God is Good When Prayers Aren't Answered

I attended a Christian artist concert the other day, and there was a lot of good in it, and it gave me a lot of opportunities to pray and connect with God.  However, if there was one thing I would add ... one area where it could be improved in the message... it would be that they kept coming back to the theme of saying that God was good and trustworthy because of all the good He gives us and that we could stand on His word because it would result in getting what we desire and trust Him with.

I get it.  I understand that people might be lacking and want to believe in something good coming to them, instead of just bad.  But, I want to posit something for you to consider.  God is good, even when He does not give you what you desire.  I don't even mean, because something better is coming, instead... though it certainly can be.  I mean He is good, period. He is and has been in my life good in standing with me in trials, listening to me when I don't have answers and am stressed, and simply being loving in ways that doesn't result in a physical expression.  I've learned much in the times He didn't answer prayers about myself and grown in ways I could not have if I'd got what I desired.  God is god in and of the light and the darkness and helps us understand giving love and grace to those in both.

So, that's the message I wanted to post this morning.  When you find yourself like Paul and Silas chained up in some prison of life, worship, because as even that artist noted God's goodness doesn't depend on our circumstances.  I hope that helps someone, if only to know God is still there for you in prayers that go unanswered.

What We Can Learn from the Temptations of Jesus

I knew that this blog post was coming for several days, but I didn't feel it was right, til now.

In the Gospel stories, Jesus was tempted by Satan with three temptations, and I think they are important for reflection in thinking about life, whether or not you are religious or even believe.

First, I have not note one thing, because it is something I have said for a long time.  You have this story in the Gospel because God was not only allowing this trial but was using Satan for the trial.  It was a part of his plan, indeed a part that was important enough to write down so others can learn from it.  I'll just leave that right there.

Ok, the first of the trials that Jesus was faced with in the gospel story was being tempted to use his Divine power to turn rocks into bread after not eating for a long time.  I want you to notice something.  He DID have the power, and he COULD legitimately do what was asked.  It wouldn't have made Him any less Divine.  It would not have been a sin for Him to do it.  But, He refused to use Divine power to provide what He wanted like it was some magic trick.  Holiness isn't about manipulating God to give you what you desire.  I don't pray like that.  I will earn my kids trust and respect, just like I work for other things in my life.  And, sometimes you need to face fear and struggle and grow to come out the other side.

Next, He was tempted to throw Himself off the temple and let God catch Him.  This certainly would have established to those watching what He really was, but again He chose not to use God to establish His popularity and authority.  Indeed, one thing that I have discovered in life is that being rejected and lowly is one of the best ways to talk to others rejected and lowly, because they know you understand their story.

Finally, He was offered the kingdoms of the world, if he worshiped Satan.  Again, if Satan wasn't able to provide that, it wouldn't have been a temptation.  God had given him that authority, just as Jesus told the Roman leader that his power came from God to kill him.  Yet, Jesus purpose wasn't being worshiped  I said in a comment to one of my posts, recently, that God is less concerned with being seen as right than that He can be with us in our pain, and I believe that is true.  Worship can often get in the way of connection, and I don't want to be worshiped by anyone or put on a pedastal.  I am just as flawed as anyone, but maybe.. maybe I can help someone else.  And, that is the purpose of this blog.

I hope you have a good weekend.

The God that Hears

I've had a continuous relationship with God over my life.  That doesn't mean I've always thought God was worthy or that God was right.  I still have my doubts about both, but God hasn't ever had a problem with my questioning..  those problems usually came from men.  But, I think it is a Divine quality to allow others to struggle in the places where struggle is important to growth and not take it personally.  Plus, I think it is a Divine quality to question things.  My own kids have questioned me at times, and I don't think that is a bad thing.  As I said about one of them one time, if they are strong enough to question ME, they are going to be ok in life.

