Find Your People

In the summer of 2024, I moved from a place that I had always considered very me to a place that didn't fit me so well.  It was after an eye surgery .. two actually.. and I was feeling defeated.  I moved to Oklahoma from Tampa Bay to be nearer to my mom and sister, especially after ex related friction was caused by my ex wife in Florida.. as is noted in another blog post.  I also noted in a differrent post how I came into Oklahoma looking for comfort and security after my struggles but was given an outcome of isolation and more challenges for me to overcome, which I believe was a divine message mean to teach me that I was able to handle everything... even in Florida.. on my own, which I was doing in Oklahoma for not only my own needs but th needs of others.

But, there is a social connection element to this that has not been noted.  When I left Florida, I was feeling that I didn't have enough friends or connection around me there (which was not true), so I made some attempts in Oklahoma to establish connections... Meetup events, religiuos institutions, and more.  Yet, two and a half years later, there is literally no one that I could call upon to go for a run, go to a ball game, or go to an event.  Indeed, other things happened to eliminate the few friends that I had developed.

Yet, a few months away from my return to Florida, I already have a handful of people that I could connect with (some from prior living there and others new) to do different things of my interests.  Get that?  2.5 years of trying in Oklahoma, none.  Not even back yet, a handful and growing.  Whether by difference of mentality or divine intervention, I want to pose this idea to you.  If you are feeling isolated and alone, it COULD be that you just haven't found your people or maybe not even your location where they would be.  Regardless, following the concept of the Flow blog post, go where you are wanted and with those that connect, not where you are not or pushed away.

Disposable Culture Post Matured

One of my FB memories I shared on social media was screenshots of a post I did many years back.  While I think it makes a still true general theme and good points, I do feel that I've matured since it and can do it in a more accurate and efficient manner.  So, here goes...

What's old, and what's young?  What is new and what's old?  A lot of these distinctions have begun to blur and fade, as the youth return to things that was popular in my younger days, and the older people can definitely be showing a lack of maturity and we see examples of that on a daily basis, it seems.  Age gaps in dating used to be frowned upon, and now there's reality tv shows about it and examples from celebrity couples.

So, my post must divert from how it was written, prior.  In that post, I'd suggest age was one factor in why people break up.  But, that aspect aside, the rest is ptetty sound.  What I said was that in our culture we are taught to look for flaws and not good characteristics or qualities.  So, it is easy for people to look for flaws and once found to use that as the defining item for the whole person,  disregarding the rest.  And, if that is the judgment standard, people will move from experiment to experiment, enjoying it til a flaw is found and then moving on to the next one.

But, I do feel that a few disclaimers must be made that I failed to note in the past.  While I do not think we should be looking for flaws, I do think we should be looking for love and respect and happiness.  Some situations are toxic and others are simply a mismatch of needs and abilities.  I don't say those should be ignored.  Some can be addressed and moved past.  Others are roadblocks.  So, there are exceptions to this post.

That said, we DO live in a disposable culture that looks for flaws and discards upon them.  Many dating profiles I used to see when I used the apps would read like a recipe of requirements.  If you failed to meet all of them, you were disqualified.  Yet, if you write such a list, you are basing the future on the past, and some of my best experiences have come from adventure into the new.

So, when the society pressure to find fault comes into your mind, keep in mind your own faults and maybe extend a little grace and show more curiosity, instead.

Made For Community

"You're the best, Devon! But when we're on the field, nobody hears you! They hear the band." Drumline

I am not an authority on much by way of academics, and I will begin directing you to check out what I say with your sources.  However, I have lived a life that has given me much personal experience and observations, which I believe does have value for consideration.  So, I plan to begin to do my blogs with my reflections and ask you to consider it for yourself or research.

One area of personal exploration over my life is the area of seeking to be independent minded and skilled at my own philosophy reasoning and writing.  I've often felt that my own experience not only gave me a good perspective but a responsibility to teach others, so they do not make the same mistakes that educated me.  At times, this has resulted in feeling ignored or to see others or society making the same mistakes, despite my warnings.  Or, I will make a very solid logical case for something or against something.  Yet, it would be disregarded by others following their passions.  Then, I feel that I failed in making a good enough case or in my warning.

Similarly, I will at times try to do this or that, and I often find myself feeling overwhelmed or exhausted by the attempt.  Then, again, I feel like I failed. This week for example, I was trying to solve a problem at work.  I am very good at solving problems at whatever work I happen to be.  Yet, this one was feeling particularly difficult, and I was becoming more and more depressed at not being able to make it work.  When I brought it up to my boss in a meeting, I was not met with criticism but with understanding and directed to reach out to others that would have more information to make it work.  It wasn't... just... about ...me.

So often, I think we do this.  We see something that needs to be done, so we set out to solve it, ourselves.  After all, we reason, I have a lot of education or skill or more to solve this.  My achievement and pride makes me feel like I should be able to handle it, myself. Yet, very often, it is something DESIGNED to be a team problem with team solutions.

Indeed, it is tempting to believe that we are made to be solitary.  We feel that God designed us with specific and unique skills or personality qualities, and we look at those things and say.... I should use these things, and we seek to use them to do things.  However, one thing that I have noted in my own blogs, for example, is that even if you write the BEST BLOG with irrefutable logic, you are just one person.  You MIGHT reach a small number, but that small number is considering your words as the words of just another person.  Yet, if a larger body speaks the same message, it is more readily received.  I can say to someone that God loves them, even with them being LGBTQ or another race or more.  Some might receive that.  They might even appreciate that you are saying it as a Christian or a member of a group.  Yet, it is just words of another human.   However, when I see a church say that God loves someone, that person is being presented with the words of more than just a person.  It carries more weight.  

I am not saying that you should use a religious body as a platform to push your individual beliefs.  Too many use that to use religion as a method of control, and it has been done for centuries.  However, when a church actually speaks and shows the words and actions of the love of Christ, it has powerful effect.  I think that is why the Bible specifically says that we are to be the body of Christ on Earth... all of us.

But, to return to my main point.  Whether it be as a member of a church or a family or a relationship or a band, we all have wonderful talent within us to do great things.  Yet, the God that made us a wonderful individual also made social bonding that happens between them. We were made to be individuals, and those individuals were made to contribute greatly to groups.  We are stronger, when we all have and receive a part in the groups around us.

I am very much an introvert.  However, I am starting to get out more and communicate more with others.  I am seeking out more ways to bring what I have to the larger groups that fall in my social circles.  I believe that is a part of what I was .. as an individual.. made to be.  So, I would challenge you to consider my thoughts here and to consider what groups you have been given with which to share your gifts, and ask yourself.. am I giving to those groups what I was made to provide, or am I pridefully keeping all that to myself, where no one can hear me beating my drum and make little effect.  You can have a much bigger effect in the world when you join your drum to the chord of what is already being played in the world.