Be Objective

There has been a sizable shift in my personality over the last several months in gradual but permanent shifts.  I have always had a rational mind, but my emotions have always been allowed to lead.  That has now come to flip.  I don't want to give the impression that it was due to pain or hold anyone to blame for it, because I do not see it as a reduction but an improvement.  It doesn't even have fully to do with relationships.  It was more a reflection upon myself and where that emotion lead balance has led me.  Boundaries wasn't developed to protect me but to focus me.  And, for that change, I'm grateful.

You've heard me say that "it is that it is" and "it isn't that it isn't."  That's become gospel to me in all of my life.. in all areas of it.  I am striving to always look at everything objectively, rationally, as to determine what is real.  Then, I know what banks are on my river.  It doesn't make sense to expect what is not evident.  If nothing is happening,  nothing is happening.  If a situation is holding me back from my needs, it is time for that situation to change.  If an environment isolates me and separates me from happiness, that environment must change.  We often believe we are a victim of this or that, but the reality is we all have agency and responsibility of our own lives.

So, yes, I have emotions and feel deeply, but I must use my mind to observe reality and use that to guide my steps. And, this short blog post is my challenge for you to do the same.  If you can act within your power to improve your condition or restore your joy, do so.  If you cannot, then change your direction towards paths that will lead you towards new joys.  You owe it to yourself to do so.

Wind and Waves

One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is to sit and watch the waves or to listen to the wind or both.  It's like heaven to me, and all my concerns wash away into bliss.

Do you know one thing that is true of both of those things... wind and waves?  They are both so out of my control that I don't even pretend to control them.  I just let them be as they are and admire them for how amazing that is.  Everyone understands this, in fact.  That's how sails work.  People don't try to change the wind.  They just adapt to it to push them forward.  Surfers don't try to control the waves.  They learn how to ride them.

Why am I talking about wind and waves?  It's one of the recurring themes I have been noting alongside boundaries.  It is an essential part of progress,  in fact, to use this to move YOU forward, too.  It is the appreciation of reality.  You will not begin to plan and execute your steps towards happiness,  if you keep expecting it to come from places with no evidence of the potential.  A recent quote from an online counselor that I watch was ...

"Procrastination is the choice to endure the discomfort of inaction rather than the discomfort of progress.... choose your hard." Quinlan Walther 

Unwarranted hope without evident potential only keeps us paralyzed from making the choices and setting the boundaries that are planned to take us from a place of inaction to a place of potential.  So, the first step in finding happiness is seeing the lack of it without illusion and then becoming discontent with the absence.  Then, you will do something about it.

So, today, take the moments you need to acknowledge the things that are not working for you, so you can get on a better path.  Then, at least you are not just standing still.

It Is That It Is

I'm going to step off the boundaries subject to touch on an adjacent one, which I have noted from time to time.  It is a good fit, here.  I've said a lot of this in the past, but for the same of flow I am just going to say it, again.

When I got a job in Boston, years ago, I kept hearing a phrase repeated there, and I hated how much that I heard it.  People would say, "It is that it is."  On the balance scale of the Serenity Prayer, I have always tended more on the side of "change the things you can change" and not on the "accept the things you cannot change," though as I have grown older I have begun to acknowledge much more in life that we cannot or should not change and have begun to learn to accept that, more often.

Because the fact is that there is much in our lives that cannot change, especially parts that involve other people.  Indeed, you should not expect that anyone else should change who they are for you.  Even in situations where I knew that personality styles between people would clash, I just see that as a sign of finality, because I would not expect someone to change who they are for me, just as I wouldn't expect them to expect me to change who I am for them.  It just..... is that it is.

What you CAN change in those situations is where the adjacent boundaries come into play, and I will note that for just a minute.  You cannot change how others will treat you, but you can change your proximity or closeness of them, if they are not able or willing to make the effort for you.  Your personal boundary can stand on your self respect, when others do not respect yourself.

But, there is a lot that you can change, and the first and most important thing that would fit this category is your mindset, your direction, and your focus of hope.  Your mindset, because if you are still expecting things from things that have not given you reason for that hope, you are not basing your expectation on reality.  There must be... works.. to quote the bible.. for something to be alive.  Your direction, because as I noted in a meme that I shared once, recently, your past does not need you but your future does.  Finally, you can change the focus of your hope, and by that I do NOT mean that you pick someone else to throw your hope behind.  There will be people that are worthy of a "trustfall" as Pink's song says, but I mean the source of your hope is best suited to be within yourself.  So, I will end this blog post with an animated song that communicates this well, so go watch it after reading this.  it is from Frozen 2, and it can be watched by clicking the link, here, Show Yourself.  You are the person you have been looking for.  So, rise and shine.