Flying Blind

A quick lunch break blog post.

There was a flight school that I considered decades ago that had a black cat and number 13 on their planes.  Their point was to say that it's not about luck but training, instruments and reason.  

In movies, you'll see astronauts that fly by paying attention to their instruments and trusting their course.  It's like pilots of planes that fly at night.  Neither are flying by sight outside their craft.  They don't need to do so.  They trust what they know and what they know has nothing to do with sight or feelings.  Recently, I've come to appreciate the need to do that more in life.  

It is easy to be led to make rash decisions under the influence of emotions.  While there is a place for adrenaline at times, I have learned that a lot of times we need to just step away for a moment, take a deep breath, and repeat what you know and make decisions on that.  That's not just true to avoid decisions based on fear but on false hope.  Hope is good, but it has to be based on real potential or is just delusional.

So, whatever you are doing or however you are guiding your life, don't do so flying by sight or emotions.  You know what you need to do to get to where you want, given the information given to you.  If that information changes, you can change your plans.  But, absent that, continue forward, trusting your will and your skill to get you where you want to go.

I Love Me

I have had songs in my playlists over the years about loving yourself and reshared many posts on Instagram and Facebook about it over time.  However, I have not had many posts about myself loving myself, so I am going to do that for this one as a reminder and an example, as well.

Loving myself should not be seen as an excuse to say that others should love me for these reasons.  I am not everyone's cup of tea, as they say.  If we are all individually unique and diverse, what would appeal to one will be challenging to another.  Nor should it be seen as a justification for objectively bad behavior.  Part of loving myself includes a very active self analysis that is always trying to improve.  You cannot improve if you are unable or unwilling to challenge yourself and admit where you have flaws to address and opportunities of growth where you made poor choices.  But, after those disclaimers, I will go into the things I DO like about myself.

I love that I am curious.  I am interested in learning, even when it corrects me.  Information and truth is and has been very important to me in my life.  

I love that I have a deep mind.  For some people that can be difficult, and I get that.  I wish at times that I could be more carefree, and I am working on being moreso.  But, that said, I can entertain my mind for hours trying to understand deep concepts and human existence and more.

I love that I am dedicated.  Sometimes, I can be too dedicataed to things that I need to let go and move forward.  That would be a flaw for me to work on.... because sometimes for example, I can find myself trying to make one accounting task work to the exclusion of meeting deadlines for the bigger picture.  But, it also means I can go months in fitness without much change visible, before the changes start to happen and keep going till I reach a goal.

I love that I am creative.  I can't paint in a great way, and I wish I could play music instruments, well.  However, I love to make music playlists.  I love to write, and sometimes I will write something in a different way or on a different topic just to challenge myself and see if it can be done.

I love that I have a caring heart.  I would say that I love that I have a caring heart, even after all the pain.  But, one really does not stop the other.  The pain exists BECAUSE I have a caaring heart, and it is care which heals the wounds, especially care for myself.

I love that I am objective.  As the sherrif says to some rebels in the current season of Silo that I am watching to prepare for the new one, "I am not for you or for him.  I am for the law."  That is close to how I am, only I would say that law in that manner for me is objective truth, and it also explains why I am so often clashing with people of all political parties that have an issue with one observation I make or another one or on issues of religion, education, relationships, identity, and more.  I take great interest in trying to undestand things... see above... and then I use that observation to determine things without consulting a group or seeking their approval, all while being able to change if the information so presents itself to do so.

I love that I love things that feed my soul like sunsets, pictures, books, music, art, beaches, the breeze, beauty, delicious foods, and more.  My life may have many challenges over my decades, but it can never be said that I didn't live.

There are more things that I could say, but I am going to take myself to watch a movie, where I will have a few strong drinks and enjoy myself.  I hope  you have a good evening and weekend.

