Fly

Lunch time blog post to touch on and expand something I said on social media a few dys ago.

A couple years ago, I left Florida to come to Oklahoma, and a big part of why that was at the time was that I had just gone through two big eye operations, each requiring a month of face down time following, and had gone through it alone.  I felt like that should change, so I took a job offer that was closer to my mom and sister.  

Yet, upon reflecting on that the other day, I realize that first of all I DID go through that in Florida and made it all work just fine by trasfering money, arranging for grocery deliveries, applying my own eye drops, and more.  Further, I realize that upon getting here, I have STILL been taking care of my own needs for the most part... as well as providing to help the needs of others.  From a care taking perspective, where I am now is not that different from where I was living in Florida.

I don't say that to say ... woe is me that no one is caring for me.  I am actually concluding the reverse.  I hesitate to assign the steps that led me to this conclusion to God, so I will just say the universe or circumstances.  But, lets consider how nature teaches the young.  An older lion will let the younger learn to hunt.  A mother bird will kick the young out of the nest to learn to fly.  Nature doesn't cradle those learning but expects them to ... learn.. and believe that they can do it.

It is not till you have to rely on the strength of your own wings that you learn to have peace in your ability.  So, the universe was looking at me feeling broken and unable after the eye surgeries and rather than allowing me a soft place to fall and people to look after me I was given challenge after challenge.  Even on the road to get here I had to repair the car twice.  Then, once here, I was pushed out of my government job by Trump cuts and had to find new work and work hard at it.  And, I rose to the ocassion.  Each time there as a new challenge, I was forced to rely upon myself for funding, comfort, recovery, inspiration, care, and to develop boundaries to look out for myself.  Now, I have no doubt, as I used not to have any doubt, that I am able, all by myself, to not only survive life but thrive.  And, I will carry that knowledge and ability into every new challenge that faces me in the days and months to come.