Thursday, August 24, 2023

Life Happens


A long time ago, a popular car bumper sticker and T-shirt said, “Sh.t happens”… with all the letters but running a blog, here… ha.  The point was to say that you can’t always control what happens in your life.  That is repeated a lot out there, including a coffee cup I picked up when I worked in the kitchen and home department of a Dillards.  I like it better… LIFE happens, because it’s often the story we all face in varying degrees.  The Bible puts it that the rain falls on the just and the unjust.  We all have struggles, but we don’t have to let them define us… nor rob us of happiness that can be happening at the same time.

I am in the middle of a challenge that hit me, and for a little while I let it define me… rob me.  I mean.. I didn’t completely cut myself off from the outside world, and my time with others helped me escape the bottoms of depression, but I did touch on depression and let it have a bigger hold on me than it should have had.  True.. in the Maslow pyramid of needs, I was hitting base levels, as my very safety and physiological needs of having a place to live was at risk.. I am going to be out of work and do not have a savings to withstand that… haven’t had the ability since the divorce and move down here in the pandemic and restarting my life, rebuying things, dealing with car problems, finding jobs, and etc happened.  Luckily, that is now covered, so I can spend less time in that area of the pyramid and more in things like belonging and love, esteem, and self actualization that needed and needs attention.  But, you can’t think about love and etc freely when you’re worried about base needs.

But, now, I’m turning my attention more to those things.  I will have several weeks to build on those things.  My self esteem definitely needs some work, though I think that will be easier.  I have developed that over years since the divorce, so it’s just a matter of re-inspiration and not letting others define me.  My self of belonging and love is.. I think.. best sourced in friends. If you are trying to find love AND validation or belonging, it is too easy to just go with anyone that makes you feel good about yourself and not what is wise.  I was married over my life twice to two people that didn’t give back romance or express love to me, just because they accepted mine.  I won’t do that, again.  I will be valued by my mate.  I will work to get worthy of their affection, but I won’t be a consolation prize or THEIR self esteem booster.  I will be their prize, or I will be happy being single.

But, moving off love and relationships, happiness in general is not found in waiting till or if everything goes great.  I recently saw a YouTube video of a neurodivergent girl giving a speech, and she said…

“Listen to me.  You have to stop putting conditions on your happiness.  Boo.  Don’t do that.. saying I’m gonna be happy when or I’m gonna be happy if.  That’s dumb.  Don’t do that.  Here’s why.. you’re waiting for a perfect life where you have no flaws and everything in your life is just going well.  Well, let me tell you something.  That’s never gonna happen. Sorry.  You are a human.  That means you have flaws, and your life is gonna have flaws.  Nothing is ever gonna be perfect.. ok?  So, just choose happiness.  Be at peace with your imperfect existence, because that’s all you’re ever gonna have.”

That’s a good way to end this.  Life happens.  But, that doesn’t mean happiness can’t happen with it.

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