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I'm Intense

 Back when I did dating apps and answered questions on some of them, I remember one question that I always hated answering.  It asked if I was carefree or intense.  Now, I have always WANTED to be more carefree, and it was true that I have learned, especially lately, to let things go and accept life and have diverse interests and such.  And, I would often check mark the box for carefree, because I was just imagining it from the other side with someone thinking ... oh great an intense person that will wear me out, because that has been the reaction I have got from some more carefree individuals.  

However, I am intense.  If you really think about it, intense is very similar to intend, and it wouldn't surprise me to be the same word origin.  When I do ... well anything... it is because I intend to do it.  And what I intend to do, I usually do it passionately.  Carefree to me seems non-commital and has an air of pretense.  I'm not knocking you if you are more carefree or have a different perspective about it.  I would assume that those that are more carefree WOULD see it differently and probably have a more peaceful life.  However, for as hard as I try, I cannot just do anything without first having a core desire for doing it, and I will spend a long time afterwards analyzing my own actions and statements to learn from it for the future.

So, for example, when I am involved in a romance that I have accepted (I have to test it first before opening up), it comes with gifts, flowers, gestures, romantic talk, physical touch, and more.  When I accept a job, I learn all that is necessary to master it, work at it harder than others, and am always concerned about the outcome of every task for which I am assigned... even though in the life long run, it doesn't really matter.

I think that like introverts being made to feel broken by extroverts, the intense are portrayed as bad by many that often then complain about not being able to find someone of depth or empathetic or affectionate.  So, among the other things I am reclaiming about myself with the attitude of I don't care if you like it or not, I'm going to confidently and passionately enjoy my intense side, as well.

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