Trust Yourself

I had a moment in the past 24 hours where I learned something that I don't need to share for the purpose of this blog post.  But, when I learned it, it confirmed not only what I had been saying but confirmed the path that I was taking at present.  But, when it happened, I was slightly taken aback by the news, and I my reaction to that was to say.. wait.. why is that not getting a well duh reaction from me.  As I inquired that within myself, I realized that repeatedly having to defend it had caused me to doubt whether I really knew the truth.  Suddenly seeing it as true, I was faced with the realization that internally I had been doubting.... myself.  And, that is the bigger sin.

Thus, this blog post is going to be focused on specifically that.  There is no one else in the world that has been walking in your shoes.  You can be.. and I find often are.. faced in situations where the trend of society is to believe the statistically true concept in society, whether or not it is actually true to yours.  So, when you face soceity they judge you based upon the information that they have by trends.  When you try to explain how it is different, they assume.. well, that is what someone would say if they were guilty.  And, you find you have no way to defend yourself.. even if it were true.  As that process happens, again and again, you start to doubt.. yourself.

Then... the truth comes out, as it always does.  And, suddenly, those people that doubted you are like... that is horrible that it happened to you, and you are like.. well.. yeah, that is what I have been saying.  And, suddenly, you realize that the problem was not what others believed or even what happened but that YOU accepted the stereotype and jugement, evn if not admitted, in order to reconcile your own stability and peace with others.

But.... peace with others is overrrated.  If you are simply cowering to oppresors and liars to be at peacce, you are only delyaing the explosion of internal conflict and external truth.

So... as uncomfortable as it is.. my blog post advice is the same as what is found in Scripture regarding what is said about God... let god be true and every man a liar.  I think that is probably an overreach without context, but it does paint the accurate picture.

If YOU trust YOUR story, don't let anyone say that you don't know your own truth.  STAND in it.  Let me repeat... STAND in it, even if silently.  It doesn't have to be an argument to be a conviction.  Let others believe or doubt, let others fight or support.  STAND in what you know is true.  Eventually.. when the truth comes out... nothing in darkness will remain in darkness.  And, if you have cowered in that moment, the only one guilty will be you for giving up that truth.

Rise

Do you have the courage to rise, when you have fallen?  It does take courage, but it will be a fight.. against restrictions and limitations, against doubts and doubters, but most importantly against your own habits, fears, and security.

I've noted in the past how the first time that I went down to Florida from Oklahoma in 2020, I did so without a job, without much money, and without a car.  I had my will and belief in my ability, and that built up everything else... during a pandemic.  In doing so, I had to leave the security of stability and take a risk to be near my child, as I had just gone through my second divorce and had given custody back to my first ex of our child and wanted to go down to where they were to be in their life, even though that ex had a psychological condition that caused her to have symptoms like paranoia, religious grandeur delusions, and competition to the level of feeling like everyone was against her... symptoms that would lead eventually to her undermining me to my child and trying to block me from them as I was in their view not a good influence on my child.... the child that I raised pretty much on my own for the first several years due to that same condition post partum and the child I had been very active in raising more years than my ex that felt she needed to gain control.  But, when that ex did that, I didn't want to put my child in the midst of a struggle and allowed it to happen.  Yet, that was not rising.  That was letting someone else push me down.  The easy course of action was not to rise but to accept defeat.

Now, I find myself in an ironically similar cycle.  I have been helping my 2nd ex wife out as roommate for financial purposes, but several months ago I started setting boundaries where I chose things for myself and my own potential, including letting her know I will be going back down to Florida in November to be near my child.  I continue reaching out to them, and I will continue to do so.  I will be there, when the seeds of that effort take root.  Unlike the last time, I am not doing it from a position of weakness.  I am on friendship level with my 2nd ex wife, when was not the case, prior.  I am not going with nothing but am saving up til I leave in November.  I am not going to go unemployed but will be getting a job before I ever leave here.

But, none of this is easy.  I am cutting my expenses to save up money, which helped me recently pay for some auto repair bills.  I am in a sort of no mans land at present, not able to establish connections here but not able to do so there, yet... at least not much.  I am not living where I will be living in years to come.  I am in the waiting period before potential can .begin, and that is a difficult place to be.

But, one thing is true and gives me peace and patience.  For the firt time in a long time, I am on a path that I am designing for myself to be where I want to be... not just to be near my child but because I like who I came to be in Florida and am looking forward to being that way, again.  This path is my own, and the end of that path is a life I am choosing.  It is not out of convenience, money, popularity, or glory.  It will have difficult days and challenges, ahead.  But, given the choice of letting others push me down and make me less or choosing to improve myself and my life chapters by my own hand, I will choose to rise.

Stand

We have just accepted the idea that if someone gets 49 percent of the vote and the other side gets 47 percent that the higher number party must be given absolute authority to dictate their morals upon the 47 percent and that the 47 percent's opinions doesn't matter... their objections don't matter.. their values don't matter.  Even if the winning party had 51 percent that's stupid.  Even if they had 90 percent, that's stupid.  Everyone matters.  Everyone has value.  Everyone is entitled to freedom to live their lives their way in their homes, their beds, and to speak their minds.

The little country of Ukraine has been fighting for years against a much bigger Russia that has been determined to extinguish the county of Ukraine.  People have been saying it couldn't win against Russia.  Yet, years later, it is not only still surviving but is causing damage far inside Russia, itself.  Despite many globally saying they just needed to accept Russian rule, they are still free.  They are still relevant.  They still matter.

People have been telling LGBTQ people that they are evil and that they shouldn't have freedom over their own bodies to live their way with love for people they are banned from loving.  Yet... they exist.  They continue being their way, even with condemnation and the condemnation is less every year... just like happened to blacks, women, witches, and more.

I've faced a lot of unwarranted condemnation by the actions of a few that wanted me to be seen as evil and to fail and be rejected in life.  For a while, I fought against the false witness and struggles that they caused, trying to convince their audience that I had value.  Yet, I learned very clearly that those who judge you WANT to judge you, and nothing you do will change their perspective.  It's better to just improve your situation and happiness, often by distancing yourself from your doubters and definitely by not respecting their opinion more than your own.  If you know you are right or good, STAND... be happy in yourself.  Grow.  Become what you desire in absence of their validation.  They lost the right to be part of the success that they didn't believe in or support.  

Your mood is in your hands.  Your success is in your power to execute by taking concrete actions.  Your future has never been in the power of others beyond your choice to bend to others assessment of your life over your own.  So, fk them.  Rise, yourself.  And as they will for your downfall, stand laughing your Karma of success, they will be busy facing their own Karma of criticism, soon enough.