Dating at Church and Other Groups

I have danced around this topic for a while, but it is an area that is important to consider when dating and beginning relationships.  I will not be referencing real life situations and will present it in a general way.  However, it is something that is an area of great risk that is rarely if ever mentioned by authoritative people and in fact some suggest diving right into this risk without a disclaimer of the potential outcomes.

When you date someone or consider a relationship with someone, you are not just dating that person but their group.  So, it is important that you consider your own connection to the group and what it is that you need for yourself.  It is also important that you consider what can happen if things do not work out, because more times than not in dating it does not work out.

I am going to use a church as an example, though it is also true of dating in the work place or other places where there are social groups.  I am focusing on a church, however; because, I believe that it is an area where there is the most temptation to fall into this trap.  They do this thinking that if they want to date a good person their church would provide a range of candidates that are "righteous" or good, which is often a mischaracterization of why people are AT church, but that is another point.  Or, perhaps, someone brings an interest to their church, feeling they can ensure they are holy.. a sort of evangelization by dating, if you will.

Regardless of the motivation and how it began, dating at a church comes with a lot of pressures and risks that only grow exponentially as time goes forward.  There is the pressure to be the stereotypical and pure couple bound by God.  Others in the congregation have the same personal goal and end up often juding others in the congregation for whether they live up to the image, also.  However, my main focus of this blog post is the beginning and whether it is fair to another to date within the church.

When you begin to date at a church in which you attend, you will form social links to others in that church, in part because you want to please their friends and in part because you want to establish social links and feel included, yourself.  However, as noted earlier, more often than not people do not work out in dating.  This isn't because people are bad people but because people are DIFFERENT people with different needs or because of external pressures or more.  But, when a relationship falls apart in a group setting like a church, there are others in the group that will support one or the other and it becomes uncomfortable to be present at that social group.  So, a place that once felt like a safe place has now become a place of criticism, blame, and risk.

This is especially troublesome at a church, because if you are actually trying to grow your faith and get closer to God, it can feel that the other person has now created an obstacle to GOD.  That is not true, but it is hard to see how it is not true when you equate that Divine relationship with a building or a group setting or practice.  So, it can have a negative effect on someone's spiritual growth to fail at a relationship at church.  Indeed, some might even bypass red flags and continue in toxic situations, simply because they do not want to lose this connection to God or to avoid social exile.

So, what I would suggest is what I have adopted for myself in the future.  If you want to date someone that is relgious do so at another church and do not share  social links but develop separate faith social structures, so if there is a falling out it does not have an impact on your own growth.  Further, understand that your faith is not tied to a building or a group but is meant to be a personal connection to God that does not pass through any human mediator.

Everyone has social groups, and it is natural to have someone that you care about meet your group and them to meet your interest, as well.  But, it is important that both have their own lives and foundations, which includes faith foundations, that are separate from each other.  If after a significant amount of time it appears that it will remain, only then have them meet the group.

I know I am just a person and not a qualified expert and have made many mistakes myself, so feel free to challenge my solutions and come up with your own.  But, I DO believe that it is important to consider the risks, which most do not do, today.

Do Not Doubt Yourself

There has been times in my life that I was doing what I felt was loving and good things for others, and something happened to disrupt that connection and as often happens words are lashed out and hurtful things are said, leaving you feeling that maybe you were not as good and loving as you felt.  Perhaps, you even veer into it feeling that if they see you as an evil villain then maybe you should become one.  Regardless, it can have a self fulfilling prophecy effect.

I've spoke on this in past posts from the other side, saying that if someone hurts you that responding in anger only gives someone that is already struggling another obstacle to their own rise from their own pain from the past and why Jesus told us to forgive others so they can heal.  We have to have the same mentality for ourselves, too.  

