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Saturday, August 27, 2016

False Victims and Choices

Earlier this week, I was thinking about "victims" I see online, and I was telling my fiance how absurd the mental process is for many of them, saying no one is a victim.  Of course, after I said that, I realized I was wrong, as there are TRUE victims out there, so I will reframe it for how it really is...INSULTING to true victims.

Now, first, there are true victims, but many of those that would shout..yes...I am one of those...are NOT.  True victims are those that are VICTIMIZED by others...people who are un-empathetic and cruel, and they have no power to fight back or flee.  They can do nothing about their situation, but they must endure it, and they did not see it coming.  It was a surprise.  Imagine someone robbed at gunpoint, a child abused at home, a person shot in a terror event, etc.  You get the point.

Then, however, there are those that throw themselves into this group.  They say....I am being victimized by my spouse.  My job is making me do horrible things and be quiet about it.  Where I live is dangerous.  Indeed, my older daughter considered herself a victim for living in my house, rent free while not working (at 21 years old) and my not paying for her to have the latest tech gadgets or go to the best comic con or be able to stay up.  However, these are not the realities of being victimized by someone (even if they are involved).  These are the examples of CHOICES that are being made.  You can leave the abusive spouse or job.  You can move.  You can get a JOB to pay for bills.  What they mean is that they don't WANT to make the choice and they serve as accomplice in their own lack and abuse by CHOOSING to remain in the situations.

The situation that triggered my discussion with my fiance, however, was this pattern that is VERY common and very stupid.  You see it often, and I won't even say specifically where I saw it.  A lot of people will enter a situation KNOWING it is not going to be fun, will be sacrificial, and will not lead to the best pay or whatever for their life.  And, I don't disagree with that choice.  In fact, I think it is noble if it is for a grand cause.  Loving, even.  Of course, this does not apply to an abuse victim, which is not sacrificing for a WORTHY cause but to enable their abuser to keep using them...so there is a line, there.

However, take for example teaching.  I have considered doing that profession in the past, and I am considering doing it, again.  This is not the glory position that many think of kids that adore them, society that loves them, and everyone is happy.  No.  This is a job that requires lots of planning and preparation work for kids that barely will notice, there is almost no adult socialization, there is many critics (including parents), and the pay is low.  However, I would choose to do it as a sacrifice for the KIDS.  Others would choose the sacrifice for other reasons, but...to illustrate what I am talking about...many will choose the sacrifice and, then, they will consider themselves victims for being in it.  Dude (or dudette) you made the choice.  Deal with the sacrifice.  However, after having made the sacrifice to do the job, they feel, then, that society or others owe them more for making it...which defeats the whole POINT of sacrifice.  It is what it is.  This is why many burn out.  Imagine two people that start teaching and all things are equal for them.  One chooses it as a sacrifice and consider themselves a martyr.  Indeed, they may even frame it as a religious choice (religion in general is another area you see this process).  The other knows it will be hard, but they are doing it for others and make the choice to accept the reality of it.  Then, they start facing the difficulties.  The "victim" of their own choice one will start saying they are being "persecuted" ...perhaps even by the devil..while the other one is just like...yup, know it was going to be this way.  Eventually, the "victim" becomes depressed and is so focused on what they DON'T have that they quit the job. While the one that accepted the job and the realities that go along with it will continue on, enjoying the places they CAN enjoy it.

Again, if you are in a situation where there is no good and being truly used by others for no noble cause, you are only a martyr to yourself.  Like....sacrificing for a company's bottom line or the glory of another is no "christian" sacrifice and makes you no hero.  However, when you do it for a classroom or to give in love to someone that loves you or to work saving lives (doctor, police, military, etc) that is not a life of a "victim" but a choice of love.

So, I hope this helped to clear that up a little for people out there.  YOU are responsible for your life.  Unless you are in a situation you cannot change, YOUR CHOICES is what puts you where you are and where you will go.  Either choose sacrifice for a worthy cause and the realities that go with that choice, or choose another direction.  Your life is up to you.


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Student Loans - Why They Hurt Students and America

I have been wanting to do this post for quite a while, but I never really had the place to put it. Now that my Forward to Happiness blog is taking the role of a blog for hard truths, it is perfectly fitting. Today's focus is on Student Loans, or ...imagine the voice of John Oliver... the soul sucking, class system creating, voluntary enslavement of our generation. When student loans were created, they were created to...

