Saturday, November 25, 2023

Lessons Learned

 I don't know why, but I feel led to list several different things that I have learned over the past several months about relationships, post relationships, the search for happiness and more.. maybe they will help, someone.  I'll link to past posts and reference social media posts in chronological order over the months...

Life Happens - Stuff happens to everyone in varying degrees.  You can't let that define you, nor can you let it stop you from moving forward, waiting for the perfect time and perfect you to do it.  That time will never come.

Don't Worry Be Happy - If you focus your attention on trying to control your situation and trying to make things perfect, you will miss joys that you can have around you, every day.

Self Esteem - Take care of yourself, first.  If you base your decision of your self worth based on the opinion of your critics, you will miss your own worth to someone else and yourself.  You can't fill out of an empty cup, so if you just give to those that take without returning, you will walk around empty and feeling unsatisfied.  Make yourself happy.

Hope - Hope isn't happiness.  Indeed, hope is born out of despair, and despair and hope exist at the same time.  Discontent is an important element in seeking improvement... but I would add that the path to quench discontent can cause you to leave good situations, and some discontent can lead to improvement of a situation if possible instead of a reason to escape.  More on that later.

Look For Happy Moments - Look for happy moments in each day, and if you can't find any make them.  Be at peace with our place in the universe.

Unfortunate Lives - The poor are not lazy or sinful to be in their state.  We all face problems, and they could easily be you.  Have the compassion you would desire in the same situation.

Hot or Not - Don't delude yourself about potential relationships or the state of your own.  If you have to create it ... manipulate it.. to get a response, they just aren't into you on their own.  Recognize that early, so you don't invest too much into someone that will not give you what you need, later on.

Resonance - Like things harmonize on their own.  If you put on an image to get someone that isn't you, you will end up with someone in love with the image, not the kind of person that would love you for you.

Reframe Happiness -  Reframing happiness isn't about being deluded into thinking something is there or someone is right, without it being true or bringing you happiness.  In fact, it is basing your path to happiness on the facts and limitations to your own life.  Statistically, older people won't find their long term partner, because many of that age are not looking for one.  And, jobs meant to lead you to happiness that are not a happy place to live are not a successful path.  So, we need to reframe what we need to do in order to achieve the happy days that we want, whether that be working a lower paying job or finding joy in the single life, while you wait for the slim possibility that it will ever be more.

It's Ok Not to Know - It's ok not to know.  Life is always changing, and so are we.  It's ok to take some time to try things and feel things and decide what is right to do and what will make you happy.

Strike While the Iron is Hot - Allow your situations to change you to become the person that you need to be to work within a path that will bring you more happiness.

Entropy - Things naturally fall apart, unless you put forth an effort into maintaining them.  If you desire to maintain or improve your life, it will take you putting an effort forth into bringing you the life you desire.

New Life Crisis - When life changes, you have to change to adapt to it.  Don't settle for paths that don't lead you to happiness.  All of our bodies will fail, so look for someone that will love you for your love, not your looks, and wants to be with you for you, not the things you can provide.

Non Blog Post items learned over the months:

- Many single people connect to other single people and don't want to find someone that would cause them to lose their connection to other single people.

- "just friends" with the opposite sex is difficult with someone that is in a relationship with someone else (for jealousy or priority reasons) and is impossible with someone that is single.  It will always lead to confusion of what the other person wants, and the other person or yourself will always feel devalued by the other when they go for someone else, feeling it is a reflection on your own value that they didn't go for you.  But... as I said... if they are with someone else that can make the potential moot and allow friendship to exist.  You cannot "begin" as friends and ever have it become something else, unless both are interested at the start or both agree along the way.. without it tearing the friendship apart.

- Don't begin or have expectation for more with someone whose life doesn't have room for you or cannot make you a priority.

- If someone doesn't like you or even does something against you, it doesn't mean they are a bad person... simply a bad MATCH for you.  Move on.

- The most dangerous car on the road is one that doesn't know where it s going.  Do or do not.  There is no try.  You might make mistakes, but you if you are just waiting in indecision you will miss opportunities.

- Good...both that you do and what to expect.. is more than just the absence of bad.  Someone can be good as a person and not a good match for you.  Wait till it is worthy.

- Practice makes purpose.  I've dated a lot over the last few years and learned from each one what I like and want.  It's the only way.

- And finally... for now.. don't make a public spectacle of your success.  I made my social media private and MAY make selected ones public to give a view of myself that is accurate.  But... if you are trying to prove you are right to someone determined to find flaw in you, you will fail.  And, if you have to put on an image of success to get them, you will lose them when you struggle.  I desire someone that will remain with me for me.

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