Because, the fact is that no one is all evil or good.  We are all trying to make it through this life, and if you are trying to be loving or good, that's a very good thing in this world.  It is not an excuse to not keep learning and growing and getting better, but failing to reach perfection and mistakes made on the journey is not a reason to surrender the attempt or doubt yourself to be your best.  No one is qualified to define your future, except yourself.

So, do not doubt yourself on the doubts of others, if you are trying to be good and loving.  Just keep improving and growing, no matter what anyone else says.  You deserve the opportunity to rise.

What Makes a Rainbow?

I was out driving this morning after getting groceries and saw a beautiful rainbow.  I have seen and taken pictures of a lot of rainbows over my life, but this started developing this blog post in my mind.  What makes a rainbow?

Now, I had an idea that a rainbow was about to form, before it formed, because on one side of my car was dark clouds and on the other was a bright shining sun and rain started to fall upon my car.  People know that rain with sunshine often creates the conditions for a rainbow to form, but I thought of just how much of an analogy that this is for life.

To speak the analogy, if you are facing a struggle that is clouding your life but still feel the sunshine of hope, something truly beautiful can be the result.  If you believe the Bible, it was set in the clouds first as a promise of good things to come, but regardless it is scientifically a visual reward for the conflict of opposing forces.

But, you do not have opposing forces if you surrender when things get difficult.  Right now, I am making a lifelong effort to reconnect with my kids and be in their lives for the rest of their lives, because I love them.  We have had decades of good times together in the past, and there are other factors like others that made an effort to speak badly about me or try to create distance from me.  However, what I did wrong and fully admit my wrong in it was to allow the difficulty to cause me to stop trying.  That was my fault and shame.

Because, something that is good will also come with difficulty.  Reaching only for low hanging fruit and expecting life to be easy is both lazy and cowardly.  Good things take time and effort and staying invested, even when there are challenges, or what even is the point?

So, what makes a rainbow?  It is the result of true courage to shine the light of hope and positive influence and growth in your life, regardless of the challenges and doubters that are all around.  I hope to always be a rainbow in my life, and I hope you will, too.

What's Your Trajectory?

When I was in the miliary, I worked on artillery gun lines, different ones from those that were towed behind other things and setup to those that were driven.  I was a gun driver for a while, before becoming first sargent driver and training room manager (during which time I also won solder of the month for the Batalion and Army Achievement Medal).  However, one thing that is true about all kinds of artillary firing is angles.  Some of my best friends on those pieces were those who sat in tents with computers and calculated the angles and elevations that needed to be used to hit the target.  The gun sargent had a device that he kept around his neck to help measure those angles to make sure they were right.

But, one thing that was always true was that your first shot was almost always destined to be a bit off.  You could try to get the gun lined up just right, but there would always be things like how level the ground happened to be or the wind or more that would cause slight differences that needed adjusting to get it right.  So, we would take a shot, and then we would adjust.  It was the same thing that was done for rifle shooting, as well.  There always had to be adjustments made, after you took the shot... sometimes several adjustments.  

However, several things were true that are applicable, here.  First, you had to have the courage to take the shot in the first placce.  Taking the shot wasn't easy or without consequence.  You had to stop and set the gun for shooting, which was a whole ordeal.  Then, if you stayed too long after taking the first shot, the enemy would know your location and would shoot and hit YOU.  So, it took precision, intentional focus, and determination to get the job done right.

Next, you needed to be willing to accept that you didn't hit the target.  Something you did was wrong.  If you could not receive that information, you would continue to get it wrong, over and over again.  So, you had to take the information and adjsut and grow from it to be better.  And, you needed to be patient to keep trying and keep learning.  You also could not see how you are doing, immediately.  The shot would be WAY out of visual range.  So, you just had to keep trying, despite not seeing the effect of the effort.

Finally, you had to be willing to pick yourself up after taking your shot, put everything back in travel lock, and roll out to try another day.

