Choosing a Positive Mindset

I have touched on this several times, but it is good to remember, so I'm doing it again as a reminder (to me as well).

There is always multiple ways to look at something.  Among them are a positive and a negative way of considering things.  Now, there is a place for negative, especially if you need to consider the reality of a situation.  However,  i have been making a concerted effort for many months now to look towards the positive... failing at times... but trying.

A positive mindset is not how we are programmed by society, nor is is popular or trendy advice by characters in shows and online.  Positive doesn't mean delusional.   It doesn't even mean easy, fun, or simple.  All it really means is how you process events and realizations.

What I mean by this can best be described using an example to help illustrate it.  Someone looks outside and sees it is raining.  The negative mindset says ... aww, I can't do these things.  The positive mindset says ... ok, I CAN do THESE things, instead.  

In your life, plans will change.  Paths will end.  Things will happen that you didn't want.  Other things will be hindering what you need and want.  We are geared to keep thinking of loss, but.. and I know it is hard .. you can look for the positive alternatives in all of those things and look forward to new adventures and then start walking towards them.

Like I said in my last blog, your feelings might fight you as you step forward.  But, trust me,  those feelings will quiet as you begin to feel hopeful for the future, which comes after you begin your walk on your path that you saw by being positive.

So, join me as we work on retraining our brains to look forward and not back, look for solutions to solve our problems, and look for ways you can bring them to reality.

Pay Attention

We spend so much of our lives feeling unsure about people pr situations, but the thing I've come to see is that we are given all the information we need to guide us, often.  We just either do not pay attention or choose to ignore it and expect otherwise than can be seen.  

In the movie He's Just Not That Into You, a man tells his woman friend that if a guy is not calling, he doesn't want to call.  It reminds me of the song I have referenced in the past, Gloria by Laura Branigan where she asks a woman why the guys are not calling if they really want her.

This is an important concept to guide your life, and I've been echoing it, because I have spent too long in my life ignoring it to my detriment.  No, I'm too often the woman character in that movie saying I'll be the exception and believing people are feeling things they are not showing.  But, the reality is...unsurprisingly... reality.

Someone that wants you will be acting on it.  Someone that cares will express care.  Someone that wants your company will come close.  If that isn't happening, you are best to stop expecting it.  This is not just limited to relationships, either.  It can be local social ties or friendships, financial planning in situations, or simply whether there are things outside of yourself that are impacting or influencing your peace or joy.  It is also only based on the present.  There might be joy in the past or pain, but the reality that guides us best is whatever happens in the present without sentiment or blame.

So, this blog post is simply me saying that I am and will guide my life by what I receive and learn to flow with the waves, rather than fight them.  Wherever that leads is my next adventure to discover.

Be Objective

There has been a sizable shift in my personality over the last several months in gradual but permanent shifts.  I have always had a rational mind, but my emotions have always been allowed to lead.  That has now come to flip.  I don't want to give the impression that it was due to pain or hold anyone to blame for it, because I do not see it as a reduction but an improvement.  It doesn't even have fully to do with relationships.  It was more a reflection upon myself and where that emotion lead balance has led me.  Boundaries wasn't developed to protect me but to focus me.  And, for that change, I'm grateful.

You've heard me say that "it is that it is" and "it isn't that it isn't."  That's become gospel to me in all of my life.. in all areas of it.  I am striving to always look at everything objectively, rationally, as to determine what is real.  Then, I know what banks are on my river.  It doesn't make sense to expect what is not evident.  If nothing is happening,  nothing is happening.  If a situation is holding me back from my needs, it is time for that situation to change.  If an environment isolates me and separates me from happiness, that environment must change.  We often believe we are a victim of this or that, but the reality is we all have agency and responsibility of our own lives.

So, yes, I have emotions and feel deeply, but I must use my mind to observe reality and use that to guide my steps. And, this short blog post is my challenge for you to do the same.  If you can act within your power to improve your condition or restore your joy, do so.  If you cannot, then change your direction towards paths that will lead you towards new joys.  You owe it to yourself to do so.

Wind and Waves

One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is to sit and watch the waves or to listen to the wind or both.  It's like heaven to me, and all my concerns wash away into bliss.

Do you know one thing that is true of both of those things... wind and waves?  They are both so out of my control that I don't even pretend to control them.  I just let them be as they are and admire them for how amazing that is.  Everyone understands this, in fact.  That's how sails work.  People don't try to change the wind.  They just adapt to it to push them forward.  Surfers don't try to control the waves.  They learn how to ride them.