"SEC. 101. For the purpose of assisting the people of the United States in the solution of community problems such as housing, poverty, government, recreation, employment, youth opportunities, transportation, health, and land use by enabling the Commissioner to make grants under this title to strengthen community service programs of colleges and universities..." Public Law 89-329

And, that is what people think when they take the loans.  That is the story that our parents told us about using the loans.  That is what we tell our KIDS about using the loans.  We all tell them that EDUCATION is the key to success, and, if you can't afford it, you should take student loans in order to be successful in life.  We tell them that student loans provide a ticket to break the class system of our society to allow the poor to become rich, but is that really what happens?  I say no...from personal experiences and common logic.

First, I grew up poor, and I did not have the money to go to a good college right out of school...that is another lie, btw...any college will increase your skills set, which is all employers look for in candidates (said as a person who has trained people).  So, I took out student loans.  Did I know what I wanted to go to college for...not a clue, but...again ANOTHER society lie..I was told that if you ever stopped going to college you would never go to college so it was best to go to school till you know.  This lie is CURRENTLY being followed by my older daughter, against my advice, as she secures more and more public debt to take classes that she states OUTRIGHT is not a career interest for her but simply her exploring.

So, over the years I gathered a LARGE student loan debt, borrowing the max to allow me to not only go to college but do so while not WORKING a whole lot, which I believed was best...and again, I hear this lie...to allow me to focus on my education.

Then, I completed my college studies and found...much to my surprise...no one was interested in hiring someone with AN EDUCATION.  They wanted someone with EXPERIENCE, which I would have had....had I actually worked more and studied less.  However, after over 100 applications I secured a job (also based on the part time work I had done over the years) and began working my way up the career ladder. 

And so...I was successful, financially, right?  WRONG.  I had student loan debts that needed to be paid.  So, after getting a "professioal" job making career money, I was left with a NET that was lower than if I had started working at MCDONALDS without a degree, instead....and, now, I will be paying that debt collecting interest and growing for the rest of my life.

The reality, also, is that rather than dissolve the class system, student loans are, perhaps, the greated support OF it.  As I began working in student loans, I found two types of co-workers.  One was like myself...working our asses off at a professional job and netting barely enough to exist, and the second was those who came to college from families of money that paid their college.  They could net ALL of the pay, without student loans.  SO,  the end result is that the RICH become RICHER, while the poor that is taking student loans get POORER.

For this reason, I believe that no student should be allowed to pay all of their college years on student loans, alone.  Either they have a job to pay for a portion of the college debt (and gather work history...which is kinda the point), or they should not be allowed to get the student loans....or, better yet...banish student loans, completely.  Then, students would join the work force, early, start with REAL life and appreciate the value of their schooling.  This would ensure they choose classes they want to do as a JOB, as they are PAYING for it, and it would ensure they graduate with skills and on a solid footing for their career and their life.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

All things are NOT Possible. . learning to deal

I have kept my Forward to Happiness blog around, as I was not sure if I was going to delete it or not, buy I have been thinking the focus it has is not something that fits either my http://www.livingfirstedition.com/?m=1 or http://runmyownlife.blogspot.com/?m=1  , as it's focus is on the decision to leave the bad and more towards the good, and, while I personally have found my good, it is a message that needs to keel being said.

This article deals with something I keep see that puts my reality radar on edge.  It is posts that say something to this effect...

"All things are possible, if you believe.."

"I will have what I want, today..."

...and so on.  This is often seen among the religious but is also seen among the business optimists and bloggers.  And...it is false hope that needs to be dispelled.  It is a message that SOUNDS good but in reality is poison, as it enables someone to continue an action of self abuse.

The reality is...ALL thimgs are NOT possible.  If you are paralyzed, you can't run a marathon.  If you are allergic to milk, you can not have milk ice cream.  If you are poor, you cannot expect the lifestyle of a rich that day.  And, you cannot or should not be trying to change anyone else....and this is my focus, here.  Both my fiance and myself are divorced.  We, like most divorced, have experienced what it is like to have fight after fight with someone that did not change. ..that is because PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.  Further, you should not be trying to change them.  They either love you willingly, or they don't.  If you were able to puppet control them to treat you like you want, all you are doing is controlling and would you like that on yourself?  Also, what value is actions not freely given?

As I am getting older, I am coming to the conclusion that in the choice between fight or flight, there is never a victory in fight.  Even if you "win" all you do is extend the conflict to the future, and you sw ire having to face the conflict, again.  The only true victory is to walk away ...flight...which is a victory to yourself and opens the potential of new outcomes.

Now, there will always be minor coflicts of opinion.  Those can and SHOULD be resolved by conversation and compromise, if both people value the happiness of each other.  However, if it is a systematic conflict of personality, you must consider your own happiness

Sometimes, the most opimiatic choice you can make for yourself, whether it be a relationship, a job, or a running injury, is to accept all things are NOT possible and make choices for a better day and tomorrow.

Forward to Happiness / Godwitch / Run My Own Life Pinterest