Messy

 I was watching Practical Magic 2 the other day (good movie), and it got to a scene where one character was going to use great power to get what they wanted.  Well, too be fair, at that time all sides were trying to use power to get what they wanted.  And, I just had this sudden distaste.. dislike for everything that I was seeing on the screen.  I had to get up and go to the bathroom to clear my feelings and process and then came back and continued to process it and to understand why I was having that reaction.  And, as I did I thought it was worth sharing, though it is not new to my blog posts of late.

It wasn't out of feeling cynical or doubtful or feeling that it was too optimistic, though in many ways it can be.  It was because progressively over years I have come to understand something that gives me great peace and connection to life that is going on around me, something that took me much too long in life to understand and most do not.  It is that messy can be good for you.

What do I mean by that?  I have spent so much of my life with a picture in my head that I was trying to create or mourn or maintain, or restore.  Do  not misunderstand me, there is a place for honoring those good times in the past and having hope for your future or even trying to restore some connections.  However, it is the control that is always the problem.

We try to control the outcome of so much of our lives.  How successful has that been for you?  It has not been very successful in my past.  That is for good reason.  People are not puppets, and life is not a play following a script.  

I think God gets that it is hard for us.  And, just like I used to think as my children entered their teen years, there are a lot of lessons that they must learn for themselves.  So, I think that it is absolutely consistent and important for God to place things in our lives that He knows he will deny us or ask us to wait to receive.  It is in those moments when you are forced to process those things that you understand that LIFE is messy, and that isn't the blame of another person or fate or a demon.  I think He wants us to understand prayer isn't a magic spell and the Bible a spellbook to get what you want... indeed, spells are not wise for the same reason.  There are truths greater than fulfillment.  There is peace, self reliance and balance, and hope found in acceptance and growth that will lead you to really become what you and others need.

So, for this blog post, I simply wanted to say that if you are TRULY seeking happiness that remains more than as an answer but a way of life, don't get mad when you do not get what you want but take a beat and learn from it, grow yourself, learn from the journey, and patiently proceed, knowing that in the midst of the mess you will find a much more ordered... you.

Evangelist of Disorder.. Sht Happens

I'm what I guess of late to be an evangelist of disorder.  In reality, it's an objective observationalist that states reality, even if... sometimes especially if.. people would prefer the rosy prediction.  It has come from a life of living with those rosy expectations and facing a life of disappointment, instead.  It has helped me craft a more logical and progressively improving life, as well.  Someone one time praised my budgeting ability to make it through my periods of sparce resources and unexpected expenses, and I explained that it... and all my accounting ability.. was refined over many years by seeing assumptions fail, so I determined that I must KNOW things to protect and guide myself.

It's also, I think, helped others I've counseled in their lives after failures and disappointment hit their lives, as well.  Being factual doesn't mean I'm not emotional.. quite the contrary.  I don't believe it does anyone good to lie and promise rosy days, if that's not something that I think will happen.  I can empathize with them and offer my support and care, while at the same time offer my experience IN the dark valley... it's kinda been my home for most of my life.  I can tell them that it will eventually pass, because I've established that is true.  I can show them from my own life that there is always something good that comes out of bad.  I've noted the value of darkness many times this year in blog posts, and it's true.  

Try something with me... I tried it, today.  Think of EVERY failed time dating or relationship or marriage.  Can you honestly say that there is not something good that you learned or carried with you from that painful time?  I couldn't think of a failure that didn't ALSO grow me or add to me in some way.  Life is messy, and every joy comes with struggle or vice versa.  It doesn't mean that you shouldn't make wise decisions to better your future life, but it does not mean that holding up idealistic and unrealistic expectations for your life is good or that following a path of "hope" that doesn't even have a defined path is a "good" thing to do.

Sht happens, as the car sticker says.  If you understand that, you'll spend less time in self-pity and making quicker decisions to get out of it by simply saying... ok.. what do I do now?  It's one of the best lessons I can give you about moving FORWARD to Happiness.