Reflections on The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

Recently, I was inspired to read The Great Divorce from my love.  I had read other C.S. Lewis books, such as the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Mere Christianity.  However, I had not read that book.  It was a very enjoyable book for someone that likes to think things out, and I am sure that there is not enough space in a blog post to talk about all the different thoughts I had as I ventured through it.  However, I wanted to chronicle a few.  I will not get them in order.  However, that is not really important.  The story takes place from the perspective of someone that is riding the bus from the point of death through the lands of what could be described as hell, purgatory, paradise, and heaven, though those words would not do the concepts justice and does not necessarily hold from person to person.  On the way of the journey, he hears and sees many conversations of others.  I will describe a few of my own favorites and what I took away from them.

 "The choice of every lost soul can be expressed in the words 'Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.'"

There was one passage that made a particular mark on me in the stories.  In it, the person from whose point of view was the book was talking to George MacDonald.  I believe this conversation was happening when the main character was asking why it was that people from the holy city land did not go back to help those that were suffering in the gray city or Earth.  He tells about a man that had the desire to go back to help those and who in all his defense of those there.. trying to bring hell into heaven.. he loses sight of the value and virtues of heaven.  In the end, the person would get an attitude about the holy such that they would not like to be there, and there were many examples in the stories of those that when offered heaven with those they deemed less virtuous they rejected the idea of sharing a heaven with those who they feel had not earned it.   In both cases, the prideful attitude of the person made them exclude what glories could be theirs, without their prideful judgement.  I do not feel that I have rejected God in all my criticism of religion and bad churches, but I definitely have not aided in the path of people to that destination.  Further, it made me more negative, and that reason alone would be enough to have a change of perspective.  I would rather be hopeful in my life, even if my hope is never fully realized.  It makes for a better life.

There is also another story about Sarah Smith that was pleading with her husband, Frank, who had arrived as a distorted figure attached by a chain to a critical spirit, Tragedian.  She keeps pleading with her husband to be reconciled and happy with her.  However, the man could only interpret everything she said in a negative light of suspicion and judgment.  Every now and then, the man would start to listen to her love and come closer, but the other spirit by chain would lead him back into suspicion and blame.  As he more and more blamed and rejected her, he got smaller and smaller, til all that was left was the critical spirit that left her.  I have had a lot of experience on the receiving end of criticism in my life, but I won't deny that the scars from such have left me at times suspicious of what did not deserve it.  It has not been often, and ironically it was the reverse of that which ended my last marriage, when my ex could not see me for me but was often blaming me for her ex.  However, it is important for me to recognize that applying that pattern to anyone else without evidence is equally wrong.  I have for years made it a point of my own objectivity to make my own decisions and be independent, but I have not always been successful at it..  Yet, it is a worthy goal.  I never want to be the person that finds fault in those that love me or who I love.  Doing so would make me small and end in loss of the good that I might have, otherwise.

Finally (and I am missing talking about so much in saving space), hell is depicted as a tiny crack in the holy land.  It is described that while hell feels so big when you are in it, it is tiny if you rolled up all the complaints, criticisms, prideful entitlements and more and compared it to the wide wonders that you can find in joy and love and happiness.  Indeed, my own experience in this year with my love has given me SO much more life to see and understand and enjoy than the decades of my life spent in toxic situations trying to satisfy the pride of others.  Life is an adventure, and if you choose the adventures leading to eternal life, the story just grows and gets more rich.  Otherwise, the path of criticism will just lead you to isolation, bitterness, and personal hell.  As for me, I will choose to begin Heaven, now. 

 

Opportunity

I remember sitting in a work meeting, and a co worker was going over a list of things that wasn't working.  The thing that stood out to me was that the co worker refused to say this was a problem or even challenge.  She kept saying we have an "opportunity" in this place or that.  I feel that is an important way to approach things in our own life, as well, even if I fail sometimes at doing that.  

For the most part, I do a good job at it. I've had to do that a lot in my life.  I have a plan, and I start down the path for that plan.  Then, this happens or that.  So, I adjust.  Move the date to this day.  Buy that grocery item, instead of this one.  Delay buying a car a few weeks to cover an expense.  Life happens, but it doesn't change the desire or the outcome.  It only changes how I execute it.

This happens in many areas of my life. When it does, I try to approach it in the same way.  However, before you get to that point, you need to first identify if what you feel is true.  It is easy after many disappointments to get on the defensive and start trying to watch out for more disappointments.  This feels like it is the wise thing to do.  I did that a lot after my divorce, feeling that I had to guard myself from being with someone that was like my ex's of the past or other people that had hurt me.  However, as I have noted in many past blog, over the years, it can lead you to be so closed off that you cannot find the good that can replace it.  I emphasized for a long time the need to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be hurt, let that hurt be in the past, and look forward with eyes fixed on what you want and not what you had.  

