Future Perspective

There's a lot of things that I love about my mother, but one thing that I will always remember is that when she begins a new book, she would often glance at the final chapter before beginning the book.  It makes sense.  You wanna know if the story is going to go where you want it to go, and knowing what happens helps you to see the things happening in the book from the perspective of the end.  That is the theme of this post and is a new way of seeing things for me, future perspective.

Indeed, this concept will stand as a counter weight to my often posted theme of adventure.  Both are important in their own way.  You should face life without knowing all that will happen.  There is some point to not knowing, so it can be interesting and exciting as you experience life.  However, I have noticed something about how I have viewed life for most of my life.  I looked at it as if I was looking at it from the past.  How would my past self look at these days in light of the dreams I had or how would this person or that person view and judge my life.  However, what is the point of either of those things.  If you have grown from your past self, why should that self have any bearing on who you are now.  And, if people have chosen to exit your life, they kinda disqualified themselves to be an authority on who you you are having given up on you before you grew and improved.

I do not think it is a wise thing to see things from the present perspective, either.  Life is happening all around you in a lot of ways.  It is mixed and sloppy and fluid.  Theologically, there was a distinction between the spirit and the soul in that the spirit was life and action and change, but the soul is what maintained character and depth.  I say that only to say that any given momemt is just that.. a moment.  We should never judge anything by the page upon which we read.

But, if you have taken the time to know yourself and what you want in life, those dreams are you future.  When you look with a backwards perspective from assumption of having reached those dreams, what is the value of the past that didn't work..... what is the value of the present that you are doing?  Each failure becomes a learning step, and each choice becomes guided by the future perspective.  Instead of feeling depressed for not being there, yet, you can draw joy from a future perspective that you are only on chapter 2 with a lot of story to go to get to your reams.  You'll get there.

So, I will be adopting a future perspective of my life.  I know what I want to achieve and experience.  If choices do not lead me there, those choices can be made better.  I will not know exactly how the end result will look, but that's where hope comes into play.  Hope is knowing you trust the result, even if you do not know the way, and that leads us back to adventure.  So, I challenge you this week to look at your life from the perspective of days to come, and I will be doing the same.

Strut

I have been doing a lot of fitness over the last half year.  I got back into running in the course of it.  Really, it began in October, but the first few months didn't really accomplish much for me, as I was not monitoring my diet and wasn't excercising with long distance walks or running.  But, as part of my desire to become the best version of myself that I could be, I decided to dedicate myself to giving 1myself the best health and body that I was capable of doing.  So, since October, I have lost 21 pounds and have done a couple official runs in the last few months.  

My first official run was a long one.. 5 miles.  I didn't focus on speed for that one.  I just wanted to finish.  So, for a month I would gradually increase my run distance and was running often.  After training for it, I did complete the 5 mile run.. with a not so great time but did finish.  So, my next goal was speed.  In the 5k that I just did, I had a run pace in the 13 minute range.. 13:41.  I have to go back years to find a run that I did at a faster pace.  

Between the running and the weight loss, I began to feel really good about myself.. how I looked, what I had accomplished, etc.  And, I noticed something.  When I was walking, I was not looking down at the ground as much.  I was walking upright and looking forward.  And, I walked with the confidence of someone that felt they deserved to be there and had was worthy, which is something of which I didn't even fully know I was doubting.

This, and other self improvement and self love meditations, has changed my perspective in many ways.  I do not feel that I have to convince anyone to like me.  I like me.  If they do not, they can move along.   I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

One slightly tangental note ... Along with this improvement and meditation, I was forced to remain in an uncomfortable environment, and that disontent led me to want to change things in my life, as I have noted in general posts over the last months.  However, being forced to remain in it has had another aspect.  Being unable to run away from it, I had to face it and deal with it.  This is where the self love and confidence comes into play.  I still wish to move to a better environment, but what I have accoplished is knowing I don't HAVE to run away.  I am just as worthy of being here as anyone else, and I can go to events and enjoy my days knowing that.  That said, choosing my BEST environment with the most potential for future happiness is still my responsibility.

