God is Good When Prayers Aren't Answered

I attended a Christian artist concert the other day, and there was a lot of good in it, and it gave me a lot of opportunities to pray and connect with God.  However, if there was one thing I would add ... one area where it could be improved in the message... it would be that they kept coming back to the theme of saying that God was good and trustworthy because of all the good He gives us and that we could stand on His word because it would result in getting what we desire and trust Him with.

I get it.  I understand that people might be lacking and want to believe in something good coming to them, instead of just bad.  But, I want to posit something for you to consider.  God is good, even when He does not give you what you desire.  I don't even mean, because something better is coming, instead... though it certainly can be.  I mean He is good, period. He is and has been in my life good in standing with me in trials, listening to me when I don't have answers and am stressed, and simply being loving in ways that doesn't result in a physical expression.  I've learned much in the times He didn't answer prayers about myself and grown in ways I could not have if I'd got what I desired.  God is god in and of the light and the darkness and helps us understand giving love and grace to those in both.

So, that's the message I wanted to post this morning.  When you find yourself like Paul and Silas chained up in some prison of life, worship, because as even that artist noted God's goodness doesn't depend on our circumstances.  I hope that helps someone, if only to know God is still there for you in prayers that go unanswered.

Grown People Don't Have to be Right

As I write this blog, I'll lead off by saying that I realize that for most of my life I didn't fully grow up in this way.. maybe in some areas but not all.  I hope to be grown in the future.

How many of you have children?  When those children were growing up and came to you to talk about imagiinary beings or things they were pretending or holiday figures, did you immediately break their hopes and dreams with factual things?  Or, did you allow them to pretend and hope and feel good about things that didn't exist?

My guess is that you let your child pretend and bought them more and more toys that would allow them to pretend, further.  Why?  We know that curiosity and positive feelings are important, and they can develop important personality characteristics by pretend without having the real thing... after all would you rather your child play house and marriage and such or go get a boyfriend when they are not even a teen and learn the hard way?

This may seem like an odd way to open a blog post, but I want you to realize something... as a young child friend of that person, they might be wanting to correct them to make themselves feel more superior.  But, as an adult, and it gets even moreso as you age; you learn that it is not always important to prove yourself right.

Recently, I noted that I believe that God is less interested in being seen as being right than it is that He can be present in our struggles and our joys and more.  I would suggest that God is the ultimate adult in this regard, because if I look around the world I see a lot of people and countries that are SO determined to prove themselves right to everyone else and to be validated in their chosen path.

As I age and especially of late I find myself more and more quiet about controversial things.  Perhaps, that can be a flaw in that things are not being challenged, but I want to enjoy my life, and there is always something with which to be upset.

And, so, I focus on the positive things in my life or things ahead in my plans.  When things don't go as planned, I look forward to what can be.  When I am delayed or strained or challenged, I am trying to look at the good that IS in my life and add positive into my own life, rather than focusing on what I am not being given.

So, I will end this short post by simply saying when you feel like others are not seeing your view or your voice is not being heard, stop and ask yourself... it is that important that you are?  I think much of our lives fits that saying that you can be happy or be right, and while I will always try to keep an open mind when I am wrong and will say things that I see is interesting or important, I am ok if others cannot or will not agree.  Their agreement wasn't part of the growth or change in me.  We all have our own paths, and I value the freedom to follow mine and others to follow theirs.  May we all find happiness.

Five Biggest Tips for Happiness

I have learned a lot over the years about the path to happiness, oftentimes from failure or personal faults that needed to change to grow.  So, for this post I will list five that I think are very important.  Why five?  Because, people like articles that list with a number... ha.

Pride and Perfection

The first thing that I need you to realize is something that feels backwards.  You need to realize that you have a lot to learn and faults to change.  I am linking pride and perfection, as one leads to the other.  Someone is seeking to be perfect and that leads them to feel defensive when someone finds fault in them.  However, Jesus had it right when he put getting better after confession.  If you cannot confess your faults, you cannot improve them.  I have a lot of past faults that I am trying to improve and change for a better life outcome and things that I have yet to improve.

