The Dark Chronicles Act 15: Getting Older

I've had this blog in my head for most of the day, but I haven't had much time to write it.  This week has been very busy, and it has felt like there hasn't been much time to think or write or listen to music, which I will do after this blog.  A younger person could probably do it all, but that's to the point of this blog.

For those that have followed me for years, you know that I have embraced the realities of getting older.  That doesn't mean that I don't take actions to try to keep fit or choose a good diet.. both within reason.  However, I have long outgrown that desire among those that fight aging, who don't like to talk about their age or aging or getting older.  I don't dye my hair.  I don't hide my hair loss patches.  I don't try to pretend I will have a washboard ab.  I don't try to hide my wisdom that has been gained by age.  I will tell old dad jokes, and I will talk about the weather... the way the world is turning... aches and pains.. and more.  I stopped pretending that everything works naturally.. ha.. and take measures to help make it enjoyable for me and others and to not kick myself when it doesn't always go according to plan.  

Some will see this as a flaw.  Others will not have a problem with it.  I tend to find more that accept that I age, because if the same aging spotlight was turned on others, it wouldn't make them look very well, either.  But, I stopped letting whether someone accepts it or not affect how I feel about myself.   At this age, if that is a major flaw to someone else that I age, they disqualify themselves to participate in the next round.

For 4 years, I spent a lot of time down in Florida, before returning to where I am, now.  I met a lot of people that were in their later years of life, and I found that once you get past that insecure stage, you reach a sort of elder social club.  Now, I still have a while to go before I am really a full elder age.  However, it helped me regain a proper perspective of life.  Life isn't about looking young.  Indeed, as you get older, you recognize the full meaning of "immature" and lose value for the opinions of those that are still in the learning stages of life.  They have something to offer, but they have much to unlearn.

Getting older isn't a flaw.  It isn't a bad mark.  It is an accomplishment, and you know many of the dark truths in life that the majority won't know and won't speak.. unless you are like me that says what I mean and means what I say.  Your body won't always work well, but that isn't something to fear.  It is actually a test.  Some day, your body will have a LOT of problems, and you will be old.  When you reach that point, will those around you care for you and be interested in being connected to you and appreciate you?   There is a lot of talk about the old Penguins that hold hands in old age, and that is the real dream in life.  It doesn't just mean romantic partners but friends and more.  Who will be at your side, when you get to older ages?  If they will not, they should not be your main focus or priority in your current years, either.  I want those around me that would like me broke, sick, sometimes irrational, or needy, as well as how I am in my confident and good times.  I want companions that will like me younger or older.  And, I am grateful for the tests that make that apparent.  

So, don't fear getting older.  Don't hide getting older.  Don't change to appear immature.  You are entitled to be the mature hero that you have become, and I say you should enjoy the remainder of your life, until you no longer can do so. 

 

Breakup Nation .. Its not just me

As predicted, I missed a few recent thoughts in my last post, so I wanted to go over and expand them

Another recent thought was that looking back logically and analytically I must question if looking for a relationship CAUSED much of my problems and self esteem issues.  Why?  The only reason that I felt less than or like a failure was that I was trying to please someone else that wasn't a good match.  When I stopped worrying about doing that, I felt... happier.. in my life. I also felt like I was failing because I was comparing myself to FICTIONAL impressions of how successful and abundant other relationships are in society.  We like to feel that everyone else has a great relationship, while ours fails.  However, that's statistically not true.  Marriage.com statistics say  Some interesting things...

- Approximately 70 percent of straight unmarried relationships break up within the first year.

- Women are twice as likely to initiate a breakup than men.

- Almost 1 in 5 long term relationships end with one partner ghosting another.

- The AVERAGE relationship only lasts just over two years.

- 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

So, not just some other people share my experience, but it is actually much more common than relationships that actually work.  I read on another page that only 35 percent of marriages make it to 25 years.... 1 in 3.  Or, 2 out of every 3 fail to get there.  So, why should I feel LESS than or a failure to have the same outcome as most other people?  I was just less than THAT person wanted... and being less than they want seems to be very common.

The other thought I had and left out was that I felt that I had to change to become what the one in front of me wanted.  However, the real, logical train of thought SHOULD have gone like this.  I like me.  Happiness comes from doing things you like.  Therefore, I should be more of me.  It doesn't matter if I am not masculine enough for most women or that my objectivity and independence might get in the way of those that seek like minded people.  Of course you should be tactful, but my pursuit of knowledge and objective facts pleases me as I learn.  Therefore, it makes me happy and MORE happy than trying to be something else for someone else that is desiring others to bend to THEIR personality.

Especially as you age, both of these come in to more focus and importance.  There are no kid desires to drive a relationship.  There are less financial needs expected to be met by another.  Both sides already have done the children thing, or they didn't have kids and is not a goal.  Social goals MUST change as you age, and it takes a while for that change to set, but I am beginning to see more and more that it won't look like what I once wanted.  It might be possible... hopefully.. to find someone special or even  more than one friends.. to balance your social connection and care needs, but that will not look like you once had or as generally presented in the media.

So.. that's a few more recent thoughts.