Being Reasonable

I was reading on social media this morning that 5 planets are in retrograde, and it occurred to me that my new way of thinking and planning by reason has influenced areas such as this, as well.  The post was saying that if you were feeling a little heavier than normal and more drawn to emotions, the retrograde was the cause.

I don't need planets moving to feel emotions, but I began removing control over my plans by my emotions a while ago.  I think it started when I was processing and realizing that allowing my emotions to take the wheel had led me to many difficulties and had cost me many things that were valuable to me.. again.. not just feelings of positive but negative reactions, as well.  So, I determined that the best thing I could do would be to use my very smart brain to plan my path and then stick to it, REGARDLESS of my feelings on any particular day.

It's not always an easy path.  I still feel the full range of emotions at different times.  I feel love and longing and fear and pain and more at different times, but as you make it a habit to feel the feelings, let them pass through you without a hand on your life wheel, and stay fixed on plans, it gets easier to do so as you go forward.  

So... emotional retrograde?  I didn't even notice.  I have enough things changing in my life, right now, to justify any emotional unsteadiness, but my path and plans are fixed and progressing; and knowing that gives me the peace of stability in the now and the future.

Challenging My Emotional Foundations

I noted this on my social media a few days ago and said I would be blogging about it when I had a little more time and mental capacity to do it right.  However, recently, I have been taking aim at my own perceptions from the past in regards to the role of emotions and seeing things differently than I used to see them.

First of all, I want to lead off by saying that I am not saying there is not a place for emotions and romantic gestures and actions by all involved.  I don't believe that a connection without those things is a romantic relationship and could just be friendship.  I am a roommate with someone and am not in a relationship with her.  We handle day to day things by agreement, have conversations, and help each other out from time to time.  None of that makes it a relationship.  And, in a few months I will be moving out, and it will not be taking an emotional tole.  Romantic relationships must have romance in it by both sides.

HOWEVER, to counter the importance of that and my own prior perceptions regarding the role of feelings, I have been asking some hard questions.  Some people will probably agree with my challenge, while others may agree with my old view that I am challenging.  Nevertheless, here we go.

Is it possible that what I felt was true love was actually signs of psychological needs, instead?  And, the feeling of completeness was simply feeling those needs satisfied and not necessarily something mutual?  When I was feeling the need for closeness, was that a sign of not feeling balanced in myself.  When I was wanting support and comlements, was that the need for validation?  When I was changing to please them, was that my fearing loss?

I can go on, and I don't have any answers to this.  But, I am feeling more and more balanced on my own as a single person, lately, and more able to have a happy life on my own.  As I am doing so, I find I have less of those old needs and that makes me wonder if they were actually healthy in a relationship.  I do know that if I get into one in the future, it will look differently.  I will want time on my own to do things on my own without my partner.  I will not be bending my preference all the time but stating it and doing it if I feel the need.  That would be a true partnership, and I feel that is one I am not sure I have ever had.

So, anyways, I wanted to put this out there for others to consider, as well.

Trust What You Know

I have done great things with my fitness.  Since October, I have lost almost 20 pounds, and I am feeling and looking very healthy.  And, there is one key thing that has been true, both in regards to exercise and diet.  I had to trust what I knew to be true instead of what I felt to be true 

With exercise, it took months of exercise, before my weight began to drop, as my muscles had to build and muscle weighs more than fat. So, for months I was feeling tired and sore and saw my weight actually go up at times.  But, I knew it would change if I stuck with it.

Similarly, I cut my portion sizes and had meals with less carbs and more protein that was smaller in size.  My body felt like that wasn't enough food, but I knew that nutritionally it had all that I needed.  So, I would eat less or eat celery or other low fat healthy things, if I really needed to eat something.

Had I followed my feelings, I would have given up or made little progress.  But, I trusted what I knew to be true, and I saw results.

I tell you this, because it is true in other areas of your life and fits with your boundaries and guiding your choices.  Very often, your feelings might be making you doubt what you know or try to make you imagine things that are not present.  You have to pay attention (see prior post) and determine what you know you need and what path will best get you there.  Facts can change, so you have to be flexible, but your best shot at happiness is if you stay true to what you know and not what you feel as you walk your own path to progress.

Feel it All

There is a particular responsibility that comes with letting yourself feel your emotions.  You have to feel it all.  We are not cartoon characters that only display one emotion and one side of their personality.  We have complex emotions and at any given time can and often do feel many things, even those things that can be at contrast.  I say cartoon, but I guess the Inside Out cartoon was multiple feelings at once.  That would be more accurate.

Because the truth is that we are hardly ever just one way, just as our days are not just one way.  There can be good and bad, and both are valid.  I saw a meme online the other day of Dr Who saying that the good of a day does not solve the bad, nor does the bad take away from the good.  That is very true.  I am always a mix of things, and I try my best to keep them compartmentalized, because it is indeed true that if you are always focusing on the bad emotions, you can miss out on so much of the good things that can happen in your life.  However, to focus on the good things without allowing yourself to feel the bad can rob you of necessary healing and growth that needs to be done.  So, I wouldn't expect anyone that I ever met to be "over" the bad things in their past or the challenges of their present.  We all have them, even if we forgive and make peace with those that did them.  All I would expect is what I try to do myself.. turn the page, recognize the past is the past and look to see what the next chapter in our lives might hold.. albeit with the growth that we gain from the prior chapters in understanding others as well as ourselves.

So, if someone were to see me smiling a lot or laughing, it does not mean that there is not a part of me that is also reflecting on the past.  That is impossible, as we will always have things that remind us of people from our past.. a location, a fandom, a show or movie, or even a sport or hobby.  To deny that is to force yourself to come face to face with it.  But, you can make new memories in those things, as well as accept that those good memories of the past are valid and can be accepted as good.. in the past.  You are not tied to a specific emotion, and others are not able to be judged as 2 dimensional either.  There can be good, even in the stories that you no longer read.  And, spending our lives trying to fictionalize that good will only elongate our journey to find truth and joy in the future.

So, I allow myself to feel it all.  I allow myself to accept good and bad, love and strain, loss and rebirth.  I allow myself to accept the good that I felt was good that I felt, even as I use reason to guide my path forward.  Indeed, that is a skill we must develop if we are going to make wise decisions for our future path, apart from hormones and emotions that we will face.

So, this post is simply to challenge you to feel it all, if you are really going to see a true picture of reality. Then.... as you let the emotions flow through you.. let them flow from you and let it go.  Take a breath.  And, look and start stepping forward.  Happiness can happen, again, and holding onto the negative will only blind your ability to see and experience it.  And, I wouldn't wan that loss for anyone, least of all myself.