Value Yourself

It is good to have a good heart that seeks to help others, but you need to have boundaries on how far that will go.  The first and last person in your life will be yourself, and you owe a responsibility to that person.  Anyone that really cares for you will want you to do what is right and best for yourself.

Trust the Process

You cannot know how your life will change, because you cannot know who you will become as you grow and what new things you will learn.  I know it is easy to feel wounded from the past and want to put up walls, but if you try to control your life you will never really live and become the person that you want to be.

Cut Others Slack

Everyone is going to make mistakes.  We are all human and have a lot of stuff in our heads and hearts from the past and pressures and stress in our current days and more.  People that feel hurt can be harmful, but if you attack them for their harming you give them another hurdle to overcome.  That is why Jesus said to love everyone, even those that cause us harm.  Because, it is the only way that we bring love and peace back to our world.

Keep Going

Finally, keep going.  Keep going when you feel tired.  Keep going when you feel alone.  Keep going when the odds are against you.  Keep going when it is hard.  Keep going when you have setbacks.  Because, whatever is happening now is just a starting point and tomorrow is going to be based upon what you choose to do today.  So, give it your best.  I look forward to your success.

I Don't Want or Need Perfect

As I began recently to begin thinking of dating in the future... not near but beginning considering it... I have found myself revisiting and retesting my balance and my foundations of it that I have been building.  It isn't a bad thing.  Everything must be tested.  That's why we have a devil.  The bible says that those that God loves He tests.  This goes along very well with the recent Fly blog post. 

Anyways, as I began reconsidering these things, I still conclude that I hold no ill will towards the past, even if I must move along from it towards a better future.  There is a meme that says your past doesn't need you.. your future does.  But, I have learned things from the past to bring into the future, and that doesn't mean learned bad things about anyone else.  It primarly means learned things about myself, what I need and where I need to have boundaries, for example.

But, somewhere along the months of healing and self reflection, one theme was realizing that there is no one that is completely bad or good, and I am as flawed as the next person.  But, I don't believe romance is about finding a perfect person.  If we did, we would be deluding ourselves.  In Sabrina, one of her friends says to her that illusions are very dangerous, because they have no flaws.  I think you can take that different ways, but how I take it is to say that if you put someone on a pedastal, they are bound to fall to your disappointment.

Selena Gomez has a song that I love a lot where she says that she doesn't need perfect, she just needs her man.  Similarly, the Veronicas have a song saying that perfect is going out of style.  I don't think that any of us really wants perfect, if we really think about it.  If we found someone perfect, we would feel inadequate.  Rather, we would feel much more comfortable with someone that is as flawed as we and that accepts that we are flawed.

So, I am not going to be looking for or expecting perfect as I go forward.  I will be looing for love and grace and romance and peace... more often than not accepting that we cannot always be on point in our lives of stress and distraction.  And, I will have boundaries that expects compromise, not complete satisfaction.  And, somewhere in the midst of it all, I hope to find a companion that want to experience this life of adventure we are on in a way that makes us both happy.  Can I find it?  Who knows.  But, what's life without dreams to follow?

Redeeming Others

This post will tap into my theological training a bit, but I do want want to be seen as someone claiming to be better than anyone else.  The only person I seek to be better than is myself every single day.  But, I do want to convey something that has been stirring in my mind and heart about how we approach others.

Can someone be redeemed?  Is it possible for someone, anyone, that has failed to measure up to be restored?  That is a concept that is very popular and spoken about quite a bit.  I do believe that it is possible, but it does not come from speaking the words and poof.. one is redeemed like magic.  It comes about because someone believes they are worthy of restoration and seeks to have it.  

Yet, our society is not practiced in restoration of the flawed.  While everyone wants to believe in redemption for themselves, the average person will not extend the same grace to another that has wronged them... even if they are instructed by Christ, Himself, to do so.