So, I don't know what it would be for you, but find something that makes YOU proud of you.. look at your accomplishments and your qualities that you love.  The world may be depressing around you, but you can strut with a little confident swagger, wherever you go, knowing you deserve to be there and respected even if only by yourself.

That's Not a Relationship

I did something similar in the last week on my social media, but I will do it here to expand and explain it, more.  As with anything that I write, it will be general and conceptual.  It is not meant to say anything about anyone in particular, and indeed I will be first to note for this post that I have been guilty of the misunderstanding a lot, myself.  However, when I get a realization about something I like to write it to help others that have not realized it, yet.  

For a lot of my life, I have thought I had an understanding about what a romantic thing would be to do for someone and what distinguished a relationship.  However, I realized in my times of personal and general reflection that I had a misunderstanding, which I think a lot of people out there also shared.  So, for this post, I want to write about what a relationship is NOT.  There will be a lot of people out there with strong disagreements, likely.  That's fine.  This is just my own realization.  You are free to disgree with me on it.

First, a relationship is not taking care of someone or providing for someone.  Why do I say that?  Because you can and likely will take care of and provide for many people in your life, not the least of which is your children.  Are you in a romantic relationship with your kids?  I seriously hope not.

Similarly, a relationship is not buying presents for someone.  Again, same reason, you will give gifts to many different people in your life.

A relationship is not giving someone encouragement and support.  A relationship is not receiving anything listed above or more.  In fact, simply receiving something is a passive response, not an active participation in anything.  A relationship is not cooking for someone.  I cook for people that are just friends, as well.  

I can go on, but I think you get the point.  Am I saying these things should not be present?  I sincerely hope they are in some degree with someone I will be with someday.  But, those qualities by themselves is not romance and is not a relationship.  Indeed, often when that is all that remains it becomes mechanical and mundane and begins to fade away.

In my opinion, a romantic relationship is found in the little things that express romantic interest and attraction and romantic love for someone.  It is in the little notes left for them to find, the little touches when they were not expecting it, the cuddles and hand holding of two people empowered by those touches, the smiles and laughs that no one else gets to see, and literally TELLING them how you feel about them from the weakness in the knees to the warm love in the heart.

I understand that no everyone is comfortable with emotions, so the list above can be modified and expanded as per your situation, but I do believe that it must be present with active influence from both sides, or... what exactly is your reason for not just being single?   In my own life, I am content to be single and enjoy my time with friends and family and more, until there is some expression of this from someone in whom I feel the same way.  I do not plan to cheapen the dream, and I don't think you should do so, either.  But, your story is your story, and I respect your ability to write it how you will.  I am just giving what I feel will make it even better.  Have a good weekend. :)

You are.. You

There's a cute little saying that I've heard and been tempted in the past to believe that says you are the sun of your five closest connections.  That sounds nice, especially to extroverted people with a lot of connections.   But, I no longer believe it is healthy to define yourself by others.

Why?  I have had a lot of different life stages in my life, and I have had my whole social world change many times, including recent years.  If your identity is based on others, such kinds of changes can make you feel like your whole identity is stripped away, but in rebuilding myself each time I found my foundation in... myself.  

I would take time to remember what it was that I liked and wanted and enjoyed, not having to check with anyone else, first.  That allowed me to become someone that laughed and lived life on my own,  which inevitably would attract someone.  At that point, believing the social identity principle, I would change to be more like them and the cycle could start all over again.

In my own life, this cycle will never start again.  I plan to continue to be me,  even if I ever get in a new relationship.  If that makes others upset that wants to mold me, they can walk away.  But, if someone is going to love me, they are going to love ME.

So, I hope you realize you are not the sum of others.  You are you, and the right people will appreciate that person and support you, as you.  Then, YOU can give to those other 5 people a breath of fresh air that they might just be looking to meet.

Write Your Story

Today, I finished The Other Bennet Sister, which was a very good series on Britbox.  I would recommend it to anyone.  Without giving anything away in specifics, the main character, Mary, was being pressured by her mother and society to choose a specific path, which would have given her acceptance and wealth.  But, she chose herself in that case, because she did not love that path.  It went on to a very wonderful conclusion, which I will not give.  Go watch it for yourself.  Very nice.

