Do Not Doubt Yourself

There has been times in my life that I was doing what I felt was loving and good things for others, and something happened to disrupt that connection and as often happens words are lashed out and hurtful things are said, leaving you feeling that maybe you were not as good and loving as you felt.  Perhaps, you even veer into it feeling that if they see you as an evil villain then maybe you should become one.  Regardless, it can have a self fulfilling prophecy effect.

I've spoke on this in past posts from the other side, saying that if someone hurts you that responding in anger only gives someone that is already struggling another obstacle to their own rise from their own pain from the past and why Jesus told us to forgive others so they can heal.  We have to have the same mentality for ourselves, too.  

Because, the fact is that no one is all evil or good.  We are all trying to make it through this life, and if you are trying to be loving or good, that's a very good thing in this world.  It is not an excuse to not keep learning and growing and getting better, but failing to reach perfection and mistakes made on the journey is not a reason to surrender the attempt or doubt yourself to be your best.  No one is qualified to define your future, except yourself.

So, do not doubt yourself on the doubts of others, if you are trying to be good and loving.  Just keep improving and growing, no matter what anyone else says.  You deserve the opportunity to rise.

Five Biggest Tips for Happiness

I have learned a lot over the years about the path to happiness, oftentimes from failure or personal faults that needed to change to grow.  So, for this post I will list five that I think are very important.  Why five?  Because, people like articles that list with a number... ha.

Pride and Perfection

The first thing that I need you to realize is something that feels backwards.  You need to realize that you have a lot to learn and faults to change.  I am linking pride and perfection, as one leads to the other.  Someone is seeking to be perfect and that leads them to feel defensive when someone finds fault in them.  However, Jesus had it right when he put getting better after confession.  If you cannot confess your faults, you cannot improve them.  I have a lot of past faults that I am trying to improve and change for a better life outcome and things that I have yet to improve.

Value Yourself

It is good to have a good heart that seeks to help others, but you need to have boundaries on how far that will go.  The first and last person in your life will be yourself, and you owe a responsibility to that person.  Anyone that really cares for you will want you to do what is right and best for yourself.

Trust the Process

You cannot know how your life will change, because you cannot know who you will become as you grow and what new things you will learn.  I know it is easy to feel wounded from the past and want to put up walls, but if you try to control your life you will never really live and become the person that you want to be.

Cut Others Slack

Everyone is going to make mistakes.  We are all human and have a lot of stuff in our heads and hearts from the past and pressures and stress in our current days and more.  People that feel hurt can be harmful, but if you attack them for their harming you give them another hurdle to overcome.  That is why Jesus said to love everyone, even those that cause us harm.  Because, it is the only way that we bring love and peace back to our world.

Keep Going

Finally, keep going.  Keep going when you feel tired.  Keep going when you feel alone.  Keep going when the odds are against you.  Keep going when it is hard.  Keep going when you have setbacks.  Because, whatever is happening now is just a starting point and tomorrow is going to be based upon what you choose to do today.  So, give it your best.  I look forward to your success.

You Are Allowed to Be Happy Now

 I know the name of this blog is Forward to Happiness, but I hope that you have understood in my messages that you do not have to wait til the end to find happiness.  Happiness is a journey that just keeps giving.  It is a seed that blooms into a much larger life.  It is not so much a destination as it is a way of life.

You probably have seen a significant change in the overall tone of my playlists and posts, and that is because I am making a conscious effort to be focused upon what I want and not what I lack, what is possible more than what is lost, what I can create and become more than what did not work.  It is part of that positive mindset that I have been talking about and moving towards for months, now.  There is little purpose in focus on anything else.

So, I want to do this post to say in effect that you care allowed to feel happy, now.  Some people feel like they cannot be happy til they find... the one.  And, they might even feel that it is disloyal to be happy on your own without someone, but that is based in a wrong sense of self image and balance.  You were born alone.  You will die alone.  Most of your minutes of your days will be alone, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.  THAT is the person to whom you should be spending your most alliegience and priority.  Others will come and go, but you will always have you.

That said, others CAN be a priority, if they are family or close to you and care for you.  But... and this is important... THEY should want you to love you, so your needs are still important.  I do not want you to use that to weaponize an attack on anyone, though.  Because, we do way too much of that.  Life should NOT be about finding fault in others.  Life should be about what it literally is about... your hierachy of needs.  Everyone was born uniqute, and those that live this life have their own needs like a key.  We waste too much time in focus on keys that do not work or waiting for a key that does work, because YOU will always have the master key that will open every door, becase YOU are your first love.

