Thank You

 You wouldn't think it would be important to note, but it is important and has been for many decades and centuries.  My only hope is that is can be seen differently in the future.

One thing that I have seen so often in the past but is something that is never noted by others, because it is religiously incorrect is that people often thank the wrong person...

Lets assume a hypothetical situation where someone has done something for another person.  It is a man doing something for a woman.  The woman, however, says that it is something that God is doing for her.  So, she gives God all the credit for the good that was done for her.  And, she says that God blessed her with that thing, even though it was done by the man.

However, later, the man does things that were not as pleasant.  Those thing cannot be blamed to God, so they are blamed to the man.  And, so... God gets the credit for all the good, but man gets the blame for all the bad.

When, if we looked at it from the perspective of reality, the good was done by a man that wanted to do good, and the bad was done by a man that was human.

I know that this post will not be accepted or understood by most that read it, but it must be done, nonetheless.  

For a moment, imagine there is no heaven as the beatles says.  For a moment, consider that all there is is humans.  Consider that we all make mistakes and are growing.  Then, realize that  life is not about what others give to us but what grace we allow to others for what we desire for ourselves.

For myself, I am grateful for all the good that others have broubght into my life, and I do not give that gratitude to God but to them, even as I do not attributte their choices to a devil but to them as well.

So, to summarize, thank you for the good that has come into my life, whatever the source, to the source from which it came.  And, I will grow from what has happened in my life to greater points of gratitude.

Boundaries

Setting personal boundaries for myself is something that I have often struggled with, as I am a very giving person who has always seen it as a great value in making someone else happy.  So, I have so many times allowed myself to get in a situation where my own needs and wants are limited or hurting in order to make someone else feel at comfort or secure.  Then, as does often happen, when that situation eventually ends, I find myself having to start from scratch or low and build myself up, again.  This is why I meet people of similar age that have a huge savings, while I have little.  I can literally point to different people in my life over the decades (not just romantic partners) where that money went... people that no longer even speak to me.

And, that leads me to another point in the course of discussing why boundaries are so important.  Giving to another is usually greeted with immediate thanksgiving but over time becomes resentment.  But, even if that isn't the case, it does over time go from being something that is met with thanksgiving and instead is met with expectation.  Indeed, I have seen over the decades people that live on public aid become comfortable with that aid, and they stop trying to rise from it.  Don't get me wrong, I tend left on this issue and think aid should always be given to those in need and not always do people have the ability to rise from it, and all of that should be considered for how long they are on the aid.  However, like my examples from the past and observations, there IS a case to be made that giving to another can teach them to not give to themselves, which is actually a harm for us to teach them to have that expectation and lack of self care, because the ability to provide for oneself, no matter the difficulty, is a key to self confidence and self respect.  And, this applies to equality of genders as well, as we should not keep those benefits from women to have in their own lives and their own domain of control over their own lives.

So, even though I have been saying that you should always give, and that is the message that I want to feel and be in myself, it is not always the wise choice for course of action to take.  In the end, YOU are responsible for only one life, YOURS.  Give, but give after you have accounted for your own needs for your own goals, first.  That is not permission to set greedy and high asset goals, but if you are finding yourself always poor in the life of caring for others you are failing at the goal of self love and self care.  Also, it is impossible to pour out of an empty cup.  So, even if setting boundaries is difficult at times to do, it is a necessary thing to do, if you are ever to chart your way to your goals and have someone along side you that wants you to reach them. 

Blog and Media Focus

 I've taken the day to reflect and refocus what will be my highest focus in the years to come, and as this blog is called Forward to Happiness, it must have a political theme after recent results.  I saw many online today claiming "America won"... and I tried with futility to enlighten why that was a false statement... so that is a point of education that must be intertwined, as well.

What is America?  Is it the buildings in D.C.?  No.. from our founding, it was stated clearly that America is "we the people"... and that people is divided, and almost half of that people lost, last night.  It's not like over half will have "won".. either, as almost half of California votes have to be fully counted as well as other Kamala areas, so likely he will have failed to reach 50 percent of the vote for the 3rd time.  But, that's really irrelevant, anyway.  What is America?  We the people doesn't mean the MOST of the people.  It means ALL of the people.. every single minority group IS America, something the right fails to understand.  The things that are important to them are AMERICAN interests.. to say otherwise and to push a singular point of view on others is the definition of fascism... and push they do.  Whether they choose to tell people how they can dress or makeup they are allowed to wear or who they can love or what god they must worship or whether they are ALLOWED to choose a vaccine for their own bodies... it is strikes against freedom.

