Do Not Doubt Yourself

There has been times in my life that I was doing what I felt was loving and good things for others, and something happened to disrupt that connection and as often happens words are lashed out and hurtful things are said, leaving you feeling that maybe you were not as good and loving as you felt.  Perhaps, you even veer into it feeling that if they see you as an evil villain then maybe you should become one.  Regardless, it can have a self fulfilling prophecy effect.

I've spoke on this in past posts from the other side, saying that if someone hurts you that responding in anger only gives someone that is already struggling another obstacle to their own rise from their own pain from the past and why Jesus told us to forgive others so they can heal.  We have to have the same mentality for ourselves, too.  

Because, the fact is that no one is all evil or good.  We are all trying to make it through this life, and if you are trying to be loving or good, that's a very good thing in this world.  It is not an excuse to not keep learning and growing and getting better, but failing to reach perfection and mistakes made on the journey is not a reason to surrender the attempt or doubt yourself to be your best.  No one is qualified to define your future, except yourself.

So, do not doubt yourself on the doubts of others, if you are trying to be good and loving.  Just keep improving and growing, no matter what anyone else says.  You deserve the opportunity to rise.

You Are Allowed to Be Happy Now

 I know the name of this blog is Forward to Happiness, but I hope that you have understood in my messages that you do not have to wait til the end to find happiness.  Happiness is a journey that just keeps giving.  It is a seed that blooms into a much larger life.  It is not so much a destination as it is a way of life.

You probably have seen a significant change in the overall tone of my playlists and posts, and that is because I am making a conscious effort to be focused upon what I want and not what I lack, what is possible more than what is lost, what I can create and become more than what did not work.  It is part of that positive mindset that I have been talking about and moving towards for months, now.  There is little purpose in focus on anything else.

So, I want to do this post to say in effect that you care allowed to feel happy, now.  Some people feel like they cannot be happy til they find... the one.  And, they might even feel that it is disloyal to be happy on your own without someone, but that is based in a wrong sense of self image and balance.  You were born alone.  You will die alone.  Most of your minutes of your days will be alone, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.  THAT is the person to whom you should be spending your most alliegience and priority.  Others will come and go, but you will always have you.

That said, others CAN be a priority, if they are family or close to you and care for you.  But... and this is important... THEY should want you to love you, so your needs are still important.  I do not want you to use that to weaponize an attack on anyone, though.  Because, we do way too much of that.  Life should NOT be about finding fault in others.  Life should be about what it literally is about... your hierachy of needs.  Everyone was born uniqute, and those that live this life have their own needs like a key.  We waste too much time in focus on keys that do not work or waiting for a key that does work, because YOU will always have the master key that will open every door, becase YOU are your first love.

So, take a beat.  Ignore others.  Think of your heart and be there for ie.  Have fun.  Live life.  Love yourself, which will result in love for others.  Hope for the future, and grow into the full being you were always meant to be but felt you couldn't because it didn't resonate in others.  You are worthy.

The Role of Reason in Hope

Hope is not the easy path.  It takes courage, because it comes with risk.  The easy thing to do is to just accept surrender and count something as being lost and mourn it, rather than to have the hope, because choosing hope is to willingly expose yourself to the potential for rejection or failure, whether that be reaching out to loved ones or believing in better days, ahead.

So, how do you rise and stand in hope?  It takes a reasoned mind that can determine the steps ahead and the will to follow that plan, even when your emotions want to recoil in self defense.

I have noted this in the past, but faith and fear are not two different and opposite things, despite them being described in that way.  Fear IS faith.  What we call faith is believing good things are gonig to happen, while fear is believing bad things are going to happen.  In both cases, there is no evidence that either is true.  The difference is which path we choose to follow and which we want to feed.

That's where reason comes to play.  You are not emotions.  You have emotions, but you have a mind that was given to you to manage them and your body.  Just like a commitment to fitness that is necessary regardless of how you feel, you must take the time to determine what you desire and plan how to achieve it.  Sometimes, the path is blocked, and you cannot choose it.  However, other times, it is just difficult but possible.  However it is, if you determine a path to get you to where you want to be, you just hold yourself to the path, even when you feel tired, fearful, or alone.  

