Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Happy... Halloween

Just finished Agatha All Along's first season.  I won't give spoilers, but it is very good.... sad... but good.  Thus, the ... between Happy and Halloween in the blog title, too.  I've repeatedly talked about the value of darkness and struggles in my posts.  You often need those dark places.  

I will give one non spoiler quote to this effect from the final episodes.  One person was struggling, and another started to rush over to help and Agatha said, "Don't rob her of her struggle."  I think that only goes so far, and you SHOULD help those in need.  However, recently, I've also reflected on many in society that feel life should come to them on a platter and sees every difficulty as an attack.  Sometimes... it's just hard.  Sometimes, evil things just happen, which IS a theme in both Agatha and Wandavision it came from.  When we ignore that and whine about everything that's difficult, we are wasting time we have to do something about it or more often just create something new.  But, FIRST, you have to face reality, which is the scariest thing you'll do this Halloween.  

Life can be scary, but so can we.  We have everything we need to solve our problems.  However, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. When I do, I close my eyes, take a breath, slow my pace, and with a clearer head and determination take the next steps forward, and that's often all we need to rise and begin.

May your Halloween effectively reveal the truth you need to find your path on the other side.

Sunday, October 27, 2024

Anti Christian

I am not Anti Christ, but I am most definitely anti Christian... at least organized bodies made by men.  And, I believe Christ would be, as well. 

When I got a Bible degree and most of a Seminary degree at a university founded by the leader of the "moral majority" movement, I abandoned it after more and more experiences seeing the church in action.  I knew that I could never be a part of such a hypocritical and hateful foundation they adopted in practice, apart from their holiday services or when they wanted to collect donations.  So, i left... with one course remaining in a seminary degree... a course that would require me to go out and call people evil to their face.

Fast forward over a decade later, and nothing I've seen changes my mind.  I've noted non Christ like behavior by my ex and churches in which I've served.  I've noted how the church spends WAY more time condemning people for their political party, choice of attire who who they love than they do the poor and homeless on the street... now including wanting to arrest poor immigrants fleeing harm and separate them from their children.  Now, we see them praising a multiple sexual abuser, financial criminal felon who can't seem to go one post without spewing hatred of .. well.. everyone, even his own party members or former VP and cabinet members and who cheated on his pregnant wife with a porn star... even as they find the audacity to claim moral authority to judge the personal choices of women and children.

You will never get me in another church, until the church is willing to condemn it's own leaders with the same vigor as citizens or better yet openly says they will condemn no one at all.  Til then, I'll live happily free from them and willingly condemned as an anti Christian demon.

Saturday, October 26, 2024

Boundaries

I'll start by saying there's nothing wrong with a romance or being in a relationship.  If you were lucky enough to find someone that respects you, desires you, supports you, and is committed to you, that is a good thing... assuming you feel the same.  However, not everyone has been so lucky.  For many of us, we ended up with people that abused us emotionally and more, neglected us, and were only with us for what they could get from us, til they could no more.  Then, when the well went dry, so did their "care" and interest.

I have not dated in over a year.  Partially, it was because I was addressing financial needs and relocating.  But, it was also from growth, and the longer I went not dating.. the more I grew.  It's like when your kids grow up.  At first, you feel like you are losing all that refined you, which is actually very sad.. tho many are not equipped to understand that.  But. After a few years, you rediscover who you are without them.  I've seen this not only in myself but almost every person I've met with grown kids.  Then, it gets liberating and is a joy to have an empty nest.

Similarly, the longer you go after being married, the more you discover yourself, again.  The longer you are married... or the more years you have been married of your life, the longer it takes to find yourself, again.  But, as you do, it is also very freeing.  You can choose what you want to wear, say, do etc without consulting someone else.  You can eat what you want or pick if you want to exercise based on yourself and what you desire, rather than being constantly fearful how someone will judge your body.  You can even choose to stay in your underwear and chill all day watching shows, without checking if your words and actions please others.  It takes time, and I still catch myself making choices or silencing myself for others, til I shake myself out of it and choose my life for me.