But, I did use to question God a lot and sometimes I felt angry at God.  None of that means I didn't have a relationship with God.  True relationships allow for true conflict.  God and the devil have a very old relationship, as well as other divine figures that walk independently.  But, I use to cast a lot of anger at God for what happened to me in life, presuming that God was responsible.  We get that idea that God is responsible by attributing to him the concept of Providence and believing that all things are being directed by him for our good.  But, I watch 5 people run red lights every single week.  People do not follow Divine direction, nor does things like disease, bacteria, or our own choices or the choices of others.  So, how can I hold God responsible for the freedom of others, unless I want God to take away all freedom, which I do not want.

But, as I swayed and screamed and acted out, I not only found that God was patient but that He LISTENED... not that he was waiting around for us to figure it out but actually HEARD me, because he cared enough to pay attention and offer care and consolation in the middle of it all.

So, this post is not to say to go church, because honestly I don't want to play roulette with whether you go to a good one or one that will take advantage of your pain to their own ends.  I don't want to involve religion at all.  But, I will say.. from my own experience.. that God is there and is listening, whenever you want to talk, and sometimes, that may be all you need.

Love Thy Ex

Part of what i believe is my purpose is to address things that others know to be true but is not spoken about in society.  Or, it's something that people don't know to be true but should, because it is obvious.  Or, it could be things that no one has the courage to say.

Whichever category this falls into, tonight's blog post is something that I think is important to note and to change in society.  It has become so common that it is just presumed to be the natural way that relationships end that you will trash your ex in order to move on from them.  I admit that in years past I fell victim to that trend, but it is neither healthy or right to do so.

In the Bible, Jesus tells people to love those that do good to you and to love those that do bad.  If someone strikes your cheek, you are to turn the other cheek.  Jesus forgave his killers from the cross.  So, the Christian message is to forgive those that do you wrong... unless they are you ex, and then all the church gossip says burn that guy or gal.

I have been accused at one time or another by one person or another of still caring for my ex.  If you are talking about as a human being, of course I still do.  I chose them for a reason and care for them in that I do not want them to face harm, just like I don't want anyone else to do so.  I am currently helping an ex and postponing my own needed plans in order to make sure that she is safe until I can leave the situation to pursue my own goals.  Do I still have romantic feelings for her?  No... we have changed, and what I need is different than it once ways.  But, that doesn't mean that I have to hate her for our differences or look over her needs or wish her harm.

So, I will continue to love my ex's in my past and want the best for them.  It doesn't mean that it changes my boundaries or theirs or needs or more.  But, being the same person that I was when I met them and them being a person worthy of care, I will also not be choosing to hurt them intentionally or be saying anything negative about them.  My focus will be on the positive in my own life and my own goals.  I can pursue that going forward without rewriting anything from the past.

So, this runs contrary to the way of modern society, but SOMEONE has to speak up about it, and as is often the case... that person is me.  Have a good weekend.

What is Love

Now, I have that song playing through my head... what is love... baby, don't hurt me.  

But, what IS love, and how can we know if it is true?  There are many different interpretations, and I am not about to assume authority to tell you what love is.  It means different things for different people in different attachment and personality styles.  All are valid.  But, I can describe what I believe love is for myself and some general concepts for observation of it.

What is LOVE... well the bible says of love...

" 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor 13 in the Bible.

Jesus says it is the Sum of the Law of God and the standard by which we are to live our lives, first to ourselves and then to others.

What is love to you, though?

To me, love is something that I give.. pretty much without control.  I see a need.  I care for the need.  I give for the need.  I see someone that I think is special.  I say they are special.  I admire their qualities.  

Love isn't really hard to do... but you DO have to DO it, or else it isn't love (as love is a verb) but is simply a theory for you.  Here's a hint.  Love doesn't do well when judged by logic.  It doesn't make sense and is not prosperous.  That isn't the goal.  I cannot count the times in my life that I chose the path of love for those that would reject me and which would bring me further poverty or lack for my giving.  But, I wouldn't change a single act or day of those moments.

When people say that they are "in love" what they often mean is that they feel really good about themselves.  Sorry to be so course, but that is the fact.  Their hormones are pumping, and they are exited about being able to be liked by someone else.  They are NOT actually thinking how they can help this person or give to them in need... you know.. the qualities of love.  Then, the emotions fade, and hard times come.  Suddenly, it isn't fun anymore.  THAT is the  EXACT MOMENT that you know if the love is real.  And, true love is worth it.

