Life and Death

I have been reflecting on the past, some, over the past several days.  To be fair, baseball season began, and that was something that I did a lot with the person to whom I was engaged.  And, this weekend is the floral event at the local museum, which I also did with her.  Things like that are bound to trigger old memories, just as I see memories of thing I did with my kids when I do all kinds of things all around town.  It doesn't mean that I have to tie those things to that person.  Indeed, I did both of those things BEFORE I ever knew her, also.  That was just the last year of doing them, so it brought forth those memories.  However, the only way to get past that is to keep experiencing those things to build new experiences at those places, again.

However, between that and the significance of this weekend, there has been a lot of philosophical and emotional processing that is happening.  Why this weekend?  Really... it's metaphorical.  This is Easter weekend, so as per tradition (adopted from Pagan traditions but I'll let that go for now) today is the day that Jesus died, and Sunday is the day that is used to celebrate his resurrection into new life.  It's not 3 literal 24 hour periods, yet the church calls it three days... but.. I'll let that go, too.  As per tradition, this is the day of death of the past, and Sunday is the day of birth of new life.  I'm gonna go ahead and jump forward towards the new life, as the Full Moon cycle has already begun for this year and month, which is significant of new birth and growth.

There is a phrase that I heard many years ago, and I hated it when I heard it.  However, later, I would come to accept that it was important.  Today, I heard a co worker say the same thing.. they hated it, but it was true.  The phrase, which is also echoed in We Bought a Zoo (amazing movie) is that it is that it is.. or it isn't that it isn't.  Put a pin in that for a minute.

A long time ago, I was working through a personal philosophy that was meant to tie together science and religion.  In it, I was very focused in one part of it with the definition of life and death.  Life.. I said... was activity.  Atoms were alive, as they were moving.  Something that was dead had less activity in its molecules and less electrical signals in its brains.  Activity was life.  Less activity was more towards death, which was a spectrum of life and death, based on activity.  In that viewpoint, if something had no activity, it was dead.  Indeed, religion echos this.  James in his epistle says that "faith without works is dead."  You had to have activity for something to truly exist.

I say all of that to say this.  If there is no activity from past things.. no one reaching out... no one making an effort.. whether that be relationships, family, friends, or more.. then those connections are dead.  If there was new activity, it could be new life, but the past life is dead, and why spend your time focused on death, when you are alive and have the potential to create new life around you.

Indeed, as we enter into Easter weekend, I am less interested in acknowledging past faults, which I already do in order to grow, not to gain absolution from guilt, than I am in looking forward to the potential that exists in new life that can exist.  It is time for my stone to roll away, and it is time that I come out into the light, like Jesus or the citizens of the City of Ember.  

Life is ahead of you, or as the main character says in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporiam (a wonderful movie), "your life is an occasion.  Rise to it." 

Humbled

I only blog when I feel moved.  I've started twice in the last several days and abandoned it bothers times for lack of resonance. Finally. I feel resonance,  and it's not pleasant... but... it's real.

We think that society is driven by greed or desire or ambition.  In truth, it is driven by pain and darkness.  I don't mean it is driven by the desire to be healed or find the light.  Since when has the majority of society been interested in truth or improvement.  They are driven by pain.  They try to block it out with distraction of entertainment or success.  Whether they are successful is beside the point.  It was never about where they land.  It was about where they left... particularly about not thinking about it.

I'm not saying you cannot have success,  after pain.  You can.  But, that's like trying to replace a square hole with a triangle piece.  It can be a very good triangle, but it will never replace the square memories.  No matter my success that I will have, my memories of my children will always be good and always be... over.  Let me say that again, because it's hard but is true.  It's over.  It doesn't diminish the goodness of the memory.  But, focus on the memories doesn't help the future.

I'm absolutely in love with the new album of Neoni, The Death of Daisies, which they describe as referring to the death of innocence.  One of my favorite songs on it is funeral, which is the death of the past and the birth of the new.  I find a voice in me not wanting to accept that and keep fighting, even as the reality in me knows that is gone, forever.  Change... requires death of the old, and that's where I am.  It's not pleasant, but mourning and moving towards new reality is the only way this works, and it ONLY works by being humble enough to acknowledge I am less important than change.