Will I have another relationship?  I don't know.  I do think it could be nice, but it will not look like what I grew up expecting and what is seen most of the time.  I'm not going to make pleasing them my source of happiness, nor do I want them to make pleasing me theirs.  I'd expect us both to ge happy about ourselves on our own and then jointly do things together that makes us both happy for shared experiences.  I'd expect a commitment to establish a feeling of security, though.  I don't want to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop and them leave.. because maybe I have a different opinion or non shared interest.  In general, I don't want to go from the feeling of peaceful contentment I have, now, to feel eternally insecure and anxious.  It's LITERALLY not worth the change, if that's what I'd have in store.

We must learn to establish and respect boundaries, and when others fear or don't respect those boundaries, then the boundaries are trying to tell you something that you should heed.

Your life is your life, and take it from me that you may find one day that is all you have... so treat yourself well and be jealous of that care when you consider adding another.

Worthy Life

I was having a discussion with someone on TikTok, where I mentioned Kamala's huge government aid package for first time he owners, after they said the cost of housing had risen (she also is offering a huge aid package for small businesses), and the person said that government aid causes inflation.  So, my first response is to say, "Ah, so veteran aid for homes and more causes inflation."  There was a long pause, before his next reply.  Finally, he said a veteran is worthy of every benefit they get.  So, I replied, "So is a single mother raising a baby, or aren't you pro life?"

How did we get to the point of saying SOME lives are worthy and some are not?  Life is life.  I had a similar discussion, recently, where I noted that Mary had Jesus in a stable while being homeless, and later Jesus was homeless for all the years of his Earthly ministry and asked if they should be denied aid for being homeless and not working.  The other person in the debate tried feeble answers basically concluding Jesus and Mary should get it but no one else... despite Jesus saying what you do to the least, you do unto him.  Finally, the guy did the equivalent of putting fingers in ears and running away.  How is it we have gone from Reagan and Bush saying we have an obligation to help poor immigrants and invite them in and educate them to the HOLY party saying we should arrest and expell them without aid?  Do ANYONE think Jesus would follow that policy, when he went out and fed and healed others without asking their nationality or even requiring they adopt his faith?

The religious right needs to take a hard look at themselves in the mirror and decide if that are truly pro life or just pro birth into a world where they cut aid for the very ones struggling financially pregnant that are deciding whether they can afford to raise a child or not.  If they aren't willing to donate to them or be taxed to help them, it's gonna make for a VERY uncomfortable Thanksgiving and Christmas season standing before the "savior" they starved or cast out of their land.

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

Deliver Me From Evangelicals

I've said it before.  I can only co conclude based on what I've seen.

One year ago today, my very religious ex decided upon me dropping off my child after our weekend to block all future weekends for my child to be with her dad.  Was it because I did something terrible?  Threatening?  Angrily?  Nope.  We had just spent a weekend together after months of my having to be face down following eye surgery.  We had pleasant conversations, as usual.  The only thing I did was suggest my daughter should apologize for not spending her summer with me as I was entitled.  I had said in the Spring that as much as I wanted to see her I would understand if she had a job and couldn't spend the summer with me. Come summer, my ex texted that my daughter was LOOKING for a job and would be home as she did it... not the deal but ok.  The summer would pass and almost all was without a job but not with me.  So, I said she should apologize, and that set off my ex, who then said I wasn't a good influence on her, and as her mom she "had power" over that.  I noted it was kidnapping and illegal per custody agreement, but she said if i didn't like it "sue me but you won't win before she's 18."  Over the next 6 months of my sending my daughter both Christmas and birthday/graduation gifts...and attending her graduation.. I had good communication with my child via text, til a very long message from "my daughter" that went on several days and said things my child would know wasn't true (indicating it was my ex writing it) I was told to stay out of her life and that I was blocked.  I am almost certain it was my ex writing it, as it didn't match any prior conversations or style, but my ex had 6 months of uninterrupted propaganda aimed at my child to say unchallenged lies, too.  Bearing false witness and not honoring my child's father.