So, my challenge to you would be this.  As you keep trying to find the correct trajectory to accomplish what you want to have in life, don't give up, keep learning, keep trying, and be patient.  In time, your work will bear fruit, but for today it may be enough to just be happy that you tried, rest in nightly travel lock, and be ready to take another shot, tomorrow.

Be Teachable on the Journey

In so many areas of my life, I am not following specifics that are planned.  It's not a comfortable way of journeying for someone that is used to planning and is an accountant.  We are taught to avoid risk and follow things that are known.  I have over recent years spoke more and more about following adventure and not always following the known, but it is still a work in progress.  It does not mean that there is no place for planning.  I have followed more mental and logical directive in this year to go towards my desires than I have in many, many other years of my life.  However, this time I began simply with a few qustions and let that direct me.

The questions were things like.. what do you want, what do you dislike about where you are, what is real or imagined, what can you do about your situation, etc.  It sends you in a general direction, but it leaves things left to be filled in about how you make it happen.  

But, the thing is that we cannot know all that we will need to know on the journey or ways that we must grow and change.  Often times, I find, you CANNOT learn those things without abandoning yourself to the journey and letting it teach you.

So, these days, rather than execute an exact script that is known and safe, I remain content to live in a state of wonder.. both wonder as in I wonder what will happen and wonder as in wow... I never knew that about myself or what I see around me or things about the universe or God or life that benefits not just me but others around me.

Because, what you seek is seeking you, and while we often feel that we are a small speck in a universe, we are a light in the universe, as well as a part of the universe.  We are not here to create masterful teachings or accomplish great things.  We are here to vocalize universal mysteries and BE.. simply BE what we are meant to be and that is a great thing, indeed.

So, while you are on your journey feeling like you are falling behind and feeling alone, realize that the universe has been going for thousands of years and is in no more rush than the speed of truth, and often that speed is a quiet.. steady... pause.  May you find peace in your connection and may it empower you to become the wonder that you were meant to be.

YOUR faith

I've felt this blog post developing over the course of the day, and I think it is important as a point to make in our day.  It is simple but complex, and I hope I do it justice.  It is simply but deeply this.. your faith is YOUR faith.

What do these figures have in common... Jesus, the apostles, Martin Luther, John Wesley, John Calvin, George Witfield, Oral Roberts, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, watchman nee, John Wimber, and more like them.  If you said leaders of religious movements, you are not seeing the origin story.  They are people that had faith that was not meant to conform and validate current religious structure but was courageous to speak what they believed and others followed.. all to benefit all of the various sects of church in one fashion or another over time.  But, at the time, they were much like Plato's figure that broke from the chains  to see what real life happened to be outside the shadows of comformity.

What do these figures have in common... Blaise Pascal, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Isaac Newton, Johannes Kepler, Samuel Morse, Galileo Galilei, Tolkien, Emily Dickinson, Florence Nightingale, etc.  They were believers in God but went on to do great things for people in other areas of need in the world.

What is my point in this?  My point is that all of their faiths were very important, and none of them were meant to be just like everyone else or to express their faith in predetermined ways.  I don't want to knock the value of having a place where you can comfortably commune with God, but that is not all there is to religion.. not by far.  There have been so many times in my life when there was no church at my back and no organization there to comfort me, but that didn't stop GOD from being there to comfort and inspire and teach me in ways and lessons that most would not understand and in some cases accept.  Religion is public and meant for a group.  God is individual and wants to be there for YOU.

So, don't feel that you are not good enough to hear from Him.  He literally took the blame so that He could listen to you and be there for you.  Don't feel like you have to be accepted by a group, either.  It isn't them that you need for peace, and feeling you are under a test definitely won't provide the bridge that HE desires, as well.

So, I will step on and step off this religious message that has been building for a bit and move on to other practical matters in future posts after I use this post to simply say this... you don't have to do it alone.  Speak to the stars or your sketchbook or however you connect with the Divine.  It will help heal you and lead you, if you take the time to rest and listen.  That's all I have to say on it.  Have a good week.