So, take a beat.  Ignore others.  Think of your heart and be there for ie.  Have fun.  Live life.  Love yourself, which will result in love for others.  Hope for the future, and grow into the full being you were always meant to be but felt you couldn't because it didn't resonate in others.  You are worthy.

Trust Yourself

I had a moment in the past 24 hours where I learned something that I don't need to share for the purpose of this blog post.  But, when I learned it, it confirmed not only what I had been saying but confirmed the path that I was taking at present.  But, when it happened, I was slightly taken aback by the news, and I my reaction to that was to say.. wait.. why is that not getting a well duh reaction from me.  As I inquired that within myself, I realized that repeatedly having to defend it had caused me to doubt whether I really knew the truth.  Suddenly seeing it as true, I was faced with the realization that internally I had been doubting.... myself.  And, that is the bigger sin.

Thus, this blog post is going to be focused on specifically that.  There is no one else in the world that has been walking in your shoes.  You can be.. and I find often are.. faced in situations where the trend of society is to believe the statistically true concept in society, whether or not it is actually true to yours.  So, when you face soceity they judge you based upon the information that they have by trends.  When you try to explain how it is different, they assume.. well, that is what someone would say if they were guilty.  And, you find you have no way to defend yourself.. even if it were true.  As that process happens, again and again, you start to doubt.. yourself.

Then... the truth comes out, as it always does.  And, suddenly, those people that doubted you are like... that is horrible that it happened to you, and you are like.. well.. yeah, that is what I have been saying.  And, suddenly, you realize that the problem was not what others believed or even what happened but that YOU accepted the stereotype and jugement, evn if not admitted, in order to reconcile your own stability and peace with others.

But.... peace with others is overrrated.  If you are simply cowering to oppresors and liars to be at peacce, you are only delyaing the explosion of internal conflict and external truth.

So... as uncomfortable as it is.. my blog post advice is the same as what is found in Scripture regarding what is said about God... let god be true and every man a liar.  I think that is probably an overreach without context, but it does paint the accurate picture.

If YOU trust YOUR story, don't let anyone say that you don't know your own truth.  STAND in it.  Let me repeat... STAND in it, even if silently.  It doesn't have to be an argument to be a conviction.  Let others believe or doubt, let others fight or support.  STAND in what you know is true.  Eventually.. when the truth comes out... nothing in darkness will remain in darkness.  And, if you have cowered in that moment, the only one guilty will be you for giving up that truth.

Fly

Lunch time blog post to touch on and expand something I said on social media a few dys ago.

A couple years ago, I left Florida to come to Oklahoma, and a big part of why that was at the time was that I had just gone through two big eye operations, each requiring a month of face down time following, and had gone through it alone.  I felt like that should change, so I took a job offer that was closer to my mom and sister.  

Yet, upon reflecting on that the other day, I realize that first of all I DID go through that in Florida and made it all work just fine by trasfering money, arranging for grocery deliveries, applying my own eye drops, and more.  Further, I realize that upon getting here, I have STILL been taking care of my own needs for the most part... as well as providing to help the needs of others.  From a care taking perspective, where I am now is not that different from where I was living in Florida.

I don't say that to say ... woe is me that no one is caring for me.  I am actually concluding the reverse.  I hesitate to assign the steps that led me to this conclusion to God, so I will just say the universe or circumstances.  But, lets consider how nature teaches the young.  An older lion will let the younger learn to hunt.  A mother bird will kick the young out of the nest to learn to fly.  Nature doesn't cradle those learning but expects them to ... learn.. and believe that they can do it.

It is not till you have to rely on the strength of your own wings that you learn to have peace in your ability.  So, the universe was looking at me feeling broken and unable after the eye surgeries and rather than allowing me a soft place to fall and people to look after me I was given challenge after challenge.  Even on the road to get here I had to repair the car twice.  Then, once here, I was pushed out of my government job by Trump cuts and had to find new work and work hard at it.  And, I rose to the ocassion.  Each time there as a new challenge, I was forced to rely upon myself for funding, comfort, recovery, inspiration, care, and to develop boundaries to look out for myself.  Now, I have no doubt, as I used not to have any doubt, that I am able, all by myself, to not only survive life but thrive.  And, I will carry that knowledge and ability into every new challenge that faces me in the days and months to come.