And, I'm a big believer in freedom.  I always have been.  That has caused me to oppose one political party or another at various times with a defense of personal choices, and that defense is now directed almost entirely at the group that came into power on the message of removing choices, and we are seeing that taking place by that political party in states, already.  This week, the state where I am defined gender by law.  Get that?  You are not even allowed to CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF what pronoun you'd pick, even though making that choice does not harm anyone else for that decision.  The state has also recently mandated that EVERY teacher MUST teach from the Bible in their classes... even if that class is Math and the teacher happens to be athiest or Jewish or Hindu.  I have opposed that as it took place, as well.  Shortly, if Trump is to be believed, he will remove LGBTQ people from the miliary, as he campaigned to do in ads ran on X.  He has also said healthcare will be done by RFK, which has said he wants a nationwide abortion ban, said he wants to ban people from choosing vaccines for their own bodies, and has said he wants to remove floride from water and that he distrusts all medicines made by big pharma as being unsafe... which will lead to long wait times for cures, while people DIE because they won't be given a choice to take what they want to fight their illness.

We are just beginning a VERY fun period, in fact.  Kamala was blamed for every rise in prices, even if those was done by greedy corporate people posting record profits.  Guess what... those greedy corporations won't be choosing LESS profits in the future, so Trump will be to blame for every price increase in the next 4 years.  I truly hope that Kamala stays in the fight as the lead candidate, so she can say the same things about his economy and government that he said about hers.  She's still young, and he LITERALLY cannot run, again.

So, don't give up hope.  Conservatives are LITERALLY dying off.. being an elderly population.. all the younger ones voted for Kamala.  Educated people voted for Kamala.  Women voted for Kamala.  Black men voted for Kamala.  Hispanic women voted for Kamala... and all of these at higher levels than prior elections.  Change is coming, even if Republicans try to deport everyone that is dissimilar to them, and it will happen, eventually.  I am dedicating my blog and media to the defense of those whose freedoms are targeted and to ensuring that every broken campaign promise and economic failure and fascist action is noted of the GOP leadership and every blatant hypocrisy of his supporters.. such as claiming a loving God at Christmas even as they cut poverty food aid and hate migrants like Mary and homeless like Jesus.. is cited, as well.  I will make the proud uncomfortable and comfort the afflicted, and I won't give a SHT if the religious declare that .... unChristian.

Inequality

I realized a lot of this a long while back, but it is much more relevant, now.  So, I'm going to go through what I believed (and many still do), what I learned, and why it is important to our age.

I grew up in a Southern, conservative area... albeit still very Democrat but that would shift... the party, not the culture.  It was pretty universally believed that a man should take care of a woman... providing for her.. defending her.. and making it so she "didn't have to" work.  Her place, it was believed was in the home, raising children.  I know you might be saying it's a lot like that, now... and I'll get to that.

So, the idea that a woman would be working was back then a sign of shame... this was before it became the norm for both to work.  Indeed, as women began to work, shows like Laverne and Shirley and others of career women were viewed by many as "Feminists" that were avoiding their household responsibilities and ruining families.  If a lot of that sounds familiar, it's probably coming from older men that came from that mentality.

Anyways, women that began working began feeling self respect that came from accomplishment not pleasing a man in the home.  So, they began wanting to be equal... but that gets in the way of a man feeling her INEQUALITY of being the "weaker sex" as they heard in church was what made a relationship work.  Without him doing things for her, how was there a relationship?

I can testify to this feeling, because I've made that mistake in feeling it.  It comes out of getting our understanding of relationships from older generations, but older generations didn't have equality.  At one time, a woman was property to be exchanged from father to husband.  Early marriages didn't even ask the opinion of women.  So, I felt it was chivalry to do things for her, and her place to receive it.  I still am working to get over it, but get over it I... and society must.

My ex would feel that my doing things for her made her feel less than, and she wanted to feel equal.  That is true in every case of inequality.  Further, it puts pressure on the one that is less to accept the will or acts of the one with more power.  That's the basis of sexual harassment, in fact.  One that is less loses their power, when their job... or their relationship.. is on the line.