Life Expands

I think that we have developed an episodic concept of life changes, due to our society nature of entertainment books and shows and such that eventually ends and then something new comes along and suddenly all of the past is forgotten.  So, we get into this mentally purge process that dumps prior connecctions from past stages.  

That said, I haven't ever really been good at that.  If you were to look at my social media, you would find people there from a LOT of past stages... people from my high school, college, different jobs, social media groups connected with life changes, family, and more.  Not all people that I knew from those past stages are still in my life, but there are many from a lot of them.  Why?  I don't believe in mentally purging people from my social media, just because they are no longer physically a part of my environment.

Life is also now not as tied to what is physically around you as it used to be.  I have had times when my social media connections were my strongest connections that helped me get through many things, and I helped them.  Unlike the social media definition of "friends" I try to actually be a friend to mine, if they are likewise making an effort to be in mine. Plus, most people are only a flight away, nowadays.  If I am hard at work and make time for a friend or family every few months, what is the difference if they live in my town or fly into my town or me into theirs.  Moving is only an address in regards to connecctions.

Life is not a story that is told and then is over.  Days, weeks, months pass and then people get together and the story continues.. or it does simply by a message.  In this life, nothing is ever really over, until we are.  Life does not get replaced or shrink, unless we let it do so.  Indeed, some of the lost connections of which I am trying to repair came because of lost efforts to keep the connection going.

So, this blog post is simply to say that if you think that you are ever alone or have lost connection to others, it might be a faulty perception or lack of effort that is causing that to be so.  Your life should not stay in the past, but that does not mean that the past cannot come with you into your new chapters.  

May your life keep growing and expanding, and if you are ever feeling alone send me a message.  I will be there for you.

Step Up

I watched Tomorrowland the other day.  I don't know why I took so long to watch it.  Well, yes... I do.  Just like with my playlists a lot of my life is led by inner feelings and sometimes things look good but is not the right timing to digest it.  So, later, I come back to it and absorb it.  This was a good time to do so.

There are a lot of great quotes in that movie, but I will lead off this post with an exchange at the beginning of it.  In the beginning the teacher was presenting the doom and gloom about how the world is falling apart socially and physically.  Then, the main star of the movie raised her hand and asked what we are doing about it to fix it.  The teacher looked stunned as if he never would have considered that.

That, I think, is a very good analysis of where we are as a society, both on a large geopolitical manner and a person to person manner.  There is a lot of doom and gloom being presented by political figures and some media outlets that are, as she says in one part of the movie, feeding the wrong wolf.. the one of depression instead of the one of hope, and the wolf that gets fed is the one that wins out over the other.

Why do people do that?  Another figure, later in the movie, answers that question.  He says...

"In every moment there's the possibility of a better future, but you people won't believe it. And because you won't believe it you won't do what is necessary to make it a reality. So, you dwell on this terrible future. You resign yourselves to it for one reason, because *that* future does not ask anything of you today." Tomorrowland

Exactly.  It is a lot easier to sink into a self sacrificial delusion and depression than to actually rise up and do something to... fix it... as she asked.  That takes effort and pain and struggle and risk.  I am in the middle of a plan of taking such a risk to reconnect with some that has been separate, and there is no guarentee that it will be successful.  However, whether it is successful and whether it is easy is not the standard.  It is something that I want, and it is right.  And, so I go.  I made the plan to do so with the full expectation that it would get difficult, but I am finding something true that I recently saw in a quote from Rumi, "As you start to walk on the way, the way appears," and I am being met with a very smooth path, now.  But, even if the smooth and blessed path went away, I would still follow it.

While it is important to observe reality and flow with it towards what you desire and need, it is not a process that is done when it is safe or easy or accepted.  It is born out of a heart that has the courage to say.. I am worthy of my best.  So, that would be my challenge to you this weekend.. are you giving your dreams your best?  If not, step up.  You are worth it.