However, I wanted to congratulate the character on making that choice for herself.  Today, someone I respect at work said that you often do what you have to do, but that it isn't always pleasant or recognized by others.  I know that story theme well.  It seems to have defined me in all of my decades in one way or another, as I made decisions that were not popular or faced unwarrented prejudice and judgement along the way.  Indeed, I am currently heading towards some branches in my story that will be difficult and lonely at times, but they are also what needs to be done, if I am going to be true to myself and my dreams.  No one else needs to understand, if you are doing what is best for you.

The story of your life is written by yourself.  Many feel they are victims, but that is an illusion based in fear.  There are times in my life that I have stepped away from the popular and trendy path and have faced rejection for it.  But, what I found in those days was freedom to write my own story.  I chose to make it a good one, with my values intact.  But, the pen for the story was in my own hand, and I realized in that moment that NO ONE can make you do what they want, and as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

So, yes.. consider the needs of others, but do not forget your own needs.  Remember that you cannot blame anyone else for your story, and you have the right and obligation to write it, yourself.  I do not blame anyone else for their choices against me, either.  They must write their own story, too.  What is best for my focus and action, instead, is to build the new.  So, join me in writing and doing the story of your new life.  I believe in you to make it one that will make you smile.

Boundaries Examples

This will be short, but i wanted to explain and give examples of boundaries in your life and why it is important to have them.

It took until this year for me to understand that boundaries are not things we put on the actions of other people but on ourselves.  Many still don't get that.  A boundaries isn't saying that someone else should do or don't do this or that to please me.  A boundary literally says I will go this far and no more.   It is our BOUNDARY of effort, giving, doing, etc.   That will impact how and whether we choose to do things with or for others.  It is not an either or.  It can be yes, but.  It can be I'll help to this extent, but I will be faithful to my own needs, first.  It can be... that's a you activity or show to do without me,because I do not have an interest in it, without making conclusions about the value of the other person as a whole.  And, it can be.. you are a good person but not what I need for a close connection.

Those are just a few examples, but but the point is that you are looking our for your own needs and clearly communicating your limits, while making choices to support your own peace and happiness.   Because, in the end, that is our responsibility to ourselves to do.

Keep Going

Winston Churchill said, "If you are going through hell, keep going."  There will be times in our life where the path we are on is challenging.  You will feel disheartened and depressed about your current situation, even when you have a destination that you know will be good.  Indeed, the clearer the picture of glory ahead, the darker the path will seem to get there.

I can attest to that in different times in my life, including presently.  At present, I am uncomfortable and discontented in many areas.  Indeed, I have found myself wondering how I was led down this path from happier days.  However, there is always something to learn and grow from whatever you may face.  

We tend to think that God only wants us to be happy, and so good and evil are often defined by what "blessings" we have or "curses" we face.  Yet, I have seen in my life that often times pleasant and happy destinations come after difficult challenges, and those moments of joy are often temporary.  Happiness is not an enternal destination, but a life of happiness is a life of walking from one happy adventure to another, often though dark and scary situations.  

But, when you face those moments, remember where you are going.  Remember your direction.  Look around to see the darkness around you.  Then, keep walking foot in front of another.  Keep going, even when is tiring and lonely.  Staying in the valley makes no sense, but a vision of the future can empower you to get there.  So, look up and move towards that vision.  Before you know it, you will be at another peak of joy, again.

I Love Me

I have had songs in my playlists over the years about loving yourself and reshared many posts on Instagram and Facebook about it over time.  However, I have not had many posts about myself loving myself, so I am going to do that for this one as a reminder and an example, as well.

Loving myself should not be seen as an excuse to say that others should love me for these reasons.  I am not everyone's cup of tea, as they say.  If we are all individually unique and diverse, what would appeal to one will be challenging to another.  Nor should it be seen as a justification for objectively bad behavior.  Part of loving myself includes a very active self analysis that is always trying to improve.  You cannot improve if you are unable or unwilling to challenge yourself and admit where you have flaws to address and opportunities of growth where you made poor choices.  But, after those disclaimers, I will go into the things I DO like about myself.