So... how does a two career, equal relationship work, then?  Instead of being built on inequalities and seeing someone as weaker that must be taken care of like a child, it is based instead on respect.  Instead of a relationship based on power and provision, it is a partnership based on choice, and I think that is actually much stronger.

It will take time for this to be the normal way of choosing relationships... people are still too programmed by generations fading away.  But, it is the only way it works for independent and equal people, and it is the way I intend to live.

Be a Man (or Woman)

In the conversation with my mentally ill ex when she was cutting me out of my child's life based simply on her not thinking I was a good influence, she said many hurtful things in true modern Christian fashion (she pretends to be holy).  One of them was to tell me to "be a man," when I was objecting to her actions.  I think that's a good launching point for this topic.

Be a man... what's that mean?  After all, according to the rigid right, gender is not a behavior construct.  If you are born with a penis,  you are a male and vagina female.. unless your political supreme leaders say your not a female boxer, I guess.  So... how can one act like a male or female.  If you have the equipment from birth... it's settled, right?

Of course, they don't believe that.  You have to act like a man or woman, too... follow the proscribed way of acting... jobs or lack of them, house parent or not, visual appearance, etc.  That's, I think, the biggest problem they have about trans people.  They don't care of you identify with the other gender, as long as you don't LOOK like the other gender, suggesting it had nothing at all to do with your born equipment at all... it has to do with how you choose to act or appear.  It's not about your biology. It's about control.

So, topics like women not having children are mocked by the right VP as "childless cat ladies" and men that stay at home to raise children are given suspicion and insults.. I know that from my time doing that by choice, as well.... so that that ex that mocked me could go be a manager with her MBA.  Had I "been a man" as she charged, she would have had little opportunity for her to do exactly that.

So, ignore the critics.  They aren't even consistent in their own arguments.  Just be yourself and when that crosses a gender barrier for them, just tell them to fk themselves... because they'll probably have a problem finding an acceptable partner.

Lessons For Young Men

I've been thinking for a bit that I wanted to do a lesson post for young men based on my successes and failures over the years... more failures than successes.  So, here goes..

This post will cover different areas of life, but I want to start with interaction with women, because that will be on the minds of most young men.  The advice will be from experience and not the general advice you see out there, because I don't think that advice is very helpful being sanitized to only be the things people say and repeat and not the actual effective advice.  And, it won't necessarily align with what I've said over the years,  as I have learned along the way.

The first thing you need to recognize is that men and women are not the same.  I'm not talking about sex vs gender here.  I'm a big proponent of transgender people, so take my "men" and "women" to reflect to those genders chosen.. regardless of sex.  If you feel it is uneven what you give vs what you get, it probably is...and is uneven in other areas to you.  Why?  That's your area to provide.  Further, women are more sensitive, so they look for and expect certain tender emotionally supportive things that the stereotypical male does not seek and thus women are not conditioned to provide.  The only reason a relationship is even important is that you are different and can provide things to each other that we need.

Next, the woman is always right...if you want to stay in the relationship.  If it is toxic like my first ex was... leave.  Otherwise, happy wife, happy life, as they used to say.  I know that can feel like a hard pill to swallow at times, but after decades of learning I've determined this will always be true.  If she says she wants more.. give more.  If it's minor let it go.  The price of being right is often the price of being alone.

Take pride in working.  I'm not saying women should not work.  I think it's good advice for them, too.  Many times I was looking for validation of my value in others that can easily be found in successful projects at work, promotions, or just a good day of earnings if you are self employed.  Make your own validation by doing the things you know is best for you and others.

Counter to that point, though.  Work is not your life.  Every job I have ever had that had a work community that I felt needed me and would miss me very quickly replaced me and most never spoke to me,  again.  You are just a cog in a very old machine.  Spend time with your family and enjoy the days you have on Earth.  If you can't do that with less money, you definitely won't with more money.

Finally, take time for yourself... golf, fitness, watch sports, to to concerts, listen to music and make playlists, go get drinks... whatever is your thing.  Don't spend all your time focusing on others.  They probably want time for themselves, too... so take the kids so your wife can have it, too, at times.

That's enough for now.  Hope it helps.