Strut

I have been doing a lot of fitness over the last half year.  I got back into running in the course of it.  Really, it began in October, but the first few months didn't really accomplish much for me, as I was not monitoring my diet and wasn't excercising with long distance walks or running.  But, as part of my desire to become the best version of myself that I could be, I decided to dedicate myself to giving 1myself the best health and body that I was capable of doing.  So, since October, I have lost 21 pounds and have done a couple official runs in the last few months.  

My first official run was a long one.. 5 miles.  I didn't focus on speed for that one.  I just wanted to finish.  So, for a month I would gradually increase my run distance and was running often.  After training for it, I did complete the 5 mile run.. with a not so great time but did finish.  So, my next goal was speed.  In the 5k that I just did, I had a run pace in the 13 minute range.. 13:41.  I have to go back years to find a run that I did at a faster pace.  

Between the running and the weight loss, I began to feel really good about myself.. how I looked, what I had accomplished, etc.  And, I noticed something.  When I was walking, I was not looking down at the ground as much.  I was walking upright and looking forward.  And, I walked with the confidence of someone that felt they deserved to be there and had was worthy, which is something of which I didn't even fully know I was doubting.

This, and other self improvement and self love meditations, has changed my perspective in many ways.  I do not feel that I have to convince anyone to like me.  I like me.  If they do not, they can move along.   I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

One slightly tangental note ... Along with this improvement and meditation, I was forced to remain in an uncomfortable environment, and that disontent led me to want to change things in my life, as I have noted in general posts over the last months.  However, being forced to remain in it has had another aspect.  Being unable to run away from it, I had to face it and deal with it.  This is where the self love and confidence comes into play.  I still wish to move to a better environment, but what I have accoplished is knowing I don't HAVE to run away.  I am just as worthy of being here as anyone else, and I can go to events and enjoy my days knowing that.  That said, choosing my BEST environment with the most potential for future happiness is still my responsibility.

So, I don't know what it would be for you, but find something that makes YOU proud of you.. look at your accomplishments and your qualities that you love.  The world may be depressing around you, but you can strut with a little confident swagger, wherever you go, knowing you deserve to be there and respected even if only by yourself.

Blueberry Nights

A few weeks ago, I ran across a movie scene at like three AM for a movie with big stars and was free and I was shocked I'd never seen it. I watched the movie, that night.  It was good.  I'd recommend you watch it, sometime.  It's called My Blueberry Nights, and I'm sorry if I already noted it.  I've been distracted of late.

Anyways, in THIS SCENE (click to watch), the main character (Jude Law) is explaining to a girl that is mourning a lost relationship that every night in his cafe there is a whole untouched Blueberry pie.  The character played by Norah Jones asked what's wrong with the pie.  He answers nothing is wrong with the pie.  It's good pie.  You can't blame the pie.  It's just not everyone's first choice.

We need to remember in our nights of feeling rejected by so many over our years and wondering why others cannot see our value that it's not necessarily a fault in the recipe.  We can be the best we can be, and we will still be passed over by those who don't like our flavor or texture.  Letting that get us down will only make us less of a reward to someone that is truly hungry for what we are.

So, that's my post for the evening.  Stay true.  Stay you.  Love yourself, and be the very best blueberry pie that you can be, whether or not anyone takes a bite.

Here's a link to the free movie too.  I think I'll watch it again, now.

Perspective

This post is gonna wander a bit like a drunk puppy, but there is a consistent theme.... perspective.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of reframing of things that have held me paralyzed.  I don't mean that to say that I have been seeing them in a delusional way that they are not.  I simply mean that I am looking at them differently and often more simply and using them as guideposts in my decision making.  It began with my change in perspective to start applying my own personal boundaries to my choices of how and where I give my time and money and in making my future plans.  That is a healthy way of seeing things, but it is a DIFFERENT way of seeing things than I usually have done, though there have been pockets of my life where I did apply that perspective.

As an offshoot of that perspective, I have also been applying a reality based perspective that tries to see things for how they are, instead of how I wish they were.  If there is no evidence of something, I have stopped believing it is so but instead believe the evidence or lack thereof.  There is peace in that, even if it is an outcome other than I would like; because it means you can channel your energy and thoughts to other things. 

