Boundaries

Setting personal boundaries for myself is something that I have often struggled with, as I am a very giving person who has always seen it as a great value in making someone else happy.  So, I have so many times allowed myself to get in a situation where my own needs and wants are limited or hurting in order to make someone else feel at comfort or secure.  Then, as does often happen, when that situation eventually ends, I find myself having to start from scratch or low and build myself up, again.  This is why I meet people of similar age that have a huge savings, while I have little.  I can literally point to different people in my life over the decades (not just romantic partners) where that money went... people that no longer even speak to me.

And, that leads me to another point in the course of discussing why boundaries are so important.  Giving to another is usually greeted with immediate thanksgiving but over time becomes resentment.  But, even if that isn't the case, it does over time go from being something that is met with thanksgiving and instead is met with expectation.  Indeed, I have seen over the decades people that live on public aid become comfortable with that aid, and they stop trying to rise from it.  Don't get me wrong, I tend left on this issue and think aid should always be given to those in need and not always do people have the ability to rise from it, and all of that should be considered for how long they are on the aid.  However, like my examples from the past and observations, there IS a case to be made that giving to another can teach them to not give to themselves, which is actually a harm for us to teach them to have that expectation and lack of self care, because the ability to provide for oneself, no matter the difficulty, is a key to self confidence and self respect.  And, this applies to equality of genders as well, as we should not keep those benefits from women to have in their own lives and their own domain of control over their own lives.

So, even though I have been saying that you should always give, and that is the message that I want to feel and be in myself, it is not always the wise choice for course of action to take.  In the end, YOU are responsible for only one life, YOURS.  Give, but give after you have accounted for your own needs for your own goals, first.  That is not permission to set greedy and high asset goals, but if you are finding yourself always poor in the life of caring for others you are failing at the goal of self love and self care.  Also, it is impossible to pour out of an empty cup.  So, even if setting boundaries is difficult at times to do, it is a necessary thing to do, if you are ever to chart your way to your goals and have someone along side you that wants you to reach them.