Trust What You Know

I have done great things with my fitness.  Since October, I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I am feeling and looking very healthy.  And, there is one key thing that has been true, both in regards to exercise and diet.  I had to trust what I knew to be true instead of what I felt to be true 

With exercise, it took months of exercise, before my weight began to drop, as my muscles had to build and muscle weighs more than fat. So, for months I was feeling tired and sore and saw my weight actually go up at times.  But, I knew it would change if I stuck with it.

Similarly, I cut my portion sizes and had meals with less carbs and more protein that was smaller in size.  My body felt like that wasn't enough food, but I knew that nutritionally it had all that I needed.  So, I would eat less or eat celery or other low fat healthy things, if I really needed to eat something.

Had I followed my feelings, I would have given up or made little progress.  But, I trusted what I knew to be true, and I saw results.

I tell you this, because it is true in other areas of your life and fits with your boundaries and guiding your choices.  Very often, your feelings might be making you doubt what you know or try to make you imagine things that are not present.  You have to pay attention (see prior post) and determine what you know you need and what path will best get you there.  Facts can change, so you have to be flexible, but your best shot at happiness is if you stay true to what you know and not what you feel as you walk your own path to progress.

Life Lessons From a Run in the Rain

I went out for my run, earlier.  The experience,  I thought, touched on several life and faith lessons that I thought I'd put down from it.

It was a rainy day.  I watched the radar prediction to find a window in the clouds long enough for my run.  But, the predicted break kept being pushed back.  Finally, a break in the predicted radar appeared, so I got in my car and drove to the running path, waiting for it to come, because.. life lesson one.. you have to plan to be at the right place at the right time.

So, the time approached and rain had almost quit, so I got out if the car and began the run.  And  .. 30 yards into my run it just poured on me, and I found an overhang to avoid the rain.  Life lesson 2, then, is no matter how good it looks or the source, don't trust others to set your timing.

At this point, I considered going home, but I knew this was my run day, and I was already wet.  So, I was determined to run, even if I get wet. Life lessons 3 would be, if it is important to you, you keep going with patience and determination... within reason.  It must be possible.  There must be potential.

Then, finally, the rain stopped, and I had a good but short run in the cloud break, but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't already there.

My final point on this blog would simply be this.  You might say that all this is reason and planning and not faith.  But, I'd counter that everything I did was based on the foundation of believing that I could make it happen, and I did.  I didn't sit around praying for the rain to stop.  We need the rain.  I just planned how I could adapt with things outside of my control to make a way to get what I needed in the end, and that is something I think we can all use a little more of doing in these days.

Reason vs Delusion

This last December, I got to take a trip to one of my favorite places that I have been, so far in my life.. Tampa Bay.  As part of that, I went to the Dali museum, and they were having a special showing of the life of Van Gogh.  As it progressed talking about it, it was referencing his growing mental illness and his loss of context with reality, until he finally killed himself.  As they were going though all of that, I was over there like.. wait.. what?  He was mentally ill?  Yes, I know he cut off his ear for a woman and that was bad, but he was just very passionate and emotional... right?  Right.. and that's the point.

Passions are a great thing to feel, and I am a very emotional person.  I have followed them into many, many life changes in my life, against reason and often against others speaking the reason.  I thought it was a GOOD quality, and I prided myself on following my passions... even if over and over again they would ultimately lead to pain... which of course they would, being against reason.

Passion and ideals are not supposed to be an alternative for reason.  They can work in concert.  However, when passion and emotions are not in line with situations that can last or are performed in a way and timing that is fitting, you cannot blame reality for them not magically working out.  Indeed, sometimes, pain is a good thing.  It can cause us to learn and to grow and to develop.  It is discontent that leads us to the desire to seek progress and take steps in that direction.  And, all of that is using REASON to guide, not how you are feeling.

People love to quote Socrates, as written down by Plato.  That whole school of Socrates delved into philosophy and ideals like beauty, love, and truth.  They would explore many concepts that are still to this day being discussed in classroom and courtrooms.  However, do you know what the end result of Socrates was?  That is not discussed in public, very often.  Socrates killed himself, believing that was being true to his principles.