But, that is not my only experience with evangelicals by far.  I had many experience times upon which to base judgment.  I served as a greater in an evangelical church for over a year.  Then, my child got pneumonia.  No one from that church would visit the hospital, and when we returned there would be no prayers for my child, even though they knew my experience.  

I had an evangelical say "god" told her not to date me, after her lesbian daughter objected to her mom that she was dating.  I had an evangelical pastor friend of my 2nd ex that was scheduled to be out wedding officiant post on my FB page on my birthday the week of my wedding that he hoped "I would find Jesus" after he knew I was a long Christian and had a Bible degree.  What he DIDN'T know was his friend I was marrying was a family witch.  And,  I've had a LONG history of evangelical friends unfriend and abandoned me for questioning their political hero or being Democrat.

So, between my history with evangelicals and seeing them judge and condemn anyone different from them I think maybe the Lord's prayer was misinterpreted.  Instead of deliver us fron evil, it should be deliver us from evangelicals, because they seem to be the source of the anger and division in our world, today... following in a long tradition going back to burning witches, religious wars, and invading the middle east to convert by the sword in the crusades.  "God is love," is a popular thing for them to say in non election years,  but it definitely isn't something seen in our lives.


Thursday, October 17, 2024

Storm Fronts

I like Thunderstorms.  When I lived in Florida, I missed them. Yes.. Florida gets rain and an occasional Hurricane, but there's nothing like when one air mass comes in contact with another and war ensues as they compete for who will remain, afterwards.

It's kinda like that in my life, lately.  I put in the work to enact positive change, and that kicked off my own conflict of storm fronts in my mind and being.  Do I believe in and enjoy the new or rumble over the old. 

It's not an easy choice, and to some degree both must remain.  But, at some point you have to stop condemning yourself for what you lost and enjoy what you gave in yourself to gain.

So... rumble on and bring the change.  I may struggle with accepting the new, but even I know there is only one way to find happiness after loss... by creating something new for a happy new life.

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Humbled

I only blog when I feel moved.  I've started twice in the last several days and abandoned it bothers times for lack of resonance. Finally. I feel resonance,  and it's not pleasant... but... it's real.

We think that society is driven by greed or desire or ambition.  In truth, it is driven by pain and darkness.  I don't mean it is driven by the desire to be healed or find the light.  Since when has the majority of society been interested in truth or improvement.  They are driven by pain.  They try to block it out with distraction of entertainment or success.  Whether they are successful is beside the point.  It was never about where they land.  It was about where they left... particularly about not thinking about it.

I'm not saying you cannot have success,  after pain.  You can.  But, that's like trying to replace a square hole with a triangle piece.  It can be a very good triangle, but it will never replace the square memories.  No matter my success that I will have, my memories of my children will always be good and always be... over.  Let me say that again, because it's hard but is true.  It's over.  It doesn't diminish the goodness of the memory.  But, focus on the memories doesn't help the future.

I'm absolutely in love with the new album of Neoni, The Death of Daisies, which they describe as referring to the death of innocence.  One of my favorite songs on it is funeral, which is the death of the past and the birth of the new.  I find a voice in me not wanting to accept that and keep fighting, even as the reality in me knows that is gone, forever.  Change... requires death of the old, and that's where I am.  It's not pleasant, but mourning and moving towards new reality is the only way this works, and it ONLY works by being humble enough to acknowledge I am less important than change.


Saturday, October 12, 2024

It Doesn't Matter If You Win

In the recent Government investigation of Trump that became public, the lead investigator gave an insight to the Trump campaign that he would condemn being made public.

In the release of quotes and testimony from the Jan 6th Capitol event, you have a testimony of a conversation Trump had with his family upon Air Force One in which he said. "It doesn’t matter if you won or lost the election. You still have to fight like hell."  He said this, knowing he had lost the election but was planning on disputing it, because he never conceded anything.  He said he also has never confessed any sin to God.