Lately, I have been reading a lot of FB posts of Jodie Foster, who is doing a lot of posts with advice and .. well... change in perspective.  She has been focusing a lot on not trying to make things happen in any certain way but to instead let things happen, as they happen.  There has been echos of this in my social media and blog posts for months, but I am taking a deeper dive into it.  If things happened a certain way or with a certain outcome, that is not something to fight but to accept and learn and grow from it... the good, the bad, or the painful.  I have other people I follow on social media that have been saying similar things.. like letting people do whatever they want to do.  Then, you know what is real. 

These led to (maybe the puppy isn't so drunk after all) me thinking, lately, that I have been looking at things in my life in an incorrect manner.  I have been trying to make my LIFE be one way or another and have often faced resistance or found myself excluded or overlooked or had plans disappear from which I had been a part.  This made me feel like I was being limited, when in fact the absolute opposite was true.  If you find yourself isolated, it means you are liberated.  If you feel you are unconnected, you have little strings.  If you stop focus on the one path that did not work, you will realize that you literally can pick from thousands of others, and the question you SHOULD be spending your time considering if which one of those would make you the most happy, rather than spending your time considering what is no more.

So, I hope this blog helps you find a new perspective if you are feeling stuck.  You might just need to shake things up a bit.  Never forget that YOU have the ultimate power and responsibility to run your life, so run it in a way that will make you happy. 

Sorry Not Sorry

I'm tired.  This week has been a long month.  But, I want to put this put there on my blog.

One of my playlists of this month has Demi Lovato singing "Sorry, Not Sorry" about not feeling bad that their success might upset those who rejected them or didn't give them the kind of support and faith that they deserved, when they had not reached their reward.  

Well, I'm about 3 weeks into a very rewarding career plan that I've been heading towards for over 6 months... applied to the job in February, while still recovering face down after an eye surgery.  There's been a lot of friction on the path, but I stayed true.  In the last years, I've been rejected by friends, family, and even a spouse 4 years ago that all sized me up a failure to fit their prejudice instead of my history or actions towards them.  It did not matter that more often than not the reason I wasn't a financial success was sacrifices and choices that I made for them.  They followed their pride to look for greener pastures.  Now, it's about to be greener under me, as Demi notes, as well.  

It also reminds me of what Tate McRae says in Want That Too... "Now, the second I find something good. I know that you're gonna want that too"  I dont know if that will happen, mainly because I've made it so they will never know I succeeded.  Let them stay deluded... except my children.  I do hope they realize all the lies my ex is feeding them and will always have an open door to me.  But, as for the rest... I am not going to seek them out to make them feel bad, buy I'm also not going to feel bad AT ALL flaunting what they COULD have had, if they had only shown the support and faith and care that a TRUE friend would show.

My life starts now, and I'm Sorry, Not Sorry who that makes upset.

Come What May

As I was driving over to initiate my background check for my new job, I wrestled with a little anxiety for a while.  I thought  .. what if they reject me?  I don't have any criminal record.  I am not in default of any government debt.  I haven't been fired from a job.  But, my periods of being out of work due to surgery and forced recovery over the last year SERIOUSLY impacted my credit report.  While it is a small blip in a lifetime credit history it IS something they take into consideration.  So, I questioned... what if they reject me?  What if after all this I am turned down and have to tell others I didn't get the job?  What does that say about me?  What does that mean about my future?

Then, I realized several truths I've noted before and let the anxiety go.

1.  It says nothing about me or my future that there are mistakes along an otherwise good path.  Some people, including relationship partners, focus on the negative because they want to find a reason to reject you.  Others look at the good to find a reason to like you.  It's all in perspective.  Indeed, even looking to the future, people will say good will come to you if you want.  That's true... eventually something good will happen.  It's also true that if you wait something bad will happen.  In the end, perspective determines outcome.

2.  I've had a life of overcoming challenges.  If this ends up not happening, I'll just carry on.

3.  I'm already in a good position.  I know it doesn't feel like it coming down to the bottom in the budget weekly, but that's been the result of a series of UN natural or expected things I've had to overcome...and overcome I have.  I've paid off back bills and had distractions this week that go away. Beyond this point is rises at a rate of up to 700 dollars extra every month, WITHOUT this job.

