Saturday, October 7, 2023

Back to Life

Has it really been two weeks since my last post?  Wow.  Well, it’s been busy with getting back to work and certain distractions that I’ll not go into or comment on. But, I have been reflecting on my own mistakes of the past and ways I can grow.  

Often, my own actions lead to my own pains.  I was thinking of my ex’s and how a lot of times my pains didn’t come from them changing but from me assuming something was there that wasn’t.  It’s easy to mistake appreciation for my care to equal care for me, so when I was paying for dates and selling my house for a wedding and more, I’d get a positive response.  Then, when challenges came and the money stopped, their interest would wane, because they weren’t interested in ME but what I provided.  

But, it’s also true that you have to respect boundaries when you care for someone, too.. and that has to be the hardest and most confusing part of social interaction in modern value age.  For literally thousands of years, men would make the move, romantically.  Even today, that’s often expected.  But, what if the other person ISN’T interested?  A grand romantic gesture valuing someone becomes an awkward situation and pressure… even if not being phrased as pressure.  In reflection, I can see the potential that even my ex might have married me out of feeling indebted for my care.. rather than actually caring?  So… how can you actually tell, how do you approach, what is right and what is wrong?  It’s definitely not easy to know, anymore.  I don’t really have an answer for that.. or how friends become more without this exact challenge.  But, what I do know is people have boundaries and only they can invite you to enter them.  So, I’m working on it.

But… life is risk.  You cannot improve without risk, and you’ll never reach your goals without taking them. There will be good outcomes, and there will be bad.  What is an awkward situation for someone receiving interest is a nice reward to another.  I continue to believe you just have to be yourself and care for others. The rest will …hopefully… work itself out.

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