Sunday, April 21, 2024

Get Real

A long time ago in a neighborhood far, far away in the lives of Generation X kids growing up, we would sometimes say, "Get real," when someone was saying something that was "far out" or unrealistic, when something required a realistic perspective.  We knew how to pretend and have fun, but we also knew when you had to take responsibility to put in the work for what you needed.  That's why it wasn't odd to find kids working at an early age doing one thing or another.  I mowed yards, bailed hay, swept floors, picked okra, and more along with working at my dad's workplaces shingling houses, installing insulation, and more.  My first car was.. my car. I paid for it all on my own.  I worked to study to have high grades and win academic competitions.  I didn't expect anyone else to do it for me, and it would have been slightly insulting to ask them to do it for me.  We were responsible for our own lives outcomes.

It's easy to forget all that.  It's especially easy when you get comfortable in beliefs that others would come to make your life better or should do so.  It gets easy, when you spend too much time focusing on what others aren't giving you, when they hadn't been giving it to you your whole life before meeting them, either.  

Like... before I married my second ex wife, I was on my own.  I rarely dated over those years.  I was busy working my way up career ladders and taking care of my kids on my own, after my first ex had another mental break and my kids were mine 100 percent of the time for years and most of the time after that ex started getting time with them supervised by her parents.  I took time for me at times, but I was focused on building myself up, and I did it.  By the time I met my second ex, I was living in a house I owned, working at a good job, had good money, and was confident and fit, having been running in races, as well.  Then, I got comfortable... my focus wasn't on building myself up and my career but focused on loving someone and making their life great, slowly chipping away at what I had built for myself.  It is good to give to someone if you care for them, but if you don't keep filling your own cup, you can find yourself empty.

You can also get lazy in religion and trusting God to provide for you or blaming him when He does not.  Or, perhaps, you are working so hard to please Him and fearing His displeasure that you lose sight of what you want and learning to prepare for yourself.  Do you have kids?  How often do they say.. hey, I want to learn to cook for myself .. or for that matter do anything for themselves?  You want to care for them, but after a while you're like... you have two legs and hands.  Go do it yourself.  I don't justify God for everything that happens in life, but even if he's there... or isn't there.. you are still responsible for your own life, curses upon it or not.

That's one thing that came out of the last week for me.  After almost all my reserves were tapped and hope was grim... Indeed, even the good that would come in money came from destruction and pains.. it splashed enough cold water on my face to wake me up to the fact that I had allowed myself to be in that point.  I had chosen less paying options than I could have chosen.  I chose focus on an easy life over a successful one.  I paid way too much attention to finding "love" when I needed to find a functional budget.

So, I got real.  I have begun making wise choices.  I bought a car, rather than having another on payments.  I am applying to accounting jobs.  I am spending very little time concerned on what to say or do or appear to get romance, realizing just how much that was dominating my self esteem and daily life.  Instead, I only ask one thing when picking tv or what to post or whatever... what do I want?  Its a much more peaceful life and a steady journey that will end up with me rising, because I have control of the steering wheel to ensure it does.

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