Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Focus Forward

 I had two blog post thoughts, but I think I can tie them together in one post, effectively.  However, I'll subtitle each, below...

Where You End Up

My dad taught me about pool one time, and one thing that he said stayed with me and is something that I still use in my Ubereats when I pick which ones to accept or let go of the deliveries that are offered.  He said that it is important to pay attention to where your cue ball will end up when you take each shot.. can you make another shot from there or not.

As I am doing my deliveries, of course I am paying attention to how much each delivery pays per the amount of time that it takes to make the delivery.  However, sometimes, I have been caught by surprise of a large number that flashes on the screen, so I click accept.  And, it IS a large amount for that amount of time.  However, it takes you way out away from civilization to make the delivery, so you then have to drive all the way back before you can get another one... doubling the REAL time of that delivery and making the rewards value much less.

This is true for much more than just pool or Ubereats deliveries.  It's something to keep in mind when you are making decisions on where to live, what jobs to do, and when you are dating.  Heck... it also relates to things like deciding what to eat or how to spend an evening.  You have to stop and think... is this good for me in the long run, and that isn't necessarily whether or not it feels good or pads your ego.  Sugar tastes good, but it destroys your body.  Exercise hurts, but it makes you live longer and enjoy that life better.  Pleasure and the right choice does not always go hand in hand.  I'm happy that I have been using my reasoning to make decisions off this over the last several months.  A workplace that is supposed to lead to a happy life is not a success, if you dislike coming into work every day.  And, I have been using logic a lot more when considering people for a long term relationship. 

The days will come when there will be arguments, or bodies fail.  Do you have enough in common to maintain the connection?  Are they someone that will not bail in the face of minor problems?  Are they someone that will ad to major problems in making you happy by having things that you want to overlook but later might become something you wish to avoid or lack things you desire... like the ability to show interest or support you?  Before emotions get too ingrained, use your mind and reason to think... will this lead me to where I want to be?  If not.. don't proceed.

Let People Fail

When I was a teacher for a short period... and when I was a parent, in fact...I had a specific mentality as related to children and is a motto by which teachers are taught to apply...   It is... no child left behind.  You are told to direct your education so that you can attempt to reach every child and believe in them and try to get them to believe in themselves.  Sounds great, right?  For children, it IS a good philosophy for the most part.  However, I see problems with this even with children, and those problems are magnified when the child becomes an adult and that mentality is not appropriate to apply to all situations.  Let me explain.

What do you do when you do all that for a child, and the child just... doesn't care.  They fail assignments.  They do bad things to other kids.  They CHOOSE to do those things, because they WANT to do those things.  The school system suggests using different kids of reinforcements.. positive and negative.. or getting parents involved.  But, what if you call the parents, and THEY know the kid is like that and have no solutions having tried everything.  In a lot of schools, they do things to adapt to the kids lack of will by giving them less work, easier tasks for them, and moving them along in the school system.  Heaven forbid they fail a student, which would be reflected in the school's grade in the district, as well.  So, that kid grows up feeling they can get by doing less and getting many of the same benefits as others... no.. EXPECTING to get those same benefits.  Why?  They were never allowed to fail.

Now... here's where it applies to my life .. many times over.. and a lesson I have learned to apply and understand.  We get people that we date or work with or whatever.  That person just....doesn't care.  They either don't show care for us or doesn't care to do good work or whatever.  So.. us retaining the parental no one can fail mentality... we think... ahh... I'm just not treating them right to get them inspired to do things for me or for work or etc. 

So, we start changing ourselves to try to get them to respond... and change and change and the other person learns that they don't have to step up to the plate and do more, because you will adapt to them.  Then, when you finally become so frustrated that you have to escape for your own self care, that person only sees someone else that gave up on them, because they never learned what failing someone else looks like.  Sometimes, it wasn't even intentional but simply two people that were never equipped to work with each other, but that was overlooked at the start out of hope of the other person changing.  And, that leads to the tie in.

If you BEGIN with a forward focus and evaluate what is good for you, you would never have continued down that path.  You are not that person's parent or teacher. It isn't your job to make them want to be there or to show you interest or care.  It is theirs.  Don't get in the trap of trying to keep your partners from failing you.  If they fail, let them fail.  If they don't work, walk away.  Don't sentence yourself to trying to make a broken pattern work or to evaluate yourself by the other person's failure.  Let them fail and face forward... then, walk towards a better future, whether that be with someone that will care or simply yourself present to love yourself, every day.

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