Grown People Don't Have to be Right

As I write this blog, I'll lead off by saying that I realize that for most of my life I didn't fully grow up in this way.. maybe in some areas but not all.  I hope to be grown in the future.

How many of you have children?  When those children were growing up and came to you to talk about imagiinary beings or things they were pretending or holiday figures, did you immediately break their hopes and dreams with factual things?  Or, did you allow them to pretend and hope and feel good about things that didn't exist?

My guess is that you let your child pretend and bought them more and more toys that would allow them to pretend, further.  Why?  We know that curiosity and positive feelings are important, and they can develop important personality characteristics by pretend without having the real thing... after all would you rather your child play house and marriage and such or go get a boyfriend when they are not even a teen and learn the hard way?

This may seem like an odd way to open a blog post, but I want you to realize something... as a young child friend of that person, they might be wanting to correct them to make themselves feel more superior.  But, as an adult, and it gets even moreso as you age; you learn that it is not always important to prove yourself right.

Recently, I noted that I believe that God is less interested in being seen as being right than it is that He can be present in our struggles and our joys and more.  I would suggest that God is the ultimate adult in this regard, because if I look around the world I see a lot of people and countries that are SO determined to prove themselves right to everyone else and to be validated in their chosen path.

As I age and especially of late I find myself more and more quiet about controversial things.  Perhaps, that can be a flaw in that things are not being challenged, but I want to enjoy my life, and there is always something with which to be upset.

And, so, I focus on the positive things in my life or things ahead in my plans.  When things don't go as planned, I look forward to what can be.  When I am delayed or strained or challenged, I am trying to look at the good that IS in my life and add positive into my own life, rather than focusing on what I am not being given.

So, I will end this short post by simply saying when you feel like others are not seeing your view or your voice is not being heard, stop and ask yourself... it is that important that you are?  I think much of our lives fits that saying that you can be happy or be right, and while I will always try to keep an open mind when I am wrong and will say things that I see is interesting or important, I am ok if others cannot or will not agree.  Their agreement wasn't part of the growth or change in me.  We all have our own paths, and I value the freedom to follow mine and others to follow theirs.  May we all find happiness.

Messy

 I was watching Practical Magic 2 the other day (good movie), and it got to a scene where one character was going to use great power to get what they wanted.  Well, too be fair, at that time all sides were trying to use power to get what they wanted.  And, I just had this sudden distaste.. dislike for everything that I was seeing on the screen.  I had to get up and go to the bathroom to clear my feelings and process and then came back and continued to process it and to understand why I was having that reaction.  And, as I did I thought it was worth sharing, though it is not new to my blog posts of late.

It wasn't out of feeling cynical or doubtful or feeling that it was too optimistic, though in many ways it can be.  It was because progressively over years I have come to understand something that gives me great peace and connection to life that is going on around me, something that took me much too long in life to understand and most do not.  It is that messy can be good for you.

What do I mean by that?  I have spent so much of my life with a picture in my head that I was trying to create or mourn or maintain, or restore.  Do  not misunderstand me, there is a place for honoring those good times in the past and having hope for your future or even trying to restore some connections.  However, it is the control that is always the problem.

We try to control the outcome of so much of our lives.  How successful has that been for you?  It has not been very successful in my past.  That is for good reason.  People are not puppets, and life is not a play following a script.  

I think God gets that it is hard for us.  And, just like I used to think as my children entered their teen years, there are a lot of lessons that they must learn for themselves.  So, I think that it is absolutely consistent and important for God to place things in our lives that He knows he will deny us or ask us to wait to receive.  It is in those moments when you are forced to process those things that you understand that LIFE is messy, and that isn't the blame of another person or fate or a demon.  I think He wants us to understand prayer isn't a magic spell and the Bible a spellbook to get what you want... indeed, spells are not wise for the same reason.  There are truths greater than fulfillment.  There is peace, self reliance and balance, and hope found in acceptance and growth that will lead you to really become what you and others need.

