Forward to Happiness

I thought I was done with the Dark Chronicles series, but this one definitely applies. I've noted in blogs past how when I took a job in Boston I kept hearing a phrase that I hated but learned to like it, later.  It is the phrase "It is that it is."  I hated it, because it sounded to me like surrender.  However, it would change as I gained more life experiences. The Serenity Prayer asks us to change the things we can but to accept the things we cannot.  That is a part of it, but that's only the negative side of the phrase.  There is a much more positive way to look at it. It is that it is means more than accepting things that didn't go according to plan in a disappointing way.  It also means accepting the positive things in your life that are not by plan, as well.  The movie Serendipity calls them "happy accidents."  I find that most of the good that came to my life came AFTER other struggles or disappointments that pushed me in the direction I ne...

There was a saying in my old college Fraternity... Excelsior.  It meant Onward and Upward.  It is focusing on forward and what lies ahead, while building on where you are.  In recent weeks, I have realized just how much I let others make me small or doubt myself.  And, I am focusing on rebuilding and standing on that foundation and enjoying life, rather than spending any more time focused on those that could not see it and has not acted to maintain or earn it. I'm Worthy. I've taken time to look at myself, objectively, in recent days and realized that I am pretty awesome.  I have a good degree and job.  I have been praised by almost every past employer, because I am a good worker.  I have a caring heart that gives to others.  I have a creative and intelligent mind.  I don't think I am bad looking.  I take good pictures.  I am pretty good at writing.  I have a past that has humbled me and made me able to really hear and support ...

This should not be a Dark Chronicles post.  It should not be a controversial post.  The fact that it is reflects just how messed up our society happens to be.  It should not be a DARK thing to say that you should not expect perfection from others but should give them grace for their failures.  However, we are living in such a culture of division and condemnation that it is the NORM to point out the failures of others.   On the dating side, people are told to look for all the bad "flags" of someone.  We are told to keep our eyes open and looking for the flaws of someone as they date.   Girls will talk to their girl friends about the failure of their men or receive criticism from their friends about their partners.  Men will do the same, often as well.  Then, if things fall apart because they just naturally did not work out for their personalities or wants, there will be an audience feeding both sides about the flaws of the person the...

I had three streams of thought flowing in my mind about what the next blog post would be, and all came together in this post. What do you think about when you hear the terms "mature" or "adult".. if you are like me, growing up those terms meant that you could do things like drink or see porn or curse words or more.  That is, after all, how we rate movies and music and more.  It is MATURE or ADULT to be able to do those things.  The motivation was that we wanted to protect INNOCENT young eyes and minds from .. I'm not sure exactly from what, exactly.. life?  However, all that would do is result in those minds being unprepared for facing it and making educated choices. However, that is just how A** backwards our society often is.  We say that the most acceptable advice and media to be seen or discussed is that conversation that contains the least actual useful information.  That is one of the reason I am DOING this blog and this series.  Certain things n...

We have this perception that being part of a church makes one more right than others... Indeed, they have a word for it with right in the name.. righteous.  This perception is one that is maintained by those within churches to validate themselves.  However, my life experiences have taught me the reverse is often the truth. It is not even historically true.  The Old Testament and old books of many religions are filled with stories of not only people but gods at war with and abusing each other.  Christians will justify old passages where the felt led of a god to go and kill women, children, pets, and more.  When a spiritual leader was told to kill his child, that is seen as a good religious lesson.  Women were treated as property and used at male discretion without power of objection... and all of it is Biblical, so it's easy for them to use the Bible to justify evil acts in this day by citing a passage.  In fact, it was the church of the day that killed...

I remember it a LONG time later.  I was sitting in a church in Massachusetts, where I was living at the time 15 years ago, and I was thinking about the years and years of depression and anxiety and fear in my marriage to my first spouse.  The romance had been gone for a VERY long time... over a decade.. and it was years of fighting and criticism and lack of support or care or passion.  I stayed, because I felt that divorce was a sin, and I felt like if I did it that I would go to hell.  However, I had reached the point of feeling hell might be a step up from how it had come to be.  I remember the preacher at that church of which I cannot even remember the name was speaking about how God was love and wanted us to have a life of joy and peace and happiness.  I realized that such a life could not happen in my marriage, so if God truly loved me he would want me to be free of the depression and strain that was the result of that marriage, and so I began the disc...

The other day, I was telling someone how my perception of many things has matured, as I have gotten older.  One area is in the regards of money.  I used to be so driven by freedom and being able to flexibility that I was like... I'll just work at lower paying things to enjoy my days more.  Do you know what I discovered in all that?  I don't like being poor.  You cannot focus on self actualization in Maslow's pyramid if you're always struggling with basic needs and feeling safe.  So, I went towards accounting jobs, again.  And, regardless of other challenges that come and go, I do not have to worry about money, and it has made the lives if others better, as well, allowing THEM to focus on self actualization and charity, too. Benjamin Franklin said the following: "A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things." "Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure." "There are no gains without pains" "Sloth makes all things di...

Time for the next irreverent but true installment in my blog series, where I talk about things that most people know but don't speak out loud.  Often, it is because they either don't want to offend others or they are not sure that others believe it.  However, my experience over my life has been that there is a LOT of truths that are VERY important for life that people do not know, because they are not acceptable conversation in polite society.  Well, lucky for them, I happen to be of the personality type and life stage that I don't have to worry about that. Are you passionate for life?  If you are, I would wager a life sum upon the bet that you feel both nervous about following your path and uncomfortable speaking about it or acting on it at times.  Why?  Well, it is because society doesn't want you to be passionate about anything that is different than the status quo norm.  If you are different, you are wrong.  That is the lesson that is taught o...

What this blog was going to become has changed a half dozen times, today.  I'm still not sure it's the best focus, but it's real.   I've been watching a lot of romantic things, lately.  I'm two episodes from being caught up on Bridgerton.  It has been.... hard... a lot harder than I thought it would be.  My last relationship ended a little over two months ago, and I have gone through a lot of stages and processed all the crisis steps and came to some important realizations and foundational conclusions that are positive for me to be able to move forward.  I do not intend to talk about the details of that relationship or its ending, here.  This isn't about the past or that relationship, per se.  It is about.. now.  It is about life after.  And, I felt that I had reached a place where that could begin without dealing with the past.  Indeed, for the most part, I focused away from that ending for a long time.  I didn't and don'...

In a world that seems increasingly divided and judgmental, I am going to do a post that counters that and counters how I have very often in my life felt that things should be approached.  It is positive, but it is also dark... because so very often those of the "light" have been the ones that most often violates it.  You will understand as the blog develops. Today, I was reflecting on how so very often my perception of someone is very accurate, because I look in their eyes and watch their behavior and seek to understand their personality.... not just their appearance or a temporary or hormonal reaction.  Then, I considered someone who I had very recently turned out much different than I thought that it would be and saw a side of them that I had not seen.  I do not intend to go into details of any of that, other than to say that while there was new things that I saw and experienced ... upon my reflection... the things that I initially saw in them remained and remains ...