Love Thy Ex

Part of what i believe is my purpose is to address things that others know to be true but is not spoken about in society.  Or, it's something that people don't know to be true but should, because it is obvious.  Or, it could be things that no one has the courage to say.

Whichever category this falls into, tonight's blog post is something that I think is important to note and to change in society.  It has become so common that it is just presumed to be the natural way that relationships end that you will trash your ex in order to move on from them.  I admit that in years past I fell victim to that trend, but it is neither healthy or right to do so.

In the Bible, Jesus tells people to love those that do good to you and to love those that do bad.  If someone strikes your cheek, you are to turn the other cheek.  Jesus forgave his killers from the cross.  So, the Christian message is to forgive those that do you wrong... unless they are you ex, and then all the church gossip says burn that guy or gal.

I have been accused at one time or another by one person or another of still caring for my ex.  If you are talking about as a human being, of course I still do.  I chose them for a reason and care for them in that I do not want them to face harm, just like I don't want anyone else to do so.  I am currently helping an ex and postponing my own needed plans in order to make sure that she is safe until I can leave the situation to pursue my own goals.  Do I still have romantic feelings for her?  No... we have changed, and what I need is different than it once ways.  But, that doesn't mean that I have to hate her for our differences or look over her needs or wish her harm.

So, I will continue to love my ex's in my past and want the best for them.  It doesn't mean that it changes my boundaries or theirs or needs or more.  But, being the same person that I was when I met them and them being a person worthy of care, I will also not be choosing to hurt them intentionally or be saying anything negative about them.  My focus will be on the positive in my own life and my own goals.  I can pursue that going forward without rewriting anything from the past.

So, this runs contrary to the way of modern society, but SOMEONE has to speak up about it, and as is often the case... that person is me.  Have a good weekend.

My Florida Years of Growth

I wanted to do a post about some of my memories and turning points of my years living in Florida, because they were very important in helping me to become who I am, today.  They are not, necessarily, tied to one place, and I have been able to find outlets for them in this location to a large extent, as well.. as much as is possible for the mentality that presides in this area, as the default understanding of people differ greatly by where they happened to grow up or spent years of their lives.  And, my "Florida" could be your New York or Utah or wherever.  So, just listen for the life lessons.

When I went back down to Florida in 2020, I was coming off some pretty heavy emotional strains and life upheavals that had happened.  I will not go into details of it or relating to others as part of this post but only use how it impacted me as context, where needed.  But, my emotions were pretty low, and my money was pretty low.  I barely had enough to get down there and would work my ass off, once there, to maintain my needed budget and then some.  For a good year of my time in Florida, I didn't actually see much of Florida, other than as related to my work places.  But, I did make time to see the beaches at times or take pictures of sunsets and find things that I enjoyed to do or places to walk.  In many ways, this as a very important part of my change and growth, because I found myself away from relatives, friends and more, other than my online friends which were amazing for me.  But, it allowed enough isolation to think through things and process and have the natural emotional swings and internal conflicts that happen as you challenge things you have believed and develop a new baseline for existence that was not based upon anything provided by tv lifestyle images or fed by others to believe.  So, my person I was beginning to become was based solely upon myself, which I think is very important for everyone to develop for their lives, wherever they happen to live.

After the first year, I felt like I was finally waking up from a very bad dream, and I began to look around and see that there were good things to do there that weren't dependent upon the past or even being in a relationship.  I began to do some things that I used to enjoy doing in Oklahoma, such as Comic Cons with my child or baseball games by myself.  I would go out and take pictures of the river in Tampa Bay for different events like Christmas, where they would play Trans Siberian Orchestra to the timed flashing of lights, and I got a membership to the local art museum and would go to it.  I also started doing many new things to me.  While I had gone to see the Ballet in Oklahoma, I found the arts there more diverse and frankly cheaper than it was in Oklahoma.  Over my years there, I had many memorable moments seeing things like Lindsey Stirling in concert, a VERY amazing cover artist doing Frank Sinatra so well he just WAS Frank, orchestra performances, ballet performances, and so many concerts that I lost count.  I saw Train and One republic in an outdoor amphitheater at different times, saw Journey and Toto in concert, and listened to so many bands that were just playing in a "bar" (bars there need to be called something else) by the water.

But, I took time to develop myself, as well.  I began to run, again.  I would enter and run 5Ks that were very memorable, like the Breast Cancer one that took place in the Bucs stadium and parking lot, a run for the Society of Women Engineers at USF (USF also had free orchestra performances that I loved), and would walk very often on the Tampa Riverwalk.  I would start to go out with Meetup groups to hike, go to picnic's on the beach, go to clubs, and more.  I even did some more reckless things like doing multiple Bar Crawls, and I don't regret doing them.. well.. not entirely.  I did lose a credit card and hat and wake up in a park one time.  However, for these years in my life, I LIVED LIFE, almost all of it single, though I did have some dating attempts along the way and make great friends, too.

So, the point that I wanted to emphasize is that sometimes you just need to take a period of time to just enjoy life like you want to in order to really understand yourself and what you want.  You need to allow yourself to make mistakes and to try new things.  You have to learn to laugh and smile, again.  You need to improve yourself, enjoy nature, follow your hobbies, and let the past go.  THEN, you will be ready for what lies ahead, and you can do that anywhere, really, and it is something that you can do as often as you need to do it as you become the person that you were always meant to be and who you can, then, offer to those around you, as well. 

 

Let Go and Rise

I have had this post in my mind to do, but I felt it was incomplete and should come after I've fully risen.  But, that's not real, and it's not true to the message... so doing it, now.

The holidays have been difficult for me for years, because I was spending too much of my focus on the past.  Without going into much details, I faced a series of difficulties that was out of my hands to prevent that would strip away family and connections that I had relied upon as a sense of identity.  If you feel it could never happen to you, that's how I felt for years, until it DID happen to me.  

Bill Clinton sais on TV this last week, "There are no permanent victories or defeats."  He's lived both sides of that coin, and it's been true in my own life.  I have good memories from good times in different parts of my life in various stages.  At those moments, I felt as secure as Clinton would have in his 8 years as President and had only hope for the future.  Then, like him, I've had it systematic stripped away.  And, you feel in those dark moments that all hope is gone, forever.  But, no storm lasts forever, as they say.  

In Twisters, there was a scene, when the male lead star was consoling the woman lead star for the loss she suffered from her storms.  He explains we gauge tornadoes by how much destruction it takes from us and asks how much more will she let it take from her.

Like many others, I have clung too long to the good that I've lost, and doing so I let it take more and more from my present and future.  Presently, I have worked to establish a good foundation upon which to stand and rise.  I'm making near the highest income I've made in my life.  I put 1300 dollars into paying old bills and 1100 into auto repairs this month, and I still have leftover money in the account and will have a good budget for presents for family and activities at the end of year.  Good...is happening.  It may not look like the good of the past, but it is worthy of joys of the future, which cannot happen if I judge my life by the past and not the days ahead.

So, regardless of your personal loss of the past or the evil we are seeing in society, you CAN have a good future, if you are willing to let the past go and build a new happy future.