I touched on it in my social media, but I am going to take a running thrust into it in this post. Do you feel like my recent messages about erecting boundaries on what you will give to others will make you a selfish person? Congrats. You got the message. Now, do you feel like that is a bad thing? Only in excess...
Consider for a moment your finances. I have spent too many years over my life living right down to the wire. Sometimes, it came from me giving too much to others for their needs and nothing left for myself. Sometimes, it was because the money just wasn't there for a long time, or there were things that came along to take it away. Indeed, these examples are exactly why it is important to be selfish. But, let me go ahead and get more specific.
In 2023, I was working in a decent paying accounting job in Florida. Even before that I was making pretty good money delivering food with Doordash and Ubereats in between accounting jobs. However, I got this job, and it looked like it was going to be a good deal. But, the day of the interview, it stormed really bad, and the power literally went out as I was in the interview. I got out to my car, and it had a flat tire. I changed the tire, and drove it home. The car place that I went to to replace the tire used a lift that broke my car door. And, I was having to pay for a rental car to get to work, while waiting 3 weeks for my first paycheck. Then, my car needed repairs, and I had to use credit for those repairs. But... eventually, fiances worked out to balance and life was deceent.. tight as I was paying those credit bills... but decent. Then, I got a retina tear, which became a retina detachment, and I was left unable to work in the recovery period for a month. After that, I could go back to work, but it didn't fully heal, and it required a second operation and another month without pay. I couldn't keep putting work through all of that, so I went back to delivery, til I knew things has stabilized. I could go into more details of other things happening in that time, but this is enough to illustrate my point. I was forced to endure two periods of not being able to work for a month at a time, and I had thousands of dollars in auto repairs that had to be done, while my pay was delayed. It destroyed my finances and led to great hardship on my social links, as well. Not having a savings account, due to periods of self sacrifice and other things, led to personal struggle. I was at least lucky that at the time no one was depending on my income, but what if they were.
If you fail to set yourself as a priority in your own life and keeping a decent amount of your own extra income for yourself in a savings, you can find yourself being similarly down to the wire and worried about paying for food or rent. I am reminded of the biblical story of the profit that told a king to save up and store up food and more, because hardship was coming. Then, when it came, the kingdom survived. You cannot continue to live with your country debt higher than you income.. hint hint.. and that is true of personal income, as well.
So, yes, it is important to work hard and earn what you can. But, it is also important to stop giving it away all the time. Give, yes... but the FIRST thing you should be giving is your own storehouse. I have many future plans that will require a budget to make happen. Yet, I have seen in recent months that I am spending too much, both on activities (which I will continue to do but less) and for other people that will not even be in my life in the years to come. I have come to the crystal clear understanding that the FIRST responsibility of myself is the same as everyone else.. to themselves. And, that has led me into the boundaries that will continue the rest of my life.
Does that mean I will not give to others in my life? Will I be stingy for romantic partners or others? No. But, I will not be self sacrificing, either, when it comes to my own future needs. Indeed, being selfish is not only good for me but for others that will rely upon me. At any time, there could be auto repairs, health needs, lost work, or more. What happens to those that are expectant on my income at that time? What happens when I decide to retire and have no retirement? Do I expect others to provide for me? No.. it is not their place. It is MY place and responsibility. If I face need from any of the above, what will those around me be saying at that time? They will be saying.. why didn't you take care of your own finances or health or more? So... do not check with them when you provide time and money for those things, now.
I know this will ruffle the feathers of others, but the largest group of those that will be offended are those that do not know what it is like to live without. I have much experience in that arena, actually. So, MY advice to you is that you follow the wisdom of Poor Richard (Benjamin Franklin) who said in the Way of Wealth..
"If you would be wealthy think of saving as well as getting.
"God helps those that help themselves."
"When the well is dry, they will know the worth of the water."
"For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun last the whole day"
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