Impact

I was looking over my stats for the week, just a few minutes ago.  In the last week, I've impacted roughly 25,000 between Facebook, Instagram, and my blog.. the blog about 15,000 of that.  I don't say that as a point of validation.  There are others whose numbers are much higher, but I periodically look over Facebook memories posts from prior years on the day and just a few days ago I was celebrating an impact that was significantly less only a few years ago.  And, truly, a much lower number is still a worthy impact on the world.

But, it leads me to draw several conclusions worthy of share to others out there, so I will go through them.

1.  Your life is not one thing.  I have learned in recent years to avoid saying things like my life sucks, my life rocks, my life is blessed, my life is cursed, etc.  Why?  Because, invariably, when one area of my life is facing a challenge it is usually accompanied with another areas of my life that is growing.  It is still important to learn the lessons from the challenges, but it is never only challenge or only joy.

2. Don't listen to what others tell you that you should be doing.  I am doing SO many things WRONG with the blog and have been doing so for a long time.. things that the experts mean would spell doom for a blogger.  I am not speaking from a degreed or authoritiative platform.  Yes, I have a degree in business, but I don't write about business.  Yes, I have a degree in the Bible, but that is probably the first time you heard about it... or most of a seminary Master's degree... because I don't reference it or claim ordination.  I just speak on needs and truths and the love of God at times.  I also question God at times, too, because I am human, and perhaps that is what people like.

3.  I haven't ever charged for the blog, and I wouldn't.  I did try to get approved for adsense, but they didn't like my content length or some things I said so was disqualified for that benefit.  However, it doesn't seem to have hurt me that much.

So, I will keep speaking truth in love, encouragement for those in need, inspiration for those that need the push to rise, and putting life in my life blog.  I hope you like it, and it seems that you do.  Thank you.

How Are You Doing?

Good evening.  How is your evening going?  Where do you find yourself this weekend?  I am being real in asking.  I have been though a lot in my life, and I have learned a lot in my life.  I am not going to pretend that I understand your particular situation or have all the solutions to your situation.  I just know that so many times in my life I felt that I was alone with no answers and more importantly no one that cared.  I want you to know that I care.  I won't pretend to have divine omiscience or to project a generic care for all of mankind that therefore applies to you.  What I CAN tell you is that I am in a particular time period in my story that I am undistracted and empatheic and feels capable and interested in helping others that is in a difficult time.

So... message me or email me if you have a difficult need that you don't feel you can tell anyone else.  I will do my best to help, if I can.  At worst, I will listen.  So, I am here, if you need me. Email writingken@yahoo.com.

The Necessity of Being Selfish

I touched on it in my social media, but I am going to take a running thrust into it in this post.  Do you feel like my recent messages about erecting boundaries on what you will give to others will make you a selfish person?  Congrats.  You got the message.  Now, do you feel like that is a bad thing?  Only in excess...

Consider for a moment your finances.  I have spent too many years over my life living right down to the wire.  Sometimes, it came from me giving too much to others for their needs and nothing left for myself.  Sometimes, it was because the money just wasn't there for a long time, or there were things that came along to take it away.  Indeed, these examples are exactly why it is important to be selfish.  But, let me go ahead and get more specific. 

In 2023, I was working in a decent paying accounting job in Florida.  Even before that I was making pretty good money delivering food with Doordash and Ubereats in between accounting jobs.  However, I got this job, and it looked like it was going to be a good deal.  But, the day of the interview, it stormed really bad, and the power literally went out as I was in the interview.  I got out to my car, and it had a flat tire.  I changed the tire, and drove it home.  The car place that I went to to replace the tire used a lift that broke my car door.  And, I was having to pay for a rental car to get to work, while waiting 3 weeks for my first paycheck.  Then, my car needed repairs, and I had to use credit for those repairs.  But... eventually, fiances worked out to balance and life was deceent.. tight as I was paying those credit bills... but decent.  Then, I got a retina tear, which became a retina detachment, and I was left unable to work in the recovery period for a month.  After that, I could go back to work, but it didn't fully heal, and it required a second operation and another month without pay.  I couldn't keep putting work through all of that, so I went back to delivery, til I knew things has stabilized. I could go into more details of other things happening in that time, but this is enough to illustrate my point.  I was forced to endure two periods of not being able to work for a month at a time, and I had thousands of dollars in auto repairs that had to be done, while my pay was delayed.  It destroyed my finances and led to great hardship on my social links, as well.  Not having a savings account, due to periods of self sacrifice and other things, led to personal struggle.  I was at least lucky that at the time no one was depending on my income, but what if they were.

If you fail to set yourself as a priority in your own life and keeping a decent amount of your own extra income for yourself in a savings, you can find yourself being similarly down to the wire and worried about paying for food or rent.  I am reminded of the biblical story of the profit that told a king to save up and store up food and more, because hardship was coming.  Then, when it came, the kingdom survived.  You cannot continue to live with your country debt higher than you income.. hint hint.. and that is true of personal income, as well.  

