Believe

It seems absurd to have the level of happiness that I have been feeling, since meeting my love. I have not had the experience to easily accept it, when God first took the wheel. I have been conditioned to think that I had to be defensive and cautious at the idea of new love, due to a history of not just bad but destructive romantic attempts. So, when it first began with my love, I felt… this cannot be true. What am I missing? However, the longer I went, the more I saw that, as I noted to others, “this is actually real” and to begin to drop the guard and just enjoy the adventure, knowing I was just not equipped to compare it to past experience. I noted more than once that I was on uncharted territory. Much like a hobbit in LOTR, I was content to happily shout out, “I’m going on an adventure.”  

And, Providence in the adventure played a major part in the story. Many years ago, I wrote a book about providence, but I withdrew from promoting it, due to cynicism and my experience of some humanity. And, a person that once completed a Bible degree lost much faith not in God but in the humans that carry God’s name. Indeed, MUCH of the pain that has been exacted on me over the years came from those that proclaimed to be God’s in name, though not in nature. However, apart from my control, I was experiencing absolutely the person that matched everything that I had wanted or needed. Indeed, each time I revealed a little more of myself, fearing rejection, I found someone that resonated and reflected similar things and who revealed things about themselves that I loved as well. But, more importantly, reflected someone who with every revelation more and more mesmerized me, captivated me. Early in our relationship, I knew that, as I noted to her, she “owned me”.. knowing that I was so in love that nothing would change that. As a parson that loved music, being given a playlist on my birthday was the first clue that someone… saw me… loved me for me. That was a love language that I didn’t know existed.

In a world of fake people, a person like myself that values real people often finds disappointment. However, I found in my love someone that loves truly.. not just me but anyone in need. One of a million seconds of falling in love was seeing her have a prepared bag of things to give to a homeless person on the street, as she drove. I’ve faced times of poverty against my will, and seeing that showed me the TRUE LOVE that beat in her heart, and I knew that I would want to be around that heart, forever.

One of the things that was different from past romances was that this romance was not a connection of one person that led and one person that simply followed. In this romance, there were two individuals that were CHOOSING to be in the romance, because both of the people CHOSE each other and valued each other and listened to each other. It was the first true partnership of my life.

One of the first shows we both watched was Ted Lasso in which the word “believe” played a big part, and my experience with her has taught me to believe.. in God.. in Good.. in Love.. in the future. And, I look forward to a lifetime of experiencing what unknown adventures await.