Friday, December 29, 2023

Year in Review and Look Ahead

2023... wow. And, I thought 2020 was rough. But, I learned a lot. Without going into specific situations and people, I'll just go through the lessons I learned over the year, before I go into my hopes for the year to come.

- Don't make career or job choices to satisfy what you think others want or to attract someone else. Remember that your critics are choosing to be your critics. What I've discovered over the years and this year is that many will fault you for doing a good or worthy task imperfectly, while they will congratulate and praise someone for doing a poor job, if they want have that person in their lives more than you. You won't impress your critics by doing more, and those that you attract would be more interested in the image and what they can gain from you in those position more than you, yourself.

- People are driven by hormones. No matter how nice someone is, it comes down to what you are designed to want. You can suppress attraction to maintain a friendship (see more in another point), but you cannot create attraction. That is also not based on beauty, necessarily. It can be personality characteristics, as well. I've been on both sides of this over the course of the year. If it doesn't work.. it's not going to work. If they don't find you attractive, they won't... no matter how much weight you lose or job or anything else. So, just move on to another that does work. Another may find you their dream, and if they are yours.. you can build on that.

- Friendships are more important than romantic connections. If would be nice if you can have both, but I've had a couple ex's that were friends and romantic interests, and now we have nothing but friction. I've also lost friendships with women to make ex's happy, who never stayed happy with me and ultimately was left without a support system of friendships. It's sad, but lovers come and go, but friendships will hopefully remain. It is not true that a man and woman cannot be friends, as stated in When Harry Met Sally. At times over the year, I did think it was impossible. However, it is possible, if one or both suppress that attraction for the greater friendship connection they can have. It might be possible to move from that to more, but the dangers of destruction of the friendship are great and can only happen if both express interest in more.... but that is VERY hard to decode and a misstep can destroy something beautiful. I've made the mistake, and I paid the price. I've also had others express interest, while I was not ready to consider it and lost them as friends, as well. So, be careful to preserve your friendships, even if that means not having all you might imagine, as you will want and need those friendships in the future.

- You can make it through a lot more than you think. Several times over the year, I felt like I was at my limit of what I could handle, but then I had to handle more. Even when you are tapped out, feeling alone, have little solutions or more... life goes on and so do you. Eventually, you'll come out the other side.

- Dedicate more time and care for those that give you their time and care. Those that show less are giving you the signal of how close they want to be. And, those that ignore you in time of need or do bad things to you do not deserve to maintain a point in your attention or regret.

- Make your choices for your life based on what you like or what makes you happy. Then, when it's just you in holidays or more, you'll still be happy loving yourself. However, if someone invests in that happiness, make sure to return the favor.

- Do good. Contribute to the happiness of others.. not to get them but to add to the good in this world.

My Future

My future goals would include these lessons, but it would include a few more things...

- STOP thinking about those that misused you or rejected you or hurted you. It's a waste lf your time and tension.

- Plan for your success... not how you'll deal with failures. If a path doesn't lead to happiness, get another path.

- act, speak, try... within reason and boundaries above.. take risks. It may fail, but what do you have to lose? Life is short. Live it. Make the memories you want to have.

- Live until you die... don't start dying early from fear and regret.

And, next year end, let's see where that leads us.

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