Life Lessons From a Run in the Rain

I went out for my run, earlier.  The experience,  I thought, touched on several life and faith lessons that I thought I'd put down from it.

It was a rainy day.  I watched the radar prediction to find a window in the clouds long enough for my run.  But, the predicted break kept being pushed back.  Finally, a break in the predicted radar appeared, so I got in my car and drove to the running path, waiting for it to come, because.. life lesson one.. you have to plan to be at the right place at the right time.

So, the time approached and rain had almost quit, so I got out if the car and began the run.  And  .. 30 yards into my run it just poured on me, and I found an overhang to avoid the rain.  Life lesson 2, then, is no matter how good it looks or the source, don't trust others to set your timing.

At this point, I considered going home, but I knew this was my run day, and I was already wet.  So, I was determined to run, even if I get wet. Life lessons 3 would be, if it is important to you, you keep going with patience and determination... within reason.  It must be possible.  There must be potential.

Then, finally, the rain stopped, and I had a good but short run in the cloud break, but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't already there.

My final point on this blog would simply be this.  You might say that all this is reason and planning and not faith.  But, I'd counter that everything I did was based on the foundation of believing that I could make it happen, and I did.  I didn't sit around praying for the rain to stop.  We need the rain.  I just planned how I could adapt with things outside of my control to make a way to get what I needed in the end, and that is something I think we can all use a little more of doing in these days.

Planning for a Happy Other After

I have two blog posts to write, tonight.  They are very different themes, and the next one will be more comfortable for you.  This one will challenge you and will probably piss off half my readers at first, but it is something that I have concluded is very important on the road to happiness... even for those that will be offended.  So... since that's kinda my thing a lot of time, let's just right into that one, first.

This blog post deals with the important role that doubt plays in your planning and direction of life.  I can hear the faith crowd cringe, already.. but stick with me, and you will have to agree from your own life experience.

I get it.  I was like you, SO many different times in my life.  I felt compelled to believe in my pursuits and situations, and having been taught in church sermons and Bible classes, I felt that it was a personal failure on my part to even THINK that it might not turn out as I wanted it to turn out.  Indeed, so many faith preachers would tell you that it is the doubt that would cause it to not come true.  You HAD to believe and not entertain any thoughts that it could not happen.  Yet, again and again over my life, it DIDN'T happen, and by the time that it didn't happen, I had dedicated a lot of time and resources into what even I could have admitted was not working, had I looked at it objectively, and walked away before it would break me from the attempt.  Imagine if scientists or accountants operated that way and said, "It's not working and hasn't worked, but by god we are going to just keep doing it, anyways."  That would be foolish and not in the best interests of anyone or anything other than satisfying... faith.

Doubt gets a bad rep.  Failure gets one, too.  Both does not mean that you need to have an unhappy life, and in fact are themselves the KEY to maintaining a happy one.  How?  Well, I can look back over my decades, and I am sure that you can do so in your own life examples; and I can see that HAD I entertained the possibility that things would NOT turn out the way that I had planned, I could have had the self respect and boundaries enough to retain more for myself and establish roots and plans and paths for myself that did not depend upon what was hoped coming true.

Indeed, I can look back over my life and look at periods of being truly happy on my own without someone else in my life.  Unlike memories that also included another person in them, those happy memories do not fade or go away, simply because someone is no longer in my life.  They maintain their happy glow without also including sorrow.  But, it doesn't mean that you have to be single for that to be true.  If you have the sense to have boundaries IN a relationship or connection with someone and insist upon having happy hobbies and time APART from the other person, while being in a relationship with them, those memories and times will ALSO maintain their happy glow, with or without them.

As I have been exploring and implementing my own personal boundaries, I have been reflecting on those things in my past that were objectively happy and where and what those things were.  I have also been taking personal times doing happy things that does not include anyone else.  I will continue to explore those memories and activities and make choices in light of what I am learning from that.  Does it mean that I will not hold out hope in finding someone, one day?  No.  I will continue to believe and do believe it will happen for me, again.  But, to return to my main point and drive it home, I will PLAN on a happy OTHER after if it NEVER happens.  I will not hold my breath or joy for something that may never happen but will plan on making my own happiness and finding happiness in whatever path my life will take.  And, I hope that you will welcome doubt in your own plans to do so, as well.