As you do that, it is again easy to see similar items and be tempted to feel oh no.. this is that all over again.  But, just as with the last easy note, just because it is easy does not make it right.  Hard things does not make something wrong.  Often, hard things are hard, because they are important to your heart.  So, whether it be reaching out to someone estranged to you or making changes in yourself that work better for a good that you desire, the important question isn't whether something is hard but whether it is important.  So, you need to take the time to challenge your defensive assumptions and slay them, before they can create problems that did not exist, before.

Life and love can have wonderful and easy moments.  They can also have a lot of opportunities that may not always be comfortable.  But, if you follow your heart and look forward with a sense of adventure and courage, it can make for a very interesting journey.  Be changeable.  Be hopeful.  Be loving.  Be prayerful. Be true.  And, face each day with honest reflection and determination.  Focus on the good.  Learn from the bad.  And, the path will rise up to meet you in every step. 

Signs and Wonders

"A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign..." Matt 16:4

You have heard me at various time talk about the benefits of darkness or trials.  One of those benefits is in the area of revelation of truth.  I have had many bad and toxic relationships over time that I thought were good at the beginning.  However, it was in times when conflict or obstacles happened that the true nature was revealed.  I'm seeing that in much fashion on the positive side in my current relationship, and it is very healing.  However, it wasn't meant to be healing.  It is just truth being revealed in those moments.. truth that it is more than my fears and a wonderful good in my life that I didn't have to create.. worthy of honor and attention.

I titled this blog with that name, because I think that it is in those moments that the truth is revealed to be one or the other.  Disagreements and differences are revealed, over time.  That is just the nature of being among other humans.  Either someone will see those that say.... "AHA, I KNEW it was not going to work, and this is a sign."  Or, they will look at the differences to say... "Huh.. this person is an interesting wonder to me, and I want to learn more about them and how best to love them in a way that they need and will appreciate."  Being yourself is not a bad thing, ever.  I only wish that in those prior toxic relationships that I would have known, early, that being myself was something that they wished to change and could not love as myself.  

It doesn't mean that the person that is with you will be like you.  You may have many differences, and some of those differences may seem to be very different than what you expected.  It may require you to change how you naturally interact, if they cannot receive it in that way.  THAT doesn't mean that you are incompatible.  What makes people incompatible is when you cannot find a way to love them in a way they can receive or them love you in a way that you can receive.  If you can learn their language of love and communicate in it, LOVE can still be shared.. and isn't that the point?

People are either looking for a sign something is going to fall apart, or they are looking for the wonder to love in another.  Real love is revealed in conflicts, as is love that is only there for themselves.  Don't use fear of the outcome to change who you are, or you will be changing who you are forever.  Rather, be yourself, and love their self.  Then, nothing can shake that foundation. 

Challenge and Growth

I've noted at times my hesitation in posting blog posts, because invariably I tend to face a challenge to what I say in my personal life.  However, I've noticed that the good in my life tends to be challenged, even if I don't post about it.  I've noted this at times in blog posts, as I reflect on it.  I noted how in a George Lopez episode the grandmother didn't want to acknowledge good too loud, because it would draw the evil eye to come and bring it down.  Many feel this about acknowledgement of good, actually.  They feel that they should not say good things, because there are so many that don't have those things.  Yet, there is no such restriction on saying bad things, so people have more examples of negativity in public upon which to base their expectations.  So, good IS important to note, as well... even if it draws the doubts of others or even those that would seek to undermine it.

Any type of activity that would improve you is also subject to resistance.  Most people that begin New Year's resolutions will abandon them in the first few weeks of the year.  If you join a gym, you suddenly have a lot of reasons not to go.  If you would find a job that funds your life, it is usually among co workers that spend hours talking about how bad that place of work is to have, even as they get paid from it.  

However, Scripture says that challenge is good...

" so that the genuineness of your faith—being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:7

That is about faith, but the concept is the same.  What God gives, God tests.  No engineer would trust something that is not tested.  It is a part of the process.  Further, testing provides information to make things work better in the future.  Failure is not the end of something, if that something is desired by those that have it.  it is a step towards perfection.

I have a great relationship with my love, but that relationship has grown over time.  We learn from it and grow and will continue to learn and grow.  I have many work skills in several ways, and EVERY ONE of them was perfected and built up by experience with failures.

So, this blog is simply to say this.  Do not fear failure, and do not let it stop you from trying.  Trying is the only way to move forward, and progress only comes through refinement.  All we need for greater success and happiness is to have is the commitment and the ability and willingness to accept and learn from errors along the way.