Know Thyself

People will tell you, wisely, after a breakup to take time to reflect and grow.  It is very good in this period to be very real with yourself and find ways you can improve or ways that you were different and so on.  However, I do not think this should be relegated to after breakups but before, as well.

From a lifetime of experience in reflection and without any details, I can tell you that one thing I see as a flaw in myself was not really taking the time to know myself and what it is that I need.  Or, if I did, I would set that aside and feel that I could make it work, differently, because I felt they were so special.

One counselor that I see video clips from online said one thing that I feel is a good thing to remember, "just because someone is a good person does not mean they are your person."  We need to make sure to use our mind to limit our hormones or emotions, otherwise you will face as I have a lifetime of consequences of not doing that, first.

People are different, and that is a good thing.  Not all differences are deal breakers, but some that relate to emotional needs and abilities are.  So, be careful as you move forward in life.  There is nothing wrong with staying single and enjoying the person you are and love.  Sometimes, you discover you aren't broken just in the wrong circles or audience.  I hope you have a good weekend .. even if only by yourself.

Different, Not Less

I've noted this at times, over the years.  When you are an introvert, you constantly get people that give you advice on how you can be more social and speak up, more.  I'm always over here wondering.. why isn't the discussion about how someone else can maybe be less public and socially pressuring?  However, especially as our society becomes more and more polarizing, we have more and more categories where this kind of prideful assumptions about others are seen.

It doesn't mean that you are bad, if you are different.  It isn't that being an extrovert is better than being an introvert.  We don't need to give people advice on how they can stifle their emotions to please those less reserved or to make an emotionally reserved person have to display them to please someone that isn't so reserved.  We don't need to make people be more intellectual, religious, diverse, or any other quality.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that individual preferences are not important.  I definitely have my own personal style and preference.  Others can and will have a different preference than I do.  Our goal should not be to change people at all but to recognize that just because someone or ourselves are different, it does not mean that they are less or that their way is less valid.  It is valid for them, just as it is valid for us.  Nor is it or should it be important to make someone be different in order to "work" with us.  I believe we should be diverse enough of a society that we are able to recognize the differences of others an interact with them in a way that meets their needs, even as we retain our ability be live our lives our ways.  If there are needs that cannot be met by those differences, the problem is not the inability to meet those needs but the expectation that we have that they must do so.  If someone cannot meet those needs, it is INFORMATION that should guide us in the selection of what level of connection we have with them and to guide us in our search of those who will.

So, what I would like you go understand from this post is simply this.  People are different, and that is ok.  They are not less, and you are not either.  We are just all humans, trying our best to make our journey more happy. 

Signs and Wonders

"A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign..." Matt 16:4

You have heard me at various time talk about the benefits of darkness or trials.  One of those benefits is in the area of revelation of truth.  I have had many bad and toxic relationships over time that I thought were good at the beginning.  However, it was in times when conflict or obstacles happened that the true nature was revealed.  I'm seeing that in much fashion on the positive side in my current relationship, and it is very healing.  However, it wasn't meant to be healing.  It is just truth being revealed in those moments.. truth that it is more than my fears and a wonderful good in my life that I didn't have to create.. worthy of honor and attention.

I titled this blog with that name, because I think that it is in those moments that the truth is revealed to be one or the other.  Disagreements and differences are revealed, over time.  That is just the nature of being among other humans.  Either someone will see those that say.... "AHA, I KNEW it was not going to work, and this is a sign."  Or, they will look at the differences to say... "Huh.. this person is an interesting wonder to me, and I want to learn more about them and how best to love them in a way that they need and will appreciate."  Being yourself is not a bad thing, ever.  I only wish that in those prior toxic relationships that I would have known, early, that being myself was something that they wished to change and could not love as myself.  

It doesn't mean that the person that is with you will be like you.  You may have many differences, and some of those differences may seem to be very different than what you expected.  It may require you to change how you naturally interact, if they cannot receive it in that way.  THAT doesn't mean that you are incompatible.  What makes people incompatible is when you cannot find a way to love them in a way they can receive or them love you in a way that you can receive.  If you can learn their language of love and communicate in it, LOVE can still be shared.. and isn't that the point?

People are either looking for a sign something is going to fall apart, or they are looking for the wonder to love in another.  Real love is revealed in conflicts, as is love that is only there for themselves.  Don't use fear of the outcome to change who you are, or you will be changing who you are forever.  Rather, be yourself, and love their self.  Then, nothing can shake that foundation.