There was a saying in my old college Fraternity... Excelsior. It meant Onward and Upward. It is focusing on forward and what lies ahead, while building on where you are. In recent weeks, I have realized just how much I let others make me small or doubt myself. And, I am focusing on rebuilding and standing on that foundation and enjoying life, rather than spending any more time focused on those that could not see it and has not acted to maintain or earn it.
I'm Worthy.
I've taken time to look at myself, objectively, in recent days and realized that I am pretty awesome. I have a good degree and job. I have been praised by almost every past employer, because I am a good worker. I have a caring heart that gives to others. I have a creative and intelligent mind. I don't think I am bad looking. I take good pictures. I am pretty good at writing. I have a past that has humbled me and made me able to really hear and support others. Overall, I feel good about myself and my future, which should just keep increasing and increasing in income and assets.
I'm content.
Not everyone can appreciate what I am like. That doesn't mean that I should change to fit someone else's box. It just means that I should spend more time among those that do get and like me and less time among those that would judge me for being me. I like myself. I like my connections. I like my living situation. I like my flirty and dirty mind. I like my future. I'm good on my path.
I'm Dark.
Life has taught me much and given me much wisdom about different things. Again, many are not mature enough to appreciate that darkness, choosing to instead follow the path of innocence and ignoring of stark realities and truths. It doesn't change how true they tend to be, and I would make a mistake to try to be over idealistic, because my darkness not only helps me not get depressed when things are not rosy but also helps me be able to speak truth to those hurting that can relate to the kinds of things that I have to say.
I'm Sexy.
When I am not fearing losing someone or trying to impress someone, I get more confident and feel more at peace with who I am. And, that person I am has a dirty mind that has been present since the time that I masturbated as a child. I notice how sexy the woman's body is and love to enjoy appreciating it and pleasing it. My mind has never been and is not G rated, but it is the kind of spicy thinking that I LIKE about myself and do not feel ashamed for being that way.
I'm Happy.
I've been feeling more and more happy in my life, as it is currently and where it is heading. It is happier than I was in multiple relationships and prior periods of my life. I wake up in peace. I greet the day in hope. I end the day feeling a warm satisfaction and knowing that it only gets better the further down this path that I go. I will not be altering my path, but I will gladly welcome my friends to participate and enjoy it with me.
To summarize and end, I am worthy, I'm content, I'm dark, I'm sexy minded, and I am happy. And, there is no chance I will be giving that up for anyone that would limit it for their own personal need to make me less or fail to value MY happiness. So, whatever challenges I have face in the past, I plan to enjoy the ride from here... excelsior.
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