I love that I am curious.  I am interested in learning, even when it corrects me.  Information and truth is and has been very important to me in my life.  

I love that I have a deep mind.  For some people that can be difficult, and I get that.  I wish at times that I could be more carefree, and I am working on being moreso.  But, that said, I can entertain my mind for hours trying to understand deep concepts and human existence and more.

I love that I am dedicated.  Sometimes, I can be too dedicataed to things that I need to let go and move forward.  That would be a flaw for me to work on.... because sometimes for example, I can find myself trying to make one accounting task work to the exclusion of meeting deadlines for the bigger picture.  But, it also means I can go months in fitness without much change visible, before the changes start to happen and keep going till I reach a goal.

I love that I am creative.  I can't paint in a great way, and I wish I could play music instruments, well.  However, I love to make music playlists.  I love to write, and sometimes I will write something in a different way or on a different topic just to challenge myself and see if it can be done.

I love that I have a caring heart.  I would say that I love that I have a caring heart, even after all the pain.  But, one really does not stop the other.  The pain exists BECAUSE I have a caaring heart, and it is care which heals the wounds, especially care for myself.

I love that I am objective.  As the sherrif says to some rebels in the current season of Silo that I am watching to prepare for the new one, "I am not for you or for him.  I am for the law."  That is close to how I am, only I would say that law in that manner for me is objective truth, and it also explains why I am so often clashing with people of all political parties that have an issue with one observation I make or another one or on issues of religion, education, relationships, identity, and more.  I take great interest in trying to undestand things... see above... and then I use that observation to determine things without consulting a group or seeking their approval, all while being able to change if the information so presents itself to do so.

I love that I love things that feed my soul like sunsets, pictures, books, music, art, beaches, the breeze, beauty, delicious foods, and more.  My life may have many challenges over my decades, but it can never be said that I didn't live.

There are more things that I could say, but I am going to take myself to watch a movie, where I will have a few strong drinks and enjoy myself.  I hope  you have a good evening and weekend.

New Chapter

Have you ever read a really good book, and your mind and soul just sung while you read it.  And, you just KNEW that the book was going to end, so you kinda drug out the last chapters.  Then, it ended, and you felt both a sense of satisfaction and the feeling that reading something else would cheapen it.  What could  be as good as that book, you think.

However, time goes on, and eventually, you feel like giving another book a shot.  And, whether it be the very next book or several books later, you begin to get addicted to ANOTHER book that held a completely different theme.  And, it is interesting to you, and you at first think that you are being disloyal to the first book... even if it is the same author.  You might expect the next book by the author to be the same as the first book.  But, you find... hey, this is very intersting and I want to grow by reading it and enjoying it.

Of course, you know this analogy is meant to reflect more than just books.  It can be another relationship, or it can be more just a relationship with yourself.  Or, it can have nothing to do with relationships at all.  It can be with new people and environment, or it can be simply that you are new.  Whatever it happens to be for you, this is the theme and message I want to convey by this analogy.

New is not bad.  Change is not on it's face bad.  Walking into unfamiliar and maybe even challenging environments are not bad.  It is just new.  Even in the books that you read, you must... turn the page, read the next chapter.  And, you read it and say... wait... I was still processing the last chapter and enjoying it.  But, then, you realize the new chapter brings a whole new depth to the story you THOUGHT you wree reading and leading you to the story you may not even have been expecting.

In my own life, I will only say that I know enough to know I don't know enough to predict my future.  But, I know enough to know... I am ready for a new story.

So, enjoy the stories of the past, but today is a new day.  Turn the page.  Look for what new adventures may await you, and while you SHOULD guide your story with observation and intention know that you cannot know it all.. and how boring would life be if you could.  And, step forward into the next chapter of your ever evolving life.

Live Intentionally

Do you live by observation and intention?  I think a lot of us in our lives want to be living certain ways, but we find ourselves limited or facing pressures that would make it difficult to live the kind of lives that we want.  

