Breathe

It's been quite a bit since my last blog post, so I thought I would do another.  I've made some real personal progress in the last few weeks in terms of healing and growth and happiness.  I won't be going into all the details, but maybe a few in context with some general themes that I think are important to remember and realize.

1.  Your life is your own.   It took me many years to learn this lesson, and I forget it at times.  Your life is your own.  It is yours to gift to some at times to those that are worthy, and it is yours to withdraw, if it is not a good fit or if the gift is refused.  You do not owe anyone, anything.  And, no one owes you anything.  This is true of friendships and more.  The last thing that I want in my life is anyone feeling they have to like me or return any favors to me out of guilt or obligation or even for repentance.  Anyone that has wronged me is forgiven, because I don't think that way.  I don't ever sit around saying... this person owes me.  My philosophy of life is more closely aligned with the statement that... I took an adventure.  I made the choices, because I deemed them worthy of taking the risk.  If anything ever does not work, I am usually more critical of myself than anyone else, but that is flawed as well... because, as I note in this point.. my life's point is NOT to satisfy the desires of someone else.  If I am not that desire, that is perfectly fine.  I would rather be with someone whose desire and like I am.. again... friend or more.

 2.  You don't have to have a plan worked out or understand either how you feel or what you want.  There is a song that I like a lot, that I thought about adding to my most recent playlist but didn't.  It is this one.  It says..

"I don't need to know who I am yet
I don't need to have a solid plan yet
I don't need to be the same as everyone else
I just need to motherfuckin' love myself"

I know that some people like to have it all worked out, before they speak or act.  But, my experience is that you cannot fully know what you want or like UNTIL you act. Sometimes, that will result in what you determine is not right.  Sometimes, you will determine you like it.  Sometimes... often... you will learn that it is more than you thought existed at the start.  But, you cannot know, until you act and see.  There is risk in taking that leap, and you can feel fear you can be disappointed.  And.. to be true.. it is probably a good idea to go slow into several things just to know what it is that you really want to do.  But, my point in this point is just to say that you cannot know many things, without going day by day and thinking and feeling and deciding and guiding yourself to where you desire to go. Often, you can do so without fully committing to something and still maintaining your own balance and perspective.

3.  Change happens.  I noted the other day how bizarre it can be that you would one day feel absolutely sure about your situation and connections around you and a few months later find yourself in a completely new world.  Unfortunately, I have experienced that so many times with connections to my kids, relationship partners, relatives, and more.  You change.  Others change.  This is not always negative.  However, the WORST thing you can do from my experience is to judge current situations by the past... again either good or bad.  You must acknowledge that change happens and then adjust to that change in your perspective, whether it be kids growing up or how you perceive someone else.  I cannot give you much advice in your personal matters beyond saying this.  Look objectively.  Don't judge by the past.  Don't judge by society trends or norms or fears or hopes.  Base your conclusions upon what you ACTUALLY see and hear.  You will be much better off that way.

 That's enough points for the night.  Just breathe.  The world isn't ending.  And, the world hasn't blessed you with a unfaulted savior.  Indeed.   My experience is that religion has destroyed the dreams and happiness than those that don't need perfection to be happy, but that is my personal opinion.  Take time to love yourself, and stand expectant than your better days are ahead of you.  Then, go make it so.  Till next time, I'm your fan.