Redeeming Others

This post will tap into my theological training a bit, but I do want want to be seen as someone claiming to be better than anyone else.  The only person I seek to be better than is myself every single day.  But, I do want to convey something that has been stirring in my mind and heart about how we approach others.

Can someone be redeemed?  Is it possible for someone, anyone, that has failed to measure up to be restored?  That is a concept that is very popular and spoken about quite a bit.  I do believe that it is possible, but it does not come from speaking the words and poof.. one is redeemed like magic.  It comes about because someone believes they are worthy of restoration and seeks to have it.  

Yet, our society is not practiced in restoration of the flawed.  While everyone wants to believe in redemption for themselves, the average person will not extend the same grace to another that has wronged them... even if they are instructed by Christ, Himself, to do so.

Jesus said that if someone strikes you, you are to turn the other cheek for them to strike.  If they take your coat, give them more clothing, as well.  He tells us to pray for those that despitefully use us.  If I am honest, I used to not like those verses much.  I was a person that was bullied as a youth and have been used by many over my decades.  It felt like weakness to be kind to someone that is not kind, and I do believe that you need to have limits and establish boundaries of how far you go to help othes, or you will find yourself depleted and unable to reach your own goals.  However, I have been thinking more deeply on this, and I see another side to the coin.

When I was studying to be a teacher, we learned that oftentimes those that are the meanest come from homes where they are targeted.  Those that lash out to cause pain are often facing pain.  It's like the lion with the thorn in its paw.  Once removed, they become more kind.

So, what IS Jesus trying to say, here?  I believe he is trying to say that we have the opportunity to either add to their pain or give them a path to redemption... a path to believe they are worthy of love and care and respect in order to rise up.  Those that cause us harm are often hurting from us, as well.  To fuel the conflict is to give them more obstacles to overcome to rise.

I no longer want to be the excuse for anyone to feel unworthy.  I want to help all people to believe in themselves and become the best they can be, no matter their role in my own story.  So, I will let everything from the past go and only look forward to my own potential of joys as I rise.  May others around me feel and do the same.

Grace - We All Do What We Need to Do

I've been in kinda a dark mood of late as I processed though things that I will not name, but I began to have more light in my processing (light in both meanings) from a very dark part in a very dark show season.  It was White Lotus, season 2.  I have not watched season 1, but each season is different and can be watched on their own.  I began this season a while ago but got sidetracked by other things that I was watching.  

First of all, it is not a positive and pure show.  It has amazing cast, but it deals with themes of infidelity, crime, drugs, and much more.  It also deals with things like hope, romance, self respect, and growth.  It is very well written.

But, anyways, in the final season, one of the characters says something that I found at first upsetting but then somewhat freeing with profound implications that I believe are very important for society to hear.  In it, one of the characters is presented with the possibility that her husband had sex with someone else.  She explains to the other person whose wife was involved that he didn't have anything to worry about and that maybe you didn't need to uncover all the mysteries of others, because you never really know what is in their mind or what they are doing, if you know that they love you Now, to be clear, I am not justifying people going around having affairs, and I do see the reaction as being calloused.   But, then she said, "I think you just do whatever you need to do to not feel like a victim of life."  

And, I mentally tossed that around and played with the concept for a while.  And, I believe, therein lies a great truth.  We all DO exactly that.  Whether it be religion or porn or living a bit wild or living absolutely pure and with devotion, we ARE all doing whatever we think we need to do to not feel like a victim of life.  We are all feeling emotional pains or struggles or more and then we find a path to feel balance and hope in the world, again.

And, now, apply that to others.  Here is the gem for society to learn.  Everyone in your life is doing the same thing.  They are feeling past pains and acting out.  They are responding to present pains and taking precautions.  They are finding ways to numb the pain and not feel alone and rejected and hurt.  So, maybe... instead of seeing how others treat us as a personal attack upon us we take the time to try to understand them in their own struggles.  No one is perfect, and we are all just trying to do whatever we can do to feel safe and move towards happiness, again.   