I know that I have faced that conflict at different times in my life with different strategies and different results.  I have tried changing my perspective to try to please others and adopt others dreams as primary over my own.  The result of this is that the victories and successes of others make you feel happy for them and sad for yourself for not seeking yours, as well.  That's where boundaries come into play to be able to "choose to cheat" as a book I read in ministry school once said.  The point of that book was that no one can be fully focused on any one thing in your life without cheating other things in your life.  If you, as in this example, focus on the needs of others, you will cheat your own needs.  Similarly, it goes the other way if you only think of your own needs.  There has to be a balance.

But, one thing that must be present is the desire to live with intention.  Having hope and dreams and desires is a risky way to live, as it also invites discontent, frustration, and despair.  But, the alternative to hope is to not live and have less joy.  But, if  you live with intention, it says, I do not have this yet, but I will have it and will make progress towards it. If you have that kind of mentality and determination, it kind of fills in for reality of it existing, already.  That is as I have noted in years past, faith is expectation plus determination.  And, faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.  So, your choice to live with intention fills into the gap to help you find more joy and peace in the meantime.

I hope this post helps you to apply this to your own life and to inspire you to hope and dream and then live intently as you progress on your path.

Choosing a Positive Mindset

I have touched on this several times, but it is good to remember, so I'm doing it again as a reminder (to me as well).

There is always multiple ways to look at something.  Among them are a positive and a negative way of considering things.  Now, there is a place for negative, especially if you need to consider the reality of a situation.  However,  i have been making a concerted effort for many months now to look towards the positive... failing at times... but trying.

A positive mindset is not how we are programmed by society, nor is is popular or trendy advice by characters in shows and online.  Positive doesn't mean delusional.   It doesn't even mean easy, fun, or simple.  All it really means is how you process events and realizations.

What I mean by this can best be described using an example to help illustrate it.  Someone looks outside and sees it is raining.  The negative mindset says ... aww, I can't do these things.  The positive mindset says ... ok, I CAN do THESE things, instead.  

In your life, plans will change.  Paths will end.  Things will happen that you didn't want.  Other things will be hindering what you need and want.  We are geared to keep thinking of loss, but.. and I know it is hard .. you can look for the positive alternatives in all of those things and look forward to new adventures and then start walking towards them.

Like I said in my last blog, your feelings might fight you as you step forward.  But, trust me,  those feelings will quiet as you begin to feel hopeful for the future, which comes after you begin your walk on your path that you saw by being positive.

So, join me as we work on retraining our brains to look forward and not back, look for solutions to solve our problems, and look for ways you can bring them to reality.

Trust What You Know

I have done great things with my fitness.  Since October, I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I am feeling and looking very healthy.  And, there is one key thing that has been true, both in regards to exercise and diet.  I had to trust what I knew to be true instead of what I felt to be true 

With exercise, it took months of exercise, before my weight began to drop, as my muscles had to build and muscle weighs more than fat. So, for months I was feeling tired and sore and saw my weight actually go up at times.  But, I knew it would change if I stuck with it.

Similarly, I cut my portion sizes and had meals with less carbs and more protein that was smaller in size.  My body felt like that wasn't enough food, but I knew that nutritionally it had all that I needed.  So, I would eat less or eat celery or other low fat healthy things, if I really needed to eat something.

Had I followed my feelings, I would have given up or made little progress.  But, I trusted what I knew to be true, and I saw results.

I tell you this, because it is true in other areas of your life and fits with your boundaries and guiding your choices.  Very often, your feelings might be making you doubt what you know or try to make you imagine things that are not present.  You have to pay attention (see prior post) and determine what you know you need and what path will best get you there.  Facts can change, so you have to be flexible, but your best shot at happiness is if you stay true to what you know and not what you feel as you walk your own path to progress.

Pay Attention

We spend so much of our lives feeling unsure about people pr situations, but the thing I've come to see is that we are given all the information we need to guide us, often.  We just either do not pay attention or choose to ignore it and expect otherwise than can be seen.  