And, that is how you choose hope, not by emotional satisfaction but by loving yourself enough to choose potential over your own emotional paralysis.  It might not always succeed, but it definitely won't if you sit around waiting to feel safe.

According to Plan

I just completed my 5 mile run this weekend of which I have been training since late March.  At that time, I was not running at all.  I had the confidence I could do it, but in order to make it happen, it took brutal honesty of how I was currently, create a training plan to get there, and dedicated work to make it happen.

I give this as an example, because I am applying this method in other areas of my life, as well.  You cannot budget on hope.  You cannot live in expectation that anyone else will suddenly come in to make it happen.  And, you cannot get there without all of the elements, above. 

Brutal Honesty 

Whatever it is that you want, you must first look at where you are with brutal honesty.  Don't be polite to please others or hopeful of things you do not see.  If you do that, you will remain paralyzed, forever, living your life for other people's dreams.

Make a Plan

Next, make your plan.  It should be achievable and real but have a challenge to meet.  It needs to recognize obstacles to remove and lead where you know provides at the very least a foundation for growth to more.  The next step is a worthy goal, as well.

Execute the Plan

Dedicate yourself to the plan.  Expect to have doubts or feel tired on some days, so do not let emotions sway your plan.  Emotions sway, so sway them back to the plan and stay on course.  It will take time,  so don't base success of the plan on immediate results but rather feel good about putting yourself first and journey onward.

My plan has milestones and steps, and I know exactly what each part will be this year.  I know it will lead to a good foundation of personal ownership of my life and my goals and good potential to reach them.  Then, the years that follow will only grow from there.

I don't know your plans, but if you really want to reach them, some version of this will be important for you as well.  I believe in you to be able to define and reach the happy milestones ahead in all your lives.

It Is That It Is

I'm going to step off the boundaries subject to touch on an adjacent one, which I have noted from time to time.  It is a good fit, here.  I've said a lot of this in the past, but for the same of flow I am just going to say it, again.

When I got a job in Boston, years ago, I kept hearing a phrase repeated there, and I hated how much that I heard it.  People would say, "It is that it is."  On the balance scale of the Serenity Prayer, I have always tended more on the side of "change the things you can change" and not on the "accept the things you cannot change," though as I have grown older I have begun to acknowledge much more in life that we cannot or should not change and have begun to learn to accept that, more often.

Because the fact is that there is much in our lives that cannot change, especially parts that involve other people.  Indeed, you should not expect that anyone else should change who they are for you.  Even in situations where I knew that personality styles between people would clash, I just see that as a sign of finality, because I would not expect someone to change who they are for me, just as I wouldn't expect them to expect me to change who I am for them.  It just..... is that it is.

What you CAN change in those situations is where the adjacent boundaries come into play, and I will note that for just a minute.  You cannot change how others will treat you, but you can change your proximity or closeness of them, if they are not able or willing to make the effort for you.  Your personal boundary can stand on your self respect, when others do not respect yourself.

But, there is a lot that you can change, and the first and most important thing that would fit this category is your mindset, your direction, and your focus of hope.  Your mindset, because if you are still expecting things from things that have not given you reason for that hope, you are not basing your expectation on reality.  There must be... works.. to quote the bible.. for something to be alive.  Your direction, because as I noted in a meme that I shared once, recently, your past does not need you but your future does.  Finally, you can change the focus of your hope, and by that I do NOT mean that you pick someone else to throw your hope behind.  There will be people that are worthy of a "trustfall" as Pink's song says, but I mean the source of your hope is best suited to be within yourself.  So, I will end this blog post with an animated song that communicates this well, so go watch it after reading this.  it is from Frozen 2, and it can be watched by clicking the link, here, Show Yourself.  You are the person you have been looking for.  So, rise and shine. 

Believe it or Not

People use the word believe alot, but as the man says in Princess Bride, I don't think that word means what they think it means.  Maybe it is because so many equate faith with a "perfect" god of one style or another, faith lately has taken on an air of passing an audit, first.   Once I have determined that you have passed all of my tests, then I will "believe" in you.  But, is that faith or evidence?  The Bible calls faith the "evidence" of "things not seen" or to put it in the terms of the Santa Claus movie, "Seeing isn't believing.  Believing is seeing."