So, my hope of this post is not that you find love.  My hope is that you LOVE.  Whether or not others can receive it, is is the one good thing that we can bring into the world to create, and I hope that you will weild it to create a happy future for yourself. 

Respect the Pain and the Past of Others

So... this was actually the blog that I felt most compelled to write, earlier.  But, it is less rosey and is something I am working on in myself, as well.  But, as I am watching the end of the new Bridgerton episodes, I find myself drawn to complete the blog.  So, here it is.

We all carry around pains and challenges from our past.  In some cases, those pains can transition, so you are able to carry them in another way.  However, I do not believe that they ever truly go away.  I do believe that wounds between people can heal in a way that reconciliation can happen, even if that reconciliation is different than before.  But, I believe that it is only possible by respect for the wounds of the past and in such way that they are not repeated.

Lately, I have shown some liking of a show of a comedian that acknowledges some of the same cynicism that I have of organized religion.  And, I will do my best not to bring that cynicism to this blog post, but it is important to note that this cynicism is not recent and is long standing, based upon a long list of mistreatment and neglect by those in religious positions or those who were religious.  Again, I want to emphasize that it is not recent, even if it can affect my perception of those that are religious.  I do not want to allow my past to characterize those that are religious, today.. even when I see similarities or further things happen to irritate that scab from the past.  I can and have tried to ignore it and be overly optimistic, but that would not be real and based upon enough evidence to overcome that past.. not yet.  And, there are many such examples of contemporary religious hypocrisy and judgment out there in the world, so it is not something that is imagined in my mind.

I only say that to say this.  I have a past with religion that should be respected by someone that would care for me, just as they should respect my past with past emotional wounds... religious or otherwise, even as I should also be someone that respects that in others.  There is no.. well, they just need to hurry up and heal.. ever.  Wounds change you, and the person that exits on the other side is not the same as the one that entered.  It is not possible to just pretend that that never happened.

So, this difficult blog post is only here to say this.  If you care for someone, you will respect their full nature.. you will love the person that exited the wounds, not giving an expectation that they will return to being without them.  If they are dark or hardened, the cure is not for them to suddenly be rich of hope and to be able to be like you.  Care for them is to care for their darkness, or you never really cared for them... themselves.. at all. 

A Life of Love

As I look back over my life, I have a different perspective, lately, than I have at times in the past.  In the past, I would look at the many periods of pain that I faced in one situation or another... but lately my focus has been more upon love in its many forms and results.  I am grateful for living a life that has contained so much love over the years, regardless of the pains that might have resulted as well.

I had the wonderful experience of being able to be very present and involved in the lives of my children in most of their upbringing.  It made such a mark upon my heart that it was hard for me to think I could be happy, after they had grown and gone.  I know many struggle with this, ,as well.  However, it is possible to have happiness in your life apart from your children, and it is important to remember that just because they are no longer present and those moments are past, they are fixed in time... you have a memory of love to with them, which is much more than many can say.

My relationship with my dad grew from rocky beginnings to much better by the time that he died of cancer.  That was over 20 years ago, but I treasure the memories of the times that I had with him, as I also treasure the memories in the past and the times in the present that I can spend with my mom and sister and other family members.

I was a youth director at my church for a couple years in high school and college age, and I still get to remember the impact that those kids had on me and me on them.  I remember other times of ministry to help people over the years in many ways.. most not present in a church... sometimes in unnoticed ways to help others, simply because I knew that they needed it.. even if it was something as simple as having a conversation with someone that I knew was struggling and needed an open year and a caring heart.  I am not sure how high that number would be of people I helped in conversations, but it would be in the many dozens.  I have written books and blog posts to help people, as I am with this one, as well, and I don't do it for money or fame.  I do it, because I want to help people to navigate life in a way that would lead them out of dark times and into more happy days.  And, I currently work in a non profit organization that helps people that are homeless and in need, and I remember that each day that the stress from the workload hits a high point.

My life of love has not been a life of joy.  It has been a life of living where the rubber hits the road and is driven by my heart for others.  It has not always been wise, but I am remembered of the cadet maxim..

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible."

