On the path to happiness, we sometimes find ourself wearing rosy colored glasses or indulging unrealistic or unreal optimism about others, but it is very important to keep a clear head, and I want to talk about that. I will not be referencing the past, because my focus of late is to be realistic about the future. So, I will be talking about that and what I perceive to be key in a relationship, though you may disagree if it is not the same for you. Not everyone is like me, and indeed not everyone is relationship ready.... or even relationship desiring... and that is ok, too. You do you.
Today, I got an email from Match telling me that a hundred people are interested in me and that it was my move to act on it. I was like... WTF? So, I opened the email and saw that a hundred women had VIEWED my profile, and a few had sent likes. Yeah.. that sounds more like it, since I am not very actively swiping on the apps, these days. But, I thought that story was relevant to this post and point. A hundred women viewing my profile doesn't mean a hundred women are interested in me. It means a hundred women CONSIDERED me. But, dating apps are built upon the premise that the great love of your life is right out there around the corner and that you are desirable to keep you coming back to pay them more money.
Now, I'm not saying I am NOT desirable. I think I'm pretty awesome, and the right woman will think so, too. But, not all women are able to see that, and not all women will work with me long term.. even if they DID think something about me was hot or great. There are many other factors at work out there, and choosing to respond to someone just because they liked you is not a sign that something will remain. So, I'm actually very picky, right now. It doesn't mean that I am looking for my forever person in every profile I like or person I would date. I cant know that without actually talking to them and dating them, but if someone else is that driven to find their forever person then they might bypass signs of misconnection and move faster than is wise... just because I showed interest in them.
And, it is important that it not just be about your interest in them, because you are worthy. You are worthy for them to make the first move some days or ask how your day went or express interest in your interests or give you a love note or for them to walk over and just hold you and kiss you... just because they wanted to. You are worthy that they chase you a little and make an effort to win you in the beginning and later. That doesn't have to happen all the time, but it should be happening. When there is conflict, you are worthy that they seek reconciliation rather than revenge. You are worthy that they say how much they miss you, or they rub your feet just because you had a rough day.
As I enter the dating world, anew, it comes after a period of learning about myself and loving myself, and I am bringing that self respect and self love into this endeavor. I will not be pursuing without being pursued, and I will not be pairing just to be a provider. As I noted in a social media post some weeks back, I believe that if you base your relationship upon helping someone in need, you end up either having to always keep them in need or help them to the point that they no longer need you. If that is all it is based on, it is unhealthy and temporary. Instead, I intend to date someone that doesn't need me but WANT me ... for who I am, not what I can do for them. And, I will be very real in determining if that is the case or not. I will be looking and listening, and if it isn't evident to my senses, it is not there enough to maintain a connection. Again, you may not agree, but not everyone will work for me. If I never find that in this world that is often self focused, then I will have a fun time dating as a single person... for the rest of my life.. which is not a bad consolation prize. Shows from Sex and the City to Friends and more show us thast dating doesn't mean mating.... it is a time of exploration, and I am ready to explore.
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