 

And, therein lies the problem.  When people demand evidence for believing, you can never actually get to the evidence.  Because, it is when people believe in us at our low points that we can believe in ourselves and begin to rise.  It is the faith of the crowds that help teams to win games.  It is the faith in the poor that helps them to have the self esteem and self love to begin to take pride in their steps and go forward.

 

I have had faith in many at many times and have voiced that faith to them.  I've told people that I believe they are perfect for different jobs or will do well at them and stood with them, even when I did not get the same faith in me.  I have had faith in my children, even when they could not have faith in themselves and was not showing any evidence that would suggest they are improving.  I have had faith in myself, even when I faced trial after trial and condemnation and gossip by others that would choose to NOT have faith in me, and I would rise in that faith, not in spite of them but because it was always in my nature to do so.

 

As George Michael says, I gotta have faith, and I have faith in my future.  I believe that the things that I want will make its way into my life at the hands of others that have faith in me.  And, I believe the path to that end will not come by trying to prove to others that I have met their tests of evidence.  I never required that of them.

 

So, as we celebrate St Patrick's Day, look to your future, down a green beer, and look for the light to rise on your path, ahead.  I believe in you, and I believe you are able to meet and prosper the journey ahead. 

Magical

I've noted something a long time ago about how for something to be magical there must be non magical for comparison.. for something to be special, there must be the mundane... for something to be successful, there must be others that fail.  We enjoy the MIRACLE of the light bulb, and it WAS a great success.  But, it came after literally thousands of failures.

I'm experiencing a very happy life, lately.  It seems a little bizarre and unbelievable to me, sometimes.  I've had so many times where things appeared to be very good and was not.  I've had the floor fall out from under me many, many times, when I tried to stand on hope.  Though, hope is also a good net to catch you when you fall.

But, then, I think about this concept.  It is the FAILURES that make the SUCCESS what it can be.  You cannot fully appreciate a magical moment or time period without the times that it failed to materialize.  And, failure can be a wonderful instructor along the way, provided we don't give up.  It's easy to do that.  It's easy to say... it NEVER works for me about one thing or another.  But, the key word is YET to follow that.

There was a Christian movie I watched a long time ago, and I don't recall much of it.  However, I do remember the father telling a son that was having issues with doubt that "You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take."  Indeed.  It's like that meme that is out there of the minor that gives up digging with inches before the treasure of diamonds.

My thinking on it is this.  If you have been trying and failing, you should look at your life and consider this.  You already don't have what you seek, and you won't have it... whether or not you try.  I do understand that desire can bring fear, but it can also be empowering and hope can be the fuel that gets you through rough times.  

And, when you have to go through those dark times, I guess I'd say from experience... the darkness is important to fully recognize and appreciate the light that is to come, and when it does come, it will be magical.

Believe.. Create

I was going to put it off, but I should do this blog post while the ideas and influences are still fresh.. having finished a couple influences related.

I just finished Mort in the Terry Pratchett Discworld book series. As always, Terry's works are intricately woven tapestries of thought and plot.  There is never just one thought you can gain from reading it, but it helps you to think through things and develop logic skills.  Mort is on the surface the story of an apprentice of Death, buy it introduces or explores many other concepts.  

One of those concepts is the power of our expectations and beliefs.  Death explained that people get what they expected in the afterlife, as it is easier that way.  Further, they talk about how the power of belief in gods makes them exist and not exist when not believed.. a concept also in Disney's Coco, as the person that passed worried no one would remember them to male them exist.

Faith has the power to create.  When we believe in ourselves or others, we act.  When we do not, we die.  If we expect more or demand more, we get more.  If we accept less by others that want to ignore us or hold us down, we let them dictate our own misery.

Believe.. especially when doing so pisses off others.  Reach.  Try.  Go.  Rise.  Fuck the critics.  They don't deserve to be part of the story when you achieve.  Whether you reach the highest goals is irrelevant.  You will achieve the most you can reach, and the rest of the story will write itself.