So, for this blog post, I simply wanted to say that if you are TRULY seeking happiness that remains more than as an answer but a way of life, don't get mad when you do not get what you want but take a beat and learn from it, grow yourself, learn from the journey, and patiently proceed, knowing that in the midst of the mess you will find a much more ordered... you.

Courage vs Fate

"We can't say when it ends.  We never could.  But, we can choose how we live in it." The Old Guard

There is an old theme that runs though many films that I have become more understanding due to having lived through it, though I didn't realize it til I was watching The Old Guard, today.  It is also present in Supergirl that I plan to rewatch this evening.  It can also be seen in Hancock and others.  In the stories, someone faces hardship and learns that they can overcome it.. that they can overcome, anything.  That is an important step in the story, but it is just a step, and though many remain there there is more to learn.

The other day I saw an old meme that I shared in years past when I was looking at my Facebook memories.  In essence, it was noting that there is a difference between being nice and being kind.  There can be people that are nice but not kind and people that can be kind but not nice.  Let's put a pin in that for a few minutes and return to The Old Guard.  

It is a good movie about a group of people that were chosen to become immortal and not die.  In not dying but constantly seeing evil around them, it is easy to get jaded, and the longest living of them and the leader had become just so jaded.  She tries to comfort a new member, but the best she could say is, "I know this is hard, but it is happening, whether you like it or not."  That's that first step, again.  Acceptance and knowing you will move forward.

In part of the movie, the leader is injured, and a woman helps her.  The leader says, "You haven't asked."  The woman replies, "Your business is your business.  You need help.  What does it matter why?"  The kindness in that action makes an impression on the leader.

That's getting back to the difference between being nice and being kind.  Nice is just being civil and courteous and pleasant to others.  Kind is helping those in need, and the path to that is not always easy or pleasant.  It may take a toll on you, along the way, as it did for for the leader.  

Yet, even in her despair, she picked up an ax to rush into danger to help those in need.  She tells her team, "We can't say when it ends.  We never could.  But, we can choose how we live in it."

And that is the key.  As she also says, she was reminded that there are people worth fighting for in this world.  There are people worth kindness and care and help and our best, even if it the path is difficult and not the safest. As her team tells her captors in a scene, it isn't her time.  If it was her time, there is nothing you could do to stop it.  

So, in the time that you have left, before you come to your end, how do you want to live?  Who do you want to help?  You may be feeling your destiny is fated and sink away into self imposed exile and increasing loss, or you can pick up your ax (not literally) and say "Enough of this sht" and do your best to make your days count until they run out.  That is my plan.

What We Can Learn from the Temptations of Jesus

I knew that this blog post was coming for several days, but I didn't feel it was right, til now.

In the Gospel stories, Jesus was tempted by Satan with three temptations, and I think they are important for reflection in thinking about life, whether or not you are religious or even believe.

First, I have not note one thing, because it is something I have said for a long time.  You have this story in the Gospel because God was not only allowing this trial but was using Satan for the trial.  It was a part of his plan, indeed a part that was important enough to write down so others can learn from it.  I'll just leave that right there.

Ok, the first of the trials that Jesus was faced with in the gospel story was being tempted to use his Divine power to turn rocks into bread after not eating for a long time.  I want you to notice something.  He DID have the power, and he COULD legitimately do what was asked.  It wouldn't have made Him any less Divine.  It would not have been a sin for Him to do it.  But, He refused to use Divine power to provide what He wanted like it was some magic trick.  Holiness isn't about manipulating God to give you what you desire.  I don't pray like that.  I will earn my kids trust and respect, just like I work for other things in my life.  And, sometimes you need to face fear and struggle and grow to come out the other side.