So, yes, it is important to work hard and earn what you can.  But, it is also important to stop giving it away all the time.  Give, yes... but the FIRST thing you should be giving is your own storehouse.  I have many future plans that will require a budget to make happen.  Yet, I have seen in recent months that I am spending too much, both on activities (which I will continue to do but less) and for other people that will not even be in my life in the years to come.  I have come to the crystal clear understanding that the FIRST responsibility of myself is the same as everyone else.. to themselves.  And, that has led me into the boundaries that will continue the rest of my life.  

Does that mean I will not give to others in my life?  Will I be stingy for romantic partners or others?  No.  But, I will not be self sacrificing, either, when it comes to my own future needs.  Indeed, being selfish is not only good for me but for others that will rely upon me.  At any time, there could be auto repairs, health needs, lost work, or more.  What happens to those that are expectant on my income at that time?  What happens when I decide to retire and have no retirement?  Do I expect others to provide for me?  No.. it is not their place.  It is MY place and responsibility.  If I face need from any of the above, what will those around me be saying at that time? They will be saying.. why didn't you take care of your own finances or health or more?  So... do not check with them when you provide time and money for those things, now.

I know this will ruffle the feathers of others, but the largest group of those that will be offended are those that do not know what it is like to live without.  I have much experience in that arena, actually.  So, MY advice to you is that you follow the wisdom of Poor Richard (Benjamin Franklin) who said in the Way of Wealth..

 "If you would be wealthy think of saving as well as getting.

"God helps those that help themselves."

"When the well is dry, they will know the worth of the water."

"For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun last the whole day"

 

What is Love

Now, I have that song playing through my head... what is love... baby, don't hurt me.  

But, what IS love, and how can we know if it is true?  There are many different interpretations, and I am not about to assume authority to tell you what love is.  It means different things for different people in different attachment and personality styles.  All are valid.  But, I can describe what I believe love is for myself and some general concepts for observation of it.

What is LOVE... well the bible says of love...

" 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor 13 in the Bible.

Jesus says it is the Sum of the Law of God and the standard by which we are to live our lives, first to ourselves and then to others.

What is love to you, though?

To me, love is something that I give.. pretty much without control.  I see a need.  I care for the need.  I give for the need.  I see someone that I think is special.  I say they are special.  I admire their qualities.  

Love isn't really hard to do... but you DO have to DO it, or else it isn't love (as love is a verb) but is simply a theory for you.  Here's a hint.  Love doesn't do well when judged by logic.  It doesn't make sense and is not prosperous.  That isn't the goal.  I cannot count the times in my life that I chose the path of love for those that would reject me and which would bring me further poverty or lack for my giving.  But, I wouldn't change a single act or day of those moments.

When people say that they are "in love" what they often mean is that they feel really good about themselves.  Sorry to be so course, but that is the fact.  Their hormones are pumping, and they are exited about being able to be liked by someone else.  They are NOT actually thinking how they can help this person or give to them in need... you know.. the qualities of love.  Then, the emotions fade, and hard times come.  Suddenly, it isn't fun anymore.  THAT is the  EXACT MOMENT that you know if the love is real.  And, true love is worth it.

So, my hope of this post is not that you find love.  My hope is that you LOVE.  Whether or not others can receive it, is is the one good thing that we can bring into the world to create, and I hope that you will weild it to create a happy future for yourself. 

Charity

Charity is not about feeling superior.  It is not about getting enough back for what you give in return.  It is not about getting recognition for your organization or your faith or your family or whatever else there would be as your "side" or "people".. It is about need and a heart that cannot see a need without wanting to help.

I won't go into details, as I am making a choice to keep those details out of my social media or blog posts, but there is a reason that I am the age that I am without a huge savings.  In most of my life, I walked from helping one person in need to another... or multiple.  In almost all of those cases, I would find myself in time on my own, and often when my own need arose I would find myself without similar giving hands.  

However... does that mean that I regret what I did or gave?  Not in the slightest, because my choice to give was never based in what I received.  It was based in having love enough to give to someone that didn't deserve the fate they had been given or had a physical, psychological, or financial need.  Whether my giving was acknowledged with gratitude or would be seen by others as an attempt to control was beyond my ability to predict or manage and had NOTHING to do with the value of the giving.

At different times in my life, I have worked in non profits in a customer facing role.. not really one I am in currently, but I have been in that role.  I found that when you did things to help those in need, you were met oftentimes with anger and shame by the one receiving it.  I understand.  There have been times in my life that for different reasons I had to live on state benefits, and it took a lot of pride swallowing to accept the help.  This is routinely an adult reaction, as I have heard children cheer that they would have a meal, tomorrow.  But, to the adult, feeling like you have to rely on someone else can be an offensive thing and the giver a burden.