Jesus said that if someone strikes you, you are to turn the other cheek for them to strike.  If they take your coat, give them more clothing, as well.  He tells us to pray for those that despitefully use us.  If I am honest, I used to not like those verses much.  I was a person that was bullied as a youth and have been used by many over my decades.  It felt like weakness to be kind to someone that is not kind, and I do believe that you need to have limits and establish boundaries of how far you go to help othes, or you will find yourself depleted and unable to reach your own goals.  However, I have been thinking more deeply on this, and I see another side to the coin.

When I was studying to be a teacher, we learned that oftentimes those that are the meanest come from homes where they are targeted.  Those that lash out to cause pain are often facing pain.  It's like the lion with the thorn in its paw.  Once removed, they become more kind.

So, what IS Jesus trying to say, here?  I believe he is trying to say that we have the opportunity to either add to their pain or give them a path to redemption... a path to believe they are worthy of love and care and respect in order to rise up.  Those that cause us harm are often hurting from us, as well.  To fuel the conflict is to give them more obstacles to overcome to rise.

I no longer want to be the excuse for anyone to feel unworthy.  I want to help all people to believe in themselves and become the best they can be, no matter their role in my own story.  So, I will let everything from the past go and only look forward to my own potential of joys as I rise.  May others around me feel and do the same.

Grace - We All Do What We Need to Do

I've been in kinda a dark mood of late as I processed though things that I will not name, but I began to have more light in my processing (light in both meanings) from a very dark part in a very dark show season.  It was White Lotus, season 2.  I have not watched season 1, but each season is different and can be watched on their own.  I began this season a while ago but got sidetracked by other things that I was watching.  

First of all, it is not a positive and pure show.  It has amazing cast, but it deals with themes of infidelity, crime, drugs, and much more.  It also deals with things like hope, romance, self respect, and growth.  It is very well written.

But, anyways, in the final season, one of the characters says something that I found at first upsetting but then somewhat freeing with profound implications that I believe are very important for society to hear.  In it, one of the characters is presented with the possibility that her husband had sex with someone else.  She explains to the other person whose wife was involved that he didn't have anything to worry about and that maybe you didn't need to uncover all the mysteries of others, because you never really know what is in their mind or what they are doing, if you know that they love you Now, to be clear, I am not justifying people going around having affairs, and I do see the reaction as being calloused.   But, then she said, "I think you just do whatever you need to do to not feel like a victim of life."  

And, I mentally tossed that around and played with the concept for a while.  And, I believe, therein lies a great truth.  We all DO exactly that.  Whether it be religion or porn or living a bit wild or living absolutely pure and with devotion, we ARE all doing whatever we think we need to do to not feel like a victim of life.  We are all feeling emotional pains or struggles or more and then we find a path to feel balance and hope in the world, again.

And, now, apply that to others.  Here is the gem for society to learn.  Everyone in your life is doing the same thing.  They are feeling past pains and acting out.  They are responding to present pains and taking precautions.  They are finding ways to numb the pain and not feel alone and rejected and hurt.  So, maybe... instead of seeing how others treat us as a personal attack upon us we take the time to try to understand them in their own struggles.  No one is perfect, and we are all just trying to do whatever we can do to feel safe and move towards happiness, again.   

In my own life, I have made some strides to reconnect and make peace with others, but I want to expand that to everyone.  If anyone has ever acted in a way that hurt me... no matter what it was... I forgive you, and I am sorry to have added to your own pains, as well.  I want to apply that peace to anyone I have ever met.  You also had to do whatever you needed to do, and my hope is that we all find a peaceful and happy journey.. not in our perfection but in our mutual condition of needing grace for a life filled with moments lacking glory. 

Merry Christmas - Celebration of Grace

For this Christmas, I want to bring out my theology and seminary training to say something that I normally say almost every month, but I will put it in the correct theological framework that fits the specific night and day upon which we find ourselves.