People buy life an health insurance plans and write wills and end of life plans, while yet hoping to live their lives in full.  I hope that you find your goals, but more so I hope that you will be grounded enough to prepare in the even that it doesn't happen that way.  Your happiness should not depend on faith, alone.  Unless you want the kind of rocky and jagged existence that I have too often faced, I hope you welcome doubt in your planning, as well. 

Step by Step 1 2 3 4

The journey towards happiness is a conscientious one.  It is intentional.  It doesn't just happen, and no one is waiting to give it to you.  Some might give you a moment of joy or a few, but it's not their responsibility for their life.  Everyone is born with the same responsibility... to care for themselves.  So, anyone that expects constant affirmation and mood lifting and gifts from others will eventually find the other person tired of violation of their responsibility for yours, if you are not giving back.

So, how do you progress towards happiness.  I try to alternate in my blog between different things that helps from my experience.  I haven't experienced all kinds of loss or struggle, but I have established some principles that I believe are universal, and those are my focus, generally.  I tend to stay away from things percolating in my head, til I have established they are true.  True is a very good thing for me.. always has been.  So, I'll summarize some principles I have accepted and implemented in my own life, here.

1.  Be real.  This one is hard but necessary.  I do not mean to be negatively pessimistic.  That errors on the same flaw as being overly optimistic.  In both cases, you prevent yourself from taking action to improve your situation.  Just be real about what you can expect in your current situation, what you desire, and what steps would be necessary to get there IN your situation or if not possible changes to your situation that must be made. 

Being real and objective also helps you avoid being paralyzed by fear.  The other day I had to drive to another city for my job for something and carpooled with another worker.  She noted that I wasn't nervous about her driving .. was reading a book in fact.  I explained that i never fear, anymore.  Years ago, I determined fear is mostly useless.  Instead, I just stay ready to respond to whatever happens... adjust.  Logic has been my best friend over my ample challenges in the recent years.

2.  Stop trying to satisfy others' opinions of how your life should look.  Realistically, you probably won't know most of the people you know, now, in 5 years.  If you do know them, they will probably be so absorbed in their own lives that they wouldn't even remember their opinion of yours.  Those that are your closer and remaining friends will want you to follow whatever path would make you happy, because that's what real friends and family would want for you.  So, do that, now.

3.  Make a plan.  Like I said... it doesn't just happen.  So, you need to identify the specific things that needs changing and take steps to make the changes.  Does that require schooling?  Moving?  Applying to new jobs? Going on dates you know will probably fail?  Whatever it is, plan it.

4.  Take risks.  Be real but take risks, and be real about the risks.  I recall applying to over 100 jobs before my first professional job many years ago.  Just statistically there are more people applying than openings at any job.  If you want to win one, it's more about persistence than anything else.  With persistence, you lower the odds that you will eventually find something by stats of multiple attempts working together.  The same is true of other things like dating... though that one is different in that you need to do the next point.

5.  Get addicted to discovery of your own likes and wants.  I know that over my life people would ask what I wanted, and I'd stare back with a blank expression that said... oh... I hadn't actually considered that.  We get so busy trying to fit in and please others that we can entirely lose ourselves.  It takes time OUTSIDE of being a people pleaser..and being willing to become someone offensive to some people.. to really begin to understand what we like.  In my experience, you may discover things you like and that leads to something you like more.. so like steps towards becoming you.  But, you'd never discover that unless you have the personal freedom to explore apart from a society looking to condemn anything that is outside of the established norms.

6.  Choose to focus forward on the adventure of change, rather on the failures of the past.  I made a note of it in my social media the other day, but there was a part in Only Murders in the Building that resonated with this.  Mabel was being asked by a media company to sell the rights of her life's tragedies for a movie.  She was hesitating and explained... what if that's not who I want to be in the future?  I've hit on this in my life at times but only briefly, but it is true and important.  I have in recent years focused way too much time and energy on what did not work in my past and not enough on what the future might bring.  The best pay to predict your future is to create it, as they say.  And, in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, the lead character says, "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery."

So. I'll end this post on that, though I could say more and in more depth.  Look up.  Look forward.  And, step into the future towards your own path in happy discovery.