New Year Resolutions

I was thinking the other day about how cyclical our holidays and change are in building upon themselves.  For example, we are taught to eat a lot for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then we have New Years resolutions that in a large number in society are about losing weight.  I'm not necessarily saying that the cycle is wrong.  It is just a curious observation to me that change is often built upon itself by the impact that it makes.  Life changes, and so must we... or we would never grow.  Growing is actually one of my personal resolutions that I will give, wthout reference to any personal details because that would be included as one of my resolutions...

1. Grow - I've noted a few times in my blog, recently, how my focus is on my own personal growth.. a focus on areas in which I need to grow and change with honest recognition of how some of my personal habits have caused difficulty in my own life or in the lives of others.  Indeed, I believe that there is no wrong or difficulty in our lives in which we did not play a part in creating it.  While not all things should remain in our lives, and difficulty can purify and strengthen things, there is also not a day that can go by without us teaching us something, as well.  And, it is not about growing for others, though they may benefit.  it is about becoming the best version of ourselves.  

 2.  Privacy - I've always valued being real and transparent.  This has led me to be very forthcoming about what is happening in my life... not only struggles but joys.  However, my reflection on that reveals great risk and problems with being very public with either.  This will be a challenge and area of growth for me, but I am going to make more strides to keep my cards to my chest as relates to social media.  I have made my Facebook friends only and will keep it as such.  Other social media and my blogs, I intend to speak only in general concepts and keep personal life details out of the media.  I will post events that I do and shows I watch and things like that, but I will be keeping details regarding others doing them with me out of them as well as any mention of things like relationships, my kids, my past, and more.  I tend to process out loud, but that carries too much danger for me and for others, as well.

3.  Respect and Judgement - I plan to eliminate any and all analysis of others from my posts, and this includes political figures, parties, and others.  Again, I have an analytical mind that serves me well in my job, but it is not my place to judge individuals, political figures or parties, religious bodies, or other.  Further,  it only distracts my own desire to care for others and improve myself.  I do not need to decide why someone does something or what choices they make.  In every part of life, life is that it is.  We are not called to control others or force expectations on anyone.  It may sound very flower child of me, but all I can do is enjoy my own time with others without expectation and allow change to write the story in whatever way is honest and right.  I will respect others in their freedom to run their own lives, and I will enjoy my own.

4.  Faith - This will be another challenge, but I want to work on having more faith in others and in myself.  This will require a thing I have started to do these last months.  I will focus on the good in the past instead of the pain, and I will use that to build hope that good does exist and is worthy to do, regardless of the outcome.  I will make more effort to believe in good, love, hope, and peace.  Whether or not it brings more of that into my own life, it will make it possible to enjoy my own days more and have more motivation to try.

Whather your year is currently and whatever challenges you face, I hope that you look forward with hope and see this as an opportunity to bring light into your life and the lives of others around you.  Happy New Year. 

Year in Review and Look Ahead

2023... wow. And, I thought 2020 was rough. But, I learned a lot. Without going into specific situations and people, I'll just go through the lessons I learned over the year, before I go into my hopes for the year to come.

- Don't make career or job choices to satisfy what you think others want or to attract someone else. Remember that your critics are choosing to be your critics. What I've discovered over the years and this year is that many will fault you for doing a good or worthy task imperfectly, while they will congratulate and praise someone for doing a poor job, if they want have that person in their lives more than you. You won't impress your critics by doing more, and those that you attract would be more interested in the image and what they can gain from you in those position more than you, yourself.

- People are driven by hormones. No matter how nice someone is, it comes down to what you are designed to want. You can suppress attraction to maintain a friendship (see more in another point), but you cannot create attraction. That is also not based on beauty, necessarily. It can be personality characteristics, as well. I've been on both sides of this over the course of the year. If it doesn't work.. it's not going to work. If they don't find you attractive, they won't... no matter how much weight you lose or job or anything else. So, just move on to another that does work. Another may find you their dream, and if they are yours.. you can build on that.

- Friendships are more important than romantic connections. If would be nice if you can have both, but I've had a couple ex's that were friends and romantic interests, and now we have nothing but friction. I've also lost friendships with women to make ex's happy, who never stayed happy with me and ultimately was left without a support system of friendships. It's sad, but lovers come and go, but friendships will hopefully remain. It is not true that a man and woman cannot be friends, as stated in When Harry Met Sally. At times over the year, I did think it was impossible. However, it is possible, if one or both suppress that attraction for the greater friendship connection they can have. It might be possible to move from that to more, but the dangers of destruction of the friendship are great and can only happen if both express interest in more.... but that is VERY hard to decode and a misstep can destroy something beautiful. I've made the mistake, and I paid the price. I've also had others express interest, while I was not ready to consider it and lost them as friends, as well. So, be careful to preserve your friendships, even if that means not having all you might imagine, as you will want and need those friendships in the future.

- You can make it through a lot more than you think. Several times over the year, I felt like I was at my limit of what I could handle, but then I had to handle more. Even when you are tapped out, feeling alone, have little solutions or more... life goes on and so do you. Eventually, you'll come out the other side.

- Dedicate more time and care for those that give you their time and care. Those that show less are giving you the signal of how close they want to be. And, those that ignore you in time of need or do bad things to you do not deserve to maintain a point in your attention or regret.

- Make your choices for your life based on what you like or what makes you happy. Then, when it's just you in holidays or more, you'll still be happy loving yourself. However, if someone invests in that happiness, make sure to return the favor.

- Do good. Contribute to the happiness of others.. not to get them but to add to the good in this world.

My Future

My future goals would include these lessons, but it would include a few more things...

- STOP thinking about those that misused you or rejected you or hurted you. It's a waste lf your time and tension.

- Plan for your success... not how you'll deal with failures. If a path doesn't lead to happiness, get another path.

- act, speak, try... within reason and boundaries above.. take risks. It may fail, but what do you have to lose? Life is short. Live it. Make the memories you want to have.

- Live until you die... don't start dying early from fear and regret.

And, next year end, let's see where that leads us.