Next, He was tempted to throw Himself off the temple and let God catch Him.  This certainly would have established to those watching what He really was, but again He chose not to use God to establish His popularity and authority.  Indeed, one thing that I have discovered in life is that being rejected and lowly is one of the best ways to talk to others rejected and lowly, because they know you understand their story.

Finally, He was offered the kingdoms of the world, if he worshiped Satan.  Again, if Satan wasn't able to provide that, it wouldn't have been a temptation.  God had given him that authority, just as Jesus told the Roman leader that his power came from God to kill him.  Yet, Jesus purpose wasn't being worshiped  I said in a comment to one of my posts, recently, that God is less concerned with being seen as right than that He can be with us in our pain, and I believe that is true.  Worship can often get in the way of connection, and I don't want to be worshiped by anyone or put on a pedastal.  I am just as flawed as anyone, but maybe.. maybe I can help someone else.  And, that is the purpose of this blog.

I hope you have a good weekend.

Five Biggest Tips for Happiness

I have learned a lot over the years about the path to happiness, oftentimes from failure or personal faults that needed to change to grow.  So, for this post I will list five that I think are very important.  Why five?  Because, people like articles that list with a number... ha.

Pride and Perfection

The first thing that I need you to realize is something that feels backwards.  You need to realize that you have a lot to learn and faults to change.  I am linking pride and perfection, as one leads to the other.  Someone is seeking to be perfect and that leads them to feel defensive when someone finds fault in them.  However, Jesus had it right when he put getting better after confession.  If you cannot confess your faults, you cannot improve them.  I have a lot of past faults that I am trying to improve and change for a better life outcome and things that I have yet to improve.

Value Yourself

It is good to have a good heart that seeks to help others, but you need to have boundaries on how far that will go.  The first and last person in your life will be yourself, and you owe a responsibility to that person.  Anyone that really cares for you will want you to do what is right and best for yourself.

Trust the Process

You cannot know how your life will change, because you cannot know who you will become as you grow and what new things you will learn.  I know it is easy to feel wounded from the past and want to put up walls, but if you try to control your life you will never really live and become the person that you want to be.

Cut Others Slack

Everyone is going to make mistakes.  We are all human and have a lot of stuff in our heads and hearts from the past and pressures and stress in our current days and more.  People that feel hurt can be harmful, but if you attack them for their harming you give them another hurdle to overcome.  That is why Jesus said to love everyone, even those that cause us harm.  Because, it is the only way that we bring love and peace back to our world.

Keep Going

Finally, keep going.  Keep going when you feel tired.  Keep going when you feel alone.  Keep going when the odds are against you.  Keep going when it is hard.  Keep going when you have setbacks.  Because, whatever is happening now is just a starting point and tomorrow is going to be based upon what you choose to do today.  So, give it your best.  I look forward to your success.

Surrender and Flow

I wanted to bring a couple concepts together in a blog post that has only made an appearance as a social media post and connect them for a broader theme.

There was a quote from the second Zootopia movie, which I recently watched, where the dad is telling his child that the first rule of partnerships is that you can be right or you can be happy.  They didn't originate the quote.  It has been around a long time.  But, it definitely is appropriate for self growth and forward progress.

A lot of my life, I felt like most people still feel, that you need to fight and overcome... whatever.  So, when they have a challenge, they look for the enemy to overcome.  Imagine the picture of someone that is determined flexing their muscles and growling to pump them up to overcome .. something.  Then, they look for the something to overcome. 

However, I have come to understand things differently, and it has changed how I approach my life in all areas, now.  It began when I put great focus into self improvement, near the beginning of the year.  I took some time to really and brutally analyze myself and life and the past and more, objectively.  I don't want to repeat broken patterns or ignore things that needed to be addressed.

Then, it carried forward into my fitness that became much more focused and systematically touching diet and more.  I wanted results and improvement of my health and body.   This spread outward into other areas of my life.  I would ask myself what is it that I want and would start making plans to move in that way.. to flow by my needs and wants.

