action was hurtful. Etc. I decided to look at everything objectively, and that was the foundation that I took with me into my beginning of this wonderful romance.
And, it was wonderful. I didn't ASSUME it was wonderful. I didn't paint a rosy glasses picture of what I wanted to see on what was there. I was fully willing to not settle for something that was toxic or less than I deserved. So, as I began to see how wonderful she was, I was objectively shocked. I remember telling someone... "This is actually real." There would be moments of old fears that would pop up, but over and over again I objectively pushed them down and instead based my relationship on what I actually saw. I won't pretend to have always defeated my old fears, but more experience of feeling more and more secure in the truth of her love allowed me to be more and more myself. Then, that freedom to be myself led to her knowing me and my knowing her, and both of us relished that safety and security.
Earlier this morning, I was reflecting on just how amazing this has been in that particular aspect. When I am with her, I love her and am recharged by seeing the love in her eyes and more. When I am not with her, I STILL am powered by my love for her... without fear. That's what lets it remain at all times. Unlike my past of having the ground fall out from under my feet in situations where I didn't have such security, I have for quite a while KNOWN that I love her and that she loves me. There isn't any doubt. I don't feel the need to perform to impress her, because I know that she loves me without being based on what I do. And, that peaceful security makes me love her even more and want to do things for her .... simply to make her happy.
Scripture says that love casts out all fear, and isn't it a MUCH better way to spend your days falling more and more in love with someone that you know will always care for you than walking around feeling like that could slip away at any moment in a relationship that is based on what you can do for them. If you don't have this kind of relationship dynamic, I'd recommend you have a conversation with your significant other. My guess is that if they truly care for you, they would want the same. And, if they ARE simply with you based on what you can do for them, better to know that, now.
I with you peace in knowing you can love yourself and live in the love of others, simply for being the miracle that you were made to be.
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