I Love Me

I have had songs in my playlists over the years about loving yourself and reshared many posts on Instagram and Facebook about it over time.  However, I have not had many posts about myself loving myself, so I am going to do that for this one as a reminder and an example, as well.

Loving myself should not be seen as an excuse to say that others should love me for these reasons.  I am not everyone's cup of tea, as they say.  If we are all individually unique and diverse, what would appeal to one will be challenging to another.  Nor should it be seen as a justification for objectively bad behavior.  Part of loving myself includes a very active self analysis that is always trying to improve.  You cannot improve if you are unable or unwilling to challenge yourself and admit where you have flaws to address and opportunities of growth where you made poor choices.  But, after those disclaimers, I will go into the things I DO like about myself.

I love that I am curious.  I am interested in learning, even when it corrects me.  Information and truth is and has been very important to me in my life.  

I love that I have a deep mind.  For some people that can be difficult, and I get that.  I wish at times that I could be more carefree, and I am working on being moreso.  But, that said, I can entertain my mind for hours trying to understand deep concepts and human existence and more.

I love that I am dedicated.  Sometimes, I can be too dedicataed to things that I need to let go and move forward.  That would be a flaw for me to work on.... because sometimes for example, I can find myself trying to make one accounting task work to the exclusion of meeting deadlines for the bigger picture.  But, it also means I can go months in fitness without much change visible, before the changes start to happen and keep going till I reach a goal.

I love that I am creative.  I can't paint in a great way, and I wish I could play music instruments, well.  However, I love to make music playlists.  I love to write, and sometimes I will write something in a different way or on a different topic just to challenge myself and see if it can be done.

I love that I have a caring heart.  I would say that I love that I have a caring heart, even after all the pain.  But, one really does not stop the other.  The pain exists BECAUSE I have a caaring heart, and it is care which heals the wounds, especially care for myself.

I love that I am objective.  As the sherrif says to some rebels in the current season of Silo that I am watching to prepare for the new one, "I am not for you or for him.  I am for the law."  That is close to how I am, only I would say that law in that manner for me is objective truth, and it also explains why I am so often clashing with people of all political parties that have an issue with one observation I make or another one or on issues of religion, education, relationships, identity, and more.  I take great interest in trying to undestand things... see above... and then I use that observation to determine things without consulting a group or seeking their approval, all while being able to change if the information so presents itself to do so.

I love that I love things that feed my soul like sunsets, pictures, books, music, art, beaches, the breeze, beauty, delicious foods, and more.  My life may have many challenges over my decades, but it can never be said that I didn't live.

There are more things that I could say, but I am going to take myself to watch a movie, where I will have a few strong drinks and enjoy myself.  I hope  you have a good evening and weekend.

More Common Than You Think

Ok, this is the more positive of the two posts I was doing, tonight, as promised.  You will find this one less challenging.. maybe.  Some of you might still have to chew it over a bit, as it does upend a few society delusions.  But, as with the other one I wrote, tonight... this one is ALSO something that is important to understand, especially if you are coming off of heartbreak or following paths that didn't turn out as expected.

The society accepted delusion that is perpetuated in many shows and books and more is that there is ONE PERSON that will be so uniquely matched with you that there can be no one else in the universe that could fit the bill... the belief that the person was made just for you and you just for them.  This runs contrary to statistics on the face of it, and it defies experience, as I will explain without going into any past specifics and speaking more general and cumulative.

Let's take some of my own personal interests as the foundation to teaching this concept.  I like Dr Who.  I have my whole life.  At different times, I have met someone that also liked Dr Who, and I felt such a connection with that person that I felt would not be repeated, til it was.. with this person or that person, here or there, for decades of my life.  The same can be said for Star Trek, Babylon 5, baseball, writing, different tv shows, different music styles or bands, and so on and so forth.  Indeed, I included a clip from a Babylon 5 show the other night on my social media, and any one of those people that I shared that interest could think I was posting it for them, even though I was posting it for myself and something that had nothing to do with them.  I liked the show before I met any one of them, which is also the case of the otehr interests listed.