In my own life, I have made some strides to reconnect and make peace with others, but I want to expand that to everyone.  If anyone has ever acted in a way that hurt me... no matter what it was... I forgive you, and I am sorry to have added to your own pains, as well.  I want to apply that peace to anyone I have ever met.  You also had to do whatever you needed to do, and my hope is that we all find a peaceful and happy journey.. not in our perfection but in our mutual condition of needing grace for a life filled with moments lacking glory. 

Merry Christmas - Celebration of Grace

For this Christmas, I want to bring out my theology and seminary training to say something that I normally say almost every month, but I will put it in the correct theological framework that fits the specific night and day upon which we find ourselves.

On the coming days, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, and there is a REASON that we celebrate the birth of Jesus in the Christian tradition.  Mankind was doomed, before Jesus came in the Christian framework.  Mankind was dead to right guilty of sin and therefore unpure to receive from God and to eventually be in the presence of God.  Scripture tells us that "there is none righteous.. no not one" and "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" .. so mankind needed a payment for their sins.  Per Christian teaching, that person was Jesus.. God, born of a virgin woman.. not just any virgin woman, though.  He was born from the people and in the place that would be least accepted and least assumed to be worthy of redemption.. let alone to provide it.

Then, what did Jesus do to gain authority?  Well.. nothing.  He pissed off the religious that were in power and called them snake and vipers.  He didn't go to the government for backing, either.  For the first 30 years, he worked as a carpenter and didn't do anything to gain power.  Then, he went out and started talking to people in fields and healing and feeding them... showing actual love for the needy that was rejected by the religious bodies and governments of the day... often doing so would make Him an outcast for choosing to love them.  When the religious bodies of the day felt threatened by the numbers of people that were following him, they would demand that the government kill Jesus.

So, it wasn't about being worshiped in a temple.  It wasn't about people thrusting praise and acceptance upon Him.  God saw to it that that would not happen.  It was God choosing to use the least worthy birth to lead to a least worthy leader to serve as payment for the least worthy people.. us.

So, as you celebrate Christmas this year, do so remembering that you are only included in being able to receive it, because God decided that your failures and sin did not disqualify you from love.  Then.. go and do likewise. 

Confession and Forgiveness: The Hardest Wisdom

I wanted to do a post about some observations that I've had over life that are important for finding peace and happiness.  This is not a plug for religion, as I'm not sure they understand it, either.  So, I will not be putting it in religious terms or suggestions for enacting it.  It is really more of a personal responsibility and reward.

I did something similar, years ago, as a post I had set as a page on my blog that was accessible from the main menu, but this post will be more of a matured expression of it.  Anyways... to begin.

What are some of the most offensive things to say in our society?  I'd say among them would be.. I forgive you and I was wrong.  The first is offensive to the one being forgiven, because it indicates there was something to forgive,  and the second is offensive to the one saying it for the same reason.  Now, what are some of the most helpful things to be said to heal from the past and find peace and happiness... the same statements.  

At the end of the Ted Lasso series, Jamie Tart is encouraged to forgive his father.  He didn't want to do it, saying he didn't want to give him that.  Ted says that he isn't giving him that but giving that to himself.  That is an extreme example involving someone that does not apologize.  But, it contains a truth.  Holding bitterness hurts you, not the other person.  It's not a good way to live.  Nor is it good to refuse to admit you're wrong and allow that pain on another.

I've often said that I'm not perfect and make mistakes.  That isn't a justification, nor an excuse.  It's just reality. I try to learn and grow from my own mistakes, but I will remain flawed over my life.  In reconnecting with my ex wife as friends, it began with a conversation where apologies were said.  It continues with the kind of grace people always say they desire but do not always give to those closest to them.  I have other connections from the past that did not so heal, either from the failure to apologize or the refusal to accept the apology.  I will continue to accept own failures in them, even if that is not received, and I will continue to give grace, even if not admitted.  My own peace and happiness demands it, and at the end of the day that is the most important part.. finding peace with others, even those not in your life or even those who should not be.  Let it go and grow.  

I know these are hard truths to accept, especially in a society that encourages discontent and blame.  But, that's part of why society is so messed up.  You can be better. I'm rooting for you.