In the movie He's Just Not That Into You, a man tells his woman friend that if a guy is not calling, he doesn't want to call.  It reminds me of the song I have referenced in the past, Gloria by Laura Branigan where she asks a woman why the guys are not calling if they really want her.

This is an important concept to guide your life, and I've been echoing it, because I have spent too long in my life ignoring it to my detriment.  No, I'm too often the woman character in that movie saying I'll be the exception and believing people are feeling things they are not showing.  But, the reality is...unsurprisingly... reality.

Someone that wants you will be acting on it.  Someone that cares will express care.  Someone that wants your company will come close.  If that isn't happening, you are best to stop expecting it.  This is not just limited to relationships, either.  It can be local social ties or friendships, financial planning in situations, or simply whether there are things outside of yourself that are impacting or influencing your peace or joy.  It is also only based on the present.  There might be joy in the past or pain, but the reality that guides us best is whatever happens in the present without sentiment or blame.

So, this blog post is simply me saying that I am and will guide my life by what I receive and learn to flow with the waves, rather than fight them.  Wherever that leads is my next adventure to discover.

Be Objective

There has been a sizable shift in my personality over the last several months in gradual but permanent shifts.  I have always had a rational mind, but my emotions have always been allowed to lead.  That has now come to flip.  I don't want to give the impression that it was due to pain or hold anyone to blame for it, because I do not see it as a reduction but an improvement.  It doesn't even have fully to do with relationships.  It was more a reflection upon myself and where that emotion lead balance has led me.  Boundaries wasn't developed to protect me but to focus me.  And, for that change, I'm grateful.

You've heard me say that "it is that it is" and "it isn't that it isn't."  That's become gospel to me in all of my life.. in all areas of it.  I am striving to always look at everything objectively, rationally, as to determine what is real.  Then, I know what banks are on my river.  It doesn't make sense to expect what is not evident.  If nothing is happening,  nothing is happening.  If a situation is holding me back from my needs, it is time for that situation to change.  If an environment isolates me and separates me from happiness, that environment must change.  We often believe we are a victim of this or that, but the reality is we all have agency and responsibility of our own lives.

So, yes, I have emotions and feel deeply, but I must use my mind to observe reality and use that to guide my steps. And, this short blog post is my challenge for you to do the same.  If you can act within your power to improve your condition or restore your joy, do so.  If you cannot, then change your direction towards paths that will lead you towards new joys.  You owe it to yourself to do so.

Yes, You Can Live Single and Be Happy

I spend a lot of time blogging about things that intersect with relationships, and at times I have blogged about preparing yourself for one, being in one, and more.  So, someone could assume that the path to happiness must include one.  I want this post to break that assumption.  You can live happily as a single person, dating or not.

An actress made headlines this year by saying she was not ever going to share her residence with a man, again.  She said she liked her space and her way of living in it.  She didn't say she wasn't going to not date.. only not share the home with them.  Lately, I've come to remember and value that in my own life.  The times that I spent years on my own, wearing what I wanted, eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted and doing what I wanted, without needing to check with someone about time at home or out or shared resources.  

The actress is not alone in this.  It is a growing movement where people date or even get married without living together.  There is a long list of celebrity couples that are well known as a couple and are married but live in different homes.  This list includes Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, and others.

However, you don't have to even be married or in a relationship to be happy.  You can simply be you and live your life without a partner.  Years ago, I had a medical issue, and I was alone and felt that I should either be in a relationship or near family for things like that.  However, that was society conditioning.  If I paused to use reason, I could have realized I could expand my friendships to moments like that or even PAY someone to help when I had the need.  You shouldn't be in a relationship just to have a taxi or a nurse.  You should be with someone, because you love them.

Now, the result of all of the above and the modernized society in which we live means no two people's life will look the same, no two residences, no two couples; and I think that's only natural.  No two people are the same, so it is only natural that as we pursue our path to happiness the result will not look wholly like ANYONE else.  But, in the end you will be happy, and isn't that the point?

Life Lessons From a Run in the Rain

I went out for my run, earlier.  The experience,  I thought, touched on several life and faith lessons that I thought I'd put down from it.