However... again.. does that mean that the giving should not be done?  No.  I recently read a meme that said what you give may not always be given back to you, but it will always be a reflection of how YOU are.  I'd say that I want to be a good person and do that, but the reality is that I know I am NOT always a good person.... and YET I still want to do that, partially because I know what it is like to live in shame and rejection and need.

Charity isn't about you or your organization or your reward or your acceptance.  It isn't about buying a ticket into heaven, and it isn't about paying for your sings.  It has nothing to do with YOU at all, other than simply... do you care enough to give.  And, that... these days.. is a lot more relevant question than it should be. 

A Life of Love

As I look back over my life, I have a different perspective, lately, than I have at times in the past.  In the past, I would look at the many periods of pain that I faced in one situation or another... but lately my focus has been more upon love in its many forms and results.  I am grateful for living a life that has contained so much love over the years, regardless of the pains that might have resulted as well.

I had the wonderful experience of being able to be very present and involved in the lives of my children in most of their upbringing.  It made such a mark upon my heart that it was hard for me to think I could be happy, after they had grown and gone.  I know many struggle with this, ,as well.  However, it is possible to have happiness in your life apart from your children, and it is important to remember that just because they are no longer present and those moments are past, they are fixed in time... you have a memory of love to with them, which is much more than many can say.

My relationship with my dad grew from rocky beginnings to much better by the time that he died of cancer.  That was over 20 years ago, but I treasure the memories of the times that I had with him, as I also treasure the memories in the past and the times in the present that I can spend with my mom and sister and other family members.

I was a youth director at my church for a couple years in high school and college age, and I still get to remember the impact that those kids had on me and me on them.  I remember other times of ministry to help people over the years in many ways.. most not present in a church... sometimes in unnoticed ways to help others, simply because I knew that they needed it.. even if it was something as simple as having a conversation with someone that I knew was struggling and needed an open year and a caring heart.  I am not sure how high that number would be of people I helped in conversations, but it would be in the many dozens.  I have written books and blog posts to help people, as I am with this one, as well, and I don't do it for money or fame.  I do it, because I want to help people to navigate life in a way that would lead them out of dark times and into more happy days.  And, I currently work in a non profit organization that helps people that are homeless and in need, and I remember that each day that the stress from the workload hits a high point.

My life of love has not been a life of joy.  It has been a life of living where the rubber hits the road and is driven by my heart for others.  It has not always been wise, but I am remembered of the cadet maxim..

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible."

I'd simply counter that to say that it must be married to grace, if it is to be sustainable.  So, the next time that you think your life is void of love, take a look around you at the impact you have had on others and remember the impact others have had on you.  You might find that you have a life of love, as well. 

Not Ending Blog

I faced a lot of internal struggle over whether I'd be continuing this blog, but I will not be ending it.  I will describe some of the temptation to do so, what I realized in reflection, and why it must not end in this post.

Over the last few weeks, I noted that I had begun to question whether I should be writing these blog posts and more.  I reflected on the fact that it seemed that VERY often I will write something that I absolutely knew to be true and often Divinely inspired, but I was almost immediately seeing it challenged and tested in my own life.  It got to the point that I was afraid to write something good, because it might mean that the good thing would be tested in my own life.  Often, the test was relatively short lived but often very uncomfortable.  Further, I was seeing what I said that was rejected or challenged being spoken openly by others with easy acceptance.  So, I was tempted to believe that I just wasn't authorized by God to speak out.... that my calling was more care focused.

Now, I do believe that being care focused IS a calling, and I do believe that my calling is primarily to be a support to my love in her trials and calls.  HOWEVER, I believe that I DO have a calling to an area where few dare to tread.

My life hasn't been pleasant.. at least until recently.  I have faced a significant number and depth of trials for MANY years.  Yes, I have taking courses in the Bible and all but one course of a seminary degree, before I walked away for it not being my call.  However, I feel that those courses were meant to simply help me with context for the trials that would come.  I used to say that preacher were some of the most ill equipped to deal with people in divorce, because they had only known good and happy marriages.  Most churches, today, have a flawed mentality that says that you can tell if someone is holy by how blessed they are.. the more easy their life and the more asset they have, the more righteous they are.. even though that directly contradicts the words of Jesus Christ, Himself.  So, the leaders of most churches wouldn't have the experience necessary to connect with, empathize with, or even sit with someone in struggle.  Further, they often try to solve all problems with words.. information.. advice.  It has been my experience that those in struggle don't WANT to hear your advice.  They want your care.

I don't cite or note my theological training, because I don't want to be known for that.  However, I DO cite and note my struggle.  I have been where many are.  I have seen the darkness... I know it well.  I know what it is like to have your dreams or your connections dashed.  I know how to bounce back from being knocked down, because I have done it... soooo often.  I know how to keep hope when all seems lost.  I know how to make friends with your demons and maintain a heart of a saint.

So, that is why my blog must continue.  I speak, where others won't.  I note, what others fear to consider.  I stand for those others ignore.  I stand on the darkest path with a road sign to rise, and that must continue, whether or not it gets divinely inspired attraction or not.