Fitness Update

I want to venture outside of just themes of relationships or self acceptance and such to go into practical applications of the journey towards happiness.  This blog post will be about fitness, which is very important to that end.  A few weeks ago, I had a doctor checkup and was asked if I felt depressed about anything.  I said that I did not and was feeling very hopeful.  We had just been talking about my fitness improvement and running that I am doing.  The nurse said, "It's hard to feel depressed when you are so active in fitness, isn't it?"  She has a point, other than thee chemicals that are released into your blood by doing it, you feel good about yourself for trying and for the progress that you see and feel more confidence for other challenges, as well.

Since October of last year, I have lost 26 pounds.  It began as a Healthy Wage challenge that I will collect over 200 in october of this year for meeting.  However, I have exceeded it and kept going.  I feel more fit than I have been in several decades, and it makes me feel really good about my future.  I went from high cholesterol to normal range in less than a year.  All my lab numbers are amazing, now.  

I ussed to run 5k races and such, but it has been years, since I did til this year.  In October I began walking longer distances multiple days a week.  In March, I began running, again.  Now, I just ran 7 miles this last weekend, as part of my training plan to run a half marathon in February that I signed up for.  I am not sure how far I have to go back in my running history to find when I ran 7 miles last, if at all.  But, I will get to the 13 miles that will be needed for the half marathon.  I know I will.

It also teaches you a lot to be involved in fitness.  You learn that you can do more than you think you can do.  You learn that you get better with repeated practice.  You learn to commit to do it regularly, whether or not you feel like it, the weather is good for it, or if you have to work to make it fit into you schedule, because it is important to you.  And, you learn to cut yourself some slack if you didn't meet a pace goal or need to take a day off, because it isn't about winning a race but overall growth and improvement.

So, I hope this post will inspire you to include more fitness in your own life.  I believe it will help you in the same ways it has helped me, and I would love to have everyone find joy in fitness as I do.  It is an objectively effective element towards happiness that is literally in your hands.

Fly

Lunch time blog post to touch on and expand something I said on social media a few dys ago.

A couple years ago, I left Florida to come to Oklahoma, and a big part of why that was at the time was that I had just gone through two big eye operations, each requiring a month of face down time following, and had gone through it alone.  I felt like that should change, so I took a job offer that was closer to my mom and sister.  

Yet, upon reflecting on that the other day, I realize that first of all I DID go through that in Florida and made it all work just fine by trasfering money, arranging for grocery deliveries, applying my own eye drops, and more.  Further, I realize that upon getting here, I have STILL been taking care of my own needs for the most part... as well as providing to help the needs of others.  From a care taking perspective, where I am now is not that different from where I was living in Florida.

I don't say that to say ... woe is me that no one is caring for me.  I am actually concluding the reverse.  I hesitate to assign the steps that led me to this conclusion to God, so I will just say the universe or circumstances.  But, lets consider how nature teaches the young.  An older lion will let the younger learn to hunt.  A mother bird will kick the young out of the nest to learn to fly.  Nature doesn't cradle those learning but expects them to ... learn.. and believe that they can do it.

It is not till you have to rely on the strength of your own wings that you learn to have peace in your ability.  So, the universe was looking at me feeling broken and unable after the eye surgeries and rather than allowing me a soft place to fall and people to look after me I was given challenge after challenge.  Even on the road to get here I had to repair the car twice.  Then, once here, I was pushed out of my government job by Trump cuts and had to find new work and work hard at it.  And, I rose to the ocassion.  Each time there as a new challenge, I was forced to rely upon myself for funding, comfort, recovery, inspiration, care, and to develop boundaries to look out for myself.  Now, I have no doubt, as I used not to have any doubt, that I am able, all by myself, to not only survive life but thrive.  And, I will carry that knowledge and ability into every new challenge that faces me in the days and months to come.

Strut

I have been doing a lot of fitness over the last half year.  I got back into running in the course of it.  Really, it began in October, but the first few months didn't really accomplish much for me, as I was not monitoring my diet and wasn't excercising with long distance walks or running.  But, as part of my desire to become the best version of myself that I could be, I decided to dedicate myself to giving 1myself the best health and body that I was capable of doing.  So, since October, I have lost 21 pounds and have done a couple official runs in the last few months.  

My first official run was a long one.. 5 miles.  I didn't focus on speed for that one.  I just wanted to finish.  So, for a month I would gradually increase my run distance and was running often.  After training for it, I did complete the 5 mile run.. with a not so great time but did finish.  So, my next goal was speed.  In the 5k that I just did, I had a run pace in the 13 minute range.. 13:41.  I have to go back years to find a run that I did at a faster pace.  

Between the running and the weight loss, I began to feel really good about myself.. how I looked, what I had accomplished, etc.  And, I noticed something.  When I was walking, I was not looking down at the ground as much.  I was walking upright and looking forward.  And, I walked with the confidence of someone that felt they deserved to be there and had was worthy, which is something of which I didn't even fully know I was doubting.

This, and other self improvement and self love meditations, has changed my perspective in many ways.  I do not feel that I have to convince anyone to like me.  I like me.  If they do not, they can move along.   I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

One slightly tangental note ... Along with this improvement and meditation, I was forced to remain in an uncomfortable environment, and that disontent led me to want to change things in my life, as I have noted in general posts over the last months.  However, being forced to remain in it has had another aspect.  Being unable to run away from it, I had to face it and deal with it.  This is where the self love and confidence comes into play.  I still wish to move to a better environment, but what I have accoplished is knowing I don't HAVE to run away.  I am just as worthy of being here as anyone else, and I can go to events and enjoy my days knowing that.  That said, choosing my BEST environment with the most potential for future happiness is still my responsibility.