4.  I qualify for other higher paying accounting jobs.  Not all jobs will have all these hoops to clear.  If it is not this job, it will be another.

5.  Finally, the important thing is I believed in myself to keep trying... keep rising, and that will continue. 

As the saying goes, you only lose when you give up, and I draw peace from knowing I'll continue to be myself and rise... come what may.  Anyone that us just looking for a reason to condemn me... and there are plenty that feel I should fail for one reason or a other in a non friendly way.. will I'm sure find satisfaction in the low points on my way to the top.

Determination and Outcomes

I got good employment news, yesterday, but I didn't and don't want to do a post out of ego flattery or speaking down to anyone.  This whole blog, I speak to peers... equals.  The concepts and challenges I face and overcome are the same types everyone faces, and I always write with hope that it benefits others.  So, I wanted to think about how I wanted to write, after getting a job that starts in a month, tentatively, that will literally almost double my income.  As I contemplated it, I realized this story is full of lessons that are good for everyone, so that's how I'll present it.

This whole journey began when I was face down for 3 weeks following my 2nd major eye surgery.. 5th or 6th in total of eye procedures.  My budget was stretched out, and I was stressed out.. a feeling that still hasn't gone fully away but is much more manageable and motivating.  I remember laying there thinking.... you are smart... you solve other people's problems all the time.  What would happen if you applied your logical mind to solving and bettering your OWN situation?

And, so... I began doing exactly that.  I analyzed my living situation and determined it to be living far above my financial means without benefits of doing so.  I determined that it was unfair to myself to have an MBA and accounting experience and to be living at an income level that barely was over expenses.  I knew that my experience could mean something to apply to a past employer, especially as I had built more experience on it, so I began the process of taking steps to apply for the job... for Tulsa and the Midwest long before I had a functioning plan to get me, here.  But... I knew that less people would be applying for Oklahoma than Florida, raising my chances.. a good estimation as it turned out.  I also knew that the income on Oklahoma lesser expenses would mean more net to save or spend.  All this would be true if it was a regular accounting job, too.. not government.  So, regardless of the outcome of an application I put in for this job 5 months ago, I did the move as part of the process of solving not only my income and career issues but getting me close to family, again.  As it turned out, all of that would bloom, perfectly.  But... it wasn't from someone having pity on me or from an unexpected miracle or luck.  The entire journey began with discontent, grew with determination, and found fruition with day in day out actions to bring it about. 

I'm worthy of the job from my experience, education, and skill ...and  they will be blessed to have my sharp independent and analytical mind.  But, for years and years, I didn't apply myself to seek more.  As years passed, that became not feeling WORTH more and feel I had to compromise and take lesser jobs that only buried me, more.  So, another life lesson is.. don't undercut your own future by doubt. 

I have a collection of inspirational quotes I keep in a binder, and I came across them, today, as I was getting transcripts and more for employer forms.  I think a good way to end this is to give several of them...

Benjamin Franklin...

"There are no gains without pains."

"..the trade must be worked at, and the calling well followed, or neither the estate nor office will enable us to pay our taxes."

"Progress always involves risk; you can't steal second and keep your foot on first." Frederick Wilcox

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short but in setting our aim too low and achieving the mark." Michaelangelo 

"Be courageous. Have faith.  Go forward." Thomas Edison 

"Our doubts are traitors and make us miss the good we oft might win by failing to attempt." Shakespeare 

There's a lot more quotes... but that's enough for tonight.. I'll add more to future ones.

Trust Your Wings

It's not a novel or original concept for this blog post, but I think I often omit or don't do some things in blogs upon which I rely, simply because in my mind it's something that people already know, even if they in fact often don't... as the old truths of prior generations are not conveyed, always, to younger generations and younger generations in this cancel culture are not interested in what older generations would tell them, leading us toward a society where they will have to learn them for themselves and then judge the older generations for not telling them what they didn't want to hear.

One of those lessons I will write about, today.  Consider a bird.  At some point, the parent bird will push the young bird out of the nest to force the bird to use and gain confidence not in someone else to save them but in confidence of their own wings.