On the coming days, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, and there is a REASON that we celebrate the birth of Jesus in the Christian tradition.  Mankind was doomed, before Jesus came in the Christian framework.  Mankind was dead to right guilty of sin and therefore unpure to receive from God and to eventually be in the presence of God.  Scripture tells us that "there is none righteous.. no not one" and "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" .. so mankind needed a payment for their sins.  Per Christian teaching, that person was Jesus.. God, born of a virgin woman.. not just any virgin woman, though.  He was born from the people and in the place that would be least accepted and least assumed to be worthy of redemption.. let alone to provide it.

Then, what did Jesus do to gain authority?  Well.. nothing.  He pissed off the religious that were in power and called them snake and vipers.  He didn't go to the government for backing, either.  For the first 30 years, he worked as a carpenter and didn't do anything to gain power.  Then, he went out and started talking to people in fields and healing and feeding them... showing actual love for the needy that was rejected by the religious bodies and governments of the day... often doing so would make Him an outcast for choosing to love them.  When the religious bodies of the day felt threatened by the numbers of people that were following him, they would demand that the government kill Jesus.

So, it wasn't about being worshiped in a temple.  It wasn't about people thrusting praise and acceptance upon Him.  God saw to it that that would not happen.  It was God choosing to use the least worthy birth to lead to a least worthy leader to serve as payment for the least worthy people.. us.

So, as you celebrate Christmas this year, do so remembering that you are only included in being able to receive it, because God decided that your failures and sin did not disqualify you from love.  Then.. go and do likewise. 

Thinking Comes Later

Not everyone processes the same.  I've been thinking more and more as the years go by that we err in classifying all humans as one species.  In a very real fashion, one person could not be more different than another in how they perceive and respond to the world, languages they speak (verbal, written, body, love, and more) and in so many different ways.  That doesn't mean that they are not all valid, and it does not even mean that you should stay within your type of personality.  But, it does mean we should not perceive others and try to decode them using ourselves as the Babel stone.  

One of my favorite movies is Finding Forester.  As someone that loves to write, this is a gem of a movie to watch, and it has a lot of wonderful life lessons too.  In one scene in the movie, one character (played by Sean Connery) is asking the younger person he is trying to tutor why he is not writing.  The younger character says he is thinking, Forester's response is..

"No thinking – that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is to write, not to think!"

I was analyzing different personality types, today, because... that's what I do.. think about things, oftentimes.  And, I was thinking how I would have a difficulty in being able to understand why someone that is relationship avoidant would do things or even to understand what they are meaning in doing them.  They tend to put a lot of thought into what they SHOULD do and then allow themselves to follow their emotions to do one thing or another.  Meanwhile, I am over here determining what I should do BY what I am doing and experiencing and learning as I go.

I've had this problem with other people in many different ways, not just in terms of relationships.  Sometimes, I will be thinking aloud and exploring different ideas.. sometimes even contradictory ones.  Indeed, I would say I would WELCOME contradictory ones.  I like to have friends, for example, from different points of view to challenge me as I think aloud.  Then, though the liberal arts discussion that ensues, I am able to determine the correct concept to believe or path to follow.  However, to OTHER people, they are over there asking what my point is that I am trying to say or conclusion that I am communicating, while I am like... I don't know yet... that's why I am communicating to find out.

No one is the same, and every way of thinking is valid and has purpose.  That is the main thing I hope you take from this post.  But, as subset of the point that is applicable to this blog is this, though you may disagree.  I think in order for you to follow your path to happiness, it is important to figure OUT your path to happiness.  And, deciding what that is may require a period of testing and consideration, if you are like me.  If so, I would say ... test on... keep trying and observing and learning.  It is NOT a comfortable way of figuring it out, and it is messy and inefficient.  However, if that is how you happen to be, follow it till you figure it out.  Others that cannot understand or respect that about you invalidate themselves in the process, since they would have to live with you like that, afterwards... and that is important information to know, as well.  Live. Love, Laugh. Learn.  You'll figure it out.