Life and Death

I have been reflecting on the past, some, over the past several days.  To be fair, baseball season began, and that was something that I did a lot with the person to whom I was engaged.  And, this weekend is the floral event at the local museum, which I also did with her.  Things like that are bound to trigger old memories, just as I see memories of thing I did with my kids when I do all kinds of things all around town.  It doesn't mean that I have to tie those things to that person.  Indeed, I did both of those things BEFORE I ever knew her, also.  That was just the last year of doing them, so it brought forth those memories.  However, the only way to get past that is to keep experiencing those things to build new experiences at those places, again.

However, between that and the significance of this weekend, there has been a lot of philosophical and emotional processing that is happening.  Why this weekend?  Really... it's metaphorical.  This is Easter weekend, so as per tradition (adopted from Pagan traditions but I'll let that go for now) today is the day that Jesus died, and Sunday is the day that is used to celebrate his resurrection into new life.  It's not 3 literal 24 hour periods, yet the church calls it three days... but.. I'll let that go, too.  As per tradition, this is the day of death of the past, and Sunday is the day of birth of new life.  I'm gonna go ahead and jump forward towards the new life, as the Full Moon cycle has already begun for this year and month, which is significant of new birth and growth.

There is a phrase that I heard many years ago, and I hated it when I heard it.  However, later, I would come to accept that it was important.  Today, I heard a co worker say the same thing.. they hated it, but it was true.  The phrase, which is also echoed in We Bought a Zoo (amazing movie) is that it is that it is.. or it isn't that it isn't.  Put a pin in that for a minute.

A long time ago, I was working through a personal philosophy that was meant to tie together science and religion.  In it, I was very focused in one part of it with the definition of life and death.  Life.. I said... was activity.  Atoms were alive, as they were moving.  Something that was dead had less activity in its molecules and less electrical signals in its brains.  Activity was life.  Less activity was more towards death, which was a spectrum of life and death, based on activity.  In that viewpoint, if something had no activity, it was dead.  Indeed, religion echos this.  James in his epistle says that "faith without works is dead."  You had to have activity for something to truly exist.

I say all of that to say this.  If there is no activity from past things.. no one reaching out... no one making an effort.. whether that be relationships, family, friends, or more.. then those connections are dead.  If there was new activity, it could be new life, but the past life is dead, and why spend your time focused on death, when you are alive and have the potential to create new life around you.

Indeed, as we enter into Easter weekend, I am less interested in acknowledging past faults, which I already do in order to grow, not to gain absolution from guilt, than I am in looking forward to the potential that exists in new life that can exist.  It is time for my stone to roll away, and it is time that I come out into the light, like Jesus or the citizens of the City of Ember.  

Life is ahead of you, or as the main character says in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporiam (a wonderful movie), "your life is an occasion.  Rise to it." 

Step by Step 1 2 3 4

The journey towards happiness is a conscientious one.  It is intentional.  It doesn't just happen, and no one is waiting to give it to you.  Some might give you a moment of joy or a few, but it's not their responsibility for their life.  Everyone is born with the same responsibility... to care for themselves.  So, anyone that expects constant affirmation and mood lifting and gifts from others will eventually find the other person tired of violation of their responsibility for yours, if you are not giving back.

So, how do you progress towards happiness.  I try to alternate in my blog between different things that helps from my experience.  I haven't experienced all kinds of loss or struggle, but I have established some principles that I believe are universal, and those are my focus, generally.  I tend to stay away from things percolating in my head, til I have established they are true.  True is a very good thing for me.. always has been.  So, I'll summarize some principles I have accepted and implemented in my own life, here.

1.  Be real.  This one is hard but necessary.  I do not mean to be negatively pessimistic.  That errors on the same flaw as being overly optimistic.  In both cases, you prevent yourself from taking action to improve your situation.  Just be real about what you can expect in your current situation, what you desire, and what steps would be necessary to get there IN your situation or if not possible changes to your situation that must be made. 

Being real and objective also helps you avoid being paralyzed by fear.  The other day I had to drive to another city for my job for something and carpooled with another worker.  She noted that I wasn't nervous about her driving .. was reading a book in fact.  I explained that i never fear, anymore.  Years ago, I determined fear is mostly useless.  Instead, I just stay ready to respond to whatever happens... adjust.  Logic has been my best friend over my ample challenges in the recent years.

2.  Stop trying to satisfy others' opinions of how your life should look.  Realistically, you probably won't know most of the people you know, now, in 5 years.  If you do know them, they will probably be so absorbed in their own lives that they wouldn't even remember their opinion of yours.  Those that are your closer and remaining friends will want you to follow whatever path would make you happy, because that's what real friends and family would want for you.  So, do that, now.

3.  Make a plan.  Like I said... it doesn't just happen.  So, you need to identify the specific things that needs changing and take steps to make the changes.  Does that require schooling?  Moving?  Applying to new jobs? Going on dates you know will probably fail?  Whatever it is, plan it.

4.  Take risks.  Be real but take risks, and be real about the risks.  I recall applying to over 100 jobs before my first professional job many years ago.  Just statistically there are more people applying than openings at any job.  If you want to win one, it's more about persistence than anything else.  With persistence, you lower the odds that you will eventually find something by stats of multiple attempts working together.  The same is true of other things like dating... though that one is different in that you need to do the next point.

5.  Get addicted to discovery of your own likes and wants.  I know that over my life people would ask what I wanted, and I'd stare back with a blank expression that said... oh... I hadn't actually considered that.  We get so busy trying to fit in and please others that we can entirely lose ourselves.  It takes time OUTSIDE of being a people pleaser..and being willing to become someone offensive to some people.. to really begin to understand what we like.  In my experience, you may discover things you like and that leads to something you like more.. so like steps towards becoming you.  But, you'd never discover that unless you have the personal freedom to explore apart from a society looking to condemn anything that is outside of the established norms.

6.  Choose to focus forward on the adventure of change, rather on the failures of the past.  I made a note of it in my social media the other day, but there was a part in Only Murders in the Building that resonated with this.  Mabel was being asked by a media company to sell the rights of her life's tragedies for a movie.  She was hesitating and explained... what if that's not who I want to be in the future?  I've hit on this in my life at times but only briefly, but it is true and important.  I have in recent years focused way too much time and energy on what did not work in my past and not enough on what the future might bring.  The best pay to predict your future is to create it, as they say.  And, in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, the lead character says, "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery."

So. I'll end this post on that, though I could say more and in more depth.  Look up.  Look forward.  And, step into the future towards your own path in happy discovery.