When you “reframe” something, it doesn’t always mean to be delusional about it… though some move in that direction. They don’t accept reality, so they change their perception of reality to fit their circumstances. Indeed, I got into several past bad social connections with people because I reframed their lack of effort, empathy, or romantic actions to be just that it was underneath but just not seen. But.. to quote the Bible (not as a holy source but collection of passed down maxims on life), faith without works is dead. What it means is if you can’t see its effects in some way, it’s not there. That’s not just true of faith but is a life application principle for judging what is or is not, as well. Even Jesus said to judge a plant by its presence of fruit… love, joy, peace, patience, etc.. or not.
But, what if the FRUIT and TRUTH suggests a path is not functioning to bring you happiness? Then, you might want to reframe what you NEED to be happy. I think I am at this point, when it comes to a romantic future. On this blog and posts over the years, I’ve been kinda unsettled about whether you need romance to be happy on your own. This came from repeated attempts that went badly… indeed, I have not had a relationship in my life with someone that cared for ME and not what I provided and whose love remained… ever. And, now, my life has developed new problems of finances and more due to a job with a long commute and credit issues due to waiting on the first checks for it and auto repairs and such. Ultimately, they will get resolved, but there is other drama issues in my life due to an ex trying to harm me and more. Again…all that will eventually go away within a year or less, but all of this will have an effect on keeping me looking like not a great provider for someone shopping for a marriage partner. So… I can sit around depressed that others have made my identity undesirable for a long term partner…or I can change what I seek to be happy.
The fact is that most of my age are not looking to remarry. I’ve published stats where both men and woman that are over 40 are 2 to 1 against remarrying… women more against it than men. They had their kids and family. Now, they just want to have fun. Over the last year, I’ve been flirting with adopting this attitude for myself. Now.. with the above challenges, I’m basically being pushed into it. But, a single life doesn’t have to be unhappy. In my job, I get to talk to women at restaurants as I pick up orders and in bars can have chats.. all short interactions without connection, after. The meetup app has lots of events for that, as well. I can still date short term if I want for fun.. and who knows if that leads to something, but that shouldn’t be the goal or I’m setting myself up for depression. I can still have friendships for a caring connection, and I can definitely satisfy myself sexually and do often to be honest.
And, it’s not a bad life. With my current work, I work on my schedule, wear what I want, listen to music and drive, and see nature. I watch what I want to watch. I can talk to a girl that’s a friend or notice a girl’s beauty without someone getting mad. I can live where I want to live and move if I want… and I have been considering moving back to the Midwest and may someday, but I’m finding I like it here, too.. so will just keep that mental discussion bookmarked.
So.. you may not have the life you expected, but if you say fk it and just live the life you do have, you might find happiness closer than you think.