So, this post has that point.  Yes, it is good for you to have emotions and ideals and to figure out what you like and want, and you should take definite moves in that direction.  However, you ALSO have to deal with the real life in which you find yourself.  You should not romanticize things that do not exist, nor base your budget upon hopes and dreams.  You base your budgets on work, and you work towards your dreams.  And, if something is not working, you learn and do something else.  THAT is the only way that you will ever reach the happiness that you desire, and it will take a lot of self discipline, telling others no, and patient and persistent choices to finally get you to where you want to be. 

Feel Your Feelings and Then

Feeling your feelings is important.  It is important to value the feelings of others.  Everyone's feelings are valid.  

Life has taught me that life changes. When life changes, we think we have to understand it to respond to it.  The reality is that we can never fully understand our path or why it changes.  That does not mean you shouldn't have feelings.  But, I would caution you against letting the feelings have the driver's wheel.  

Many times... most times in my experience... this is where you have the most power over your life.  There are pressures on you on how to respond. There are not only emotions but societal norms on how to respond.  Well, the last time I've noticed, society is messed up, and hormones often cause more problems than they resolve.

I am someone that defends freedom, but I've also in the past posted on how true freedom is freedom from yourself... from those natural responses that try to write our script.  After a long life, I've determined that script is rubbish.  So, whenever something happens, I try to pause... reflect.. and then respond appropriately to what I desire for the outcome, not necessarily for my emotional response or even in my own self interest, always.

So, when something happens, I would recommend you feel your feelings offline.  Put away your phone.  Process.  Reason. And, then respond.  I think that is a better chart to a happy outcome.

Light in Dark

I was sitting in my office, today, listening to people pack up their things on the day they were fired.  I have worked at the government, and like many thousands that was a doomed venture from the start, even if we had no way of knowing that upon taking the job... as everyone with less than a year of service was either fired or took a resignation deal like I took.  However, the experience dove tails into my recent thoughts of things that people need to remember in this time and about which i wanted to say.  So, I'll use it to illustrate some points.

So, back to my listening and observation of these individuals' final day.  I heard some with the most anger and most sad reactions being the same ones that over the last weeks was heard spouting the most unrealistic hopeful delusions.  I'm not anti hope.  I'm a hopeful person, but life has taught me to temper that with clear vision.  I've also been in relationships where I thought someone cared but was really just my own projection of what I desired to be true.  Like those let go at work, the truth DOES eventually make itself known.  You can either ignore the dark notes in the story and be side swiped, or you can recognize the uncomfortable truths and make proper decisions... which is why I'm not losing pay after today like them, but I'll have a smoother path to my next employment.  It is often the most deluded that ends up with the deepest pains.

Change is inevitable.  It doesn't mean a bad thing that something changed.  It means you have to adapt and adjust.  Life changes all the time, and those most likely to be happy are those able to be happy IN the middle of the change or the struggles.  If you are waiting for everything to be perfect or even peaceful around you, you miss out on a lot of good, and that good can help you have peace in other areas.  Like... my job is changing, the President is a dictator destroying the country, and ... yet... I'm living the happiest loving relationship of my life, right now.  That love gives me peace to deal with the rest.  So, look for the happy moments and happy futures to give you fuel for the other things in your life. 

Similarly, you have to realize that you're probably not going to get your ideal outcomes in all areas of your life.  Some may be or feel that good.  Cherish those.  However, my experience has been you often have to just do the best you can do.  And, the best you can do is... the best you can do.  Stop comparing it to your unrealistic outcome hopes.   Like... my taking the resignation offer wasn't a choice between resigning or a job.  If I didn't take it, I'd have been fired, today.  So, comparing it to a job that continues was NEVER in the cards, even if I didn't realize it upon taking the job.  

The best you can do is the best you can do.  So, stop lamenting that which was never going to happen and take pride in yourself that you made it through another day in the best possible way you knew to do it.  Your living the best outcome you can, if you choose wisely.  Look forward and look up.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Make it one worthy of your participation and end in the happiness that you can find along the journey.

