Strut

I have been doing a lot of fitness over the last half year.  I got back into running in the course of it.  Really, it began in October, but the first few months didn't really accomplish much for me, as I was not monitoring my diet and wasn't excercising with long distance walks or running.  But, as part of my desire to become the best version of myself that I could be, I decided to dedicate myself to giving 1myself the best health and body that I was capable of doing.  So, since October, I have lost 21 pounds and have done a couple official runs in the last few months.  

My first official run was a long one.. 5 miles.  I didn't focus on speed for that one.  I just wanted to finish.  So, for a month I would gradually increase my run distance and was running often.  After training for it, I did complete the 5 mile run.. with a not so great time but did finish.  So, my next goal was speed.  In the 5k that I just did, I had a run pace in the 13 minute range.. 13:41.  I have to go back years to find a run that I did at a faster pace.  

Between the running and the weight loss, I began to feel really good about myself.. how I looked, what I had accomplished, etc.  And, I noticed something.  When I was walking, I was not looking down at the ground as much.  I was walking upright and looking forward.  And, I walked with the confidence of someone that felt they deserved to be there and had was worthy, which is something of which I didn't even fully know I was doubting.

This, and other self improvement and self love meditations, has changed my perspective in many ways.  I do not feel that I have to convince anyone to like me.  I like me.  If they do not, they can move along.   I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

One slightly tangental note ... Along with this improvement and meditation, I was forced to remain in an uncomfortable environment, and that disontent led me to want to change things in my life, as I have noted in general posts over the last months.  However, being forced to remain in it has had another aspect.  Being unable to run away from it, I had to face it and deal with it.  This is where the self love and confidence comes into play.  I still wish to move to a better environment, but what I have accoplished is knowing I don't HAVE to run away.  I am just as worthy of being here as anyone else, and I can go to events and enjoy my days knowing that.  That said, choosing my BEST environment with the most potential for future happiness is still my responsibility.

So, I don't know what it would be for you, but find something that makes YOU proud of you.. look at your accomplishments and your qualities that you love.  The world may be depressing around you, but you can strut with a little confident swagger, wherever you go, knowing you deserve to be there and respected even if only by yourself.

The Necessity of Being Selfish

I touched on it in my social media, but I am going to take a running thrust into it in this post.  Do you feel like my recent messages about erecting boundaries on what you will give to others will make you a selfish person?  Congrats.  You got the message.  Now, do you feel like that is a bad thing?  Only in excess...

Consider for a moment your finances.  I have spent too many years over my life living right down to the wire.  Sometimes, it came from me giving too much to others for their needs and nothing left for myself.  Sometimes, it was because the money just wasn't there for a long time, or there were things that came along to take it away.  Indeed, these examples are exactly why it is important to be selfish.  But, let me go ahead and get more specific. 

In 2023, I was working in a decent paying accounting job in Florida.  Even before that I was making pretty good money delivering food with Doordash and Ubereats in between accounting jobs.  However, I got this job, and it looked like it was going to be a good deal.  But, the day of the interview, it stormed really bad, and the power literally went out as I was in the interview.  I got out to my car, and it had a flat tire.  I changed the tire, and drove it home.  The car place that I went to to replace the tire used a lift that broke my car door.  And, I was having to pay for a rental car to get to work, while waiting 3 weeks for my first paycheck.  Then, my car needed repairs, and I had to use credit for those repairs.  But... eventually, fiances worked out to balance and life was deceent.. tight as I was paying those credit bills... but decent.  Then, I got a retina tear, which became a retina detachment, and I was left unable to work in the recovery period for a month.  After that, I could go back to work, but it didn't fully heal, and it required a second operation and another month without pay.  I couldn't keep putting work through all of that, so I went back to delivery, til I knew things has stabilized. I could go into more details of other things happening in that time, but this is enough to illustrate my point.  I was forced to endure two periods of not being able to work for a month at a time, and I had thousands of dollars in auto repairs that had to be done, while my pay was delayed.  It destroyed my finances and led to great hardship on my social links, as well.  Not having a savings account, due to periods of self sacrifice and other things, led to personal struggle.  I was at least lucky that at the time no one was depending on my income, but what if they were.

If you fail to set yourself as a priority in your own life and keeping a decent amount of your own extra income for yourself in a savings, you can find yourself being similarly down to the wire and worried about paying for food or rent.  I am reminded of the biblical story of the profit that told a king to save up and store up food and more, because hardship was coming.  Then, when it came, the kingdom survived.  You cannot continue to live with your country debt higher than you income.. hint hint.. and that is true of personal income, as well.  

So, yes, it is important to work hard and earn what you can.  But, it is also important to stop giving it away all the time.  Give, yes... but the FIRST thing you should be giving is your own storehouse.  I have many future plans that will require a budget to make happen.  Yet, I have seen in recent months that I am spending too much, both on activities (which I will continue to do but less) and for other people that will not even be in my life in the years to come.  I have come to the crystal clear understanding that the FIRST responsibility of myself is the same as everyone else.. to themselves.  And, that has led me into the boundaries that will continue the rest of my life.  

