I had this thought for this blog a week ago, but it was still peculating. I think the concept works best in application to dating, though it can work for any kind of interpersonal connection.
Today, I had free time, so I browsed a few dating apps. Honestly, it has been something that I am open to do but not doing, and it is still very uncomfortable for me to consider and do, so it will be a light browse a only casual dating for a while. But, just like returning to places I have been with people from the past in order to build new memories there, it is similar in this regard.. only harder. I have to rebuild those interpersonal conversation and connection skills that I have used in the past. Doing things like going to Meetup events and talking to friends also helps with this. Well.. fitness may be a better metaphor. So, I'll do a paragraph about that, too.
When I first started really getting back into fitness, I tried to run, and I hurt, and my time was horrible. Then, I began walking.. first a few days a week, then most days a week, then began running-walking intervals, and then I ran today, again. Today's was much easier, and my time was actually pretty good for an amateur runner of my age. It took rebuilding those muscles by use, and I think it will take a while of that to really get in my comfort zone, again, without triggering sensitive spots and memories. But.... I'll get there.
Anyways, to get back to my point of why. I've been thinking new ways about the use of dating apps and dating in general than I used to think. My thinking is that it should start more casual, for example. However, almost all dating apps have some place for you to put your interests. So, people will check the boxes or say the things in which they are interested. If there is a shared interest, it's a match... right? Eh.. not necessarily. Because, you really need to ask on those interests... why.
WHY do they like those things? HOW do they like to do it? They must be questioned, because two people can have the same interests and yet have very different ways of seeking them and pleasing them. There are also varying levels of interest in those things, and that is ok. We don't have to share all interests and in the same way, but if we don't ask why we can create assumptions about other people that equate our own, and that is not always the case.
For example, many use religion and faith to mean a WHOLE lot about someone, but defined by how that one believes faith to be. I have a personal faith, but it is not the same as many with very public faiths, for example. For some that is religious they care for your soul. That's nice, and I get what they are feeling, because to them the soul is very important. However, I would rather have someone that cares for more about me than my soul. I want them to care how I feel, if I'm under stress, if I am happy, or just care to know more about me. Today, I ran for the first time in a long time and a good pace, as I noted. Tonight, I cooked a very nice meal that I had not made, before. I posted both on social media. I didn't do so to get attention, as my recent way of thinking is that we should just do what we like to do and the right ones will notice that and be drawn to us. However, it was a thought that I had, this evening, that many that I know may not be liking those things or expressing interest in me, because I didn't attend a service today or post about the holiday. They will assume certain things about me, and I tire of trying to either please the judgments of others or being concerned when they do so judge. That's fine. That's their perspective. I understand that, but it isn't what I am seeking.
What I am seeking is someone that cares about the good things that I celebrate, simply because they like to see me happy, and they care about the dark times and challenges that I face, because they care about me in those times, as well. I do believe in God, and I live a good life that cares for others, but I want someone that loves me when my day is dark and my struggles are real. I would honestly rather date a caring atheist than someone that has religious leaning that only notice what I didn't do.
But, that's just religion. You can say the same things about other things. I like to write, but there is a lot of different kinds of writers. I like scifi, but there are many scifi fandoms, many of which are at odds with one another. Whether it be travel, dancing, music, cooking, taking pics, or any other things, each have a multitude of reasons why they are important to each person, and sharing them does not necessarily make one right for another.
So, I am still growing and changing, and exploring; and I will say that I am not entirely sure what I will like or what will work with me. I do have some experience to draw from, but it is really a new adventure. So, as uncomfortable as it is for me to ... get back out there and chat with others. that's what it will take to figure things out, and a really good way to start those conversations is to simply ask someone... why. I wish you luck, courage, and flexibility to adapt, all of which I will definitely need, as well.