But, I have to partially agree with Donald on this, because it won't matter if he wins or loses.  I would still make his life hell for every broken promise or harm of lower or middle class if he won for all of his term.  And, just let the right that has failed to even acknowledge Biden as President tell me I should be loyal.  I plan to be a very DISLOYAL irreverent citizen exercising my free right to object.  The election date won't change me at all, and it shouldn't change you, either.

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Boxes

Many have heard about Schrodinger's Cat philosophy metaphor.  For those who haven't and to butcher it in simplification, when a cat is in a box that is closed, it is both alive and dead to those outside, til the box is opened and the actual state is known.  Til that point, both are real to others.  I'll come back to this..

We live in so many boxes over our lives... from the moment we are born.  We are male, female, Caucasian (that term will need changing to be honest), black, white, rich, poor, Midwestern, American, Hispanic, Asian, and so on and so forth.  When we enter the world, we have no idea what that means.  We are TAUGHT what people SAY it means.  We are also taught this is "normal" and this is not, this is the god you should be good for and how to do it.  These are the things you should fear.  Indeed... fear is a big one used to direct people.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't avoid danger or harm, but you don't need fear for that.  Wisdom will suffice.

Every year, I watch The Village in October as qe near Halloween.  I will do so this week or weekend, as well.  It is an amazing movie for more than having one of the sexiest actresses out there.. Dallas Bryce Howard.  The series focuses on an old style community that lives a simple life and follows simple rules to protect them, such as avoiding the "bad color" and not going outside the border, otherwise the evil creature will get them.  If you have not seen it and will stop here and go see it and return.  I must give spoilers to make my point. 

As the story unfolds, the "beast" starts coming and leaving dead animals all around and a young man is stabbed by a mentally challenged another young man. To save  her dying friend, a blind girl chooses to travel to another village to get medicine.  But, to allow her to travel, her father and village elders must tell her the truth... there is no beast.  It is a costume that they wear to keep people doing what they want them to do.  In truth, it is modern day, and they pretend it is an old age to create the society they desire on land that they own.

I tell this to make a point.  Until the blind girl hears this, it is real to her... all of it.  Then, the blind girl sees more than most others with eyes.  She did what she was told, and her life and the village WAS the embodiment of the lie... even if it wasn't true.  It was REAL because the box was closed... much like the boxes the elders had to keep their objects from their old life.

We live in the boxes others define for us.  We fear things,  and that fear produces real reactions by ourselves and others that judge us by the boxes... but.. here's the thing.  The pretty and shiny box... isn't real.  It is created.  And, if you travel from one city to another, one country to another, and so on... the boxes are different and the reality is different... but all because they keep the boxes closed and unchallenged.

I've learned enough in my life to know you can't change all the world.  People love their boxes, and they will even try to force you to fit in their boxes.  But, I've also learned you can change YOUR world as simply as saying... you know... I think I'll choose another box or no box at all... but choosing ANY other box will make finding a center more easy.

Until you open your box of your life,  you are...whatever you want to be.  And, all of those are real and can lead you to your own happiness,  even if it takes living apart from others trying to fit you in theirs.  So, take comfort and liberation in that realization and choose a box and life that leads you to life not fear and condemnation.

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Create Life

"Find a purpose for yourself, not your father." (Kaos, S1E1)

That  quote was said by a good truck salesman to Dionysius in the first episode of Kaos on Netflix, when the god was lamenting that his father, Zeus, wasn't giving him any real promotion or purpose.  But, I think it is a valuable lesson for all and introduction to a theme for this post.

We are all like him in this mistake of thinking, so often.  We sit around waiting on others to save us or give to us purpose and meaning of life.  Then, when they reject us, it can destroy us for a long time.  It took me years, but I finally learned in the last 6 months to value myself enough to start making decisions and actions to make myself happy without needing to check in with someone else.  It was and is very liberating, and it makes me pity others when I now hear them lamenting what others are not providing them, rather than them just doing it for themselves.