Does that mean I will not give to others in my life?  Will I be stingy for romantic partners or others?  No.  But, I will not be self sacrificing, either, when it comes to my own future needs.  Indeed, being selfish is not only good for me but for others that will rely upon me.  At any time, there could be auto repairs, health needs, lost work, or more.  What happens to those that are expectant on my income at that time?  What happens when I decide to retire and have no retirement?  Do I expect others to provide for me?  No.. it is not their place.  It is MY place and responsibility.  If I face need from any of the above, what will those around me be saying at that time? They will be saying.. why didn't you take care of your own finances or health or more?  So... do not check with them when you provide time and money for those things, now.

I know this will ruffle the feathers of others, but the largest group of those that will be offended are those that do not know what it is like to live without.  I have much experience in that arena, actually.  So, MY advice to you is that you follow the wisdom of Poor Richard (Benjamin Franklin) who said in the Way of Wealth..

 "If you would be wealthy think of saving as well as getting.

"God helps those that help themselves."

"When the well is dry, they will know the worth of the water."

"For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun last the whole day"

 

According to Plan

I just completed my 5 mile run this weekend of which I have been training since late March.  At that time, I was not running at all.  I had the confidence I could do it, but in order to make it happen, it took brutal honesty of how I was currently, create a training plan to get there, and dedicated work to make it happen.

I give this as an example, because I am applying this method in other areas of my life, as well.  You cannot budget on hope.  You cannot live in expectation that anyone else will suddenly come in to make it happen.  And, you cannot get there without all of the elements, above. 

Brutal Honesty 

Whatever it is that you want, you must first look at where you are with brutal honesty.  Don't be polite to please others or hopeful of things you do not see.  If you do that, you will remain paralyzed, forever, living your life for other people's dreams.

Make a Plan

Next, make your plan.  It should be achievable and real but have a challenge to meet.  It needs to recognize obstacles to remove and lead where you know provides at the very least a foundation for growth to more.  The next step is a worthy goal, as well.

Execute the Plan

Dedicate yourself to the plan.  Expect to have doubts or feel tired on some days, so do not let emotions sway your plan.  Emotions sway, so sway them back to the plan and stay on course.  It will take time,  so don't base success of the plan on immediate results but rather feel good about putting yourself first and journey onward.

My plan has milestones and steps, and I know exactly what each part will be this year.  I know it will lead to a good foundation of personal ownership of my life and my goals and good potential to reach them.  Then, the years that follow will only grow from there.

I don't know your plans, but if you really want to reach them, some version of this will be important for you as well.  I believe in you to be able to define and reach the happy milestones ahead in all your lives.

Pace Yourself

I've never been a sprinter... part of being short and a little overweight.  It's part of how I got the bully nickname of 'thunder thighs" among others.  However, I had endurance, so I would run lond distance runs in track at times.  Do they even have track, anymore?  I don't recall hearing about it as my kids grew up.  And, if I tried to sprint, I might just hurt myself or pass out.  But, I learned that if I slowed down into a slower pace, I could go longer distance without feeling overwhelmed.  I'd apply this in running 5K runs, as well. In all those runs, most would take off in a sprint, but many would burn out and be passed by me, later.

The same can be applied to life, even though I forget it, often.  Most often, I run my life with intensity, driven to overcome immediate problems with immediate solutions.  When I can't see the solution in my life, I feel it is a failure.  However, most solutions that are long term take time to do.  

Plus, too much too fast is not always good.  I can definitely see that in my life.  When I tried to date or have romance or love someone, I always applied myself 100 percent from the beginning,  without even taking the time to know if it was right.  Then, when it wasn't, my love for them became an irritance to them.  I never got that.  I felt like one of their friends would mock them, saying something like...ooo someone loves you.. how tragic.  But, if it isn't a good fit and the gap of what we need and what someone is grows, the other one pushing it becomes a problem... or maybe the intensity doesn't allow enough freedom for love to develop.  Regardless, it is like sprinting above.  You begin with good intentions but shoot yourself in the foot by nor pacing yourself.

Recently, I began feeling prosperity coming in the kind of feeling that is almost always right.  So, I was doing lottery tickets, applying for high salary jobs and more, feeling that would produce it.  Then, I realized my CURRENT position and plan gets me there, just as well... just takes longer.  After my move and with my car owned and not on payments, I will be up to 900 over bills each month in Oklahoma.  Get that?  More prosperous in a poorer state.  Anyway... 900 x 12 months is 10 thousand over a year... in my current lower stress lifestyle.  Would I take a higher paying job, sure.  But, I still get there either way.  I just have to pace myself.

So, whatever you want, don't rush.  Take your time.  It's the best way to make sure you go the distance.  It reminds me of a signature I saw once on a writer group by an author.  She said, "Don't worry.  Don't hurry.  And, don't forget to smell the flowers."