It was a rainy day.  I watched the radar prediction to find a window in the clouds long enough for my run.  But, the predicted break kept being pushed back.  Finally, a break in the predicted radar appeared, so I got in my car and drove to the running path, waiting for it to come, because.. life lesson one.. you have to plan to be at the right place at the right time.

So, the time approached and rain had almost quit, so I got out if the car and began the run.  And  .. 30 yards into my run it just poured on me, and I found an overhang to avoid the rain.  Life lesson 2, then, is no matter how good it looks or the source, don't trust others to set your timing.

At this point, I considered going home, but I knew this was my run day, and I was already wet.  So, I was determined to run, even if I get wet. Life lessons 3 would be, if it is important to you, you keep going with patience and determination... within reason.  It must be possible.  There must be potential.

Then, finally, the rain stopped, and I had a good but short run in the cloud break, but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't already there.

My final point on this blog would simply be this.  You might say that all this is reason and planning and not faith.  But, I'd counter that everything I did was based on the foundation of believing that I could make it happen, and I did.  I didn't sit around praying for the rain to stop.  We need the rain.  I just planned how I could adapt with things outside of my control to make a way to get what I needed in the end, and that is something I think we can all use a little more of doing in these days.

Be Prepared to Be Judged

I'm reading Enders Game right now and am taking a break from it to do this post that has been on my mind.  It does include examples of this in it,  but you can find it, anywhere.  The theme is that you will be judged, so get past that fear right away and move on to being productive.

Judgment has become the currency of society.  It is the given means of acceptance, the way to absolution, the alternative to feeling or thought, and the altar of rebirth.  There are so many reasons for it that it is without number, but it is the most popular thesis around which the world turns, now.  

Judgment is not new, and the world goes through cycles that typically result from who or what is being judged... foreigners, self, sin, priests, exs .. whatever.  And, to those judging the facts of the matter do not matter for much.  You can be judged for being too emotional, too cold, not religious, or simply being religious in a different way.  In Enders Game, his parents had to hide their religion from the public but then disputed into which faith the kids must be baptized.  Religion seems bound for conflict rather than unity, historically.

There has been centuries of war over how someone wants to love God or who they want to love.  This month, many are judging others for how they choose to love themselves or others around them.  And, the President wants to erect a cage for conflict as his national symbol, which definitely seems a fitting symbol of his Presidency.

So, point made.. you will be judged by someone.  Now that we have that established, lets move on to the... so what.. factor.

If you live your life trying to please others, you will fail at the endeavor and will waste time you could have used more effectively building towards a better version of yourself that more fits and rewards yourself for being yourself.

So, in this month of LGBTQ pride, I'd suggest that you take pride in yourself, no matter what your differences are and even if you are not LGBTQ to love yourself and stop trying to be accepted by anyone else (a fools errand) and instead be accepted by yourself.  Then, let that lead to more happy paths,  ahead.

Create the Future

I've been focusing a lot on things like boundaries and how discontent leads you to progress.  It's a little dark and uncomfortable to have yourself look at reality and the need for change, though it is all very important.  But, this post will focus on the positive that follows the struggle to change.  You get to decide what your future can be.

Indeed, there's a lot in our past and present that wasn't our choice or didn't unfold like we wanted.  For most of my life, I have been living to make different people happy.  I don't regret that heartfelt characteristic of my personality.  I am not saying I won't continue to do that at times.  But, only until recently and a few other times in my life, I have chose myself as the person to make happy and as the main factor in choosing my path.  

In the movie The Holiday a man tells a woman that she should be the leading lady of her own life.  You, also, we're given that charge when you were born.  The person to whom you owe the most care in your life is yourself.

So, you cannot do anything about the past or the present, but you can do something about the future.  I know if it might take time, you can feel like the discontent is overwhelming and feel depressed.. I understand that well.  But, just keep planning for your future and looking ahead at what is waiting for you.  That will help steady you... or you can drink ha.. but keep your eyes ahead and keep moving forward.  The darkness will one day be no more, and you are worth the work it will take.