God, as the chief target of expectation of provision, is called God primarily for having "creator" power.  Indeed, our country Thomas Paine, who i greatly respect for his logic concludes that while he doubts human religion he believes in a god, because he did not make himself.  I don't know that I fully agree with the logic, but I respect it.  That said, however, there is a flaw in his reasoning.  We DO create ourselves.... every ... single ... day.  Each day, we have creative power to decide what we will do, and that choice creates the life that we receive.  We are our own god in that manner.  My current location, employment, and more are end results of choices that got me here, and any success I have as a result was the natural outcome of those choices.  So... I tend to think time that is spent begging for an answer ... like in the Disney movie wish that makes the same point I am making here.. is better spent actually CREATING your future as you desire it to be.

So, since you have that creator power, use it wisely, use it empathetically, and use it without thoughts of what others owe you.  Create your own purpose and "to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot." Ecclesiastes 5:18

Saturday, October 5, 2024

Freedom and Rights

It bothers me that I have to cover something so basic, so obvious... something with literally centuries of understanding, til recent years.  But... here's where we are.

Let's talk about freedom and basic human rights.  We have a lot of use of the words by those that don't understand the basic definitions, so let's start there.  

Rights: "A right is a power or privilege held by the general public, usually as the result of a constitution, statute, regulation, or judicial precedent." (Legal information Institute)

Freedom: "The state or fact of being free from servitude, constraint, inhibition, etc.; liberty" (Oxford)

We have in recent years adopted another view in society that says freedom is freedom from discomfort.  It says, you shouldn't be forced to do or be exposed to something you don't like.  The view says... I should not be expected to observe you living your life in your way, if it conflicts with my own beliefs.  It says.. I shouldn't have to learn something that I don't want to learn.  It says, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for my actions.

Let's take crossdressers, trans people and such, even though this can be equally applied to gay couples, atheists, women's rights, minorities and... well.. basically everything being attacked by one political party, today.

When someone wakes up and says... you know... I'm not comfortable with the stereotype I'm seen as being.  This can go either way .. a man that doesn't want to be seen as commanding or controlling or competitive or more... or a woman that says I don't want to be seen as only a support of a man or weak or as an object for men to observe or use.  Yes, this crosses over into equality of men and women to choose their role, as well.  Or, maybe they say as a man that they prefer soft clothes or using makeup or feeling "pretty" or a woman that doesn't like that look and just wants to look strong and to fit in with men, like another "dude."  What harm are they doing... to you .. in doing it?  On your side, no one is telling you to be trans.  No one is banning dresses and makeup for women.  No one is banning testosterone for men.  Indeed, even if a woman took testosterone, it wouldn't block your ability to use it.  

One point I have made many times in the past and again recently is this.  When someone is upset that a man wears a dress or makeup or a woman cuts her hair short without makeup... or they choose occupations or hobbies of the other sex, it gets huge and vocal objections by conservatives.  A few days ago, one President candidate repeatedly called a male VP candidate on the other side a "tampon" and encouraged his side to mock the man for not being "masculine" enough.  And, right there, they make is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that gender is not based on sex organs.  After all, if it were, it wouldn't matter WHAT a person wears or how they act.  If they have a penis, they are masculine.  If they have a vagina, they are feminine.  By attaching definitions to what qualities those words have, they are DEMANDING that gender is a CHOSEN way of acting that they demand you must do... getting us back to "constraint, inhibition..liberty" above.  Those demanding people live in one specific way are taking away their liberty and demanding they live by the choices of others.. just so those others feel more comfortable.

But, who ever said life was comfortable?  Try making money without work.  Try getting fit without exercise.  Try getting ANYTHING done in groups if you only allow like minded people to interact with you.  

Diversity.. for all the hate on the right for the term.. is simply saying that you have the freedom and right to choose what makes you happy, so long as you don't stop my right to choose the same in my life and with my body.  That's what was understood when the Constitution was written (though it would take a while for all to have equal access to that right), and that's the only way we move forward to peace and success in our national future.