But, to get to my point, even though I greatly liked the fact that I shared the interest with them, experience has taught me that I can enjoy those interests with someone else... and be just as happy with it.  To expand it to a greater point that I'll use to conclude, you may feel that the joys and happy memories you had with someone in the past is something that you cannot enjoy with another, and you may even feel that it is a betrayal of you to even try.  However, those happy moment began with the interest in yourself that existed before the person you knew, and you have every right to enjoy those things again.  And, as much as you feel that there cannot be happiness after a period of happiness has ended, my own life experience and probably yours will tell you that you can be happy, again.. possibly even moreso.  Joy is not exclusive to a person, and if you allow yourself to meet other people, you might just discover that the places you can find it is more common than you think. 

Strike Your Note

 In Music of the Ainur by Tolkien, we read the following..

 "The next Theme had a sound unlike the others before it. It began quietly amid the confusion of the Second Theme, and sounded like the rippling of soft and sweet notes. It gained power and depth over time, until two completely different songs were being made. One was filled with "immeasurable sorrow", which gave it tremendous beauty, while the other was a loud, pompous theme playing in violent opposition to it. Nevertheless, this repetitive theme could not overcome the sorrowful one, and the latter merely took the former's greatest notes and "[wove them] into its own solemn pattern". The strife between the two themes caused the dwelling of Ilúvatar and even the Void beyond it to shake. At this point, Eru stood once more and raised both his arms, "and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the firmament... the Music ceased"."

This is where we are in the song. There is a lot of instruments out there making their music.  Some are looking for unity of sound and harmony, while others are trying to drown it out with discord.  However, there is a purpose beyond the moment..

"The Ainur saw a Vision of what their song had created— "a World that was globed amid the Void... but was not of it". They saw the history of this World as it unfolded, and witnessed the part each had played in its making. Even the discords of Melkor contributed to the glory of this creation."

You may not understand it, and it has taken me most my life to see it. But, the dark notes matter.  Darkness has as bit of a part to play in the creation of your story and of you than does the light.  If you shelter yourself from it, you will find yourself less than half of what you could become.  It is easy to stay a sheltered child, but if you wish to actually grow and know the whole of what the world is and what your part is to play in it, you must be willing to understand the sad notes.  Then, you will understand joy.

You have a part to play in the song.  You.. yes.. even you.. have a voice to be used, an instrument to add to the song that has been going on long before you were born and will continue to do so long after you are just dust.  The universe is billions of years old and will continue for a billion more.  Best you can do is to learn how to play YOUR instrument to add to the song. 

Smile Moments in My Week

I'm slightly altering my no personal details rule.  I am still going to be keeping close relationship details of my past or what may come about sometime in the future private, or things related to my family private, unless there is a good thing that all involved has authorized and is safe to share.. that would be a very tight exception on an otherwise non share.  However, I want to start sharing moments that just made me happy in my week that do not fit in the above categories.  So, here's some happy moments in the last weekend and week.

Cooking- I have really come to enjoy experimenting with cooking and making yummy food.  I made a great fish meal two different nights with a different combination of spices and veggies.  I think both were a hit for flavor.

Fitness- I walked a couple incredible photo walks around Gathering Place and Riverside and expanded my gym time to include more and different equipment.  I like feeling healthier and my jeans are now so loose I could probably drop a pant size.

Out and About- I did a couple meetup groups events, including one on Margarita day and had a great margarita and met and heard stories from some interesting people.  After the trivia night, I wandered over and checked out Valkyrie bar for the first time and had a great drink there.

I made a couple playlists that were fun to make and like that my new focus in recent weeks has been more positive in them.  

I saw and shared a lot of great Instagram pics including ones that were inspirational and some that were sexy.  I like being able to openly be as "dirty minded" as I can be.. being single has that liberty.  I'm also less driven to be in a relationship but more interested in just having fun being me.. though I'm not opposed to relationships... someday.

I'm sure I'm missing something, but those made me smile.

There were other not so fun moments like doing taxes ..  ha.  But, doing this post series will be a good addition to my blog.