Reason Pt 2

Yes.  I know I already posted today, and I know that I already posted on this subject HERE.  But, it's been developing in my head, and I feel that it is important to post on it, today as well.

In just a few days, I will be moving back to Oklahoma, where I spent ten years before coming to Florida and in total maybe another 11-12 years of my life before that in different locations.  It will be good for me to be back there for many reasons... economic, family, foundation, familiarity, and a good reset turning point for my life away from all the stressors that has controlled much of my choices and life for many years.  But, I didn't get the decision to go back there from following unrealistic visions or feeling the need to "stick it out" to prove something to anyone or myself.  I didn't pray for a sign and follow that, either.  I recall exactly when I made the decision.  It was maybe a month ago or more.  I was sitting on my bed and reflecting on the mess my life has been over the past several years and trying to figure out how it could be different.  And, I thought... why haven't I been using my reason that I use to solve the problems of others to solve my own problems?  Then, I thought about how when I have a problem to solve over the many decades of my life or a work problem or more, I always had just pushed STOP on life, evaluated where I was, evaluated what I wanted, and made adjustments to get there.

I've mentioned in prior posts how I served in Artillery in National Guard and Active Duty and how that can teach us a thing or two about how to approach life.  In artillery or even in shooting any weapon, you fire first.  Then, you observe whether the shot fell like you wanted to do, and you made adjustments so that the next shot would be closer to the goal.  When you fail at something in a way or a few ways or a lot of ways, you can feel overwhelmed and like a failrue, UNLESS you learn to see life like this.  When you fail, you should push STOP, evaluate how your attempts and environment is progressing towards what you want, and then you LEARN from it and try again.

As I reflected on the past years and especially on the year immediately prior to this, I find that I was struggling and spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere towards what I desired.  In fact, I was going backwards.  I came out to be near to my child, and the change of events and the growth of the child made that less of a priority, leaving me to question my location.  My health events that found me having to fend for myself without family nearby only REINFORCED my feeling already that I missed family that was back in Oklahoma that I never got to see.  My reason evaluated the costs vs income of living in Oklahoma vs living in Florida, and there was really no comparison at that point.  Florida's costs have kept me working harder than I have ever had to work for a lower living standard than I could have back out in the midwest.  My texts to my child could be done equally from here or there, so there was really nothing holding me here at that point.

I also noted in a social media post several weeks ago about an old animated movie I saw as a kid.  I think it was called Black Cauldron.  In it, the man was fighting an evil wizard with spells, and he countered them with logic and fact and education.  I was not saying anything about the use of magic or spells.. sometimes they can be useful.  However, IN THE END, spells and wishes all bow to WHAT IS and WHAT NATURE dictates.  You can try to influence that, but nature ultimately wears the crown.  Logic, math, truth... these are the real powers that even the Dieties observe in their Scriptures and to whom they all must bow.  If you don't want your car to break down... don't cross your fingers and chant happy happy thoughts.  Go get it fixed and maintained.  Then, you'll have the faith to drive it without fear.

I looked at my life, and I said... what do I want?  I knew that I didn't want to keep struggling on the edge of bankruptcy and homelessness and need more money, so I began looking for a higher paying job, which I will continue to do till it happens.  A great potential surfaced this week, but we will see.  I knew I wanted to be able to send my child gifts from that money, and living in a cheaper place makes that more likely.  I knew that I wanted family nearby, so moving back was a good idea.  I didn't HAVE to waver over what to do.  When I began to analyze what I desired, the rest wrote itself.  I do also want romance, but that romance will be best enabled when I have established the rest, so I'm not thinking about it, til later.

So, I just wanted to cover this topic again, partially to remind myself and partially to help others.  If you have a problem or problems in your life, your BRAIN will be more capable to solve those problems with reason than your emotions that waver or dreams that disappear or change.  So, take the time to just push pause, look at things, and see where that leads you.  It will probably be a more happy path.