I have, unfortunately... or maybe fortunately.. had a lot of experience in this over my life in my personal struggles.  But, it is the biggest reason that I am able to shift into a methodical and steady mode of progress to rise when things happen to disrupt my stability.  I have come back from poverty caused by things outside of my control more times than I can count... medical bills, my own or others physical limitations, auto repairs...or auto unrepairability, the actions of others, and so on.  I am currently staying in a hotel that I didn't realize when I began that it was the same I stayed in years and years ago, after such a time in my life.  The hotel changed name, and I was only here for a few months, prior... and it's been updated since then.  However, that point in my life was caused by my getting a new, higher paying, job in a neighboring state.. only a few hours away.  We went through all the state procedures to move out of state to the new job with regards to my wife at the time's ex and visitation.  I even offered to pay his gas or flights for the kids.  He participated in it for months, but he decided he was tired of that and sued us both to put his ex into contempt and to drag us back to move near him.  Like I said, we had law on our side, but the court costs and affect on my wife at the time and kids was not good, so I ultimately consented to move back to this city... without a job... or a car, as we had used a title loan to help pay for the legal bills in part.

So.. at the point I was staying in this building, we were living here with very little money, no vehicle, our stuff in storage, and more.  I would go back to a previous employer that had treated me very badly for a job for a paycheck and was taking a bus back and forth in long trips to get a paycheck.  We'd use that paycheck to get into a new apartment and to get a new used vehicle and go upwards from there.  Of course, the stress of all that led to a high blood pressure nose bleed that was my first indication of having high blood pressure and got started on meds for it and lost weight and went upwards from there, eventually.  However, I survived and came back from it.  I could point to a dozen other times in my life with similar obstacles and challenges to overcome in one way or another.  However... I always found the floor and rose.

This is another example of learning the value of darkness.  If I had stayed in a protected and shielded world, I would not have the skills or the confidence that I now have.  Now, I KNOW that no matter what should happen... no matter how far I might have to fall or what I might have to do, I will survive and rise.  Even now, one thing or another could happen... and if it does I would pause.. consider my options.. and determine what needs to be done.  I would not panic or have a heart attack or stroke or fall to pieces.  Why?  I trust my wings to rise.

You have surely faced trials in your past.  I hope that they are nowhere near as much as I have had to face, and I know mine are light compared to some others.  However, rather than feeling pity and depression, you can take heart in the fact that your mental and emotional muscles have been building, and you can gain confidence in yourself to be able to meet whatever may come your way and learn and rise from the meeting.  Your tomorrow will be a better day.

 

 

Dark Light

 It's been an eventful week.  But, it's finally starting to settle down, so I thought it would be a good time to do my next blog post. I was driving from Florida to Tulsa as part of my move and staying in 2 hotels along the way. For most it was uneventful and steady. The last day , however , I began within ten to fifteen minutes of driving of having an overheating radiator.  I drove it to a nearby bait shop in the sparsely populated Arkansas road. The man in the bait shop said I could use in water hose at the back of his store to fill up my radiator. So I filled it up and I drove it to the next town where I bought several gallons of water. 

It wasn't a huge leak.  I was able to drive 60 to 70 miles before I put in another three quarters gallon of water. But it got me all the way The way to tulsa to be able to check in on time at my new residence. 

Then I was able to start figuring out how I was going to fix the car.  Having had to fix the car at all means I could not pay a month's worth of rent at the new place that I was going to be staying so I had to pay at the higher rate weekly rate, which costs five hundred dollars more over the course of a month. So I set about calling different places to fix it. 

A good friend of mine suggested amazon afterpay which allows me to not have to pay for the parts right away at least  and that saved me a lot of money. Then, I had the parts shipped in to a mechanic that I found that was able to do the labor at a cheaper rate. Now. I have my car back, and I'm able to deliver over the weekend And, I was able to sell a laptop and with the money from both of those I should be able to pay for the next couple rents and be completely back on track.

There is a point for me telling all of that as relates to the point of this blog post. During the course of all of this, I did not overstress.  I did not get overwhelmed. I did have to deal with many stressful things and was able to systematically do it logically without getting emotional or anxious over the shortage.  I was able to do that because I have a lot of experience of disappointment and issues that I had to overcome. 

And,  that is the point of this blog... overcoming struggles by experience with disappointment and struggle, as opposed to simply relying upon positive and hope.  There is a question that is asked in some of the surveys that I take that asks about how I react to stressful situations.  Do I fall apart at stressful situations? Or, am I able to process them.  I don't fall apart when negative things happen, because in my mind there's no point to fear. There's no point to worrying over it. Wastes time that could be used figuring out the next solution. 