So, I don't know what it would be for you, but find something that makes YOU proud of you.. look at your accomplishments and your qualities that you love.  The world may be depressing around you, but you can strut with a little confident swagger, wherever you go, knowing you deserve to be there and respected even if only by yourself.

Basic Training

 I had the thought of doing this post, earlier today, but I forgot for a bit.  So, doing it now.

I was in the National Guard for 8 years and active duty for 2 years.  I definitely have reservations about how our military is being used, but I want to focus on one aspect of the military that most don't spend enough time learning from... Basic Training.

The purpose of basic training is to break you down and build you up with individual confidence.  You enter basic scared and alone.  I remember my moments doing it.  I was gathered with a bunch of others that are also scared and alone.  They joined out of different reasons.  Some joined for scholarship money.  Some joined for family tradition.  Some.. actually.. joined after a life of prison to find a new future for themselves.  However, none were prepared for what lie ahead.

The first two weeks of Basic are called hell weeks.  For weeks you are woke at ungodly hours of the morning by banging trash cans or yelling or more.  The Drill Sargent gets pleasure in catching you off guard and emphsizing your weakness.  They are trained to do it.  You will be forced to spend hours in prone position doing pushups or lifting cans filled with concrete or doing road marches or more.  I remember multiple times taking a shower and feeling half of my muscles spasming in pain and exhaustion, just do have to do more, shortly after.  I honestly wondered if I would die in the process, but I figured that no one would allow them to kill us.

Then, you stop failing as much.  You start doing well at different things.  You do more than you expected.  You last longer in PT than you thought you could.  Slowly, you become confident that you CAN not only survive but do well at being a soldier, and that gives you confidence to do more.

This is another example of the benefit of evil.  No one is trained in basic by being praised and treated well.  They treat you HORRIBLY.  WHY?  It is so that when you are out there in battle with no one to ask for help, YOU can solve your own problems and save others.

People are not trained in wisdom.  They are not made fit by being given a light load.  We have in various ways for CENTURIES or even longer been training people to succeed by first treating them badly to teach them to overcome.  WHY should we expect LIFE to be any different?

You face struggles to learn to overcome and gain confidence.  If you have not learned the lesson, it will feel worse for you, longer.  Then, you can graduate from your struggle and actually be useful for success in your own life and the life of others.

Change

We all know that famous line from The Hobbit where Bilbo announced, "I'm going on an adventure."  Adventures are rarely defined and always scary.  You don't know what lies ahead, and you will face a change in your surroundings and company along the way, but ... even more... you will find a change in yourself will accompany it.

When I first went into Basic training for the Army, I thought it was pure torture.  The first few weeks are called "hell weeks" for a reason.  The whole purpose of those weeks and basic, itself, was to break you down so that you could be built back up.  I fully believe that today's basic is probably a different experience than it was when I went through it.  We endured a lot back then in our lives that would never be allowed in our current day, and that is a shame to a degree.  When your supports are gone, and it is just you versus failure, You discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed.  I remember the pride that I felt when I was in my final weeks, and I thought to myself... I did it.  I COULD DO it, after all.  My Basic training graduation brought more pride in myself than any other graduation or award in my life, because I found the strength to do it when my muscles were literally shaking in my showers at the end of the day.

I exited that training a different person than I was when I entered that training.  I entered scared and unsure.  I left feeling I could conquer and do ANYTHING if I put my mind to it.. a belief and drive that would carry me through many challenges over my life.  You need that confidence to become more than you are, and no one else will give it to you.

Today, I was thinking about how when I am delivering there is no guarantee for making enough money, each day.  I remembered that in my first few years of doing it, I would drive all day under a cloud of stress and anxiety that I would make enough to pay my bills.  Each time there was a lull, I would feel all the fears of failure come upon me.  Then, I would over the years discover that if I just kept going and learn from good areas vs bad areas and so on, I would always make my budget.  The same is true for overcoming challenges that hit me.... I used to stress so hard about them.  But, I learned over my life that it really didn't matter if I did, but I would still overcome, every time.  So... the next time, I just waited .... waited for the next delivery... waited to learn how I would overcome.. knowing I would.  It became an adventure, instead of a crisis.

But, change .. changes you.  Growth changes you.  You become a new person, more confident and more capable with each change.  It's the same you... just matured like a fine wine.  

It always amazes me that people look at god or gods and say... THIS is how they are, and they do not change.  Yet, literature about gods show them being very different to different people and over time.  But, the QUALITIES remain... only mixed in a more mature balance.  The same is true for us.  How we are is very different than when we were 11.  Remember how ignorant we were back then and all the false assumptions we had of society?  Unfortunately, many adults continue to live that naive, but others have matured over time.  Some would call it cynical, but I tend to see it as realistic, since it is based... in fact... in reality.

Don't feel bad that you lose your once innocent spark.  If you were to regain it, you would be once again bait for others to misuse.  Even Jesus says be wise as serpents but innocent as doves.  I would take issue with the innocent part (probably inserted by some monk along the way), since even Jesus overturned money tables.  Wisdom is a viture, and it doesn't come from roses and rainbows.  It comes from trials, which even the epistles say will make you refined and mature. 

Change is a good thing... both in your life and in yourself.  YOU are an adventure, and the sooner you forgive yourself for beginning the journey, the sooner you can rest in the comfort that you know YOU will remain and grow in whatever you face along the way.