Why am I talking about wind and waves?  It's one of the recurring themes I have been noting alongside boundaries.  It is an essential part of progress,  in fact, to use this to move YOU forward, too.  It is the appreciation of reality.  You will not begin to plan and execute your steps towards happiness,  if you keep expecting it to come from places with no evidence of the potential.  A recent quote from an online counselor that I watch was ...

"Procrastination is the choice to endure the discomfort of inaction rather than the discomfort of progress.... choose your hard." Quinlan Walther 

Unwarranted hope without evident potential only keeps us paralyzed from making the choices and setting the boundaries that are planned to take us from a place of inaction to a place of potential.  So, the first step in finding happiness is seeing the lack of it without illusion and then becoming discontent with the absence.  Then, you will do something about it.

So, today, take the moments you need to acknowledge the things that are not working for you, so you can get on a better path.  Then, at least you are not just standing still.

Reason vs Delusion

This last December, I got to take a trip to one of my favorite places that I have been, so far in my life.. Tampa Bay.  As part of that, I went to the Dali museum, and they were having a special showing of the life of Van Gogh.  As it progressed talking about it, it was referencing his growing mental illness and his loss of context with reality, until he finally killed himself.  As they were going though all of that, I was over there like.. wait.. what?  He was mentally ill?  Yes, I know he cut off his ear for a woman and that was bad, but he was just very passionate and emotional... right?  Right.. and that's the point.

Passions are a great thing to feel, and I am a very emotional person.  I have followed them into many, many life changes in my life, against reason and often against others speaking the reason.  I thought it was a GOOD quality, and I prided myself on following my passions... even if over and over again they would ultimately lead to pain... which of course they would, being against reason.

Passion and ideals are not supposed to be an alternative for reason.  They can work in concert.  However, when passion and emotions are not in line with situations that can last or are performed in a way and timing that is fitting, you cannot blame reality for them not magically working out.  Indeed, sometimes, pain is a good thing.  It can cause us to learn and to grow and to develop.  It is discontent that leads us to the desire to seek progress and take steps in that direction.  And, all of that is using REASON to guide, not how you are feeling.

People love to quote Socrates, as written down by Plato.  That whole school of Socrates delved into philosophy and ideals like beauty, love, and truth.  They would explore many concepts that are still to this day being discussed in classroom and courtrooms.  However, do you know what the end result of Socrates was?  That is not discussed in public, very often.  Socrates killed himself, believing that was being true to his principles.

So, this post has that point.  Yes, it is good for you to have emotions and ideals and to figure out what you like and want, and you should take definite moves in that direction.  However, you ALSO have to deal with the real life in which you find yourself.  You should not romanticize things that do not exist, nor base your budget upon hopes and dreams.  You base your budgets on work, and you work towards your dreams.  And, if something is not working, you learn and do something else.  THAT is the only way that you will ever reach the happiness that you desire, and it will take a lot of self discipline, telling others no, and patient and persistent choices to finally get you to where you want to be. 

Gloria.. Why Isn't Anybody Calling.. Gloria

There's a really good old song by a very sexy woman, Laura Branigan, called Gloria.  I'll put the link HERE, but here's some of the lyrics..

"And you really don't remember
Was it something that he said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?

"Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line
Oh-oh, calling Gloria

"[Chorus]
Gloria (Gloria)
I think they got your number (Gloria)
I think they got the alias (Gloria)
That you've been living under (Gloria)
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?"

An exaggeration, but it makes a point that fits with my Perspectives post and current mentality.  Being a creative person, it is easy for caring people like me to imagine someone is feeling more strongly than they are or are sorry when they are not or want you when they don't know you exist.  I finally got to the point that I don't want to guess, anymore.  Besides, if someone cannot act on their own towards me, it would never be equal romance, anyways.  Thus.. to touch on a few recent blog posts, I will keep going out and having fun and having conversations and more.  But, until something is actually and objectively real, it is not real to me.  If someone isn't showing interest from the past, they are not real and should not obstruct me from choosing my path forward.

Indeed, I shouldn't even be considering the possibility of things that are not evident.  What I SHOULD be doing and what I am doing, now, is creating plans that will take me to where I know I can be happy on my own in the event that nothing ever happens with anyone.  As I have noted at various times, your first responsibility is to love yourself with the same passion you would give someone else and make yourself happy.  You have known you the longest, know you the best, and only you will likely be with you til the end.  So, be faithful to yourself and your own happiness.  Anyone that actually cares for you would want that for you, anyways.