I have a lot of experience in my life of overcoming things and knowing that I'm able to overcome things I am able to approach things by simply asking...how am I going to overcome this?  

For several months now I have been focusing on the value of darkness or the value of struggle and strengthening us and preparing us and helping us to have the right mentality to be able to approach life. It is precisely because of this that I was able to approach the situation logically and simply thinking about solutions as opposed to feeling depressed or down. Someone that focused solely on the light would not have the capacity to handle and overcome the situation.

So, don't underestimate or undervalue the struggle you face, because it could be the strength you need in the future that you are building.

Best Use of Energy

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26

This is not going to be a religious post, but that verse seemed worthy to start.

People often ask me why it is that I don't fear tornadoes in Oklahoma.  Indeed, I used to go out when they were near and try to see them from the porch or balcony, unless it was particularly windy and clouded.  Why didn't I fear?  I used to.  I used to get very frenzied in my younger years.  However, over the last few decades, I learned a few things.  I used to say that if a tornado was going to hit you, it will.. whether you are afraid of it or not.  Fear in that case was rather useless.  You can take precautions, if you like.  But, again.... fear is often paralyzing in your precautionary plans, too.  In order to respond, you have to get over the fear and to your rational mind.  Fear... is not a very good use of your energy.

In my life, I have faced a LOT of challenges that would destroy many others.  When it begins to me, I have got conditioned to just stop, think rationally, and respond.  Yesterday, for example, I was delivering an Ubereats delivery.  This order took me far out in the boon docks away from civilization.  I was 15 miles form the nearest town.  The instructions of the delivery was to go down a dirt road to their house.  I saw a dirt road and a house on the other side of it, so I assumed that was the road.  As it turned out... and as I realized half way down the path.. the road they talked about was literally 15 feet to my right, and what I was driving on was a sand path on the side of their farm pasture.  It had tracks, so I assumed it was a road, but that might have been tractor tracks.  Anyway, I soon found my car dug down in the sand and not moving.

I had the opportunity and cause to fear... what would I do?  Rather, I began working on one reason option or another.  I tried digging my wheels out, which did very little.  I tried driving over my beach chair legs for traction.  No effect.  I called the person I was delivering to.. they didn't have a way to get me out and wasn't free to do anything to help.  So, I called for a tow ... I get 4 free per year in the Uber app.  So, I googled to get the nearest address and set it up... and waited... for two hours.  Luckily, I did have fuel to last me idling, so I could keep air on with record Florida temps and to keep my phone from dying.  And, I had the drinks of the order that had to get canceled to drink to stay hydrated.  When the guy go to me, we had to work with several different attempts to get out of the sand, and finally with my back of my car lifted from the ground by the tow truck and us both gunning our wheels, we slowly made it back to the road, and I was on my way.  What COULD have paralyzed me or made me fear became an adventure for me to tell about how I overcame it, instead.

Is that how you respond to things?  I'll admit that it is not always the way I do, either.  Sometimes, I will get mired down in self pity or depression from reflecting on the past, or I will get mentally sidetracked by fear of what will happen in the future.  But, in both cases, actual progress doesn't happen until I put that aside and actually respond to the situation in front of me with reason and determination.  ALL of those options are the same mental energy being used, but only one was the correct path to actually FIX my problem or improve my situation.

You have a choice .. how do you want to use the time and energy that you are given?  I used to say that if I ever were going to die, I wouldn't want to know about it.  I would rather use my last days succeeding and enjoying what I could, right up to my last breath.  In your life, how do you want to live your life... how do you want your days to be?  Would you rather go about feeling depressed for the past, fearful for the future, paralyzed for your present.... or would you rather kick a** living life on a passionate quest right up to the end?  

Another thing I used to say is this... the absolute value or worthiness of an attempt is not dependent on the success of it.  I would change that, slightly as I aged, to say that you need to bring reason along and not waste your time and effort on paths that you know is not going to be successful.  However, the drive to do SOMETHING...to always want to improve yourself and your surroundings.. is something that is inherent in a hopeful life.  If you believe in yourself, you WILL be doing it, regardless of the success, until you cannot do it any more.  That is the difference between living and gradually dying before you are dead.