Charity

Charity is not about feeling superior.  It is not about getting enough back for what you give in return.  It is not about getting recognition for your organization or your faith or your family or whatever else there would be as your "side" or "people".. It is about need and a heart that cannot see a need without wanting to help.

I won't go into details, as I am making a choice to keep those details out of my social media or blog posts, but there is a reason that I am the age that I am without a huge savings.  In most of my life, I walked from helping one person in need to another... or multiple.  In almost all of those cases, I would find myself in time on my own, and often when my own need arose I would find myself without similar giving hands.  

However... does that mean that I regret what I did or gave?  Not in the slightest, because my choice to give was never based in what I received.  It was based in having love enough to give to someone that didn't deserve the fate they had been given or had a physical, psychological, or financial need.  Whether my giving was acknowledged with gratitude or would be seen by others as an attempt to control was beyond my ability to predict or manage and had NOTHING to do with the value of the giving.

At different times in my life, I have worked in non profits in a customer facing role.. not really one I am in currently, but I have been in that role.  I found that when you did things to help those in need, you were met oftentimes with anger and shame by the one receiving it.  I understand.  There have been times in my life that for different reasons I had to live on state benefits, and it took a lot of pride swallowing to accept the help.  This is routinely an adult reaction, as I have heard children cheer that they would have a meal, tomorrow.  But, to the adult, feeling like you have to rely on someone else can be an offensive thing and the giver a burden.

However... again.. does that mean that the giving should not be done?  No.  I recently read a meme that said what you give may not always be given back to you, but it will always be a reflection of how YOU are.  I'd say that I want to be a good person and do that, but the reality is that I know I am NOT always a good person.... and YET I still want to do that, partially because I know what it is like to live in shame and rejection and need.

Charity isn't about you or your organization or your reward or your acceptance.  It isn't about buying a ticket into heaven, and it isn't about paying for your sings.  It has nothing to do with YOU at all, other than simply... do you care enough to give.  And, that... these days.. is a lot more relevant question than it should be. 

Dark Chronicles Act 17: A "Lazy" Poor Testimony of Care

Despite the fact that I shouldn't have to do this post, it is becoming more and more apparent that I must.  It shouldn't be necessary, because people should have enough sense and experience to see otherwise, but sense seems limited and experience only serves to exclude the wise from the inexperienced's echo chambers.  As such, this must be a Dark Chronicles post, as well.. even though it really should not be.

When it first began to circulate, I thought that it wasn't worth refuting, because I didn't believe that anyone would buy into it.  But, preachers and rich politicians kept repeating the same fallacy... if someone was poor, they were choosing to be poor, because they were lazy.  And, so.. the mythology grew and grew.  Now, we find ourselves in a state of government affairs that the fallacy is literally affecting the life AND DEATH of many millions of families.  So, I must speak out.  On what grounds can I speak out?  I have lived much of my life as one of those "lazy" poor, and I think it is high time that I told you how I was made poor and what it meant for others.. so I will give a few examples from my own life.

A long time ago, after I had left the military and was homeschooling an ADHD child at the suggestion of her school, my wife at the time had the first of several post partum psychotic breaks with the birth of our second child.   My ex wife of that time was the primary earner with my support, so when that happened we were left without any money, a disabled adult, and a baby to raise.  So, for the next few years, I would make things work by borrowing over with my student loans over tuition to cover living expenses for graduate schooling, while I did all the child rearing and household duties.  There was no income other than student loans, which left me with a huge student loan debt to cover.  So, for that decade, I was not working, yet both my children benefited from my activities, as well as my ex wife.

Later, I would be a single dad that was trying to make things work, raising both of my kids, after another of my ex's mental breaks.  In order to do so, I had to pay for after school daycare, during the time that I worked, and I was paying for my older child's college expenses, as she had failed out of college and needed to get good grades to get back her aid.. which ultimately would be accomplished.  So, I was being financially tapped out, but .. again.. both of my children benefited from the sacrifices.

There have been other periods of my life.. both single and in relationships.. where I was living on food stamps, due to being between jobs or dealing with life and health challenges, as well.  Indeed, for a long while after both of my children, I was poor while paying for the expenses that came from having the BABY.   

