Sunday, April 7, 2024

Breakup Nation .. Its not just me

As predicted, I missed a few recent thoughts in my last post, so I wanted to go over and expand them

Another recent thought was that looking back logically and analytically I must question if looking for a relationship CAUSED much of my problems and self esteem issues.  Why?  The only reason that I felt less than or like a failure was that I was trying to please someone else that wasn't a good match.  When I stopped worrying about doing that, I felt... happier.. in my life. I also felt like I was failing because I was comparing myself to FICTIONAL impressions of how successful and abundant other relationships are in society.  We like to feel that everyone else has a great relationship, while ours fails.  However, that's statistically not true. statistics say  Some interesting things...

- Approximately 70 percent of straight unmarried relationships break up within the first year.

- Women are twice as likely to initiate a breakup than men.

- Almost 1 in 5 long term relationships end with one partner ghosting another.

- The AVERAGE relationship only lasts just over two years.

- 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

So, not just some other people share my experience, but it is actually much more common than relationships that actually work.  I read on another page that only 35 percent of marriages make it to 25 years.... 1 in 3.  Or, 2 out of every 3 fail to get there.  So, why should I feel LESS than or a failure to have the same outcome as most other people?  I was just less than THAT person wanted... and being less than they want seems to be very common.

The other thought I had and left out was that I felt that I had to change to become what the one in front of me wanted.  However, the real, logical train of thought SHOULD have gone like this.  I like me.  Happiness comes from doing things you like.  Therefore, I should be more of me.  It doesn't matter if I am not masculine enough for most women or that my objectivity and independence might get in the way of those that seek like minded people.  Of course you should be tactful, but my pursuit of knowledge and objective facts pleases me as I learn.  Therefore, it makes me happy and MORE happy than trying to be something else for someone else that is desiring others to bend to THEIR personality.

Especially as you age, both of these come in to more focus and importance.  There are no kid desires to drive a relationship.  There are less financial needs expected to be met by another.  Both sides already have done the children thing, or they didn't have kids and is not a goal.  Social goals MUST change as you age, and it takes a while for that change to set, but I am beginning to see more and more that it won't look like what I once wanted.  It might be possible... hopefully.. to find someone special or even  more than one friends.. to balance your social connection and care needs, but that will not look like you once had or as generally presented in the media.

So.. that's a few more recent thoughts.

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