I'd simply counter that to say that it must be married to grace, if it is to be sustainable.  So, the next time that you think your life is void of love, take a look around you at the impact you have had on others and remember the impact others have had on you.  You might find that you have a life of love, as well. 

What Everyone Knows About Love

Ok.  I am going to do the blog post that I mentioned would be coming on social media.  As promised, it will be a general post with very little details from my personal past, because those details are A. not important to be said to establish the foundation for the point and B. being protected by me as an application of the point that I will be sharing.  It is a post that will run contrary to the procedures and methods of this world, today... and that is both sad and the point.... because we all know it to be true, even though very few will actually live that way.

The first point that I want to establish off the get go that will run afoul of modern mentality is this.  Love never dies... it might just live in hidden places and under pain and intentional distraction.  It might leave your possession and live within another for a while.  It might be seen in another form.  However, it never dies.  This should not be a surprise to anyone.  There is both literary and cultural foundation for this concept.  The bible literally says, "Love never ends" or "Love never dies" based on the translation in 1 Cor 13:8.  Vincent Van Gogh says, "Love is something eternal—the aspects may change, but not the essence."  We all have hope that love will always remain, and we say things like "I'll love you forever" or the "love of my life" and feel sadness when we do not feel that the love is remaining, because the other person might say hurtful things or walk away or more.  However, I'd say that oftentimes those are indications that love is, indeed, remaining.  If love truly went away, there would be no anger in a breakup.  Pain comes from care, and care comes from love.  Further, I only use myself as evidence in this without knowing the minds of others, but those with which I have had the most conflict and who have done me the most damage in the past, I have still been concerned for their wellbeing, success, and happiness.  It is not a choice between love and pain.  It is pain in love.  A person without love would not care about what another may be doing or saying or living.  They'd be too busy with other things in their lives to even notice.  

Next, love is not tied to what you receive.   In fact, that is kinda the opposite of the whole existence of love to assume otherwise.  Love is a choice.  Love is concern for another person.  Love is to care for their needs and the desire to help meet those needs.  This is not to say that love cannot be intermingled with some of those other themes, some important and others not.  Perhaps, someone might think that love is found in loyalty.  Some think love is found in someone that is showing care back for you.  Some think that love is found in honesty.  All of these have value on their own, but... none are actually components of love.  Similarly, some might think that love is pain or love is vulnerability or love is being used.  Those can be results of love, as can be things like gratitude or self respect or happiness.  It should also be noted that just because a love that was shared ceased to be presently active that it is important to go back and reinterpret things to redefine good things as bad to find "closure"...  that will not change the existence of love, and it will not lead to closure.  It will only deepen a wound to find more reasons to hate.

I've noted this at different times, and I hate to be repetitive, but it is applicable, here.  There are a couple movies that I can use as reference points for you to consider, as well as a book that I read in the past year.  The movies I would reference would be The Arrival and Interstellar.  The book would be The Dispossessed.  The concept would be this.  Things can be fixed and true in a period of time, even if time moves on and are not longer present.  It was true in that moment.  It was a true fact in the cycle of the story of life, regardless of the chronological march of time.  The dates may change, and events may not be in our view, but they are in fact ETCHED in the walls of time.  In those moments in my life, for example, I was happy and connected and joyful and peaceful and fulfilled.  It does not mean that I cannot be similarly happy in the future, but it also does not mean that those moments were bad.  It would in fact be a lie to say that they were not good.  So, rather than follow the way of the world to try to run away from feeling love for a moment in the past, which the struggle only proves the truth of the moment if you have to fight against it... embrace that life is not a straight line and includes change.

Finally, I'd simply say this.  Love is love.  It remains.  It does not mean you can only love one person.  It does not mean that you were bad to feel it.  It does not mean that it will remain, forever.  Let the past remain the past... the love in that moment worthy for the moment and live and love those around you in the current day... as well as those that are no longer part of the story.  Indeed, it may be an act of love for them to protect them from your own pain. Just  follow these words.. love always, no matter the outcome or the impact on you.. not for you but for them.  If you do that, your life will have meaning, and you can carry yourself high to walk into the story to come.