But, it's not always acts of sacrifice for others.  Sometimes, it can just be a bad turn of health or luck.  I have faced health challenges at times.  I would spend over 6 months not being able to work full time, due to having multiple retina eye surgeries and recovery time.  In that time, I had to not only not work but tap out retirement plans and sell things just to pay for food and bills... and not all of my bills was covered in that time, leading to credit challenges to overcome, later as well.

My story is not exceptional.  It is common.  The poor are not poor by choice.  I remember just how hard it was to swallow my pride to seek food stamp benefits, the first time.  Many facing health challenges feel like they are broken and a failure... simply for being in need.  And, it is at THIS point that others that do not face their challenges judge them, call them lazy, and cut off their funding.  I don't blame them for their anger in this time for this reality.  Countless kings have lost their heads... literally.. for similar acts of lack of empathy.  Though, I would call for the poor to be patient.  All they are doing it defining themselves, so let them.  The poor vote, and the seeds they are sowing will come to fruit, soon enough.

I hope that my story will cause a few to rethink the narrative that they are being fed, though I am experienced enough to know that it will probably be ignored by those that feel unaffected and want to fit into their groups.  Just know.. you are living on fiction, not fact.  Others around you have needs, and if you are not helping those in need, you really have no business deciding whether others can do so, as well. 

Money

Do you know... for a VERY long time until relatively recently, it was possible for a family of even a dozen kids to exist on one income?  In fact,  it was considered poor form for both parents to work.  I disagree with that and welcome gender equality to share responsibility .. but shouldn't that mean an abundance of extra money?  Now, two person households are strapped, and many wives live trapped in bad households.. or men.. because as I've experienced it is almost impossible for a single person to live on one income, even in poor housing.. IF they can get that housing at all without the credit of a wealthier person.

In 2020, I went to live in Florida to be near my child, after a divorce.  I was already poor from selling my house for a marriage that would fail and my car for medical bills and more of someone that would reject me.  But, then, I would face Florida expenses.  And... for 4 years I would have to work VERY long hours to barely stay above rent and necessities.. so much so that I ended up having to work on weekends with my child or wouldn't be able to pay to live.  I wasn't alone.  Many single mothers and fathers do the same. That led to the current situation that finally has lots of hope because I cut my expenses by moving to cheaper housing in a cheaper state.  

We complain about a 50 cent rise in costs of a gallon of gas or milk, but expenses of all things have been rising much faster than money value to pay for them, and we all know it.  However, that's only partially true... it's absolutely true if you are lower to middle class... and by middle class I literally mean middle of the percentile of people alive.  However, the rich have never been so rich... literally and in purchasing power.  They complain of their struggles to not be able to do things no one in their station in prior generations were able to do.  But, when someone can donate or give an amount of money that would pay a person's entire life and have no impact on their own, there is money hoarding happening.

If this blog is going to be honest about the path to happiness, it has to be honest about the money struggles that rob it and solutions for an individual will take some radical restructuring of how much.. happiness.. we allow others to take from those they judge for being poor.

Wealth is an Ego Illusion

Over my life, I’ve made more, and I’ve made less.  One thing that I’ve come to understand is that wealth is an illusion.  

Even this year.. I didn’t have the money to do if, but I did some meetup events and met a lot of people with money.  And… they all complained about how much they struggled with expenses.  Of COURSE they did.  Just in those few months, I felt the pressure by the groups .. hey, we have THIS to do or THAT.  You’re coming, right?  And, people did it, because they wanted to fit in… to have “friends”.. even if that friendship only lasted as long as their bank account to do things with them an no further.

The Bible says increase seeks increase.  It’s never enough.  So, they do more and more and have the same few real connections.  So.. what are they paying for?  Ego.  That’s why rich people want to be seen for donations and charity work.  If they don’t have an audience, it serves no purpose for HAVING money.

The irony that I see is that at least in Tampa Bay, the most financially liberated are those living in section 8 housing (which is rather nice in places.. I know.. I worked at the Tampa Housing Authority once).. paying very little and spending money on fun, alcohol, clothes, and living life without concern of debts or image.  Then, they learn not to work too hard to lose it.  So… they have much better residences and assets than me, who is working every day to not go homeless after a surgery.  And, they don’t have to work as hard to do it.  So, all things considered, I’d say they are the richest and most free of anyone in Tampa Bay.

Wealth is an illusion.  No one feels they have it.  Everyone feels poor.  And, happiness has nothing to do with your income level. It has more to do with not feeling the need to prove it to anyone else or fit in others’ groups.