But, in all of that I was not fighting anyone, blaming anyone, or doing it for anyone but myself to improve, assuming that I am flowing I would more likely reach my goals if I am moving in the direction I want to be going.  Instead of feeling anger or stress or such of having an enemy to overcome, I felt peace and patience and hope, regardless of the final outcome because I was finally being true to me and my own soul.

So, this blog post is to simply say that if you feel you are having to fight to get what you need, surrender the war and just start growing on your own.  It is a much more peaceful and fulfilling way to live and to guide your life.

Money

Another in my practical application posts would be a post about money.

I have felt different ways about making money t different parts of my life.  There was a time that I was a stay at home dad, because I valued my time with my child and was needed for it.  I don't regret that time.  But there were times like that where I was not working or was working at jobs less than my qualifications for more freedom.  I felt like I wanted the flexibility to live my life my way, even if it meant that I made less money.  But, ultimately, I learned that I really didn't like to be poor or to live with little respect for my accomplishments.

Benjamin Franklin said that a life of leisure and a life of laziness are two different things.  One thing that I have been growing in my understanding over the last years and applying in my life is that you cannot ignore or avoid hard things and expect them to get better.  If you do, you will keep going from worse condition to worse, like entropy... things fall apart.  But, things can hold together if maintained and grow if addressed.  So, whether it be fitness or as subject of this post making money, you need to put in the effort to try.  It may take time and may not always be successful, but it will feel good to be true to yourself and your wants to be trying, which I am feeling in my attempts as well.

Finally, as you are making money, you need to impose boundaries on what you will give away.  You can and should give to help others, but you cannot give it all away and live in poverty while others you helped rise.  You are loyal to yourself.  I am getting older and have little to show for my money, because it was often given to help others in need.  But, where will I be when I want to retire?  Why am I not living a nicer life with my income level?  I am not being as loyal to myself as I need to be, though that has been changing lately.

So, I hope this helps you as you journey towards happiness.  Money is not happiness, but it sure makes it easier to find it if you are not always struggling for basic needs.

You Are Allowed to Be Happy Now

 I know the name of this blog is Forward to Happiness, but I hope that you have understood in my messages that you do not have to wait til the end to find happiness.  Happiness is a journey that just keeps giving.  It is a seed that blooms into a much larger life.  It is not so much a destination as it is a way of life.

You probably have seen a significant change in the overall tone of my playlists and posts, and that is because I am making a conscious effort to be focused upon what I want and not what I lack, what is possible more than what is lost, what I can create and become more than what did not work.  It is part of that positive mindset that I have been talking about and moving towards for months, now.  There is little purpose in focus on anything else.

So, I want to do this post to say in effect that you care allowed to feel happy, now.  Some people feel like they cannot be happy til they find... the one.  And, they might even feel that it is disloyal to be happy on your own without someone, but that is based in a wrong sense of self image and balance.  You were born alone.  You will die alone.  Most of your minutes of your days will be alone, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.  THAT is the person to whom you should be spending your most alliegience and priority.  Others will come and go, but you will always have you.

That said, others CAN be a priority, if they are family or close to you and care for you.  But... and this is important... THEY should want you to love you, so your needs are still important.  I do not want you to use that to weaponize an attack on anyone, though.  Because, we do way too much of that.  Life should NOT be about finding fault in others.  Life should be about what it literally is about... your hierachy of needs.  Everyone was born uniqute, and those that live this life have their own needs like a key.  We waste too much time in focus on keys that do not work or waiting for a key that does work, because YOU will always have the master key that will open every door, becase YOU are your first love.

So, take a beat.  Ignore others.  Think of your heart and be there for ie.  Have fun.  Live life.  Love yourself, which will result in love for others.  Hope for the future, and grow into the full being you were always meant to be but felt you couldn't because it didn't resonate in others.  You are worthy.